Chapter 18

Better to die, and sleep
The never-waking sleep, than linger on
And dare to live when the soul's life is gone.

- Sophocles

Suicide by Proxy

Disclaimer: Criminal Minds is not mine. Floyd is.

She rode the bike for as far as it could take her, but now the forest path had deteriorated into just a rutted animal track. She pushed the bike behind a tree and covered it over with some branches to break up the lines a bit more. Highly unlikely anyone would come down here and find it, but she didn't want to take the chance.

Emily held a bottle of water in her hand and had her cap on pulled down low. Her jacket was undone and her legs filthy. She squinted into the dankness of the forest and took in deep breath and started to walk.

She was close. She could tell she was close and something had changed – but she couldn't put her finger on what it was. The pull was just a great, that hadn't altered in the slightest. It was – the headache maybe. Her headache was finally gone, and though her mind was still confused she was able to start putting up her little walls again. They were low and not very well made, but they were gradually getting higher and stronger.

The sun was beginning to get low in the sky when she reached the clearing. There was something about this place. Something special…she looked around for wind chimes, but that wasn't what it was. She exhaled a breath of calm. The very last person she wanted to meet now was Taki. She walked to the middle of the clearing and looked around. Something had happened here. She could feel it crawling over her skin and creeping over her brain slowly she walked over to a tree. She could see it quite clearly now….someone had been shot. A lot o blood, bone, tissue – though mostly eaten away now by insects there was still clear signs that something very nasty had happened here.

As she crouched to look further she pulled a pack of cigarettes from her pocket and lit up. It wasn't until she pulled the smoke into her lungs that a smile spread over her face.

"That's why you can't smoke. Someone got the better of you." She prodded at the bone with her finger. "Take the top of your head off did they? So where are you now? You didn't get up and walk away….so whoever did this to you took you with them. Oh Floyd! This really is too funny." She stood up again and glanced around her. "Come on then….you called me here. Where are you?"

She walked in a small circle a bit of bone still in her hand. A twitch of a smile as she slipped it into her pocket and walked off again.

"I'm close. I know." A swig of the water and she dropped the last of her smoke onto the ground and put it out with the heel of her boot.

It was about another half hour before she could see the light through the trees. The sun was almost down and so she stood and just watched for a while. It was a steady light. Not from a flashlight…and not from a fire.

Now she walked more carefully. The pull was almost at its peek. She had arrived. Floyd was here somewhere. Now all she had to do was find him.

Gradually a small house came into view.

Rough made from local supplies by the looks of it. Lights were on at the windows, and the front door was wide open. She didn't want to go to the door at night with no back up and so she just stood and watched for a little while. She could see a faint glow coming from a small outbuilding. Probably a flashlight or low powered electricity supply she couldn't tell from where she was.

Slowly she made her way around the tree line until she was standing opposite the outbuilding. Carefully she walked forwards. Some how she didn't think she was in danger. Something about this felt safe. The bottle of water in her left hand and her right resting on her stomach she walked to the doorway.

All she could see at first was blood.

Up the walls, pooling on the floor, covering everything. The smell was one of the most repulsive she had ever some across. The stench of a fresh kill. It was just about possible to make out that this carnage was once human. The information was slowly sinking in when the movement in the shadows made her water bottle drop from her hand.

"Oh my good god – what have you done?! What are you doing!?" Her head span and she thought that she was going to pass out as the horror of what she was looking at sunk in.

"It's OK Emily." Floyd wiped his face on his forearm.

"Alright!? What in – Oh god. Please no." She turned and started to run. She needed to run. She had to get away. What the hell had she been thinking. Suddenly it all became all too clear.

She was running through mud. Her feet wouldn't move. Her eyes wouldn't focus. All she could see was a monster eating something and she needed to get that image as far away from her as she could. She could hear someone crying and wondered for the briefest of whiles if it was herself. A hard hand on her shoulder stopped the noise as she let out a little yelp.

"I can explain." And the hot fetid breath was on the back of her neck.

"No." She wanted to say more but she needed to vomit. Emily leaned forward and heaved as her stomach twisted and her mind screamed.

"I didn't plan on you seeing that."

The sounds of gagging.

"Emily – I can explain."

A shake of the head. "Don't touch me!" and more heaving and vomiting.

Floyd walked around in front of her and put his hands on her shoulders. "Look at me."

"I said don't touch me! What in the name of whatever do you think you are? You have ruined my life, you have destroyed Reid's and what – whatever it was you were doing in there is not what normal people do Floyd! I don't care what you explanations are. What you were doing…. Back there."

"They shot me!"

"And that gives you cause to do that!?" She was looking at Floyd in the eyes.

"Yes! Actually yes it does! Don't you defend yourself?"

"Not by eating those who wrong me! No I don't!"

"Oh miss fucking perfect!"

It was a punch. A quite hard uppercut that Emily delivered to the under side of Floyd's chin. She watched him stumble backwards and fall down with a grimace to his face. The look of surprise on Prentiss face matched the one of anger on Flanders.

"Don't touch me. Don't talk to me. I came here because of something you did to me. I smoked cigarettes for you. I read the bible for you! What the hell are you doing?"

