Poll

"HA! Dude! Jinx and Kitten got more votes than Blackfire?!"

"What, seriously? Kitten?"

"Ah, ah! No looking!"

"C'mon, Beast Boy! I wanna see!"

"Terra, wait! You-"

"17?! Well...not that bad, I guess. Let's see...Star got...21...and...am I reading this right?"

"Hey! I voted for you! I totally voted for you! Cy was gonna vote for someone else, but I...'perseuded' him."

"You mean you begged?"

"Bribed, actually."

"I-I...I don't believe this. Raven, come look at this!"

I set down my book and walk over to the computer.

"And what is it that demands my attention?"

"Look at this!" Terra points out, "You got 46 of the votes!"

I lean over, and as I read the title of the poll, my eyes widen.

"Hottest Teen Titan Babe", it says. And I'm apparently winning by a landslide.

Heaven help us all, I'm winning by a landslide.

"Well...I'm locking my door extra tight tonight."

"Dude!" Beast Boy squealed, clutched me as I try to escape, "Check this out! 'Raven is way better than Starfire. Her leotard makes up for it, especially them jugs.' Oh...oh, dude, I'm so showing Cyborg and Robin that!"

"Good." I drone, though in a slightly sharper tone than usual, "You do that. In the meanwhile, I'm going to try and kill the part of my brain that remembers someone used the word 'jugs' to describe my chest."

And I go back to my book, trying to do just that.

"Oh, Beast Boy! Look! 'Terra equals heart'!"

...I don't believe I've heard Terra give such a girlish squeal of delight before.

"Oh! Look at this one!"

"Wh- 'Star and Rae forever'? You're such a perv."

"Hehe! Hey, Raven!"

"If I was a lesbian," I moan, "Do you really think Starfire would be my type?"

"Ah, she's been saying that from day one. No one's buying it, Rae!"

I briefly glare at him before returning to my book.

"C'mon, Beebs!" squeals Terra, "Find another one with me!"

"Lemme see, lemme see...uh..."

"Oh! What did that one say?"

"I-It was nothing. Just said you had a flat butt."

"What a load! My butt is not flat! Scroll back up! I wanna look at that one!"

"Wait, Terra! You don't-"

For a moment, there's silence. A strangely...uncomfortable silence.

"W-What..."

The quiver in her voice promps me to look up.

"W-Where does that guy get off?!"

"Don't pay any attention to him. Hey...when I first got started, people were always giving me a hard time!"

"Beast Boy...look at what he said! That goes way beyond ragging on the newbie!"

"Terra...Tear Bear...it's always hard to win people over when you first start."

"It's been over two months! How much longer do I have to work on my image before I can please these stupid people?!"

I almost feel the need to cringe as Terra stomps off.

"What was that all about?"

"Some stupid flamer." says Beast Boy, slumping in his seat.

"I'm...going to assume that's not slang for a pyrotechnics expert, and you're using internet speech again."

Beast Boy doesn't seem too amused with my attempt at humor.

I read the offending post that drove off Terra, and...as with too many times since I entered this world, I'm a little more appreciative of the impending apocolypse.

"I'll admit I was a little harsh with Terra at first, but this isn't at all called for."

Beast Boy crosses his arms and gives the screen an angry glare.

"A ton of people have been saying this sorta crap about her. Maybe...maybe she couldn't control her powers before, but that's no excuse for what they're saying!"

"Beast Boy, if she couldn't control her powers before, it's very likely she's made-"

"I know, I know! You think I don't know that?! But she couldn't control her powers! How can anyone blame her for that?! It's not her fault! I-It's so stupid!"

"Granted, but...people can have a nasty habit of ostracizing newcomers that don't say everything they want to hear. People only hear what they want to hear. I'm sorry to say I've fallen prey to such shallowness twice-"

"Twice?"

"Remember when Blackfire first came here?"

"Oh, right."

"Yeah. She said things I found pleasing, so I accepted her. Terra...she just appeared in almost Deus ex Machina fashion, and like a fool, I didn't give her a chance at all. But I'll admit...she doesn't offend the senses nearly as much as you often do."

Beast Boy stares at me for a moment. I think I lost him at the "Deus ex Machina" part.

"So...you're cool with her?"

"I guess you could say that."

I turn my attention to the screen.

"In any case...why in God's name do I have 46 of the votes? I mean...look at me."

"Exactly! I mean, if anyone's the female eye candy, it's Star! Uh, I mean, before Terra came along, of course! Hehe."

I raise an eyebrow.

"Well, whatever." I say as I walk off, "It's pointless."

"Dude! The leotard!"

I turn back to him.

"Excuse me?"

"Think about it! You wear a skin-tight leotard! You show off a ton of leg! That must be it! That's why you're so popular!"

I sigh.

"The idea of lesbianism grows ever more tempting." I drone as I go back to my book.

To my surprise, I don't feel the gears in Beast Boy's head turning at that thought. Instead...

