Breasts
I will now and forever denounce cosmetic surgery. It's pointless and vain beyond words, and it disgusts me to no end.
But...if it's done out of modesty, and not out of some twisted fad...I wonder...
I look over my shoulder, and pray no one walks in on me. Especially not...
The door to the Main Room opens.
Maybe if I just stay quiet, whoever it is will-
"Starfire..."
I see her reflection on the monitor.
"Pardon me. I was merely passing by, and-"
"Uh huh." I drone in my usual monotone way, "Keep passing."
"Forgive me. I merely glanced out of purest curiosity, and..."
Ever-so-slightly, she leans in a little more, eyeing what it is I'm looking at on the computer.
"Raven...are you feeling well?"
"As well as usual."
Suddenly, big tears well up her wide emerald eyes.
...What did I do?
"Raven...you would tell me if...you were suffering from any afflictions, correct?"
"Yes. Why are you..."
...Oh, just kill me now.
"Starfire, it's not that kind of- Look, just forget you saw anything."
"But dearest friend! If you are suffering from any ailment, please tell me! Why is that you need..."
Please, Starfire, don't look...
She looks.
"Breast...reduction...surgery?"
...Please, I beg of you...just kill me now...
"Raven, please, why do you wish to reduce your breasts?"
...For some reason, I hug my chest.
"Starfire...do you think...um, a certain part of my body seems just a little...big?"
Of course, she smiles cheerfully at me.
"Of course not! You are practically perfect just the way you are!"
"Have you been watching Mary Poppins again?"
"Perhaps." she says after a suspicious pause, "But what I said remains true! Everything appears to be appropriately proportioned!"
"Um, not everything..."
I hug my chest a little tighter as Starfire looks me over.
"I see nothing wrong with your body."
Then she looks back at the computer screen, then at me.
"Raven...do you believe your-"
"I need to go." I try to drone.
I pull up my hood and try to walk away, but Starfire quickly soars in front of me.
"Many of your ways still remain strange to me, but..."
She reaches out and...
She pulls my hood down.
"I believe I have come to learned something of them."
...I believe so, too.
"You wouldn't understand, Starfire."
"Then please, help me to understand."
I could just walk away...
"Maybe next time."
And that's what I do. At least until Terra walks through the door and catches sight of the monitor.
"WHOA! Okay, look! I can explain!"
"What?"
"Seriously, just for fun, I looked that up!"
"What are you-"
"And if I ever did do that-"
"TERRA! What are you talking about?"
...Silence.
We both try to retreat, but Starfire is quick to block us.
"You too, Terra? You, too, which for the reduction of your breasts?"
"Reduction?! What?! And what do mean...too..."
Her eyes shift to me.
"Raven...you..."
"Let us never speak of this again."
"Okay, sure."
But that's just wishful thinking, as Starfire scoops us up effortlessly and drops us off on the couch.
"Please," she pleads as she stares as us with big green eyes, "I wish to understand why you two would reduce your breasts."
I stare downwards, my hands folded in my lap...
And I'm reminded why I want that surgery...
"Um, actually," Terra sheepishly speaks up as she blushes furiously, "I...want to make mine...bigger..."
"But why? Is there something wrong with the current size of your breasts?"
...I swear, I'll die happy if I never hear that word ever again.
"I-I...I don't know! Other girls my age are way bigger than me, and...I...I just want normal sized boobs, that's all..."
I could do without hearing that word, too.
"Are breasts that important?"
"Heck yeah! Size totally matters!"
"Why?"
"I dunno! It's just one of those things. You're still a little girl if you haven't...you know, developed."
Starfire...oh lord...gives her own chest a look over.
"Do you believe my breasts are adequate?"
"Are you kidding, Star? Your rack's rockin'! You, too, Raven! Not that I check them...or look in the mirror and compare..."
...I really wish I wasn't here, right now.
"I don't like them."
"What was that?"
I hug my chest.
"Nothing."
"No, you said something. Didn't she say something, Star?"
...My cheeks are burning...
"I-I said...it's stupid. I fail to see what the big deal is about having a big chest."
I sigh.
"It's...just so idiotic. What do they say about you other than you're a shallow bimbo with self esteem problems?"
I stand up.
"I don't want sex appeal. I just want to be me. Dark, gloomy me."
As I make the long walk to my room, I still hug my chest.
...A pause.
My arms drop to my sides.
My dark, gloomy sides.