CHAPTER THREE
Summary:- The story continues…Superman! GO SUPERMAN! Is Portia aware of her newly acquired powers, or not? All as Shakespeare sees it, that is, in play form, with a long soliloquy in semi-Shakespearean English, semi-normal English as our author, Arushi isn't too good at all that " thou thee" stuff. My soliloquy is a big fat mess. Its not understandable but I like it for some weird reason
Will
Shakespeare looked at his play-
'Portia. Rob? So is that what you'll call me now?
Caius. Robby, maybe. Hahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.
Brutus. I know not, gentle Portia, now with shortened hair, what is happening. Willt thou tell me?
Portia. Didn't you get it yet? I am a man. I never really was a woman. And when I had asked you if I could get a hormonal transplant, you had given me your permission. You had said "What you will", hadn't you?
Caius. I don't think Mark quite knows what a hormone transplant is, Porch.
Portia. It's Rob, and of course Mark knows, don't you hon?
Brutus. Umm………..
Caius. See? He still lives in the 1990s, maybe even 80's.
Portia. Or before that. Mark, what year is it?
Brutus. Something B.C?
Caius. SEE?
Brutus. See what, brother?
Caius. My name. Use my name.
Brutus. Casca, I-
Portia. His name is not Casca. Really Mark, what are you, stupid?
Caius. I very much doubt that he knows the meaning of stupid.
Brutus. I know not. And for that reason, wilt thou tell me?
Portia. I am in no mood to discuss your poor vocabulary. I am Rob now, and that shall be our topic of our discussion.
Caius. So, Mister Rob, we know it all. Nothing to discuss. It's your poor husband to whom you have to explain all of this.
Brutus. Poor? Me? Why? How?
Portia. Caius, I think you should go no-
Brutus. CAIUS! I KNEW IT! YEA!
Portia. Excuse me?
Caius. Mark was supposed to guess my name, and you helped him, forget helped, you told him. And Bru, this is cheating. This does not count. If Porch-
Portia. Rob.
Caius. –hadn't told you, you would eventually, never have known my name. I am prepared to bet my life that you don't know my surname.
Brutus. Casca?
Portia. Cassius. DUHHHHH! Oops, sorry Caius.
Caius. Cheaters you both are. CHEEEEEEEETERS!
Portia. Caius, I think you should go while I explain this to Mark.
Caius. Whatever you say. Bye.
exit Caius
exit Brutus and Portia to other room
SCENE IV
Caius. O Brute! I knew not
Of you and gentle Rob- my friend.
Hath I known, would this happen?
Yet it is too late, I cannot change how I feel.
Gentle Brutus, hath not thee once said, that thee loved me,
Yet now, even my name remains beyond thou,
Let alone the rest of my…our so cherished memories,
The ones we, thee and I, spent together,
Bittersweet memories that consume my mind still.
I had loved thee throughout life and death,
And thou knows not but to forget me.
I cannot drink too much of Brutus' love,
Yet now, in its absence, thirst kills me.
And my Rob, my love for thee is no less,
Thou art my friend, who is very dearly loved by me.
Yet, now, I wrong thee so,
When I see Brutus and thee,
I know not what to do, what to say, to be happy, else to wail
I know not whether to congratulate thee for having found thy love,
Or to weep at my own misery.
I know not whether to let go for thy happiness,
Or stay on, for mine.
And, yet, if I doth stay on, will Brutus be mine?
Or will he refuse, for thee?
I know not whether it is I or Rob, whom I love more,
I know not whether it is I or Brutus, whom I breathe for.
I know not what love is,
Yet I know I love you both,
As darkness loves the night,
As the morning is cherished by day-light.
I know not what to do, what to say, to be happy, else to wail.
I know not whether to congratulate thee,
Or to weep at my own misery.
I know not whether it is the darkness of this which scares me,
Or the light of thy bliss which makes me smile.
I know not if you would let me off,
Despite knowing my mind, gentle Rob,
Saying that I am thy friend, that thee loves me,
Or saying thee shall never let me be,
That thee shalt haunt my dreams forever
And ever, and ever, and ever.
I know not if thy love wilt fade.
As light fades, at twilight, into darkness,
As shadows engulf me, leaving me in the cold,
Should thee leave I, perhaps, alone?
