DISCLAIMER:

Any recognizable characters are owned by Stephanie Meyer.

R&R

A/N

Hey guys! Thanks for the reviews from last time. I'm sorry for the late update! Guess what? My performances went awesome! I can't believe how everything went well. I just got home from bumping out (cleaning everything) it was awesome! So anyway, I want to ask a favor from everyone who added this on their story alert list, can all of you please, please, pease leave a review? I know a lot of you leave reviews already, but I still really want to know some feedback!! It makes me type faster! THANKS SO MUCH!

All messed up

Part 11

Day 45

I called up Jacob today. Ahh, he's nice and all but boy, he's so cocky. But that's fine, for precisely one hour I forgot all about Edward…Well, almost. I had a major spasm when I realized I've been talking to Jacob for about 45 minutes and I have my Romeo and Juliet rehearsal.

But as usual I got sidetracked as Jacob told me that Paul and the boys were over, and Nemo the raccoon was chasing Seth around. 15 minutes later, I practically had to beg for Jacob to hang up.

He made me promise to call him again later to talk about winter dance related stuff. I honestly think that I'm starting to like Jacob more and more. He was so down to earth and funny. He could never be Edward, but maybe he could help me you know…

Urgh! I must get that out of my mind. Imagine if I went out with Jacob just so I could forget about Edward. I would feel so bad, not only am I using him, but I'll probably end up losing his friendship in the end.

So, must not think about evil little plans such as going out on a rebound.

I jumped as I saw the time, I was already late. I ran as fast as I could and slammed right in to Charlie.

"Bells, you really should be careful! Renee is going to kill me if you get injured!" he said roughly.

"Sorry dad, will do! Can't talk, already late!" I said, my wordings were slightly distorted as I ran out, trying to tie my shoelaces together.

It came as a miracle that I didn't trip or bang my head against the pavement as I scrambled towards my truck.

I slammed the door, and quickly reversed out of the driveway. I was contemplating on what to do or say if Ms. Culling forced more kissing on Edward and I but not too long, I realized that I was already pulling over at the school car park.

I freaked out and stepped on the breaks. I stopped and listened to my breathing for quiet sometime. I knew Edward was going to be there. I didn't care about him anymore, so it was completely illogical to be freaking out over a guy I clearly didn't like anymore.

If there was more kissing then I'd damn well kiss him…As an acquaintance, if that was even possible. I had finally came to grips with reality…Sort of.

I've decided to move on, and I'm serious this time! I haven't seen Edward in a while now. I haven't even made eye contact with him. Not that he's trying that hard either. Sometimes I would catch him staring at me with a sad look upon his face, but it was his choice. He didn't want to be with me. I'm not going to force anything on him.

I'm done with sulking.

So I straightened out, parked my car and took a deep breathe. I was going to go in there, act my little heart out, and act cool and nonchalant, then pretend that Edward Cullen was a prepubescent git, with too much of a pale skin, and a far too skinny physique.

I hopped off my truck. Nervously playing with the zip of my jacket. I was already about 15 minutes late, and I knew for a fact that Ms. Culling hated tardiness.

I reached the auditorium and hesitantly opened the double doors. I reluctantly looked inside, trying to make it inside without being noticed. But the sight that greeted me made me halt in my tracks.

Edward stood in the middle of the stage holding Lauren very closely, their faces only inches apart. I stood there for a matter of moments not making any sound. I was about to walk out the door, when I heard the double door slammed.

I flinched slightly as I felt a burning sensation crept up in my neck. I slowly turned to find the whole cast members and backstage crew looking at me like I just grew two pairs of legs on my head.

I tried to look at anything but Edward and Lauren. Ms. Culling emerged from out of no where, looking slightly ticked off at me. "Naughty, naughty Ms. Swan! What have I told you about lateness? We were forced to use poor Lauren because you weren't here on time!" she said in her loud echoing voice. I slowly walked up and tried to take a seat, when I walked past Ms. Culling I mumbled my apologies and promised it would never happen again.

I bounded towards where Alice sat, and waited for everybody's gaze to leave me. I looked towards Ms. Culling expectedly.

"Well aren't you going to join Mr. Cullen on stage Miss. Swan?" she asked impatiently. I looked towards Edward and Lauren, trying to hide my annoyance. "Nah, I think their doing pretty well" I replied coldly.

Unfortunately my earlier hope to see Edward as some prepubescent git totally backfired. He was anything but.

