Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.
This chapter is for heartlessoul. Happy Birthday!
Chapter 4
Before anything else could be said there was a knock on the door. (A/N: I noticed that I seems to interrupt people all the time in this story.)
"Come in." Fugaku said.
The door opened and Mikoto stood in the doorway.
"Dinner's ready."
"All right, we'll be right there."
Mikoto smiled and winked at Sasuke when Fugaku wasn't looking. Sasuke smiled in return.
'Thank God Mom delayed him for a while.'
Once she shut the door Fugaku looked back at Sasuke.
"We'll continue this discussion after dinner."
Sasuke nodded his head and bowed before he left the room.
The young Uchiha got to the table and took his seat. Dinner at the Uchiha resident was always a little uncomfortable when it was just the family. His mother would make conversation but his father, Itachi and he are just all naturally quiet. He would always make an effort as well because he knew it was important to his mother.
"Sasuke-kun, how was your day?" Mikoto asked.
"My day was fine. My squad and I trained together today."
"Who's on your squad?" Fugaku asked.
"Naruto, Sakura, and Hinata."
"Sakura Haruno?"
"Yeah."
"I always found it odd that she was a ninja, considering that her parents are pastors."
"That is odd." Itachi agreed.
"Well, I'm glad they let her be. She's an excellent ninja." Sasuke said.
Itachi smirked at this.
"I always knew you were in love with her, little brother."
"Shut up Itachi! I am not in love with her!"
"Whatever, I've never heard you compliment another girl before, besides saying she looks hot."
"That's enough Itachi! Just because Sasuke-kun compliments a girl is no reason to give him a hard time about it. Now apologize."
"Yes, mother. I'm sorry for teasing you Sasuke."
"Whatever." Sasuke mumbled.
"Sasuke, your brother apologized! Properly accept it!" Fugaku ordered.
"I accept your apology Itachi." Sasuke said.
The rest of dinner was finished in silence. Once everyone was done, Sasuke and Fugaku left to go to his father's study. Fugaku opened the door and Sasuke followed in silence. He had a gut feeling that things were going to end up bad and his gut was never wrong.
'Or it could just be the fact that whenever Dad and I have discussions, it always goes sour."
Fugaku settled in his seat behind the desk and motioned for Sasuke to sit as well. He reluctantly sat down and waited for his father to speak.
"So as I was saying before, I heard you made ANBU Captain. Not as fast as Itachi, but you still did it."
Sasuke's fists clenched at the mention of Itachi's name.
'I knew it! I fuckin' knew it! The old man just can't help but bring up Itachi! Why? Why can't he just ever be proud of me?'
"I may not have made ANBU Captain as quickly as Itachi did, but not many ninja make ANBU Captain before they turn twenty."
"And in seven months you'll be twenty so at least you made that cut."
Sasuke's fists clenched tighter at this.
"Some don't even make ANBU Captain until well into their twenties."
"You're an Uchiha, you should do better."
At this Sasuke couldn't take it anymore. He stood up so quickly his chair scooted back. He was so angry he had a difficult time not activating his Sharingan.
"I have done better! I made ANBU Captain before I turned twenty! There are people who are in their thirties and are still Chunin! What more do you want from me?!"
"I want you to bring honor to the family name! You dishonor our family name with your shameful behavior. All that party and womanizing you do, it's disgusting!"
"So this is what this is about. Not about the fact that I made ANBU Captain, that was just an excuse to talk about my behavior. Itachi was like this too, but did you once mention it to him? No, and you know why you never did? Because Itachi is your fuckin' golden boy and he can do no wrong!"
"How dare you talk about Itachi that way! And watch your language! I will not have you speaking like that in front of me!"
"I'll speak however the fuck I want!"
Sasuke glared at his father and stormed out of the room. Before he could completely walk out, Fugaku spoke.
"I don't understand how you could have been Kaji's favorite nephew."
Sasuke whirled around in anger.
"How dare you! How dare you bring him up like that! FUCK YOU!"
With that, Sasuke turned back around and slammed the door so hard it's amazing it didn't fall off its hinges.
'Fuckin' bastard! I hate him! I hate him! How dare he bring up Uncle Kaji!'
"Sasuke-kun."
Sasuke whirled around and saw his mother behind him.
"I'm sorry about your father."
"Don't. Don't apologize for him. It's not your fault I'm never good enough for him."
"That's not true! Your father loves you very much and he's so proud of you!"
