don't you wish that you could be a fly on the wall (ROCK LOBSTER) / a creepy little, sneaky little fly on the wall (ROCK LOBSTER) I find that randomly yelling out rock lobster during this song increases my enjoyment of it by at least fifty percent. I highly recommend you try it. I love how Fly on the Wall is to Rock Lobster like See You Again is to I Wear My Sunglasses at Night. Except more so. God, I love her musical influences.

Thanks to the people who took the time to review, I really appreciate it.

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Above, below, by you, by you surrounded.
I wake to you at dawn. Never break your
Knot.

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Monday

Monday morning came too soon. Miley kind of wanted to oversleep again and ride with Jackson, but she was already awake when the alarm went off and as hard as she tried to drag her heels getting ready, she walked out the door to meet Lilly at seven-thirty on the dot.

They usually met up on a corner a few blocks from her house, halfway between hers and Lilly's. Miley could see her there now, waiting with one bookbag on her back and another at her feet, Junior balanced on one hip. Miley hadn't gone by to pick up her books. She hadn't even called.

She'd meant to, really, but somehow she'd never been able to pick up the phone. It was just that she couldn't stop thinking about what Lilly had said. The idea of Lilly being like that...it didn't bother her, exactly, but she just couldn't shake the feeling that things were different now, that they'd changed in some fundamental way she couldn't put her finger on, and it made her uneasy.

Nothing's changed, Miley told herself when she saw Lilly, her blonde hair stirring in the slight breeze. Lilly was still the same person. Everything was still the same.

But her knotted stomach didn't believe that.

"I didn't know if you'd show up," Lilly said as Miley came up to her.

"Why wouldn't I show up?" Miley asked, pretending like that thought hadn't crossed her mind at least a hundred times since she'd gotten out of bed this morning.

Lilly shrugged. "You didn't need your books?"

Miley bent over and snagged the strap on her bookbag, settling it on her back. "Not really. I just had an English paper to write."

Lilly had to know that was a lie – Miley's bookbag was lighter by half than it had been on Friday, which meant Lilly must have taken her books out and knew which ones Miley had brought home – but she just nodded. "So how was your weekend?"

"Good." They fell into step heading towards school, not looking at each other. "What about you? Are you fully recovered?"

"Yeah, I was fine by Saturday afternoon," Lilly said neutrally. Miley couldn't tell if she was mad Miley hadn't called to find out how she was sooner. "Junior and I had a great time together, didn't we, Junior?" She hoisted up the bag of flour and held it in front of her face. "We colored and played blocks and had a tea party..."

Miley chuckled, trying to decide if Lilly was joking or if she'd really done all those things with a bag of flour. You could never tell with Lilly.

"And we went to Rico's with Oliver, and had a long talk about her future," Lilly continued. She tossed the bag into the air and caught it. "I told her she can be anything she wants to be when she grows up: bread, cookies, cupcakes. The possibilities are endless."

This time Miley laughed outright, and realized with relief that everything was normal. That Lilly was still the same person. What had she been worried about? What had she been afraid of?

She reached over and plucked Junior out of Lilly's hands, spoke to the cartoon face. "And when you grow up, you can love anyone you want to love. Cake flour, or whole wheat flour, or even another bag of all-purpose just like you. We'll love you no matter what."

Lilly stopped walking a second, then started again, quickly catching up to Miley. Miley snuck a glance at her. They smiled at each other, and just like that everything was forgiven.

Miley could feel Lilly tense up when the walked through the school doors. She tucked Junior under one arm and reached out with the other to take Lilly's hand. It happened again, that spark like static electricity, but this time Miley knew better than to pull away. Lilly gave her a grateful, nervous smile.

They hurried for their lockers, and Miley hoped like crazy that everyone had forgotten Friday's rumor and that they would be able to make it to first period without running into –

"Awww, look, Ashley, it's Seaview's very own alternative family," Amber sneered from behind them.

Lilly tugged her hand out of Miley's and they turned to face the other duo. "Knock it off, Amber," Miley said. "Isn't it time for you to go torture someone else by now?"

A crowd started to gather around them, sensing a showdown. "I'm just providing an important service," Amber hissed. "Letting everyone know they'd better stay away from you two lesbian freaks and your gay germs."

Miley unconsciously took a step forward, half-shielding Lilly's body with her own. "There's nothing wrong with being gay!" she said angrily, staring Amber down.

Amber laughed. "Oh my god," she said in disbelief. "You aren't actually gay, are you?" She paused and shook her head. "No, wait, you weren't all gay-rights on Friday. So what changed?"

