CHAPTER NINETEEEN

A/N- I'm back people. Back with a BANG. and I had named all of you? No reviews???? (. But I have two whole frequent reviewers so I'm happy anyway. HA HA HA. Oh, and by the way, I've used the song Missy Lynne suggested, because it was cute. Thank you's to her. (DICLAIMER - the song is by Stone Sour, not by me - DISCLAIMER).

Caius could hear a knocks on his door. Loud knocks. Then the caller seemed to have suddenly realized that doorbells had been invented, and as proof of that, the doorbell rang a lot of times.

This greatly disturbed Caius as he had been sleeping peacefully. He rolled over on his bed, and placed a pillow over his head.

The bell continued to ring for a few more minutes, until the ringer realized that she had Caius' spare keys in her pocket. And as proof of this the door went flying open, revealing a sleeping Caius, with an empty bowl that had, at a time, contained tons of ice-cream, a plate on which was unfinished Chinese, and a TV remote, in front of him. The TV was still on, and stuck on The History Channel, which, till date had never failed to amuse Caius. The "Julius Caesar" movie was playing - the really old black and white one - and Caius was saying evil things with evil background music. Normally, such a sight would have caused laughter - lots of it - but now wasn't the moment.

Caius was saying that he was going to throw letters, with different handwritings- his handwritings – on Brutus' window sill.

And then he laughed evilly. Giggled, more like. And then a storm started and Casca started running around. The TV was turned off with a click of the remote button, which caused Caius to moan in his sleep, 'noooo.'

'Get up.' Her voice was demanding.

'TV…'

'Get up, jerk!'

'No…TV….me…want…chopsuey…' Chopsuey was a Chinese dish which was all very yummy.

Chopsuey? So was that all he could think about?

'It's not time for food, git, get up.'

'Turn…on…TV…me…wanting…'

'You've been lying in bed all day. Get up and face me.'

'Noooo…'

'Coward.'

'Nooo…mommy…I don't wanna go to school…'

'I am not your mother!'

'The other kids make fun of me…'

'Huh?' that wasn't much of a surprise, but her face crinkled up in either surprise or disgust anyway.

'Antony hit me! Stick...with …stick.'

She was almost upset that she had missed the sight.

'I see you've had a tortured childhood.'

'Yes, and prefect kid Brutus look cute, mommy…he no beat me…zzzzzzzzzzz…'

Caius rolled over and stopped mumbling as Portia turned bright red.

'GET UP!'

The sheer loudness of the scream woke her friend up, 'wha-?'

'I KNOW ABOUT THE TRIANGLE!'

Caius blinked, squinted and put his glasses on. He looked odd with them, but there was no time for contacts, and he needed to see.

'Triangle?' he said weakly.

'I'm not stupid you know.'

'You're not?' Caius was still sleepy. What to do? What to do? What to do?

'Okay then… I am not stupid, as you may not know.'

'What happened? Triangles?'

'What's with you and Brutus?' she spoke the words directly, without any twisting and turning. She had seen lots of soaps/movies in which people twisted and turned their sentences. It confused both her and the recipients of their words. So, she decided not to stretch on with the- "You have deceived me! I trusted you!"s for long and got straight to the point.

Caius stared, 'nothing.'

'What do you mean nothing?'

'I had a crush on him back on earth, which is totally irrelevant now, alright, happy?' it was true to an extent.

Portia raised her eyebrows.

'If you must know,' said Caius, 'I had totally forgotten he was married to you, and when I did find out, I got over that teensy weensy crush. It didn't mean anything. He couldn't even remember my name, and I felt really guilty and all that. I even dated Tity, and I even liked him, Tity, that is. And uh…' Caius tried to think of something fast, 'maybe he's in this triangle because someone likes you? Wait - it could be like, I like someone who likes you, who likes Brutus, who likes me-,'

'Why would Brutus like you?'

Oops.

'Oh, sorry, but I don't know…it could be any love triangle? I mean, I like Tity, ahh…maybe Titinius likes you.'

'Then why are you being so happy about it?'

'Because I'm over Tity, and I don't think there's much of any triangle now.'

'Then how am I involved?'

'Because I used to have a crush on your husband. Used to, as in past tense,' Caius lied through his teeth, although he had almost convinced himself that that was the truth.

'Honest?'

But since when was our dear Cassius an honest person? Parchments in different "hands"? Evil background music?

'Honest.'

If Caius could lie to Brutus, which he had done tons of times, he could lie to anyone, including his best friend. And it wasn't like anything had ever happened between the two of them, apart from violins playing in the background, and poems and songs singing themselves in their heads (which wasn't, in any way, their fault). For example, on a typical day back when they were alive, and when Brutus and Caius would meet, it would be like-

" 'Good morrow, dear brother.' -these were the words that would emerge from Caius' mouth, but the words that emerged from his brain would be embarrassing, something he himself wouldn't understand. They would be like-

"How do you feel? that is the question
But I forget you don't expect an easy answer
When something like a soul becomes initialized
And folded up like paper dolls and little notes
You can't expect a bit of hope
So while you're outside looking in,
describing what you see
Remember what you're staring at is me"

Honestly, how silly was that? It didn't even mean anything, and wasn't proper English (for that time, at least).

