The Abridged Series of Haruhi Suzumiya

Recap: Indiana Jones appears, and new alliances are forged. Mikuru, on the other hand needs to go to the closest Chick-Fil-A a.s.a.p.

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"You guys..." Asahina Mikuru pointed the taser at her two best friends. "You guys could seriously get hurt!"

"Her sanity's returning, huzzah huzzah!" Tsuruya whispered to Kyon with much joy.

"Okay," Kyon stared at Mikuru. "You're hot."

"EEEEEEH!!" That randomly flattering comment made the poor girl too shocked to do much, and Haruhi, out of nowhere came into the scene, doing her famous drop-kick on Kyon. "Hey! The criminal's not me!" Kyon whimpered, as the sole of Haruhi's shoe dug into his already out-of-place face.

"Ah... S-Suzumiya-san..." Mikuru looked up at the Brigade Chief. "Please, get off Kyon-kun," Because torturing him slowly is my job ya fool! she thought to her self as she said this. "Fine. But if you'll be like that, you're coming to Chick-Fil-A with us. You and Miss Fang-tan over there." She dragged the two best friends with her. Yuki and Ryoko, waiting nearby just stood there. "Um... I guess it's Haruhi's indirect way of getting back at our inconsideration when we dragged her over to that place," Ryoko said, trying to start conversation. Yuki just shrugged.

Meanwhile, Taniguchi and Itsuki fell asleep on each other, Itsuki's bagpipes and Taniguchi's fisherman hat lying next to their owners. Itsuki woke up and screamed. Taniguchi woke up, grabbing a swiss-army knife from one of Ryoko's boxes that he stolen from her. "Where!?" Itsuki shook his head. "No, but it's amazing..." he was close to tears. Taniguchi was shocked. "You're still gay? We fell asleep on each other but,"

"NOO! I had a bad dream, woke up... and... I found that we were sleeping on top of each other..." the light-browned head smiled. "I didn't blush! Or glomp! I was scared! That means... I'M STRAIGHT!" He danced around the room as Taniguchi stared at him in horror. Stop that! That dance is just too... ridiculously cute!

"I'm straight... I'm straight... straight straight straight straight..." Taniguchi, who couldn't take it anymore, put his hand out to the dancing person as a signal to stop. "Please stop. Straight people don't dance like that so if you're straight act that way!" The ladies'-man covered his face in an attempt to hide the blush that came on her, no... HIS face. "It's embarrassing..."

"Yea, I know. And, Taniguchi?" Itsuki turned towards the other dude. "Straight people would scream once they find out a dude's sleeping on them. So why... why did you continue to sleep on when you figured we'd end up sleeping on each other?"

Taniguchi stood there, mouth hanging open. Beam me up, Scotty. Just beamme up now, damnit! "But why would you, oh Mr. Straight bring up something that vulgar!? Besides, prove to me that you ARE straight!"

Koizumi got up with a serious expression. "I'll do two things. One..." He pushed Taniguchi away. "I don't accept your feelings, so go ahead and cry us a river. Second..." A certain girl came to his mind. "I'll race you to the Chick-Fil-A! I know which girls'd be happy to see us!" Itsuki dashed towards the fastfood place with Taniguchi trailing behind. "I'm supposed to be Indiana Jones!"

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Meanwhile, Haruhi, Yuki, Mikuru, Tsuruya, and Ryoko were pigging out for no apparent reason.

"Ah, the desserts here are just so delish!" Mikuru and Tsuruya said in a dreamy unison. Yuki finished her soda in one gulp, burping loudly. When everyone turned her way, she shrugged and pointed at Ryoko. Still pointing, she continued to eat daintily. In an attempt to freshen up the atmosphere, Ryoko clapped her hands together. "Do you guys think anyone likes you?"

"Ah, yeah I'm loved," Haruhi said carelessly. "I'm Brigade Chief."

"You're just to naive, aren't you?" Ryoko said, pouting. "No, no, Suzumiya-san, not like that. Do you thank any boys like you?"

"Who cares? I'll reject them anyway. I have no interest in dating whatsover!" Haruhi stole Yuki's chicken sandwich, biting then swallowing without chewing.

"Hm, Asahina-sempai... it seems that you'd have just so many admirers." Ryoko then randomly poked at Mikuru's chest, making her yelp. "H-hey! I'm pretty sure that boys care about the feeling too you know! Not just looks, but..."

"Yesh, feeling..." Ryoko said, poking Mikuru's chest once again.