"Hey, Raven? Could you...maybe...talk to Terra?"

"Why don't you do it?"

"I-I'd love to...I mean, I'd like to...really like to...but she isn't gonna listen to me. It would mean more if it came from you."

"Nervous?"

"N-No! It's just...she really wants you to accept her, Raven."

"I do accept her."

"But does she know it?"

Beast Boy had a moment of insight. The only way to balance out the universe was for my to go talk to Terra.

"GO AWAY!"

Which, as she screams through the door, seems to be easier said than done.

"TERRA? IT'S ME, RAVEN. CAN WE..."

I swallow hard and steel myself for the word about to pass over my lips.

"TALK?"

I hear the distinct sound of the door unlocking. After a few seconds of waiting, I assume it's safe to come in.

Terra's huddled up on her bed, her back to me. And ever-so-slightly, I can feel her tugging gently on my heartstrings.

"It was a poll made by internet people. They often spell words with numbers and can't muster up the effort to fully type out the word 'you'. Somehow, I doubt their opinions hold any real value."

"Yeah?" she moans, "And what about offline? All those people whispering behind your backs, calling me a wannabe little bitch. The same people I always save."

I sit down on the edge of the bed.

"Despite what that poll said about me, I'm not all that popular, myself. I've had quite a few people call me 'devil child' before."

And then a stifling, awkard silence settle deep into the air. Ever so slightly, I begin to lift myself up...

"You almost got fifty percent of that poll."

Only to sit back down, silence weighing me down.

"Why does everyone hate me?"

I shut my mouth just as something barely comes out. I hoped not to make a sound, but now Terra's looking at me expectantly.

"Hate...is a pretty strong word..."

It comes out awkwardly, but it's said. Hate is a pretty strong word.

Did I hate Terra before? I...

"Why did you hate me?"

I feel a little...taken aback.

"Terra, I don't hate you."

"But you did, right?"

"It's...complicated. Some people...they get used to a certain routine. They're uncomfortable when that routine gets disturbed."

For some reason, Terra tenses up.

"Raven...are you..."

She hesitate a moment, but then the word slips past her lips.

I raise an eyebrow and repeat the word.

"Jealous?"

"No!" she suddens says, curling up inside an invisible shell, "F-Forget I said that!"

"Terra, why would I be jealous of you? I may not look it in society's eyes, but I am secure with myself."

"I-I meant your powers." she mutters nervously, "Y'know, controlling them."

She's getting profoundly uncomfortable with this conversation, but she reminds me of something that's pacing around in the back of my head...

"Well, I am curious as to how you learned to control your powers."

Ever so slightly, she peeks her head out of her shell.

"I...I just sorta...well, I let go of trying to control my powers. I just totally gave up on trying to push it all down, and keep everything from just blowing up, and...it...I just sorta felt it. I felt like I was in control."

She sits up and smiles at me, letting stray locks obscure one eye.

"I was finally in control, Raven! No one would get hurt because of me anymore! I thought now I could join you guys, and people would stop hating me!"

Her abruptly entheusiastic smile sudden drops as memory pulls her back into reality.

"That was the plan, at least."

"The best laid plans of mice and men..."

As the silence sets back in, I carefully look over my psyche. Yes, I was paranoid because of her recklessness, but I was so harsh. Her intentions were good, after all. She just wanted to be one of us. But...

Azar above, was I really jealous? The thought of that freezes my body, a venomous truth paralyzing me. She's free from the never-ending cycle of surpressing and controlling, leaving me alone in my own little mobius strip. She can feel whatever she feels, while I have to keep it all under control. And when I think about it, when I realize the truth, I can feel the smallest sting.

Honestly, though, what would I do without my soul-numbing routines? How could I handle being emotional?

And a better question still, how would the world handle it?

"You're a stick girl."

What Terra said about learning to control her powers...no. I won't risk such a thing. She has a lot less at stake than I. But that's not to say I can't learn something from it.

"E-Excuse me?"

"With all you eat around here, you think you would have put on a little weight."

I stand up, dragging up a surprised, confused, and malnurished geomancer with me.

"Come on."

"Huh?! Raven, what are doing?"

"If we're going to sit around and be depressed, let's do it over ice cream."

"W-Wait. You're...gonna join me?"

"Sure." I shrug, "Despite what Beast Boy might have you believe, I'm not substained solely by herbal tea. I like ice cream, so long as it's not cookie dough."

"What's wrong with cookie dough?"

"It's raw dough. Who in their right mind eats raw dough?"

"It's cookie dough! It's totally different!"

"It's raw dough. Eating raw dough is disgusting."

"Raven...it's cookie dough! Unbaked cookie material! Dude, you've never eaten cookie dough?"

"I...won't get sick if I do, will I?"

Terra laughs at that, the silence far behind us now. It passed away with other things.

Later, much later, when all else are fast asleep...I cast my vote at that stupid, disturbing, offensive poll. And ever so slightly, I smile to myself.

No one will ever know.