He looked utterly eatable in his Romeo get up. Anybody who had to wear those ridiculous tights would have failed miserably, but for some weird reason, he just looked delectable. I grumbled loudly, my good mood from when I spoke to Jacob completely shattered.

Ms. Culling was smiling freakishly at me, baring all of her teeth as she walked towards me menacingly.

"Miss. Swan, please get your butt on stage before I have to personally physically drag you" she said in a pleasant voice, but I didn't miss the evil menace lurking behind her voice.

I gave Alice a worried look, Alice just gave me a horrified look as she pushed me off the chair. I slid off the chair and reluctantly walked towards the stage where Edward stood impatiently.

If there was an award for the most awkward moment, this definitely won the price.

"Geez Beela, you're early!" he said sarcastically. I gave him a cold glare, he smirked. I looked at him up and down, letting my eyes wonder until it reached the part which I knew made him uncomfortable.

"Wow Edward, you look like your suffocating!" that wiped the smirk off his face as he grabbed his tights just below his torso. I smirked coldly and turned towards Ms. Culling. She explained what we were doing and it turned out we were going over the scene where Romeo first sees Juliet at the masquerade ball.

I took one look at the page, and realized…more kissing. Since I was already on a roll, and I know I'm starting to sound like total cow, but I raised my hands.

Ms. Culling looked at me with one raised eyebrow. "Do I really have to kiss him?Because if you don't mind, I really don't want to" Of course I was lying. And my smartness earned me a punishment.

Ms. Culling took it seriously and sent Edward and I outside by ourselves to work on being Romeo and Juliet, saying that we need to get over our awkwardness. I frowned and started heading out, followed closely by Edward.

We kept walking towards the empty cafeteria, the whole time not speaking to each other. I was far too annoyed, and I didn't want to look at Edward. As soon as we found a table at the far end of the cafeteria, I sat down and buried by head between my arms and pretended to sleep.

I felt Edward sit next to me quietly. We didn't speak for a couple of minutes, I knew that he was very much aware that I was awake.

"Do you really mean it?" came his quiet question. I noticed that it was completely void of emotion. So I looked up and saw that he looked upset and even paler than usual. I had to look away. This was getting a little too much.

"Mean what?" I knew what he meant, but I decided to play stupid. He looked at me and I blushed slightly. "You know what I mean!" he said uncomfortably, "What you said to Ms. Culling!" his tone was edging towards irritation.

I didn't want to say anything because I knew my voice was going to betray me. So I just shrugged and inched away from him. But he wasn't having any of it.

I felt him get closer and closer. He was looking at me with a solemn look in his face. "Well that's just too bad, because I really want to kiss you right now" he said in a low voice. His face got closer and closer. I wanted to protest, but my voice felt like it was being blocked by something very big and round. The passage hole through my nose closed up, and the room started to spin.

Edward's expression turned from uncontrollable to worry. He could see that I was having trouble breathing. He grabbed my cheeks between his hands and brought his face closer. "Bella…Breathe" he said softly. I closed my eyes, trying to control my breathing, all the while my face started to burn from the feel of his soft hands.

I was very much aware of his sweet scent. His scent was intoxicating, he was intoxicating.

When I opened my eyes, I found that his lips were only inches from mine, and the worried look was no longer there.

His lips met mine, sending a chill that raced up and down my spine, leaving me breathless. I closed my eyes as our lips consumed each other, reveling on the sweetness of it.

He stroked my cheek as his tongue sought mine out. I was starting to get lost in the moment when he finally let go of me. He wrapped an arm around me as I held on to him slightly.

Not too long, reality came roaring back at a speed of a bullet. I turned away, telling my body to move away from him. I can't believe he just kissed me! I can't believe I just let him!

After all that crap about not falling for it over and over again, I can't believe I fell for it again. I fought the urge to whack my head as waves after waves of emotion came roaring in my heart.

I couldn't help it anymore. Tears started rolling down my face and I started sobbing uncontrollably. I felt Edward wrap his arms around me, trying to hug me to him. I pushed him away and got up abruptly.

I started walking away hastily, ignoring the anguish in his voice as he called my name. When he caught up with me, I felt his hands on my wrist.

I tried to push away as he gathered me to him, I tried to push away but he wouldn't let go, his grip on me was far too strong. I finally stopped struggling, and sort of melted in to him.

I couldn't stop crying, why couldn't I stop crying? I should be happy! Edward was there, he was holding me, he wanted me, and he just kissed me. Then why wasn't I happy?

