disclaimer: I do not own twilight or any of the series, however I do own Sam and Sean Striker :0)

Hey guys, thanks for the reviews from last time! This is a bit long, sorry if its too long. But PLEASE REVIEW??

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r&r

"EXPELLED: aSK ME THE REASON WHY"

It's all in the past

Part 12

Day 50 still…Later

I just got back from my walk. I really needed to think. I felt the walls get closer and closer as anxiety sunk in. I needed to get out. As I wounded around the park, past the little kids playing in the park, I felt my heartbeat go back to normal. For some weird reason, writing about Sean and Sam Striker made me nervous.

This diary is fairly new, so there are still a lot of things that you don't know about me. When I left the boarding school, I had wanted to leave everything behind. Despite the fact that I didn't have any girl friends, I did have two other. Sean and Sam went to a neighboring school. They were both odd. I can still remember the first time I met them.

We had the Annual Autumn Gala ball about 1 and a half year ago where the girls dressed up in pretty ball gowns, as we all mingled with the neighboring all boys school students.

Thinking about it now, nothing much has really changed. I still hated school dances, and most of the girls that went to my school were all stuck up so I didn't have anyone to really hang with.

I stood around the food table, just observing everybody wound around each other, their bodies moulded, as the music went on. I watched shrewdly from the sidelines; a lone girl wearing a ridiculous dress that had way too much frills, just frowning. I watched as Victoria Cross the beautiful sophomore from my school danced closely with a handsome boy from the neighboring school. They looked so in synched with each other, like nobody else was really there.

I sighed; beautiful girls like Victoria got everything. She's got the looks, the money, and all of the friends. At the night of the dance was no exception. She had let her red curls wound themselves on the side of her lithe elegant neck, while she wore a tight body fitting black dress that had a non-existent back.

She was beautiful; too bad she was the worst person a girl could ever meet.

I stood at the sides, drinking my punch when Sean and Sam Striker just suddenly spiralled in to my life without any warning. When I say spiralled, I mean they literally spiralled in to me; I ended up spilling red punch all over my white frilly dress. I stood there for a couple of second, horror struck. "I-I- Oh my god!" I whisper-yelled. I quickly faced whoever had tripped on me and was about to give him a piece of my mind when I gasped at just how beautiful he was. Then I became even more stunned when I saw another boy behind him who looked exactly like him. Twins. Hot ones at that!

Two pairs of electric blue eyes were fixed on me as I stood there in stunned silence. One stared at me guiltily, while the other smirked. "Thanks, really, you just made my day!" I said sarcastically. I grabbed a tissue and started dabbing, only to find that I was only making it worst. "What kind of an idiot would wear a white frock in a ball anyways?" one of them said sarcastically.

I looked at the two of them, they were identical. I couldn't tell which was which. One of them looked at me guiltily. "I'm so sorry, it was my fault, ignore Sam" he said, shaking his head towards his twin. I shook my head, and started walking off.

"Hey, I'm serious. Do you want me to take it off so I can send it to dry cleaning?" he asked innocently, holding my wrist. I gave him a disgusted look, then realization dawned on him. "Oh, no, no that's not what I meant!" the nameless twin said, while the one called Sam started laughing. "Way to go Sean!" Sam said sarcastically.

I turned an even brighter red with every word Sam uttered. I looked at Sean, seeing the sincere embarrassment etched on his face. I sighed heavily, "Look its fine, don't worry about it" I muttered. Then I walked away.

I realized that every eyes were on us, including Victoria's and her date's. I quickly exited, ignoring the look of arrogance on her face. When I made it outside I quickly took in a deep breathe. I had thought that I was alone when I heard chuckles. I quickly turned and saw one of the boys from the neighboring school, probably just poked out to have a smoke.

I noticed that he had piercing dark intense eyes, looking at me with an amused expression. I recognized him straight away as the basketball captain James Malone. I felt shivers up and down my spine as he smiled devilishly towards me. He was looking at the stain on my dress, "Looks like somebody got a little excited" he said in a low voice. I huffed loudly and walked away.

I remembered going back to my dorm room, and throwing the blanket over my head, trying to drown out the horrible night I just had. The next day I woke up with a splitting headache and decided to skip my first two classes. I jumped out of my bed and decided to go for a walk. After a while I was at peace, until I heard footsteps following me. I stopped abruptly and turned around slowly.

I screamed frantically as two masked figure came running towards me. I ran as fast as I could, but tripped over. When I looked up I could hear muffled laughter coming from the masks. Then the two figures removed the hideous gorilla mask, and I saw a mop of blonde hair, then recognition kicked in. It was Sean and Sam.