"Tsuruya-san... nah, too weird for boys, but Kunikuda maybe..." Ryoko said at random to no one in particular. At the mentioning of her name, Tsuruya perked up, clueless.

"And as for the legendary 'cool' Nagato-san... nah. She's too manly."

... just that moment, Yuki did a spit-take. "MANLY!?" Everyone looked at her again.

"...wasn't me." This time, Yuki pointed at Mikuru, making her take the blame.

Ryoko played with her salad, not caring about what just happened. "Okay. If you could get the attention of a dude over here in a normal way, I guess I'll take my insult back."

"Whatever. Asakura Ryoko," Yuki said flatly. "It's not like I could just talk to a random stranger. And there's a really low probability that some random guy's gonna walk in and--!"

"NAGATO-SAN!!" Itsuki ran into the building and took Yuki by the hand, making her whirl around and stand facing him. Ryoko stared with her jaw hanging open. "Oh, Fladoodles, bless you!" Just then, Ryoko and Tsuruya fell to the ground, the former who fainted, and the latter who was rolling around laughing.

After Itsuki cleared his throught, he faced the girl, and tensions in the fast-food place rose. "I... I'm straight!"

"Congratulations, that's a true accomplishment, I'm happy for you... huh?" Yuki put her hand on Itsuki's forehead, which was getting hotter by the second. "A fever...?" Haruhi asked, too naive to realize the inevitable.

Just then, Taniguchi arrived, swinging down a telephone wire with Kyon by his side. He and Kyon were staring in disbelief at the scene that played before them. The broken telephone wire made the lights go all weird and mysterious for some reason... but it made the moment awesome.

"You see... Nagato-san... no. Yuki..." Itsuki took a step closer to Yuki, who in response, was took a step back. "Alot of things happened, so I realized that,"

"You have a big zit on your face?" Kyon said, worried about the situation.

"DON'T INTERRUPT!" Koizumi Itsuki threw a spoon at his brunette-friend's face. "Oh, it's fake." He peeled off a fake zit from his chin, and nearby spectators grimaced. "Well, it might take a while for me to express myself but,"

"Just say it!" An old woman who was curious about what was happening threw a tomato at Koizumi. Tsuruya continued to roll around laughing. "Ahahaha! Tomato-head!" Ignoring her, Itsuki continued with the drama.

"It's... about, y'know... the now... The lights were flickering, and the room was dimmer except in the center, where Yuki and the gang sat. Koizumi and Yuki were shown perfectly in the spotlight, and Ryoko awoke to see the stunning sight. "I've come all the way to interrupt you... in a nice matter, while you ate with your friends at this Chik-Fil-A, yes... because I want you to know that I truly like--!"

"What, why are you sweaty? It's right here."

"Huh?" Itsuki said towards Yuki's random statement that killed the moment. Taniguchi threw the telephone wire back out, and the lights were back to normal. "Okay, I'll be random if you're like that." He randomly hugged the shorter girl, and was pushed away a split second later. Kyon and Taniguchi gasped, both saying... "Oh... my... gourd..."

"Oh, my bad," Yuki said as he collapsed into the same old lady's lap. After being hit by a cane, he stood back up again. "No... I understand--"

"No. If I didn't push you, this would've been squashed..." Yuki handed him something in a bag.

"UWAH!? A PRESENT!?" Kyon and Taniguchi had to keep themselves from fainting.

Koizumi opened the bag to find... a deluxe salad and a smoothie.

"This... this is--"

"Correct," Yuki said, sitting back down. "You came all the way here because you truly like food from Chik-Fil-A. So I saved you some. Happy Birthday, Hanukah, Xmas, now leave."

"I'm not done, no! I wasn't trying to say--"

"LEAVE!" Everyone shouted at Itsuki, pissed off that the moment's potential had died down. A mob chased him out, and Kyon and Taniguchi caught up with Itsuki with unusually concerned faces.

All the girls except Yuki face-palmed, because Yuki was unusually oblivious to everything, despite being a girl genius.

"Okay, I take back what I said but--" Ryoko shook her head, nudging Haruhi to finish off her sentence. "He really didn't come for a smoothie or a salad... with chicken."

"Then for what? Brownies?" Yuki asked out of boredom. "Many fangirls say that he--"

"Oooh, just forget it and shut up!" Mikuru shouted, throwing Yuki out of Chik-Fil-A as well.

It was just another normal day for the SOS; even when they were in America, because it just wasn't normal.