Her eyes flicked over them, taking in Miley's protective stance. Miley shot an anxious glance back at Lilly, who looked pale and frozen.

"Oh my god," Amber said again. "The blonde one's gay!" She laughed, delighted with this new development. "I should have known. The skateboarding, the terrible fashion sense, it all adds up."

"Leave. Her. Alone," Miley said dangerously, taking another step forward. She could feel everyone looking at them.

"Or what, you'll sic your kinfolk on me?" Amber said. "Please. I'm not afraid of you or Little Miss Butch over there. Come on, Ashley, let's go. We've got a lot of people to talk to before the bell rings."

"Yeah," Ashley said, putting her hands on her hips. "A lot of people."

"Ashley!" Amber snapped, and they stalked away. A loud murmur of voices rose to fill the hallway and the witnessing students started to move again, most of them giving Miley and Lilly a lot of room and unfriendly or revolted looks.

"Lilly," Miley started, turning around, not quite able to believe what had just happened.

Lilly looked at her, horrified, and then bolted across the hall into the girls bathroom. Miley ran after her. "Lilly!"

There were two other girls in the bathroom, sixth graders who were putting on makeup before class. Lilly had vanished into one of the stalls. Miley set Junior on the counter and then went over and rested her forehead against the cool metal of the door. "Lilly, it's okay," she said.

"It's not okay!" Lilly yelled.

Miley looked over her shoulder and saw the two girls looking at her in the mirror, eyes wide. "Can you guys give us a minute?" she asked, but it was really more of a command than a request. They both jumped a little and then hurried to scoop all their makeup into their purses and scurry out.

"Lilly, open the door," Miley said.

The stall door swung open and Lilly glared at her with watery eyes. "Why did you have to do that?" she demanded.

"Do what?" Miley asked, nonplussed, stumbling back a step at the anger in Lilly's voice.

"Act like you were all, I don't know, defending me or something," Lilly said. "Why couldn't you just have acted normal and not said anything? Then no one would know!"

"Lilly, I'm sorry, I just..." She hadn't wanted Lilly to think she had anything to be ashamed of. She hadn't wanted Lilly to think Miley was ashamed of her. "And you told me, so – "

"Yeah, I told you," Lilly spat. "My best friend. That didn't mean I was ready for the whole school to know!"

"I'm sorry!" Miley cried. Why was Lilly so angry at her? This was Amber's fault, Miley had only been trying to help. "I wasn't thinking, I – "

"You never think!" Lilly yelled. "You just do things and they blow up in your face, and now it's blown up in mine! So just...just do me a favor and stop doing things around me for a while, okay? Because I have enough to deal with."

The warning bell rang and Lilly wiped at her eyes and then sped out the door. Miley just stared as she disappeared, unable to make even the slightest sound to stop her.

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"Where's Lilly?" Oliver asked at lunch.

Miley sat down, then slid her lunch tray several places away from her, which wasn't a problem since the other students in the cafeteria were avoiding their table. There was no way she could eat today. "I don't know."

Lilly hadn't looked at her once during first period, and in third period she moved to one of the empty seats up front so that she wasn't even sitting next to Miley. Probably she was skipping lunch so she wouldn't have to see Miley.

"Do you think she's okay?" Oliver said, worried.

"I guess you heard?" Miley asked.

"Uh, yeah," Oliver said in a no-duh voice. "Everyone heard."

Of course they had. "But you already...I mean, you didn't just find out, did you?" Miley said, praying he hadn't. He'd probably blame her for it. That seemed to be the trend for the day.

He shook his head. "We went to the beach yesterday, she told me then."

"Good." Miley sighed and slumped against the table, cheek in her hand. Oliver hooked a finger over the edge of Miley's untouched tray and raised an eyebrow at her. She nodded and he pulled it towards him and started devouring the spaghetti that Miley knew from experience was overcooked. Boys, she thought. They could eat no matter what. "Lilly's mad at me."

"At you?" Oliver frowned. "Why would she be mad at you?"

"She thinks it's my fault everyone found out."

"I thought that was Amber's fault?" Oliver said.

"Me too!" Miley said. "But, it's like, Amber was saying stuff about her, or not really about her, but just about, you know, gay people in general, and I was trying to get her to stop, and then Amber figured it out, and I guess Lilly thinks if I'd just ignored her then nothing would have happened."

"That's crazy," Oliver said. "You can't ignore Amber, she'll just come after you harder."