I don't know whether I had said something to them during the Ball, but for some reason after that day, they just couldn't seem to leave me alone. Days passed and I found myself in their company, and enjoying it too. The twins were both funny, and I found that I became closer and closer to both of them, I know! Even with Sam. I found that Sam was much more aloof, and tended to be more sarcastic than his brother, while Sean was the softer one.

I never got bored again. I knew that with the twins, there was always something going on. But then a year passed, everybody had to leave, and I didn't see them for a couple of months. When I did, it all changed. The twins changed. During that time everything was going badly with my parents too, so I was deep in depression. I had wanted to see the twins, but everything had changed over the Summer.

When I heard from one of the girls that the Striker twins were back, I had wondered why they haven't come to see me yet. I waited for a week, still no word from them. So I snuck out in the middle of the night and had went looking for them at the common room. The boys that occupied the common room had gotten use to me always sneaking in, so when I popped in, they weren't too surprised. One of them pointed me towards a cathedral, he said that he saw the twins heading that way for a bit.

I snuck out of the common room and headed towards the cathedral, wary of the building behind me. For some unknown reason I felt very nervous. Why hadn't they said anything to me? I would never figure those two out in a million years. I climbed over the fence seeing as the gate was locked. As I was trying to get over the fence, I felt my pants rip with a resounding kshkkkkk! I looked down at my pants and saw a gigantic hole gaping at me.

Not exactly the position I ever wanted to be found in. I jumped over and tried to hide my bottom. The smart thing to do would have been to turn back, and hope to god that I wasn't caught. But I was never that great with common sense. I ran as fast as I could towards the cathedral, and slowly opened the side door. As I stepped inside, I could hear a commotion and two voices I recognized straight away.

I carefully closed the door and walked discreetly towards the altar where I could see Sean's head bobbing, or was that Sam's? I shrugged and kept walking. I was aware of the gigantic hole on my pants. I closed my eyes, hoping they wouldn't notice.

As I got closer I saw what the twins were doing. My mouth went 'O' without noticing. There they were, decapitating a saint's statue. Worst, it was the patron saint of the school. I let out a surprised gasp, Sam and Sean both looked towards me at the same time.

"Bella? What the hell are you doing here?" now that I could hear their voices, I recognized them straight away. The one talking to me had to be Sam, while the one who had their arm around the saint had to be Sean…I think. Sean hid the head straight away, stashing it under the podium.

"Have you gone nuts?! What are you doing with that?!" I asked frantically. Then I started looking around to see if anybody was there. "That's school property!" I was just starting to panic when I realized that Sam was walking slowly towards me. I looked warily at him, he looked like he was going to jump me, and not in a good way either.

"Sam! Leave her alone!" I heard Sean's angry voice. "And keep your voice down!" he said in a hushed voice, sounding nervous somehow. "You know what will happen if James finds out that she's here!" Sean added. Then right on cue, I heard shuffling from outside. They were heading our way.

Sam took a hold of my wrist and yanked me towards one of the confession booths. He pushed me inside and drawn the curtains, shrouding me in darkness. Moments later I heard the cathedral door opened, followed by footsteps. I peeked outside and saw who just walked in. James Malone and at least five other boys I recognized from the polo team.

My heart started hammering erratically. I had heard rumors about James Malone, really weird ones. Rumors of some sort of a club that specialized in vandalism and other things. I heard that when the school staff window at my school got shattered, I heard whispered rumors that James Malone and his gang was a part of it somehow.

As I kept looking, I realized that whatever the hell was happening, Sean and Sam had somehow joined this little group. "What the hell is going on here? You guys were making so much ruckus!" James said coldly. I shivered slightly. If there was anything to describe James, it had to cruel. His sharp eyes, and strong built makes him look like some kind of a hunter.

I could feel my head slowly turning in to this giant balloon as questions after question started popping up in my head. "Sorry, Sam nearly tripped and lose the head" Sean said, giving Sam a nervous look. James looked at the both of them, assessing. He shrugged, "Whatever, just do what you're told, so we can get the hell out of here" he had a very gravelly voice, as if he was just getting over a sore throat.

I shivered as James looked towards the confession booth I hid in. For a second I thought he was going to come and pull me out of my hiding spot, but instead he made an impatient sound as Sam stuck a piece of paper on the spot where the head of the saint use to be on.