"Yeah, well he has a funny way of showing it."
Sasuke walked away but paused halfway up the stairs.
"He mentioned Uncle Kaji. He said he didn't understand how I have been Uncle Kaji's favorite nephew."
After he said this, Sasuke continued to walk up the stairs while his mother stood their in shock. Her shock quickly turned into anger and she stormed to her husband's study.
'How dare he! How dare Fugaku speak that way to my baby boy! He knows how Sasuke hates it when people mention Kaji. After what happened to him, I can't say I blame Sasuke. Kaji was his favorite uncle after all. It's such a shame what happened. Sometimes life can be so unfair.'
Mikoto stormed into the study, gracefully of course. Fugaku looked up startled.
"How dare you! How dare you say that to my baby boy! You know how he feels when people bring Kaji up and you went ahead and did it anyway! You unfeeling bastard! How could you do that?! How?! I bet you also made him feel like a failure didn't you?! Didn't you?! Let me tell you something, Sasuke-kun is not a failure! He's a wonderful ninja and son! You're sleeping on the couch tonight!"
After Mikoto finished, she stormed back out of the room. Fugaku stared at the closed door in shock.
'What the hell just happened?'
Sasuke opened his walk in closet and took out a shoe box from the corner of the second shelf. He shut the door and walked back to his bed. After glancing up to make sure his door was locked he opened the shoe box. Inside were some of his drugs. After preparing the heroin he pressed the needle into a vein in his arm. He sighed as he felt the drug course through him.
'If father thought my behavior was disgusting before, he'd be more appalled to see this.'
He knew drugs were bad and he shouldn't do them, but they were one of his ways of escaping; escaping from the pressure of being an Uchiha and from being a ninja. It was also a way to forget about the loneliness he felt inside. Uchiha's weren't supposed to feel that way, so he kept it all to himself; all the pain, stress and despair that he felt. Everyone revered his clan and saw them as great people, but how would they feel about them if they knew that they were only human as well? That they felt the same pain that other people felt? Would they still revere them or would they toss them aside for the Hyugas who they didn't see as weak?
Sasuke opened his eyes.
'I must have fallen asleep."
He glanced at his clock and saw that it was just a bit past ten. He didn't know why, but he had a sudden urge to visit Sakura.
'Stop being stupid Uchiha!'
Instead he went to his closet and grabbed a bottle of vodka. He sat back down on his bed and opened the drink. He took a swig and let the alcohol burn down his throat.
'I don't need to go to Sakura's, all I need is this.'
He took another drink and another as he drank his misery away.
'Stupid father. Fuck him. I don't need his approval; I don't need anyone's approval. All I need is myself!'
He put the top back on and put the vodka back. Before he put it away he took one last big gulp and sighed.
'This is the life. Fuck my responsibilities and fuck the world! It can all kiss my perfect ass!'
Sasuke opened his bedroom door and walked down the stairs. He got to his front door and walked out. After he left the Uchiha Compound he walked down the dirt road. He found a blunt in his pocket and pulled it out.
'The hell? How did this get in here?'
He shrugged and lit it up. Fifteen minutes later he found the apartment building he was looking for. He finished the blunt and put it out. He walked up the four flights and knocked on the door, or he would have it he weren't high and half way drunk. He did more of an erratic pounding. Sasuke stopped when Sakura opened the door.
"Sasuke! What's wrong?"
Sasuke shook his head.
"Can I come in?"
"Of course."
She stepped aside and let him through. After she shut the door, she turned to face him.
"What are you doing here?"
"I wanted to come see you."
"Why?"
Sasuke shrugged his shoulders.
"I don't know. I just felt the urge to do so."
Sakura walked over to Sasuke.
"You look funny. Are you ok?"
"Yeah, yeah I'm fine."
"Sit down."
Sasuke sat down on the couch and Sakura followed suit.
"What were you doing before I came?"
"Sasuke, are you drunk?"
"What makes you ask that?"
"I can smell alcohol on your breath!"
"Technically I'm high and half way drunk."
"You came to my house high and drunk? Why?"
"Well I would have only been drunk,but then I found a blunt in my pocket and figured what the hell, it's not like it'll matter. My dad already thinks I'm a failure so what does it matter if he knew I did drugs? It's just one more thing for him to be disappointed about me."
If Sasuke weren't in the state that he was in, there was no way he would be talking to Sakura about all of this. Subconsciously he did want to talk to someone about all of this. Who better to talk to all this about then the daughter of two pastors? She had the whole don't judge and forgive thing going on so what did it matter?