"I don't know, Oliver, maybe Lilly's right." Miley hadn't been able to think straight, no pun intended, since Friday afternoon. Maybe she was screwing things up without even realizing it. She had a talent for that, Lilly had been right about that part, at least.

"No way," Oliver said. "She's just freaking out, okay? I mean, this is huge. It's gotta be hard on her."

"I know, and I want to be there for her," Miley said. "But she doesn't want anything to do with me." She told him about first period, and third.

"She's lashing out," Oliver said. "Lilly's scared and she's lashing out at you because she can't do it to the rest of the school and she knows you're a safe person to express her feelings with because you won't hold it against her later."

Miley shot him a who-are-you-and-what-have-you-done-with-the-donut? look.

"What?" Oliver said. "After Lilly told me I looked up a bunch of stuff online. I didn't want to say the wrong thing." For a donut, Oliver could be a really good friend. "Look, I have class with her next period, I'll talk to her."

"Thanks, Oliver." She stood and took her now-empty tray from Oliver, glad she'd left Junior in her locker after first period and didn't have to juggle the two things. She didn't have the patience for that stupid assignment today. "I'm gonna run to the bathroom before class."

People stopped talking as she walked past them and leaned away from her. It made her sick to think they were doing the same thing to Lilly, or worse. "It's not catching, you know!" she snapped at them, and stomped off to take the tray back.

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She had gym sixth period. With Lilly. Their gym lockers were next to each other, but Lilly must have gotten there early and changed, because Miley didn't see her until she went out on the field with everyone else. They were just running laps today, which Miley hated, but at least it wasn't a team sport. She didn't think she could stand to see Lilly get picked last when she usually went first.

Sarah was talking to Lilly. Good, Miley thought, taking up a position on the other side of the group of students waiting for Coach McDemott to put in an appearance. She hadn't wanted to see Lilly standing by herself either, but she was afraid that if she went over Lilly would move away again.

Coach McDemott came out from the gym, blowing hard on her whistle, and the students slowly lumbered onto the track. Lilly quickly took the lead, and this time even Joanie let her have it unchallenged. Miley's eyes followed Lilly from her place at the back, dead last, straggling out behind the others. She loved watching Lilly do things like this. Running, skating, surfing, playing soccer, it didn't matter. Lilly always looked so beautiful doing it, so graceful. Next to her, Miley felt like she could barely walk without tripping over air.

Miley counted off the laps in her head. Lilly lapped her on the third one, when the rest of the class except Sarah had gotten so far ahead that their backs were hardly visible down the long straight portion of the track, and even Sarah was closer to them than to Miley. Miley sped up, trying to catch Lilly, and then she did trip over air, and stumbled, and would have fallen but Lilly caught her.

"Thanks," Miley said, looking up into her eyes. The hair on her arms raised with that strange, electric feeling. Her mind skittered away from thinking about it.

"No problem," Lilly said. She helped Miley right herself and then started running again, slow enough that Miley could keep up. They ran together down to where the track curved. Lilly glanced over at her. "About this morning..."

"It's okay," Miley said. "Oliver told me about your need to express your feelings by lashing out."

"He told me that in this difficult time it's essential to have the support of my friends to provide an emotional harbor," Lilly said.

Miley shook her head. "That boy needs to play more video games." She almost tripped again and slowed down, panting. "Can we walk? Just for a minute."

"You're going to ruin my lap count," Lilly said, but she stopped running and let Miley set their pace.

"I've ruined it all year, what's one more day?" Miley asked. Lilly laughed a little and Miley took some time to get her breath back. "So, today, has it...I mean, how are you? How bad has it been?"

"It's sucked," Lilly said forcefully. "Everyone's..."

Coach McDemott's whistle blasted over what she was going to say. Miley smiled at Lilly apologetically as the rest of the students ran for the locker room. "We'll talk later? You could come over after school."

"Sure," Lilly said. They followed after the rest of their classmates, albeit at a much slower pace. "Miley?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks."

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The locker room was deserted by the time they walked into it. "Wow," Miley said. "What happened?" Coach McDemott always gave them fifteen minutes to change, and the room was usually teeming with girls changing and redoing hair and makeup right up until the bell rang.

"Probably no one wanted to get undressed in front of the lesbian," Lilly said bitterly. Her mouth was tight and Miley could tell she was trying not to cry.

"Lilly," Miley said, reaching out a hand in sympathy.

Lilly moved away from her towards their lockers. "Whatever. Let's just get changed and go to class."