One of the boys looked around nervously, his dark eyes darting across the room. The guy with the long dreadlocks held him still, "Stop twitching, you look so guilty" he said in a low voice, sounding amused. I recognized him as Laurent Ryan, the popular student body president of the neighboring all boys school.

As the twitchy boy tried to calm down, James looked around once more before turning sharply towards the door. They all started piling out one by one. Sean and Sam darted a gaze towards my direction, before disappearing through the exit, leaving me all alone.

I waited for a while, until I was sure that they were all gone before scampering out of the cathedral. I never got to see the twins after that, well not for a while at least. The months went by really slowly until another year just went by. There were days when I felt all alone. An even bigger part missed Sean and Sam even more. But after the saint's head incident, they never contacted me anymore, not even a hello, or even an explanation of what the hell happened.

One thing for sure though, I knew that whatever was happening meant bad news, James Malone meant bad news. After a while, weird things would happen, school mascot's head would go missing, I knew exactly who was behind them all. For a while I stayed away, but then, a couple of weeks before I moved away for good, I somehow got involved in all the mess.

One by one, the members of the group got caught out, and day by day it became apparent that there was a snitch. Telling the faculty from both schools who did what and so on. At first I felt relieved, but that feeling soon disappeared as soon as I got an unexpected visit from Sean and Sam Striker.

I was coming back late, I found that the common room was empty, the firelight was kept on. Random books lied on the ground, left by students who had stayed up all night studying.

I was about to climb up the stairs when I felt eyes watching me. I quickly turned around, and my eyes met two pairs of electric blue eyes.

"Long time no see" was all Sam said. I frowned at him. What the hell were they doing here? I looked at Sean, he looked awkwardly back at me, then at the ceiling.

"What do I owe you for this pleasure?" I asked sardonically. I lifted an eyebrow as I tried to stare down Sam. He didn't say anything, all while Sean was fidgeting non-stop. He looked up once he noticed that I was staring at him. He looked like he was going to explode any minute.

"What's wrong?" my irritation soon turned to concern as I took in Sean's nervous expression. "Bella, you haven't been snitching on us have you?" He blurted out. I looked at him surprisingly. Never in a million years did I see that coming. "What are you on about?" I asked slowly, my tone of voice slighting edging towards malice.

"We're all getting caught out one by one, James is losing his head, We want to know if it was you!" Sam spat. I shook my head, completely short for words. "That's just great, now she's turning in to a mute!" Sam frustratingly said. He was shaking me, and my teeth were starting to chatter together. "Sam! Let go of Bella!" Sean said loudly. Sam let go of me, but I fell, luckily there was a couch right behind me.

I looked angrily towards Sam, he was never this violent before, so it must have been something really bad. "I would never snitch on you guys, I know what James is capable of, he creeps me out" I said in a tiny voice, looking down, my feet suddenly felt like the most fascinating in the world.

"See Sam? I told you it wasn't her! Bella would never snitch on us!" Sean said, his voice starting to shake. "Yeah well its too late now isn't it?" Sam said in a low voice. I looked at Sam, then at Sean. It felt like I just got kicked by a horse on the face. My breathing became shallow and distorted as I looked at the both of them.

"He knows doesn't he? You guys told him that I knew, so you all instantly assumed that it was me!" I started shaking. I could feel the tears starting to bubble up on the surface. I looked at the two of them, and I knew instantly that I was right. I looked up in the ceiling, "I'm dead, I am so gone!" I said in a panicked voice. It was so unfair, there was no way I could get away. I had thought that Charlie and Renee hated me, so there was no way I could stay with them. But I had to try somehow.

"Your not going to die Bella, leave it to us!" Sean said eagerly. Despite the fact that they've pretty much sent me to no man's land, I couldn't help it, I wanted to hug Sean, after all he was still my friend. I gave Sam a dirty look, and he looked away guiltily, the hard expression completely gone.

For a while, we stayed up, as they both planned a way to keep me safe somehow.

Now that I think about it, I wonder what would have happened if I stayed around to actually follow the plan. I sat on one of the benches, trying to clear my mind. Both Sean and Sam had wanted to shift me off to England, to stay with their uncle, but I didn't want to get in the way. I know that they were the ones who got me in the mess at the very beginning, but I needed to get away, far away. Where James, the twins, and everybody else, hopefully, would never ever find me. I had hoped really hard, but I guess it wasn't enough, seeing my current mess right now. Sam and Sean had found me. I just knew that the order I've been trying to bring back in to my life will evaporate, I knew it.

