caius cassius and heaven Chapter 2, a shakespeare fanfic

CHAPTER TWO

Summary:- Heaven? This? Where are the angels? Where is god, and those grapes, they just finished…and surprisingly, everyone are in their bodies…is it possible? And ANOTHER love triangle? Another long pathetic love-story, or not? More conspiracies.

Brutus

'Brutus,' said Shakespeare, 'have some grapes.' Grapes were very popular in heaven, along with apricots, honey and wine.

'Brutus reached for the basket holding the grapes, but found it to be empty.

'Oops,' said Will, 'They're over.'

Over? The grapes in Brutus' home had lasted for millennia, and yet, the basket of grapes here was empty. He kept his thoughts to himself though.

'Okay,' said Brutus. Portia had taught that word to him, and he was rather fond of it. It sounded like just two letters. O and K. How nice.

'What are you thinking?' Will asked.

'Does not thee know?'

Will opened his mouth, closed it, wondering what to say. Not quite meeting Brutus in the eye he said, 'Of course.'

Cassius

' Caius,'

'Yeah,'

'You like girls?'

'Girls. I suppose. I forgot what they look like.'

'You never knew. All of us were guys dressed like girls. You've never seen one.'

'You have a particular sex in heaven?'

'I suppose.'

'But how can that be?'

'You're avoiding my question.'

'No I'm not. I don't know the meaning of the word "female". How could I like girls?'

'Would you like to see one?'

'I've seen you in a wig, Porch.'

'But I'm not a girl. C'mon Caius, think, think.'

'Thinking…thinking…I'm hungry. But, this is heaven. Our desires are supposed to be fulfilled naturally right? Why am I hungry?'

'Cause your stomach needs food, so that your body works properly.'

'Why am I in this body?'

'Quit complaining. You've got a very nice body. Now to my question. Girls? Women? CAIUS! YOU AREN'T PAYING ATTENTION!'

'Someone's upset.'

'I am not.'

'Someone's lying. And no one lies or is upset in heaven, thereby proving this is not heaven.'

'Caius now listen.'

Portia bent over to whisper these words into Cassius' ear-, 'The playwright cannot write down what is being whispered. This is a play. Only proper dialogues are written down, no whispers, no notes. So we can pass notes. We are not following what Will is writing down anymore.'

'How free we are,' Cassius muttered indistinctly and sarcastically under his breath, 'but this guy knows we are whispering something. He controls our movements. Dictatorship, this is.'

'I've designed a girl,' said Portia softly, 'don't hold it up, keep it down; we don't want any audience looking at what I'm showing you.'

Caius looked at the drawing, which showed an exceedingly tall and curvy female, with long dark hair and big blue eyes. She was wearing a long silvery gown.

'Sure,' Caius murmured, 'I like girls.'

'Now we create her.'

'Question. How?'

'No idea.'

'How very brilliant your plan is.'

'I'm, or rather we're, not alone.'

'Who said I'm with you?'

'I'm not giving you a choice.'

'You're whispering waaay to softly, Porch, I can't hear you.'

'Yes you can, quit it. There's this old guy for one.'

'For one?'

'Um, yes.'

'Okay, now to normal talk, so Shakespeare doesn't notice,' Cassius switched back to his normal tone, 'Your hubby's going to get a shock. He has a man for a wife.'

'Yea-,' there was a knock on the door, 'he's home.'

Brutus entered just as Cassius yelled, 'You're married to Bru?'

'Yeah, you didn't know?'

Cassius shook his head in what looked like pure shock, 'in all the years we knew each other, you never told me, and I never found out.' Portia talked a lot of her husband-stupid, old-fashioned Mark. He had never guessed that it was Bru, there were so many Marks, Mark Antony, Mark-no wait, that was about it. How could he not have guessed?

'I thought you knew,' said Portia, 'how could you not know. I forgot, you and Mark were good friends, weren't you?'

'Friends?' even as these words came from Caius' mouth, they seemed too small to describe what was between Brutus and him…..his mouth became dry. Portia did not know of his feelings, and it had to stay that way.

Will

Will rubbed his hands happily. Another love triangle.