They changed without talking, the rustling of clothes the only sound besides a thud when Miley accidentally dropped one of her tennis shoes. She pulled her shirt over her head and as soon as it cut off her vision she realized she'd been looking at Lilly out of the corner of her eye. Lilly, who was currently only half-dressed.

Miley blushed, and turned on the bench so that Lilly wouldn't be able to see it when she finished putting her shirt on. She hadn't been looking looking at Lilly. She'd just been...checking to make sure Lilly looked healthy, and hadn't lost weight after being sick and everything. That was it.

A locker door clanged shut suddenly on the other side of the room. Miley and Lilly looked at each other in surprise. They'd thought they were alone. Hesitant footsteps squeaked across the linoleum and finally rounded the row of lockers to the aisle they were in.

It was Cara Morris, another eighth grader who was about Lilly's height, with straight black hair and dark green eyes. Besides gym, Miley had history with her, but they'd never really talked. She was on the soccer team, and Lilly had subbed in a few games when one of the other players got injured a few months ago, but Miley didn't think Lilly really knew her either.

"Um, hey," Cara said, staring at Lilly. She looked really nervous, almost like she was going to throw up.

"Hey," Miley said.

Cara's eyes flickered to her for a second before focusing back on Lilly. "Hey, Lilly."

"Hey," Lilly said warily.

"So, um...," Cara said. "I kind of heard the rumor that you're, um...you know. And I was just wondering...whether it's true or not."

"And what if it is?" Lilly demanded, her face hard. Miley slammed her locker shut and stood, crossing her arms over her chest and glaring at Cara. She just dared Cara to say something. Go ahead, Miley thought. Give me a reason.

Cara swallowed convulsively and shot another quick glance at Miley. "So...I just wanted to know if maybe...you want to go get coffee or something sometime."

Miley felt her muscles go slack with surprise. Lilly blinked. Her expression shifted from confrontational to intrigued. "Are you asking me out?"

"Um, yeah?" Cara said uncertainly. "Unless you guys are..."

"No," Lilly said quickly, and then she laughed. "No, we're not...We're not."

"Oh," Cara said. "Good. So...do you want to?"

No way, Miley thought. It was too soon. Way, way too soon. Lilly couldn't possibly feel comfortable enough to –

"Okay," Lilly said. A smile danced around her mouth. "You wanna go after school?"

Cara's face relaxed into a relieved grin. "Seriously? I mean, yeah, after school would be great. I'll, um...I'll meet you outside after."

"Okay." Lilly raised her hand to answer Cara's wave and the other girl was gone a second later.

"What are you doing?" Miley hissed at Lilly.

"What do you mean?" Lilly asked, shoving her gym clothes in her locker and grabbing a brush to run through her hair.

"You know what I mean," Miley said. She wished she hadn't shut her locker already because she really wanted to slam something right now. Or hit something. Or kick. Kicking would work. "People just found out this morning, the whole school thinks it's disgusting, and now you're going to add a girlfriend to the mix?"

"We're just going for coffee, Miley," Lilly said. "We're not moving in together."

But you're supposed to be coming to my house after school, Miley thought. Not going to get coffee with Cara Morris. What was so great about her anyway? "Like anyone here is going to make that distinction," Miley said. "And why do you even want to go out with her? You don't even know her!"

Lilly stood up and met her eyes calmly. "I know she's nice," she said. "I know she's cute. And I know she likes me enough to ask me out even though she knows how the rest of the school is going to react. I think that's worth getting coffee."

"I thought you were coming over to my house," Miley said.

"So I'll come over after I get coffee with Cara," Lilly shrugged. "I don't see what the big deal is."

"The big deal?" Miley sputtered. "The big deal is that the whole school – "

"Already thinks I'm a freak of nature!" Lilly half-yelled. "This isn't going to make it any worse. And if everyone's going to hate me over this anyway, I don't see why I shouldn't hang out with one of the few people who doesn't."

"This is a bad idea, Lilly," Miley insisted. "Really bad. Why are you – "

Lilly slammed her locker shut angrily. "Why are you trying to ruin the only good thing that's happened today?" she demanded. "Why can't you just be happy for me?" The bell shrilled above their heads. "I have to go, Ms. Johnson gets really mad if people are late. I'll talk to you later, okay?"

"Fine," Miley muttered. She didn't make a move to leave with Lilly, sinking down to sit on the bench again instead. This was a horrible idea. Horrible, horrible, hor-ri-ble. Why couldn't Lilly see that?

And Cara Morris was not cute.