It turned out that Sean and Sam both left the school to get away from James's wrath after he found out that I had been expelled. That's right, I never did mention it before. I purposely tried to get expelled, so Charlie and Renee wouldn't have any choice, there's no way I could go back to the all girls school now. Huh.

You have no idea how much I had to go through until they finally expelled me. I started food fights, tried to smoke in front of a teacher and choked (never doing it again), disrupted a service, broke through the principal's office and changed the voice of the P.A system, so whenever the principal spoke, he sounded like one of those phone sex adds. But to no avail, I was still there.

When I finally did get expelled, the reason was totally ridiculous that I'm not even going to mention it, just to make a ridiculous statement about the ridiculousness of it all. A couple of days later, I was being picked up by Charlie in the airport, then wham! I'm at Forks, turning my back on my ridiculous past. Thinking back now, I was always such a loser. I didn't have any friends, not much people knew me, and the only friends I had turned their backs on me for a whole year, not to mention my parents weren't talking to me. Then suddenly I'm this chick who got expelled for some ridiculous reason. As much as I would have liked to stick around to find out how everybody reacted to my sudden departure, I was running out of time. During church service, I saw James looking at me with a murderous look on his face. James and Victoria Cross had become a couple over the year, I watched as Victoria wrapped her arms around James as she also looked at me with an expression filled with hatred.

I got up from the bench and started walking towards the small playground. I sat on one of the swings for a while, trying to clear my head, until I finally realized that it was getting dark. I walked back home to find Charlie's cruiser. I walked through the door and gave dad a peck on the cheek. He smiled up at me. I smiled back. A couple of weeks ago, there was no way I could have ever capture that same smile on my dad's face.

As I got upstairs, I saw that I had three text. I went through them and saw that one was from Alice.

Fr. Alice

Bella? Y rn't u pkn up ur fone?

xo Alice

I would call Alice later on, I thought as I went to the next message.

Fr. Private Number

We knw ur avoiding us Bella.

Sean

I frowned and deleted the message. And went to the last message. My breathe caught as I looked at the sender.

Fr. Edward

Hey Bella, r u okay? I've been wanting to talk to you.

But it seems your phone is always off, or it mysteriously

Hangs itself up. Talk to me kid.

Love, Edward

I wanted to cry. I didn't know why, but I really wanted to. It took long for me to figure out why I wanted to cry. I just wanted Edward to be with me. But it's worst, I knew I couldn't have him, after promising myself and all that stuff, besides aren't I going to the dance with Jake?

Day 51

I know I was suppose to be Sean and Sam's tour guide, but I've been avoiding them all morning. In a way I started to feel guilty, after all, I'm suppose to be their friend…sort of. I walked towards my locker to find Alice waiting for me anxiously. She gave me a hug and squeezed tightly. I tried to suck in her warmness, not noticing just how much I needed a hug.

"Are you okay? I saw how weirded out you were yesterday! Was it because of the new kids? They didn't do anything to you right?!" she asked frantically. I could just see the action packed thriller that was playing out inside Alice's head.

"Al! Relax! Nothing happened, I just got really tired, that's all" I said reassuringly, "Why would I be scared of the new kids?" I asked with a raised eyebrow. Alice seemed like she was relaxing little by little when I felt her stiffen, she was looking at someone behind me. I turned to find Jasper standing there, looking at the two of us.

I swear! I wish they would just get over it and get together already. This whole charades Jasper was playing with Alice was giving me a headache. Alice slowly slinked away, muttering that she'll see me at lunch time. I looked back at Jasper. "Hey Jazz, long time no speak, how have you been?" I asked coolly. He smiled at me and came closer. "Is Alice still mad over the whole incident in her house?" he asked uncomfortably. I looked at him, "Of course, even worst. Seeing you with another girl is like having pins and needles stabbing her" I said in a matter of fact tone.

I watched as Jasper flinched slightly, horrible as it may seem, I actually got satisfaction out of making him flinch. I looked behind Jasper and my heart started fluttering like crazy. Edward was heading our way, looking beautiful as usual. He stopped right next to Jasper and patted him on the back, then he looked at me and smiled his crooked smile. I turned into a pile of mush.

"Hey…" he said casually, his velvet voice left me feeling breathless. I nodded and smiled back. I waved a small wave and headed for my first class. So far I haven't been cornered by any of the twins, but I knew it was going to happen. I was on my way to English trying to ready myself when I felt someone walking right next to me. I slowly turned and found that it was Sam…or Sean.