"Let go of me…Please, I don't want to. Just go away! Just- please…" I trailed off. My voice was cracking all over the place, it was wrong, everything was wrong. But why did something so wrong feel so bloody right?

Edward had his face on the crook of my neck, holding on to me tightly. "Why the hell not?!" his voice was gruff, "I like you. I admit it. I can't help it! I might have been in denial before, but I'm not going to let just anyone take you away from me!" he said angrily.

I shivered slightly. I felt a cold hand tug at my heart, but I ignored it. I shook my head. "I can't Edward, I just can't…" I said in a small sad voice. I tried to stay strong, just so I could say the words that I knew was right, but why? Why did it feel so wrong saying it?

"We kiss, then you ignore me, and treat me like crap. It's too much for me to handle. How do I know that you're not just going to walk away from me again?" I said quietly. All the while Edward was shaking his head.

I just couldn't. So I looked up and my eyes met his. "I can't do it Edward, I'm sorry. I'm not saying that I'm going to go out with Jake, but I've been hurt too much in the past. You've been yanking me back and forth that I'm surprised I'm still sane. I can't go through that again" I said sadly, but he was still shaking his head.

His green eyes were filled with anguish as he kept on holding on to me. "I wouldn't put you through that again, I promise…" he sounded weak. This was the first time I've ever heard him this way. It broke my heart to see him this way. But it had to be done.

I shook my head and closed my eyes. I pushed him away, as soon as I realized that his grip became weaker. "I'm sorry. But you said it yourself. I always knew that I wasn't good enough for you. Everybody can see that I'm not good enough, so please, lets just leave it at that, can't we just be-" Edward's face looked sulfurous, any minute he looked like he was going to erupt when he cut me off, "Don't you dare say that you just want to be friends! You and I both know that that isn't the case here!" he barked.

"Besides, at the rate were going right now? There's no way we can be friends! I can't even look at you without wanting to do stuff with you" he said in a low voice.

I shivered slightly. I was starting to get desperate. And he was looking at me with such smoldering looks that any minute I would cave.

So I played dirty, and went a little below the belt. Absolutely contradicting myself earlier. "Well you're too late. I'm going to the dance with Jacob…" he knew where I was going and he closed his eyes, trying to project an even breathing, I wiped the tears away from my eyes, and gathered the courage I needed. "Jake likes me Edward, he really does. He likes me, he gets straight to the point, and he doesn't play with my head" I said in a much stronger voice. I let the last words linger as he looked at me intensely. I gathered momentum before striking the last and final blow.

"And I like him too" I lied convincingly.

A big giant silence followed where Edward kept looking at me, looking slightly defeated. Then with as much strength I could muster, I walked out of the school. Ignoring the fact that when I came back for rehearsal on Monday, Ms. Culling would probably kill me for suddenly leaving.

Day 46

There's still a hole where my heart use to be. No phone calls from Edward or Jacob. But then again, why would Edward call me?

Day 47

I skipped school today. I didn't want to face Edward, or anybody for that matter. Alice has been calling me endlessly, no doubt curious. Angela called up to check up on me as well. But I told her not to worry too much.

I know that I was putting a strain on Charlie's life. That's probably why I ended up getting an unexpected visitor today. Dad had gone to work, and I was all alone when I heard the doorbell. I hesitated. Who could it be? Dad was at work, and I doubt Edward would come roaring around here anytime soon.

I heard the impatient ding dong once again, so I grumbled and slowly walked down the stairs. I reached the door and squealed when I saw Renee standing there.

She smiled brightly at me at first, but once she saw the state I was in (messy hair that looked like it hadn't been washed for ages), she frowned. I jumped on her and hugged her tightly.

"Oh Bella, ever the melodramatic one!" she said in a low voice. I looked up, surprised that there were tears in my eyes, "I am NOT melodramatic!" I said loudly, sniffing every now and then.

Renee just shook her head, and hugged me tightly. "Sure, sure darling" and with that I dragged her inside. We just talked and talked, I didn't even realize just how much I missed her. All this time I felt so alone, seeing as Charlie was always at work. But I still felt thankful. It turned out Charlie had been so worried about me that he ended up calling Renee.

Mum being Mum, she rushed here straight away, Mum to the rescue so to speak.

I told her everything about Edward, and when I got to the part about refusing to go out with him, she frowned. "This boy doesn't sound that nice Bella, if he's really hurt you that much" I shrugged. I didn't want mum to think bad of Edward, but I wanted someone to be on my side for once.

Renee decided that she would stay here, at least until after the Winter Dance. I know! She's staying!