"Sasuke, that's horrible, but I'm sure your dad is proud of you."
"He has a funny way of showing it."
"Maybe he just doesn't know how."
"He seems to do a good job when it comes to Itachi."
Sakura stayed silent, not knowing what to say. She decided to just let him talk and see where the conversation went.
"Everyone thinks being an Uchiha is so great, but they don't really think about what comes with being one though. All they see is the title and nothing else. They think about how awesome it would be to be aristocracy. They don't realize all the pressure that comes along with it. Everyone expects us to be perfect. We're supposed to be the best ninjas this village has seen, because we are Uchihas. They don't understand how difficult it can be to bring honor to the family name. The do's and don't's that come along with carrying the name. Sometimes I wish I weren't an Uchiha because I think life would be simpler if I weren't. Then I think who would I be, if I weren't an Uchiha. As pathetic as it sounds being an Uchiha helps define who I am."
Sakura sat patiently next to Sasuke as she listened to him ramble. She knew the only reason he was doing so was because he wasn't in his right mind. She didn't want to stop him because come tomorrow; he would be himself again and would pretend this never happened. He was so proud that pretending this night never happened was the only way he could deal with it. It wasn't a healthy way, but then again Sasuke wasn't the most emotionally healthy person in the world.
'I suppose I'm not either for being in love with him. I'm not quite sure when it happened but it did. I remember when I realized it like it was like yesterday. It was when he went on that mission when he was fifteen and he almost died. I hope something like that never happens again.'
Sasuke leaned against the couch and closed his eyes. He was silent for a couple of minutes and then he started talking again.
"It's also stressful being a ninja. I don't think civilians realize how stressful it is. They just want us to protect them and not know anything else. I can't say I blame them though, what civilian would honestly want to know the horrors of being ninja?"
After asking that rhetorical question, Sasuke paused again. He opened his eyes and what he did next shocked Sakura. He lay his head down on her lap. She didn't say or do anything and soon he continued talking.
"You smell really nice, just like Cherry Blossoms. Makes sense considering that's what you were named after."
He inhaled her scent again and continued talking.
"Sometimes I envy civilians. They've never had to hold a dying comrade in their arms or make life or death situations. They've never had to go on a mission that seemed suicidal, or almost died so many times that it no longer fazes you. They've never experienced people telling them that their family or friends have died on a mission. They've never had comrades die so often whenever you hear the news you just feel numb inside. At least until you get to the funeral and hear their family crying and see the grief on the ninja's face that was in charge of the mission. They've never had to experience the grief and guilt you feel when you're on a mission and a comrade dies under your command. Sometimes I really do envy civilians."
Silence filled the room after Sasuke had finished speaking.
"Sometimes I envy them too. Their world seems more innocent then ours. If you could choose to not be a ninja would you take it?"
Sasuke slightly lifted up his head and looked at her. He set his head back down in her lap before he spoke.
"I've never thought about that. I guess I would still be a ninja. It's all I've ever known and it's all my family has ever been. Besides being a ninja isn't all bad. There are some perks to it. We have incredible speed, can use chakra and do jutsus. We also get to help people."
Sakura was surprised that he mentioned helping people. Sasuke wasn't the type to go out of his way to help people.
'Maybe it's because he's drunk and high? One of the reasons Sasuke is a ninja can't be because he enjoys helping people, right?'
Sasuke abruptly stood up from the couch. Sakura could feel him beginning to put his walls back up.
"I should get going. I'll see you tomorrow."
"Ok."
Sasuke walked towards the door and quietly shut it. Once he got to the street, he pulled out a lighter and a pack of cigarettes from his pocket. He stopped walking and leaned against a wall with his left foot propped up against it. Sasuke took out a cigarette and put it in his mouth. He then lit it and inhaled the nicotine. He leaned his head back and exhaled the smoke.
'Why is it that all the stuff that's bad for you feel so good?'
His high was beginning to wear off and he could think more clearly. He remembered vague snippets of the conversation he had with Sakura and knew he would remember the rest when he woke up tomorrow.
'Fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK! What the hell was I thinking? God knows what I said to Sakura, but if the things I remember are bad, I'm pretty damn sure I'm not going to like the rest. I hope Sakura doesn't try to use this as an opportunity to pry or anything. I don't want her prying into my life. Shit! I should have just stayed home.'