He opened his mouth and grinned widely. Yep, it was Sean. "I'm in your English class" he said wisely. I smiled mockingly, "Really? Wow, I feel like I just won the lotto!" I said sarcastically. His grin turned to a giant frown, "Why are you being horrible?" he asked in a wounded voice. I looked and what I saw nearly broke my heart.

Sean was looking at me with puppy dog eyes like he was about to cry. His lips started to shiver, "Aw Sean, stop, don't cry, I'm sorry alright?" I said, utterly defeated. He sniffed some more then looked up, "we haven't caught up in ages, now your treating me like a piece of dog pile" he continued with the guilt trip. Being me, I fell for his stupid plan. "Aw come on, do you want me to make it up?" I said, I was edging towards desperation here, god I can't believe how weak I am.

"Yeah, I guess you can make it up" he started slowly. I looked at his electric blue eyes, "What is it?" I asked.

I shouldn't have asked, bad, bad Bella! "Well, I'll be happy again if you sit with us during lunch time…Just us" he started. I looked incredulously at him. How about Alice? I can't abandon Alice! I thought fiercely. I was about to refuse when Sean looked like he was about to keel over and start crying outside the English room. So I stupidly agreed.

Lunch was a disaster. I walked inside the cafeteria. I started walking towards Alice, hoping that the twins weren't there. But no such luck. Sean spotted me and called me over. I looked back at Alice, as her face fell. Argh! It was horrible! Horrible twins! I flopped myself down next to Sean. Sam looked absolutely board. Sam started flicking peas at me. "Quit it" I said dryly, he flicks another. "Quit it" I said slightly louder, he flicks even more, I grabbed my fork and yelled at him, "Quit it or else dweeb!" he flicks another at me. Sean grinned stupidly as he watched Sam and I bickering. "Wow, it's just like the old times!" He said happily, I gave him a sharp glare that made him shrunk.

"No! It can never be like the old times, we have a potential psycho James running after us, looking for us, plotting a way to destroy us. And you, lucky for me, might have lead him straight to me!" I snapped in a low hissing voice.

I heard the cafeteria door opened. My eyes clashed with Edward's as he eyed me, then the twins. A frown kept getting bigger and bigger as he saw Alice sitting with Jessica and Lauren.

I turned towards the twins once again. "Why did you follow me here anyway? Why didn't you just leave me alone?" I asked in a trembling voice. I looked up to find Sam and Sean looking at me. Then after a while Sam spoke up. "Because you're our friend" he said as if it was the most natural thing in the world. I snorted at that, "Right, is that why you told James that I was the culprit? Because I'm your friend? If I have friends like you guys, who needs enemies?" I said coldly before getting up. I heard Sean call out my name, but I walked out of the cafeteria. Ignoring the weird looks I was getting.

I walked towards the oval, and sat on the bleachers over looking the football field. I so desperately wanted to be left alone for once, but I felt someone flop themselves down right next to me. "Hey Bella, are you okay?" It was Edward. I looked at him, my cheeks felt damped. He ran a finger to remove the single tear that oozed out.

As I looked at his green eyes, I felt the sudden rush of trust. I found myself telling him things I've never told anyone. I found myself telling him all about James, and being a loser in my old school, and about the twins. He never said a word, he just put an arm around me, I felt like I wanted to drown in his sweet scent.

I looked at him, and suddenly got the sudden urge to kiss him. I looked away and tried to clean my mind. "I'm so sorry, you know about not wanting to be in a romantic relationship with you. I'm just not ready…" I said in a miniscule voice. I looked at him once again. "How about we try that being friends thing again?" I said, hope apparent in my voice. He gave me a sad smile. He didn't answer my question, so I didn't push it.

Day 55

The Winter Dance was just around the corner. Edward and I are friends again I guess. That's all, I swear. Despite the fact that I still get urges of jumping his bones, I tried to keep a low profile. The twins are still driving me insane. The day before my outburst, they had sent me a message. "Just so you know, it wasn't us who dubbed you in. We would never do that to you" that's all it said. Yet I still avoided them. What else do I say? I'm completely speechless.

Everything is so messed up. Renee had tried to cheer me up every night by telling me funny stories about Phil, her husband, but it would only amuse me for a couple of minutes, then I was back to my own little worried box. Alice was still depressed over Jasper, Romeo and Juliet will be opened in a couple of weeks time, I'm pretty sure I've only got 4 weeks left!

Please, please… Don't let this year end with me committing suicide or something stupid like that, because if that happened, that would really be tragic.