The Abridged Series of Haruhi Suzumiya

Recap: Taniguchi's sexuality is unknown, and Itsuki fails at dramatic moments... especially when they involve Yuki.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-00

The hectic day in America ended with everyone exhausted. After returning from Chick-Fil-A, the Brigade went to sleep during late night.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-00

"Kyon... Mikuru..." Haruhi woke up her two favorite minions during the early morning. After the two rubbed their eyes due to a blinding flashlight , they stared blankly at their leader. "Why us...?" Mikuru yelped. "We didn't do anything!" She was close to tears. That only made Haruhi even more suspicious. "Hm...? I never mentioned that... well, at least I made Mikuru carry the tazor with her!"

"Y-yea..." Mikuru face-palmed. "I'm so sorry!" Or not...

Haruhi giggled. "Geez, Mikuru-chan! Can't you take a joke? C'mon! I need to show you two something!" Kyon was dragged by the collar. "Why?" he said in plain english. Mikuru was dragged by the hand, and she bit on the nails of her free hand. "You two will look great! Like models for a fashion magazine! We're putting it in the magazine!"

"Huh!?" Kyon and Mikuru groaned. Geez, Haruhi! Give me a break! Me and this hot lady over here! Kyon thought to himself. Haruhi decided to break the awkward silence. "We need to attract attention to our brigade so, the SOS is going international!"

"Shhhhh!"

"Oh, sorry!" Haruhi whispered back, dragging the two faster.

Not helping!

"Well," Mikuru asked in a high-pitched and annoyed tone, "Why us?" Haruhi smiled to herself and replied, "Well, you two are the best and the worst! Kyon being the lame errand boy who is an epic failure," she yanked Kyon's collar harder. "There is also the best and cutest legendary mascot!" She licked the palm of Mikuru's hand.

"KYAA!"

"So... it's only... natural that you two would look good together... you two... are interested in each other..." Haruhi said, trailing off. "Mikuru-chan would have not acted so suspicious... and Kyon would have defended her..."

"But I'd look even more suspicious!" Kyon yelped out.

"Well," Haruhi gave him a blank glare. "You're being suspicious by trying to hide your suspiciousness by not acting suspicious! Oh well. You two would make good publicity."

Kyon sighed. Damnit Taniguchi! Can't you transform into Jones dude and help me out!?

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-00

It was later in the morning, though still early. Taniguchi and Ryoko were talking at the lobby. Haruhi, Kyon, and Mikuru were no where to be found. The two talked about North High's conditions and Canada, while Yuki and Itsuki stood by uninterested. Three out of five members missing made them worry.

"Cha-Cha!" Running could be heard from afar.

It was Kyon and Mikuru who came down dragged by Haruhi, transformed into different things.

Kyon was wearing the scottish kilt over army pants and had a Bad to the Bone leather Jacket over an undershirt. He hand his hair gelled back like Taniguchi with a semi mohawk, and he wore a gigantic necklace. Mikuru was in leopard short-shorts and a strapless leopard top that exposed her belly-button. She had a long piece of silk draped onto the outfit and had barrettes on each side. Haruhi had sunglasses and a furcoat on that made her look like an incognito celeb.

"It's the SOS Brigade from America."

Yuki and Itsuki stood there staring blankly.

"They..."

"...excluded us..."

Haruhi backed away with a goofy simper on her face. "Y-you two are especially western, naturally..." She signaled Kyon and Mikuru to run, but they only jumped into action.

"I feel transformed and hotter!" Kyon said, flashing out a peace sign.

"I'm embarrassed... but it's a free country!" said Mikuru as she spun around.

"I think I'm bi..." Taniguchi said as he stared at the best and worst of the Brigade in awe.

Itsuki coughed out a furball and randomly screamed, "AND I THINK I'M IN LOVE WITH NAGATO YUKI!" Haruhi and Ryoko spun to face the former gay in shock. "Well, like I said, she's manly," said Ryoko.

Yuki stood there, diagraming sentences in the air then faced Itsuki. "K... Koizumi..."

Haruhi sighed. "She sure is slow." Just then, Yuki glared at Haruhi, pushed her into Ryoko, and randomly ran out the hotel dragging Koizumi.

"And I think she likes me!" he said with a funky smile on his face.

"Ara, everyone's here, nyoro! But where's Yuki-ko and Koizumin?" Scanning the place with her super forehead eyesight, she dragged everyone outside and turned a corner to see a couple with their faces close. Yuki turned around to see everyone staring in anticipation. Koizumi pushed her away gently and put on his plastic smile. After an awkward silence, Koizumi broke the ice.

"Um... quick one?" The couple quickly embraced firmly, letting go after a split second.

Ryoko bowed and ran off towards 7-11. "Well, catch you guys in the near future!" she said cheerfully and ran off.

Taniguchi looked at Kyon for an awkward moment before chasing after Ryoko. "Please help me!" He screamed at her.

Kyon sighed. Why do I have bad feelings about the 'near future'?

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-00

Everyone was settled in the Tsuruya family private plane. Mikuru talked casually with Tsuruya, and Yuki sat next to Itsuki while reading a shojo manga. Itsuki who was behind Kyon was singing into his ear again, and Haruhi fell asleep on Kyon's shoulder, making the moment more awkward.

"Geez, you noisy idiot," muttered Haruhi trying to grab Itsuki's head. However, she was still half asleep, restrained by a seatbelt, and was too weak. Instead, she grabbed Kyon's chin, and nuzzled into the shoulder pillow. Itsuki sung softer into Kyon's ear.

"You will find love someday... next to you today..." With that, he looked at Yuki who was now asleep, head on the hard window. Because some things never change.

Tsuruya looked at the sky. "Thanks to Yuki-ko and Haru-nyan, we ended up unintentionally in 'Amurikah' and had a blast-"

"It's AMERICA!" Yelled Mikuru, waking the sleeping ones in a heartbeat.

Everyone face-palmed.

Yare Yare...