And Brutus' wasn't any better. The songs in his brain were utterly ridiculous. He couldn't even translate them into his own language, but then, since when could he translate anything? It was like-


"How much is real, so much to question
An epidemic of the mannequins
contaminating everything
We thought came from the heart,
But never did right from the start
Just listen to the noises (no more sad voices)
Before you tell yourself
It's just a different scene
Remember its just different from what you've seen"

And then, another song plunged itself into his head,

"Yeh mera dil, pyar ka dewanaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!

Deewana deewana, pyar ka parwanaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!

Mushkil hain, pyare, mujhse bachke jaana!!

Yeh mera dil pyar ka dewanaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!"

But luckily, that song didn't last for long (mostly because neither he, nor the author wanted to translate it, and also because it sounded stupid and did not suit the moment.)

So the English songs would start again. Lalala-

"And it's the stars
The stars that shine for you
And it's the stars
The stars that lie to you"

And even though that didn't make sense to either of them, it suited the moment. They "ooh"ed and "ahh"ed, wondered what the other person was "ooh"ing and "ahhh"ing about, and then called each other things like "gentle brother", "noble noble Brutus", "noble Cassius", etc. It irritated both of them, but neither of them said so, since they both practically worshipped the words that came out of each other's mouth. And to prove this point, here is a diary extract from forty-something BC (in fake old English at times, and at normal English at other times.), which does more than just confirm Cassius' feelings for Brutus'; it also informs us of his preferable diet.

"Dear Diary,

I do respect him, for he, as we all know, is a noble Roman. I was lying for the general good of Rome; he knows that I love my country. He will totally understand why I had to throw those letters there and trick him.

And though he speaks without thinking, his words express truth and honesty, and a little bit of crap, yes, but the truth and honesty pretty much covers up for that. I should stop listening to him all the time, I know, but he knows best, with all those brains and all. When we were at school, he was the youngest prefect there was. He looked really cute, trying to boss people around and failing. How I hope he joins my ultra-cool conspiracy! Then we call be like, friends. Yeah, friends.

But I have more important things to discuss with you, darling diary, since writing about Brutus makes my intestines twist and turn in a funny way. People say they are called "butterflies in the stomach", and it means that you're in love. Well that's not happening to me. My stomach is fully empty and most certainly has no butterflies in it. It's my intestines, as I have said earlier, that are twisting and turning.

And that reminds me, I want to eat Chinese, when China will be created, that is. They make us eat bread, meat and wine here. Wine isn't even yummy or anything, it tastes all bitter; it isn't like coca-cola, which is not a part of the staple diet here. And bread is too starchy, it might make me fat!!!! And how do I tell the guys I am a vegetarian, because killing animals is ruthless slaughter, when meat is eaten three times everyday? And they don't even cook it properly, and it's rubbery and hard, and chewy. The poor cows. The meanest thing my dear cutie pie noble Brutus has done, has been eating them. I tried to convert him to the right side, but he said that it was OK to eat cows and goats because man needed to live. I proved him wrong by saying that vegetarians live longer, and that meat stays in our intestines for a week before getting out of there, and that our gorilla counterparts have bigger canines than us. Humans are obviously herbivores. I also tried to get him to join my PETA fan-club, but he had replied saying that joining the conspiracy would be enough. He also said that I shouldn't want everyone to agree with me. Damn him…

So then I tried to get Casca to join, in order to get Brutus jealous. There was this totally huge storm, and it blew my hat away. And the hat wasn't even made of leather or anything, so I have no idea why God would allow such a thing to happen. Therefore, I have decided that God doesn't exist. I'm still not too sure on that, of course. Anyway, after getting Casca to join my conspiracy, I tried to get him to convert.

'Let us take an oath,' I hath sayeth.

'Oath,' Casca replieth, 'on what though?'

'On fighting for animal rights,' I sayeth, 'with this oath, we do pledge our loyalties to the to be created PETA and - ,'

'What is an animal?' Casca asketh curiously.

'Those yucky things that all Romans are forced to eat.'

'And what's PETA?'

'People for -,' he hath not leteth me completeth my sentence.

'I swear my loyalties,' Casca sayeth quickly, 'now let's go home. My wife's making tuna casserole.'

'Veggies don't eat fish either,' I sayeth, 'its part of the package.'

But Casca had only shrugged and left. He never takes anything I say seriously. I couldn't even tell him that a vegetarian diet kept you slim. I've lost tons of weight since I turned veg. Caesar was so jealous, you wouldn't believe. I heard him telling Antony that I was dangerous because I was so much thinner than he was. Cannot he learn to live without being jealous of anyone better than him?