A couple of hours later Renee went and checked if she could cook something for dinner and was appalled when she found the cupboards empty. She shook her head slightly and looked at me pointedly. "What?" I asked sheepishly.

So she went down to shop for some food as I waited patiently, just watching re-runs of 'Friends' on TV. It got to the part where Monica tapped on Chandler's door wearing a turkey on her head when my door bell rang.

I looked at the time. It had only been 15 minutes since Renee left. So I got up slowly and opened the door hesitantly. I was taken a back when I found Jacob standing on my doorstep carrying a bunch of flowers.

I gaped at him as I opened the screen door. "Hey Jake…" I said awkwardly. As soon as Jacob saw me, he started grinning. He took in my messy hair, and my power puff girls pajamas.

I blushed slightly when I realized just how ridiculous I looked. He cocked an eyebrow, "Aren't you going to let me in?" he asked. I nodded and let him pass.

"Oh. My. God. What are you doing here?" I asked. For some reason, I was whispering, as if afraid that somebody might here me. Jacob looked around the house, then bobbed down to my level. "Why are we whispering?" he asked in a hushed voice.

I straightened up and started laughing. "Look sit there, I'm going to go and shower, I'll be back!" I said hurriedly. I ran up the stairs, my heart on my throat. I wanted to scream, but I couldn't.

I ran quickly towards my room and got some change of clothes. I went inside the shower and turned the faucet on. I sighed when the warm water hit my tensed up body. I don't know what Jacob was doing, but he was downstairs, waiting for me to finish my shower. I showered as fast as I could, hopefully I could get rid of him before Renee could even come back. But as I was about to finish changing, I heard screaming from downstairs.

I ran down the stairs and hoped to god that nothing was wrong. I reached the last step. My eyes went round as a saucer as I took in the image in front of me. There stood Renee with a long piece of cucumber brandishing it around like a sword as Jacob stood on the sofa defensively.

"Who are you? I know the sheriff! Get out of here now!" Renee screamed. If it wasn't such a serious thing, I would have laughed out loud. I shook my head, "Mum, put the cucumber down and relax!" I yelled. I went to Renee and took the cucumber away from her before she injured herself.

"No! Bella! You don't know! He could be a murderer!" she screeched, slightly panicky. I chuckled slightly. "No mum, he's Jake, and he's my friend. Now let go of the weapon! It's embarrassing!" I said in a hushed whisper, sneaking a peek at Jacob's smirking face.

Renee looked slightly red as she calmed down. "Sorry…" she muttered, looking apologetically at Jake, who just smiled sweetly.

Parentals can be so embarrassing sometimes! I shot Renee a look that clearly indicated 'leave us', which she quickly picked up on.

She stood up and apologized once more, and headed towards the kitchen to get rid of all the grocery. "I'm sorry about that" I said sheepishly at Jacob. He shrugged, "Sure, sure, I'm use to it" he said nonchalantly. I cocked an eye brow wondering what he could possibly mean.

I decided to brush it off and asked him what he was doing here. "Oh, I heard from the vine that you've been away a couple of days now. How are you doing?" he asked sincerely. I looked at him, he definitely took me by surprise.

"Aw thanks Jake, it's nothing, I'm just going through a rough patch at the moment" I said sadly, "I'll get over it"

As I said this, I started to fidget with my fingers. "Yeah, have you broken up with Cullen the leech?" he asked briskly. I frowned and glared at him. Despite the fact that Edward and I aren't the closest friends at the moment, I still didn't appreciate it when people talked bad about him.

"We never went out" I said quietly, "And don't call him a leech" I added. He cocked an eye brow and grinned broadly. "Sure, sure" he said arrogantly. For some reason, I felt that perhaps he wasn't the same boy I spoke to at the beach. All the hatred coming from him completely changed the way I looked at him.

I decided that I didn't want to hear anymore, so I sighed. "Look I'm tired, if you've got anything else to say, say it now. If not, then please leave, I'm tired" I said dryly. I started to get up when Jacob grabbed a hold of my arm.

"Look I'm sorry, but it's just that I really don't like him. But I promise there will be no more mention of the C word" he pleaded in a solemn voice, raising his right hand and placing it on his heart.

I couldn't help it, I smiled slightly. No matter what, for some reason Jake has never ever failed to bring me out of my misery so far. So for the whole day, we both walked towards a park close to my house and played football. Well Jake played, while I failed miserably, falling over my butt at least a million times.

He walked me back to the house after a couple of hours where Renee had dinner done and ready. Jake stayed for dinner. Our conversation over dinner had been animated, and I stayed tolerable the whole night.