As Sasuke's thoughts continued he got more and more stressed and took deeper and deeper drags of his cigarette. He tossed it down and stamped it out with his foot. He normally only smoked one a day, if he smoked any, but he was feeling stressed enough that he lit up another. He let out a sigh of contentment and inhaled again.
'I really know how to fuck things up. I wonder what Sakura's going to do. Will she pretend that it never happene? I know I sure as hell with do that. What if she wants to be friends? How am I supposed to be friends with the girl I'm planning on bedding and then leaving? Although I suppose it would be easier if we were friends first. That would make her more likely to go out with me, to have a relationship with me. She is that kind of girl though. Her daddy taught her well.'
He smirked at that last thought.
"I'm sure he taught her no sex before marriage but too bad for him that I'm gonna make sure that his wish doesn't happen.'
Sasuke's smirk widened and he took another drag of his cigarette.
'Maybe my going to her house did work in my favor after all.'
Sasuke exhaled the smoke.
'Every cloud does have a silver lining after all.'
Sasuke finished his smoke and put that one out as well. He continued the walk home.
The next morning Sasuke woke up.
'Shit, I was right. I do remember what we talked about last night, every single thing. I was also right in the fact that I wouldn't like it. I don't care if I could have brought Sakura closer to me, I didn't want her knowing anything I said last night! FUCK!'
Sasuke stumbled out of bed in an even worse mood. He was never a morning person but after what happened last night, he was definitely not happy. He was so angry that even his morning shower couldn't calm him down.
'I am such an idiot! I can't believe I actually told her all that shit! No one was supposed to know all that, not even Naruto. Damn, shit, fucking hell!"
Since his shower wasn't helping him to calm down he didn't even bother lingering. He quickly got out and toweled off. After he got dressed he headed downstairs for breakfast.
"Morning sweetie." Mikoto greeted.
"Morning." Sasuke mumbled back.
After quickly eating breakfast, he went back upstairs to brush his teeth. After slipping on his ninja shoes and grabbing his outer wear he yelled good bye to his mom and left.
He enjoyed walking down the street because soon he would get to the main road and would be surrounded by people.
He also enjoyed walking down this road because it gave him time to think and right now his brain was swirling with thoughts of Sakura.
'I hope Sakura doesn't bring up last night. With the way things are going, that's the last thing I need.'
Sasuke got to the training ground and leaned against a tree as he waited for his squad to arrive.
He opened his eyes when he felt someone coming.
"Good moring Sasuke." Sakura greeted.
'Hn."
Sakura said nothing further and settled next to Sasuke.
Sasuke quickly glanced at Sakura and just as quickly looked away.
'I guess she's not going to mention last night. Thank god, with the way my life's going that's the last thing I need.'
Sasuke once again walked Sakura home after training. He could feel Sakura occasionally sneaking glances at him. He sighed when he felt her gaze once more on him.
"If you have something to say just say it."
Sasuke almost let out a groan when he saw Sakura bite her lip in indecision.
'The worst part is that she doesn't even realize what she's doing!'
"Why are you walking me home again?"
"I want to."
Sakura looked at Sasuke suspiciously.
"You're not known for being nice for the sake of being nice. What's you're ulterior motive?"
"Oh ye of little faith."
"Don't insult my intelligence by mocking me!"
Sasuke couldn't help but laugh at her anger. This only served to make Sakura angrier.
"I don't see what's so funny." Sakura said.
"You are. I'm sorry I shouldn't have laughed at you. I wanna be friends again."
Sakura looked at Sasuke in shock.
'He wants to be friends again? Why?'
"You wanna…be friends… why?"
"I miss our friendship. Don't you?"
Sakura looked away from him and looked back. She looked down and then back up at him.
"Yeah, I do." Sakura softly admitted.
"So what's stopping us from being friends again?"
"You know why our friendship broke up in the first place. Nothing's changed."
"We've both matured. Isn't accepting someone asking them not to change?"
Sakura looked at Sasuke in shock.
"Yeah, I guess you're right."
"I accept you the way you are, why can't you accept me the way I am?"
Sakura was silent for so long that Sasuke thought that she wasn't going to answer.
"Because….I can't bare to see what you're doing to yourself. It… it hurts too much."
It was Sasuke's turn to look at Sakura in shock.
'She still cares?'
Sasuke quickly recovered and stared straight ahead. He didn't know what to say. His plan had been to befriend Sakura so it would be easier to get her into his bed. How was he supposed to do that if she wasn't cooperating?