Anyway, darling diary, I must get going. I have to plan the envious Caesar's assassination and visit Brutus.

Yours,

Cassius"

Yes, that was how pathetic his diary entries were.

But that is not the issue. The issue is that Cassius is in love with Brutus' and doesn't know what to do about it. - "

'Caius, what are you thinking???' Portia demanded.

'Tity,' Caius quickly lied. It was for the good of Rome, he told himself. Okay, so it wasn't, but he thought so anyway.

'Awww…' said Portia, 'you did like him, didn't you?'

Caius instinctively nodded.

Portia already seemed to have forgotten about her husband and her best friend. Her memory needed help. But it could also have been because she trusted Caius so much.

'Lets make a plan to get him to like you then?' Portia seemed pretty eager.

'Portia, he likes girls, and that's something I am so not,' Caius said, 'remember our plan to invent girls, well, that failed coz some of us were girls, and a girl is what you are, and what he wants to date. There are more chances of him liking you than liking me.'

'But I am a married woman, not a little girl. He will not like me and I won't let him.'

'Of course he won't like you; he probably already has a girlfriend or something. The point that I was trying to convey was - he likes girls. I'm a guy; a cute guy, you may argue, but a guy nevertheless.'

'Okay, okay, point taken. So what're you gonna do?'

'Nothing. I guess guys are dumb.'

'Point. What do you think Titinius is doing now?'

------------------------------------

Titinius

Her face could not stop swimming before his eyes. Such flawless skin, such shiny hair. Lalalalala

Lalalalalalalaaaa.

He wanted to sing. And so he did.

'I'm a little teapot,

Short and stout,

Here is my handle and here is my spout,

When the waters boiling here me shout,

Pick me up and pour meeeeeeeeee ouuuuuuuuuuuuuut!'

Antony, who lived next door, decided to join him. He even brought along his big macho guitar.

After a long, tiring duet, Antony asked Titinius, 'what's the matter? I've never seen you this happy.'

'I'm in love,' Titinius happily explained.

'Oh, with whom? Cassius? What about the love potion?'

'Ohh no, not him, the girl…the cute one…'

Antony shrugged and left. But not before checking out the fridge, which was practically empty. 'Diet,' Titinius had explained.

Titinius then wore his tie and skipped all the way to work. He worked in a bank, the only bank there was in heaven. Nothing really was done there, and everyone got free coffee and a salary for that. And an excuse to wear a tie, which was the real reason Titinius worked. He did like a good tie.

Nothing happened at work. He straightened his die, drank some coffee, chatted in his business-like tone, drank some more coffee, bought flowers for himself, got a haircut, drank some more coffee, did some boring paperwork and then skipped all the way back home.

Then he drank some coffee at home, remembered how nicely Caius always made his coffee, and then was horrified at himself for even daring to think of such a thought. Didn't he, Titinius, make better coffee than anyone else in the world? Excluding the coffee machine at work?

He shrugged, tried not to think about Caius Cassius, and about the girl he liked. But his conscience wouldn't let him. It insisted that he was being rather harsh with his ex.

So he thought about the greatness of his ex's coffee and returned to daydreaming about that girl. (I'm sure you've all figured out who she is. Or maybe not?)

-------------------------------------------------------

Cassius

'I don't know what he's doing now,' Caius mumbled, 'but I guess he's probably roaming around with his new girlfriend.'

'Wow, you're crushed – I mean of course you are, it's normal, I'm sorry. But we'll get over this.'

'It doesn't matter anyway.'

'Doesn't matter? Of course it does! You are suffering from inferiority complex!'

'What?'

'Never mind. You go back to bed. I'll turn the TV on for you. Goodnight.'

She left cheerfully.

Just in time to let the fairy godmother enter. She was always cheerful and greatly reduced the dramatic effects of a sad situation.

'Caius, dear,' she said happily, sipping her pineapple juice, 'lets have a little chat, shall we?'

A/N- That song in the middle that most of you probably didn't understand was playing itself in my head, so I couldn't resist typing it down. It's a Hindi song.

And those "what to do" lines were taken from Anurag Mathur's "The inscrutable Americans", because they were so funny (they were in the book, at least).

And the other song, as mentioned before was not by me. The disclaimer is on top of the scene.

And if you haven't guessed who Titinius likes (you could be wrong anyway. HA!), then it is either-

a. Calphurnia (with her sexy sexy skirts).

b. Portia (oooh lalala. Poor Bru).

c. The fairy godmother (she's not all that old, you know…).

d. Cleopatra VII (Antony will kill him!!!).

e. someone not mentioned here…(then what, really, is the point of this?)

And if you're wondering, no, I haven't seen the Julius Caesar movie, but I described it as I had guessed it would be. I do hope I was close.

Anyway, review. There's a button right there to your bottom left. Doesn't it look tempting?????