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"Are you kidding?" Oliver said when Miley told him the whole story while they were walking home. They were down the sidewalk way ahead of the rest of the students leaving school, which had everything to do with the fact that Miley wanted to get a jump-start on her homework and nothing whatsoever to do with the fact that Lilly had been in such a hurry to meet Cara after the final bell that she'd rushed off without even going to her locker or saying goodbye to Miley first. "Cara Morris is, like, a total babe. She's hot. Lilly totally scored getting to go out with her."

Miley punched him on the shoulder.

"Ow!" Oliver complained. "What was that for?"

"Nobody is scoring anything with anybody," Miley said harshly, thinking about the way Lilly had laughed when Cara asked if she and Miley were together. Like the idea was the most ridiculous thing she'd ever heard. Miley didn't see what was so ridiculous about it. Not that she wanted to be with Lilly. But they were best friends, it was natural that people might think they'd want to, if they were both...Which Miley wasn't. But it wasn't like the idea was so far outside the realm of possibility that Lilly needed to laugh about it. "And Cara Morris isn't hot."

"Uh, have you seen her?" Oliver asked. "Because – "

"Oliver!" Miley snapped. "Could we please focus on what's important? Like what Lilly going out with another girl is going to do to her? Amber and Ashley are going to make sure everyone treats her like trash. She'll get shoved around, tripped, beat up. She's going to get hurt!"

"I don't know," Oliver said doubtfully. "Nothing like that happened today. She said most people avoided her, and Amber and Ashley's crowd insulted her every chance they got, but no one actually did anything. I don't see why they'd start just because Lilly and Cara go out on a date."

"It's not a date!" Miley yelled in exasperation. It wasn't. It was just coffee. No one had called it a date.

"Ri-i-i-ght," Oliver said. He stopped walking and squinted at her. "Are you...are you jealous?"

"No!" Miley scoffed. She pffted. She made several other emphatic noises to indicate how improbable that was and started walking faster, forcing Oliver to run a little to catch up. "I'm not jealous." She was just looking out for Lilly. Why couldn't anyone see that? "I just don't want Lilly to get hurt."

"And...that's why she's not on a date with Cara Morris right now?" Oliver asked.

"Exactly," Miley said. What was so hard to understand about that? "Can we talk about something else now?" She didn't want to think about Lilly and her not-a-date with Cara anymore.

"Sure," Oliver said, but they didn't. They didn't say another word the rest of the way, not even when they split up to go their separate ways. Miley brooded in silence all the way home, and then she ran upstairs, only grunting in response to her dad's question about her day, and threw herself on her bed.

She pulled a pillow over her face and screamed into it. How had everything changed so quickly? Lilly had only told her she liked girls on Friday, and now, three days later, here she was da— getting coffee with some girl. Some girl she barely even knew, who wasn't good enough for her. Lilly had said she still liked boys, why couldn't she date one of them instead? Or no one. There really wasn't any reason for Lilly to date anyone at all. They were only fourteen, what was the hurry?

Her dad knocked on the doorframe. "You okay, bud?"

Miley wondered what he'd say if she told him about Lilly. If he'd get that same look of disgust on his face as the kids at school. If he'd rant or yell or tell her that it was wrong and he wouldn't let her spend time with Lilly anymore. She didn't want to find out. "Fine, daddy," she said into the pillow.

"You sure?" he asked. "'Cause usually we talk face-to-face 'stead of face-to-pillow."

She lifted the pillow off her face. "I'm fine, dad. Just a little tired. I think I'll take a nap."

"Well, you know where to find me if you need to talk," he said.

"Yeah," she said, already smushing the pillow back on her face. She didn't really think she'd sleep, but her phone woke her two hours later, beeping to let her know she had a new text message. It was from Lilly, saying that she was done getting coffee with Cara and could come over now.

It had been two hours. What could Lilly possibly have had to talk about with Cara Morris for two hours?

The idea of having Lilly come over and then listening to her go on and on about Cara and coffee and whatever-the-heck they had talked about for two hours made Miley feel sick, so she texted back she had a headache and not to come. It wasn't a total lie. Thinking about this whole situation did kind of make her head hurt.

Lilly wrote back to say okay. Not even okay, really, just k. One letter. That was it. No 'feel better', no 'can I bring you anything?' Just k. Probably she'd used up everything else talking to Cara Morris.

Miley rolled over on her stomach and screamed into her pillow again.

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Next chapter will be up Thursday, assuming looking after my niece doesn't kill me before then. (Big assumption.)