"Isn't it my choice what I do to myself?"
"Yes, but it's also my choice of whether or not to be your friend while your like this."
Sasuke wasn't sure what tactic to take.
'Maybe if I act angry I can guilt her into getting my way?'
"So why should I change and you not? Why should I have to be the only one to give up something?"
Sakura looked at Sasuke, anger evident in her eyes.
"You don't."
With that she quickly walked away from Sasuke. He looked at her in anger as he watched her form get smaller and smaller.
'Shit! It wasn't supposed to go that way!'
He quickly caught up to Sakura.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean for it to end up like that. I just really wanted to become friends again and let my anger get the best of me."
Sakura stopped walking and turned to look at Sasuke.
"It's ok. I'd like to be friends again too."
Sasuke had to suppress a smirk as she said this.
'Like stealing candy from a baby.'
They continued the walk home and once they reached her door Sasuke could sense that she was feeling awkward.
"Would you...like to come in for a...drink?"
Sasuke smirked at this.
"Sure."
He followed Sakura inside. She had a medium sized apartment that was nicely furnished. Sakura also had the usual girly decorations. (A/N: I didn't really describe her apartment mainly because I'm too lazy to. Also because I don't think guys really care about stuff like that, at least not when they don't really care about you.)
"We have cherry coke, milk, juice, beer..."
"You have beer?"
Sakura saw Sasuke's surprised look and flushed a little.
"For when Hinata, Ino and Ten Ten come over."
"I'll have a cherry coke."
Sakuara grabbed two cans out of the fridge.
"Would you like a glass?"
Sasuke shook his head.
Sakura handed him the can and he took it from her.
Sasuke followed Sakura to the couch. He sat down and opened his drink.
"How do you like being ANBU Captain?"
Sasuke shrugged.
"It's ok. It's too soon to tell how I'm really gonna like it."
'I wonder if I would be moving too soon if I tried to kiss her? I don't want to scare her away because then I'll have to work that much harder.'
Sakura could tell that Sasuke was thinking about something, but she couldn't tell what.
'I hope it's nothing bad.'
As soon as she thought this, Sasuke set down his drink.
He leaned closer to Sakura and she looked at him like a deer caught in the headlights. There was no one to save her from him now, but did she honestly want someone to?
He leaned closer and kissed her on the cheek.
Sakura looked at Sasuke in surprise.
"Thanks for the drink." He said, smirking at her.
Sakura nodded her head and Sasuke got up to leave.
He quietly shut the door behind him and walked down the flights of stairs. He had desperately wanted to kiss Sakura, but didn't want to so soon after she agreed to be friends with him.
'If I want this to work I have to be patient.'
Sasuke had to resist the urge to turn back. His mind swirled with thoughts of Sakura. He had to force himself to not think about those images or else he'd get an erection while walking home. In his haste to get home, he managed to cut the walk in half.
He quickly greeted his mom and walked upstairs.
Sasuke collapsed onto his bed and finally let himself think about Sakura. He imagined all the things he wanted to do to her.
Images of Sakura crying out his name as he fucked her senseless ran through his mind. He imagined her flushed face and her cries of pleasure as he touched her in ways no one had ever before. He could feel himself get harder and harder as his thoughts got dirtier and dirtier. Sasuke imagined her moans as he ate her out and he imagined her going down on him. He imagined her breasts bouncing as she rode him or how she would scratch his back as he pounded into her.
Soon it became too much and Sasuke opened his mind.
'Good god! What has this girl done to me? I haven't even kissed her and she's got me harder than a teenage boy watching his first porn video!'
Since dinner was gong to be ready soon, Sasuke didn't have time to call a girl. So he did the only thing he could do. He took a cold shower.
'I can't believe Sakura has me taking another cold shower. That girl may be innocent, but she sure knows how to tempt a man. The worst part is that she's not even trying.'
Sasuke turned on the cold water and stripped off his clothes. He stepped into the stall and let the cold water do its work.
'Annoying girl.'
I"m sorry if anyone was expecting a lemon or for them to actually kiss, but neither felt right for this chapter. I know what scene I want them to kiss, I'm just not sure what chapter it will be. As for the first Sasu/Saku lemon for this story, I have no idea when that will be. I'm sorry but I just don't want the story to seem forced of for them to do stuff that just doesn't seem right in the story yet. Please review and let me know what you think!