I know not what to do, what to say, to be happy, else to wail
I know not whether to congratulate thee,
Or to weep at my own misery.
enter Julius Caesar
Julius. Hey, what are you doing here?
Caius. This is a public place, Ju, not your private home.
Julius. So, do I get a "sorry"?
Caius. For what? Saving Rome?
Julius. I could have done a lot of good to them-
Caius. I'm sure being slaves, and liking it, of all things, is a lot of good. Yeah, then it's great what you did. Telling people what to do, as you, a single one man, enjoy the result of their hard work, bossing people around, yelling a lot, as kings always do, is very very very, very to the power of infinity, wonderful, isn't it?
Julius. Shut it!
Caius. It's been a long time since we last talked, hasn't it? The last time we met, I think our conversation had been about two seconds long, and it had just been you who had spoken. And after that short speech of yours, you had left.
Julius. "Get the hell out of here" is a speech, is it?
Caius. I like your sarcasm.
Julius. And I, yours.
Caius. Is it come to this? How stupid! You suck!
Julius. And you, doubly so.
Caius. And you a hundred times more.
Julius. How much I suck, you suck double of it. So by telling me that I suck, you're only saying that you suck even more.
Caius. You lie! Am I just supposed to believe everything you say? As much as you suck, I don't suck at all.
enter Casca
Casca. Hey people. wassup?
Caius. I was just telling our dear old Ju here how much he sucked.
Casca. How much is it then?
Julius. Half of Cassius.
Casca. That's a lot.
Caius. HEY!
Julius. HAHAHAHAHAHAAAA! Even Casca here thinks you suck.
Caius. Casca, hello, you are on my side, remember?
Casca. Sorry, Caius, dude.
Caius. It's okay. I think we should leave Julius here and walk about on our own. I've gotten into a very Shakespearean English mood. Will you sup with me to-night?
Casca. I don't know what you mean by that. Wanna go out for pizza tonight?
Caius. Sure.
Casca. Bye, Big C.
Julius. Bye.
SCENE V
Portia. I see I'm a little stronger. It's a guy thing I suppose.
Brutus. I know not.
Portia. So you didn't get it yet?
Brutus. Nay, I hath not.
Portia. It's not just a haircut, Mark. I'm a man. Why don't you understand?
Brutus. But how? Is it possible?
Portia. Yes, it is. And I was always a man. Always.
Brutus. I need some rest.
Portia. I guess. This must be really hard on you. I thought I had your permission. Really. I thought you wouldn't mind. Our love is stronger, and goes past the boundaries of my sex-
AUTHOR'S (Arushi, not Shakespeare) NOTE IN MIDDLE OF STORY. I just checked my Julius Caesar textbook. All that "thee thou" crap hasn't been used anywhere, except for in the first scene. But let my Caius soliloquy be, that "thee thou" stuff gives it a nice poetic effect. And I can't figure out where to use thee and where to use thou. My teacher can barely speak English, let alone teach Shakespeare. She is one confused woman. Not that I disrespect my teachers, but she teaches nothing, and tells us to mug up stuff and write that in the exam. She says that it will be considered our own answer as she won't check the textbook. I am going to fail. She assumes that she has taught all chapters and then suddenly starts taking tests of stuff she hasn't taught. We had this story, and she said it had a rural setting. I tried arguing with her on that, because it was stated quite clearly that the place where the story was taking place in was a city, and she said, 'you thought by rural I meant village?' its not what you mean, but what our answer means in the board, miss. Oh, and my Hindi teacher is a sexist, not related to the story, but just thought I'd mention it.
-because I still love you Mark, and I know you feel the same for me.
Brutus. I need some rest.
Portia. Mark, please listen to me, try to understand. I couldn't help it. If someone made you wear a wig, made you stay like that forever, what would you do? Continue pretending, or come out with the truth?
Brutus. I need some rest.
Portia. WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS? DON'T YOU CARE FOR MY HAPPINESS! SOME HUSBAND YOU ARE!
Brutus. I need some rest.
Portia. Don't you always? GO SLEEP! STICK YOUR HEAD IN THE TOILET! I'M LEAVING! SEE IF I CARE!
Brutus. I need some-
exit Portia
Want me to continue? Review. Even if you hated that soliloquy, review and tell me that it sucked. I'll be happy to receive reviews at all. It gets better after this. Swear.