She watched as Floyd slowly rolled onto his front and crawled away.

"Get up and explain!"

"Darling – I am trying to. You pack a mean punch." Floyd could feel his boot filling with blood as the new skin of the back of his heel ripped open and the newly repaired tendon snapped. He wanted to kill something. He wanted to scream in frustration, but he bit on his bottom lip an made his way to something he could pull himself up on.

Emily watched. She could see there was something wrong.

"What's wrong?" Sudden concern. Another trick?

"Nothing is wrong. Why would there be something wrong?"

"Reid has gone missing." She blurted it out. Didn't know how else to broach the subject.

She got a nod back. Emily watched Floyd sit back down again and pull his boot off. She could see he was bleeding but after what she had see in that shed she really didn't care anymore.

"Can you find him?"

"Why would I want to?" He was inspecting the damage.

"I thought….."

"Well you thought wrong." snapped back.

Emily started pacing. "Look – you pulled me here somehow. I don't know how, but you did. What for? What do you want from me?"

Floyd looked over at Prentiss. "From you? I want nothing." picking at something on the back of his heel.

"Then why this?" Open hand gesture. "Why did you pull me here – why my hair – why get me to smoke?"

"Oh – That – that was just an example of how I can control people and how I can make you do exactly what I want when I want you to do it."

"This was just…………"

"Flexing my muscles at you Emily."

She started to walk towards him. "Why? Why me?"

"Because you were an easy catch."

Now she was close enough to smell him properly it made her want to be sick. "You need to come back with me and help to find Reid."

"You're not going to arrest me?"

"I would sooner wash you. You stink."

"Yes – you know what happens to someone when they get their brains blown out? They start to rot. The body begins to break down, and usually you piss yourself. I stink and you want me to help you find Reid. Let me think about it Emily." He slid his foot back into his boot.

"What's wrong with your foot?" She watched as he tried to put weight on it again.

A sigh. "It's not healing. Did you bring transport?"

She pointed over her shoulder with her thumb. "I had to leave it back there a bit."

"Then maybe a shoulder to lean on until we get there?"

She didn't want to but she moved closer. "Why the sudden change of heart?"

A small smirk. "Because Spencer is the only thing I have ever loved." He put his arm around her shoulder and slowly the two of them walked away. Somehow the bodies in the shed didn't matter anymore. The fact that Floyd had been eating them didn't matter anymore, and the strange smell emanating from Floyd seemed to have changed in Emily's mind from blood and death to a deep heavy musk.

-o-o-o-

They went through them together locked in Garcia's bunker. Hotch tried not to freak out when he saw what had been happening. He tried to stay the same leader that he needed to be. He needed to be for Penelope.

Bit by bit they found pieces and together stared at the images.

"Are you sure that's him sir?"

A slow nod. He knew exactly what Reid looked like naked behind wet glass. He was finding it to see why Garcia hadn't noticed. "It's him." he was afraid to say too much. He didn't want her mind to go to the same places his was at. "I've shared a room with him, I know what he looks like topless." The words stuck in the air and he knew how wrong they sounded and Garcia's hand stalled over the mouse for a fraction of a second but that was all. She moved it to her coffee cup and took a deep drink back on it – but she didn't comment.

"Sir, even had I known it was Reid, we still don't know where he is."

Hotch looked at the tech sitting next to him. That wasn't the point. He needed to know everything. Before they find him he needed an idea of what they were going to rescue.

"I realise that. Any news on the location of the bike Prentiss bought?"

"Nothing. No way to track it except by visuals sir, and there have been no reports. You think she has gone to find Reid?"

The computer pinged to let her know a new one was there to see.

She clicked on the button and the screen lit up. This time there was no mistake.

"Oh my good god." Garcia went to turn it off again. The big white room and Reid head down standing in the middle. This time there was no mistaking it. It was too clear.

"Garcia – go. I will watch."

"Sir?"

"Just go." He sounded firm. He sounded almost too calm. Garcia looked at the team leader and almost expected to see the cracks showing. She stood up and placed a hand on his shoulder. "I'll go and get you a drink."

Hotch didn't respond. He just stared at the image on the screen. Once she had left he unfroze it and watched as Reid was battered by two men in masks. This so far to Hotch was the most worrying of them all. He wasn't restrained and he didn't defend himself, he just stood and took it with hardly a sound. There was also the very alarming sight of seeing Reid's face so clearly. He had lost his fight, he had lost whatever it was which had appealed to these people in the first place. He had given up, and now they broadcast his face, and he knew from previous conversations with Garcia that once the face had been seen you didn't see much of that person again.

When it finished he got up and left the room. Rossi. He needed to find Rossi and they needed to locate Prentiss…

-o-o-o-

Ardal wasn't back when he was dragged into his room and dropped onto his bed. A hoodie and a pair of sweat pants were dropped on the floor next to the bed.

"The boss thinks you've earned these."

Someone else left a glass of milk and a plate of cheese and ham. They left without another word and let Spencer curl up on his bed and try to shut the world out. He didn't know how long it was before Ardal walked back in. His hair was wet and his body shiny from oils. Reid turned and looked at him, and for the first time it made me feel angry.

