Author's Note: Welcome to the twelfth installment of It's All On Camera! I'm so happy with all the positive response that this is receiving, and thank you for all of your generous reviews!! This makes me want to update faster. XD (Slight bribery…hear it? LOL)

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Disclaimer: I do not own InuYasha. 'Tis a sad thing.

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Dedication: This is dedicated to Gursharan, who couldn't understand girl speak even if his life depended on it. Don't worry, darlin'! We still love you :-)

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It's All On Camera!

By: Artemisia Moon

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Scene Twelve: Talk to Me

Rated: PG for Miroku's "weirdness" and Kagome uncertified teaching skills.

Pairings: Miroku x Sango

Genre: TINY fluff; attempted humour.

Warnings: Dialogue-based drabble

Summary: Sometimes words speak louder than actions. And sometimes one wrong move can change the fact of whether or not you can father children.

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Scene Twelve: Talk to Me

"Houshi-sama, we need to talk."

These five strong – although simple – words immediately sent Miroku's head spinning like a whirlwind, wild and dangerous and utterly consuming. His breathing shortened slightly, and his violet eyes hardened over like wax, completed with a glazed look. The golden rings on his grandfather's staff jingled as he tightened his grip.

Kagome had warned him many weeks ago about this "mysterious way" that women communicated. The intelligent fifteen-year-old had informed her dear companion that the female race tend to say one thing and mean another thing completely.

"For example," Kagome had began, looking the serious-for-once monk square in the eyes, "when you ask a girl what's wrong when she's acting down, and she says 'nothing', then something is definitely wrong."

"Then why don't they just tell us outright what ails them?" questioned the curious man in holy robes.

Kagome sighed, and answered irritably, "For a Ladies' Man, you sure don't know a lot about women."

"I know enough to get by," replied Miroku with a lecherous wink. Kagome scoffed and ignored his comment.

"We do this because we want the guy to pry. You know, keep on diggin'? Girls like to do this to prove to herself that at least the guy cares."

"But wouldn't the reason why we're asking if she's alright is because we care?" He shook his head. "Women are such complicated creatures."

"Tell me about it. Sometimes I wish I was a guy. I don't even know why I do half the stuff I do." Blue-grey eyes widened in shock. "Pretend I never said that."

"So…?"

"So, girls want more proof. You see, you prying and annoying us with your stupid male-minded questions make us feel special, maybe even a little loved. It's a twisted way of acknowledging affection, sure, but heck, it works!"

"I know a much better way on how to show a woman that I love her."

"This goes beyond physical intimacy, Miroku! You might want to pay attention. This is actually quite important."

"Really?"

"Yes, really. So many guys lose wonderful girlfriends because of this. Failure to communicate."

"In other words…?"

"In other words, think outside the box when she's talking to you. Of course, don't over-analyze everything she does or says. You've got to know when she's saying what she actually means and when she's using "girl language"."

"I see."

"So…you understand?"

"No. What box are you talking about?"

"What?"

"What is thinking outside the box?"

"What? No, there is no box. You see - Argh!"

Then…thirty minutes later…after the "BOX" theory…

"NOW do you understand?" Kagome seemed a little agitated. I can't believe I'm not getting paid for this. I should try this in my school.

"Uhm, yes. Thank-you, Lady Kagome."

"Anytime, Miroku! Now go get 'em, tiger!" Girlish giggles filled the silence.

"Er…pardon?"

"…Nevermind."

That was about four weeks ago. Kagome had also clearly emphasized on the "death statement", We need to talk. Apparently, this was just an opener to something dramatic, something troublesome. He should heed with all caution, and not anger the wild animal in front of him. It could either be a good thing, or a bad thing.

"Yes, my dearest Sango. Whatever shall we talk about?"

"Don't give me that nonsense, Miroku! I know what you were up to last night!"

Yup, definitely bad.

"Uh…whatever do you mean?" He chuckled nervously. Sweat damped his forehead in anticipation. Furious waves of anger emanated from the petite female in front of him. Miroku sincerely hoped that it wasn't about the village girl that was with him that night (sneakily, of course). The Buddha couldn't hate him that much…

"I can't believe you! Have you no shame?"

Oooh yeah…it was definitely about the girl from the night before… Miroku wondered how Sango had found out.

Well, no use in lying, right? "My deepest apologies, Lady Sango! I simply couldn't help myself! I – "

"I can imagine! I advise you to never do it again, understood? You'll cause us a whole heap of trouble one day, Houshi-sama!"

"She was just sitting there! She offered herself to me, Sango. How was I to say no?"

" – dirty habit! Gods, we might even have gambling debts to pay off now! This is so frustrating."

" – not worry! I was extremely careful last night. I never got her pregnant. I never get any of the woman I sleep with pregnant…unless it's you."

"…"

"…"

"What woman?"

"What gambling?"

"I was talking about you gambling away our funds last night with the village headman."

"OOOOH. That. Do not worry, my fairest Sango. I had won – we're set for quite a few days."

"Wait…what WOMAN?! And PREGNANT?"

"Uhm…nothing you need to know about, I assure you. It will only make you more frustrated."

"Tell me, you stinkin' bouzo, or with God as my witness, I will castrate you!"

Miroku squeaked as he unconsciously covered his lower region.

Sango's eyes gleamed with a certain light that our fellow monk certainly did NOT like. The demon slayer approached him, taking a step for each that he took back. Closer…closer…just about three feet away from him…two feet…one foot…oh, crap.

Miroku gulped as he closed his eyes in terror.

…Uh…oh…

Four Weeks Ago

"Anytime, Miroku! Now go get 'em, tiger!" Girlish giggles filled the silence.

"Er…pardon?"

"…Nevermind."

"Okay…I have other things to do. You go do what you have to do, 'kay, Miroku?"

"Thank-you again, Lady Kagome."

"No problem."

And with the girl's blessing, Miroku left her inner circle. Tears nearly surfaced in her eyes as she realized how quickly and thoroughly Miroku had learned her lesson, and how fast he had grown. Sango was lucky, Kagome decided. Miroku was one of the smart ones.

"…Oh, darn it!" Kagome scowled at her simple blunder. "Ah, well, I'm sure that the entire Do Not Jump to Conclusions lesson won't effect Miroku that much. I mean, missing it won't hinder his judgement. He is one of the wisest people I know, after all."

Somehow, her self-reassurance was not working.

And then, a bird pooped right in front of her. Kagome squealed in surprise and jumped back.

She should have taken that as an omen.

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And…CUT!

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A/N: I don't know how, but this was meant to be a fluffy, romantic drabble between Miroku and Sango. And look at how it turned out! T.T Eh, hopefully it was alright. Please review! You know you want to ;-)