Cassius

'Friends?'

'Brothers,' said Brutus. Cassius frowned; trust Brutus to ruin the moment-no-wait-Portia was his best friend, wasn't she?

'Mark honey,' said Portia offhandedly, 'I'm a man.'

'Gentle Por-WHAT!'

'Ask your friend Willy,' said Caius.

'Bro-,'

'I am NOT!' why, oh why was Mark always saying that?

'There are no girls,' cried Portia, 'Oh the unfairness!'

'Oh the autocracy of Shak- Caesar!'

'My love for Caesar-,' Brutus tried to say, but he was cut of by Portia who said, 'Your LOVE for Caesar, you love me remember.'

'Thou art a man,' said Mark.

'As is Caesar.'

'That's not what he meant,' said Caius quickly, as Brutus looked at him with distrustful eyes.

'What dost thou hither?' Brutus asked irately.

'I'm Porch's friend,' replied Caius, wondering what he had done to make Brutus upset.

'In case you have forgotten,' said Portia, 'I'm a man, hello?'

'How?' Mark asked.

'I was, I am, and I shall be…forever and ever. This is who I am. I'm sorry, Mark, but this is how it was and will be.'

'Forever and ever,' Caius concluded.

'Gentle Portia, I prithee, tell me how?'

'It's obvious,' said Caius, 'Will's characters are men, therefore Portia is a man. End of story.'

'Yeah,' said Portia, 'that's about it. And you can call me Portian now-,'

'That's a preposterous name! And it's not even a name, so it's just preposterous,' Cassius said in disgust.

'Then what?'

'I don't know-Bob?'

'Bob? That's worse than Portian.'

'Mr. Bob?' Mark suggested.

'I'm not Bob,' said Portia/Portian/Bob, 'Mister or without!'

'Bobby?'

'No! That's horrible!'

'Draco Malfoy?'

'No,'

'Um, Julius Caesar?'

'No!'

'Robert Langdon?'

'From the "Da Vinci Code?" Hmmmmm…..I will consider. It's a nice na-,'

'It's settled then. Portia is now Robert.'

'Robert….' Mark shrugged, not seeming to like the name.

'Or maybe just Rob,' said the nameless person.

'But thou art Portia,' Mark cried, 'HOW!'

'I'm Rob now,' said Rob.

Will

Will laughed. Rob, seriously.

Cassius

'Rob,' said the new-Rob, 'so is that what you'll call me now?'

Will

Will laughed again and looked at his play, and then suddenly stopped laughing at once-

"Por. You like girls?

Caius. I've never seen a girl.

Portia Caius aside. Whispers

Caius. Your hubby is going to be shocked. He has a man for a wife.-."

Then came all that Bob-Rob crap Will had been laughing so hard about. He scratched his chin, confused. There was a lot of whispering going about. Why was he writing this down? He took an eraser out, and then realized that he had stopped writing on paper years ago and then realized that his laptop had gone crazy. Hung again. He cut the power and yawned loudly, stretching his arms and legs. The secretive old guy meeting Portia had given his entire play a whole new climax, and the love triangle had made it even better. All the whispering was not helping; sure, it created suspense, but if the writer himself didn't know where exactly it would lead to, the audience would surely be disappointed. Just imagine, the spectators, sitting there, all exited about the whispering and then in the middle of the play- the writer comes out of nowhere and goes, 'Sorry guys, I couldn't think of a reason for them to whisper. Refreshments are being served at the, oh sorry, no refreshments either, I'm broke.'-Will shuddered at the thought, but let it be- he would think of something. How many school textbooks (like the actual author of this thing, ME, the all famous Arushi Gairola possess) and other books asserted that he, Shakespeare, was a genius. If he was a genius, then he could think of a reason for the whispering, couldn't he? Maybe they just had laryngitis or something. That was a good reason, but then why did it suddenly stop just a minute later? Hmm…. Portia's fabulous health of course, her immunity could kill anything that tried to harm her in a fraction of a second. New climax. Portia, or rather, Rob was super-man. He laughed again at the idea, but after five whole minutes of laughing, realized that the idea wasn't so bad after all. His audience would love it.