When it was time to leave, I felt my control slip just a little bit. I found that I didn't want Jake to leave, because I knew that I might fall to my misery again. I gave Jake a tight hug on his way out, for some unknown reason, I wanted to imprint his scent in my mind. But then the moment was broken as soon as I felt his hands move lower. I froze awkwardly for a moment and I pushed him gently.

"Um, thanks for coming Jake, I'll talk to you later right?" I asked. He looked slightly disappointed. I didn't want anything to happen. I know I led Edward to think that there might be something happening between Jake and I, maybe some day, however, I don't think I could cope with the pressure at the moment.

Besides, I have the dance next week, and Romeo and Juliet is taking a lot of my time. I wish I could just quit, but I've done so much work already. It was too late to back out.

Day 48

I got called to the Principal's office today. It turned out that we were getting a few transfer students. He didn't mention where they were from, but he thought it would be a perfect way for me to meet new people, seeing as I was new myself. I honestly didn't want to have anything to do with it, but before I could refuse, he just ushered me out, and told me I was going to be late for class.

I frowned as I tried to awkwardly twist so I could look at him, but Mr. Johnson slammed the door on my face before I could get a word in. I walked towards the auditorium for my theater class.

Brilliant. I was stuck as Juliet, I'm still miserable over Edward, and there was a chance that I would make a complete ass of myself during the dance. Now I was tour guide for new kids? What's next?

As I opened the door to the auditorium, I wasn't looking to where I was going. I collided against hard muscles, and felt arms snake themselves around my waist to stop me from falling. I looked up and looked straight at Edward's frowning face.

I jumped slightly and got as far away as I could from Edward. "Sorry!" I squeaked, not looking at him. I could still feel his gaze on my back as I watched Mike head towards me. "Hey Bella, did you stab Edward's eye with a pen or something? He looks pissed at you" he said pointedly. I grudgingly noticed the pleased tone in his voice.

I chose to ignore him and sat down. And just like what I expected, Ms. Culling went off the hook as soon as she saw me. I listened to her lecture about dedication for a good 15 minutes while everybody else in the class dawdled along. I blushed intensely as I felt some eyes on me.

I closed my eyes, "I'm sorry!" I said, just a little too forcefully. Ms. Culling gave me one look and shook her head. Then as if nothing happened, she clapped her hands together, signaling the class to stand up. The rest of the class went on just as usual. The whole time I was very much aware of Edward. He sat towards my left, just staring at me.

Once the bell rang I walked as fast as I could out of the class. But it wasn't fast enough. Edward caught up with me and held my shoulders. He spun me around and I had no choice but to look at him. He looked down at me, his green eyes unfathomable. I took a breath as I waited for him to say something.

"Look, I know what you said yesterday. I just want you to know that I'm not giving up…" he said in a low voice. His velvet voice left me feeling breathless as I pulled my arm away. "Right!" I snorted.

I was about to walk away when I felt him right next to me. "I mean it Bella" he said, his voice had a hint of finality. I took one look at his eyes and knew he was serious. I felt the confusion crept up. He reached out and removed a strand of hair from my face and pushed it all the way back.

I couldn't get a handle on this, I was losing control. Everything was a complete mess, how do I get out of this?

On top of everything, the dance is in a couple of days, and I was going to be the guide of a bunch of newbies. I don't how I'm going to handle everything!

Day 50

Oh hell…Oh bloody, bloody hell! With my bad luck, and my tendency to screw things up, why didn't I see this coming earlier? I knew that this whole tour guide thing was a big mistake, and only spelt trouble. Why didn't I mark it as an omen earlier? Oh I'm a brainless girl!

I am now sitting in the conference room, looking at the faces of the two new 'transfer' student. When I walked inside the Principal's office today, I was told that the new kids were waiting for me in the school conference room. So I slowly walked to wards the well lit maroon room.

I took a peek at the two figures through the glass window. Two blonde figures, both sitting bored on the cushioned chair. From where I stood I instantly recognized who they were. The twins.

The only boys who I ever interacted with during my long days in boarding school in the middle of no where. I hesitantly opened the door, utterly anxious to see the faces of the new arrivals.

As soon as I opened the door, the faces from my past smiled up at me. Absolutely identical from each other, Sean and Sam still looking utterly beautiful said in unison "What? You didn't really think that you could easily get away from us did you?"

Sorry I have to go for a walk, I need to get out of this confined space (my room) before I completely pee my pants!