"Did you have fun?" His voice sounded quiet and a bit slurred.

Ardal looked at the clothing on the floor and raised an eyebrow. "I was working."

"But was it fun?" Reid sat up.

"You know what goes on. I don't need to answer that." He reached out and picked up a bit of cheese. "How was your day?"

Spencer rolled off the bed and stood up. "Oh you know – the same old same. They beat me half to death…let me get my breath back then whip me. I thought they would be bored of it by now." He avoided Ardal's hands reaching for him and walked to the basin.

"What's wrong?"

Spencer could sense Ardal was standing behind him. He hadn't touched him. He seemed to know when he didn't want to be touched. It was one of the things Spencer was beginning to think maybe he might love about him. He wasn't pushy. He cared. Someone cared and now that someone would leave. They all do. He had let his defences down again. After Gideon he had promised he wouldn't and then Floyd and now this and Reid could feel it all crumbling under his fingers.

He picked up a razor blade off the small shelf and held it carefully between his fingers. As he turned Ardal stepped back but said nothing. He leaned forwards and took the mirror off the wall and walked back to sit next to Reid on the bed. Again being careful not to touch him he placed the mirror on Spencer's lap.

"Oh I don't need that. I just want to show you something."

He left the mirror there though and just pushed up the sleeve of his robe.

"Spencer? What the hell are you doing?"

"Just watch."

He sliced across his wrist so deep with the blade that he could feel it scraping the bone. He pulled the blade out and dropped the bloody bit of metal onto the mirror.

"NO! Spencer!" Ardal was on his feet but Reid hushed him.

"It's ok. Look." He held up his arm for Ardal to see. "It's not bleeding. It's healing."

The slap Reid got across his face was a bit of a surprise. He hadn't been expecting it, but again it didn't hurt. It was just a sensation.

"I don't know what sort of mean trick that was Spencer, but you scared the hell out of me!"

"Yes? Well imagine this Ardal. Imagine being so low and feeling so vile and repulsive and so useless that there is no point in life. Have you ever been there?"

Ardal knelt on the floor in front of Reid and looked up at him….again the curls had escaped the tie holding his hair back and all Spencer could see was something that made his toes curl with desire.

"Yes – I've been there."

"Well imagine being in that place and finally realising that the only thing left is to kill yourself – but hey you can't! You go through all of those emotions – you say what you need to say to whoever might be listening and you try to explain to yourself the reasons why you are doing it. You reach that final point. No going back – and you can't do it. You can't do it because for some very odd reason you heal. You can't make yourself bleed. You can't overdose on drugs, you are stuck in this miserable stinking existence and the only thing you care for is making love to someone else."

Now Ardal's hands reached out again. They took the mirror and blade away and a hand rested one on each side of Spencer's face. "I wasn't making love. I was fucking them for food and a roof over my head. I am a whore Spencer, nothing more. I do this to keep me in food and drugs. I feel absolutely nothing for those people. What ever made you think that?"

"When it is us……….."

"No – never….not for the cameras Spencer. That is work. Alone here together just the two of us then that's different – but by the looks of what is on the floor here they are moving you up anyway."

"Moving me up?"

Ardal got up and sat next to Spencer. This time closer so their thighs touched. "They will use you for private entertainment. You will get better food and clothes to wear. They like you. That's good. They will look after you."

Spencer lay back again on the bed. The damage to his wrist was a faint white line. As he turned over and curled up with his pillow he felt Ardal lay down behind him. Simple comfort. The feel of warm breath on the back of his neck and the touch of flesh against flesh. Nothing more.

-o-o-o-

They had not been out of the freeway for long when she felt something was wrong. The sudden movement behind her and the sensation that Floyd was sliding sideways forced her to quickly pull over.

Floyd was grateful of this action as all he wanted to do was lay and hold his arm and scream.

"Shit shit shit!"

Was all he managed to say as he rolled off the bike onto the grass. Emily turned to see the blood. Too much blood. Gushing squirting arterial spray.

"Oh my god." She was off the bike and at his side. "What on earth happened?"

"Spontaneous wrist slicing." He growled from between gritted teeth. "I'll be alright. Give me a minute."

Emily wanted to help but he had rolled onto his front holding his arm tightly under him. "Go away." He muttered. He hated to let this woman see this side of him. He needed to take back what he had given Reid. What the hell was he playing at?

Prentiss stood back from him and looked up and down the road. She was lost for something to do at this point. When a car slowed and pulled over and a window wound down a fraction she was not any less bothered.

"You have a problem?" A young guy in an expensive car.

"Er – my friend hurt his arm…I don't suppose you have a cell phone do you?" She looked back at Floyd howling and rolling on the grass. She really didn't think there was much he could do to stop her.

The phone was passed out of the gap in the car window and Emily smiled kindly. "Thank you."

A number from memory.

"We are on the freeway. I have Flanders. We are on our way back." She flipped it closed again and passed it back. "Thank you. I think we'll be alright from here."

As she watched the car move off she noted that the howling noises had stopped. Slowly she turned to see Floyd laying very still in the blood soaked grass.