A second (and unexpected) part to a potentially longer story. The plot just keeps unfolding in my mind, and I don't have enough time to get it all out.
On a different note: These chapters will be short. However, I think I will be able to update more often if they are shorter. It's something I will try to work on.
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Is it in you now?
To
watch the things you gave your life to broken.
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About a month ago, Sora had seen his boyfriend kiss another man. And yet there were no traces of this person to be found. Not to say he hadn't searched—he was just shy of hiring a professional to look for this other man when he had been found out. In fact, Sora noticed Riku taking steps, none to covertly, to secure Sora. He told Sora to move in and quit his job for one closer to the apartment. While Sora had done the former, he kept putting off the latter. Even so, it was just a matter of time before Riku would be tired of not having the situation go his way. Soon he would make sure Sora did get a new job.
Late one night, Sora had woken and precariously maneuvered around his sleeping lover. Sora searched through his desk, drawers, the bathroom, everywhere. He sighed in frustration. Frustration at himself and his lack of success, at this unknown person for invading his, at Riku for cheating on him. He was sifting through a stack of papers, his movement becoming violent, when he felt a cold hand on his shoulder.
That cold hand froze him in place. He shut his eyes tightly, protection against Riku's wrath. Seconds that felt like hours ticked past. The hand did not move or slacken its tight grip, and Sora sat just as rigidly. And then the words came, smoothly, calmly, don't you know? You won't find anything.
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I am not your lover.
I am not your friend.
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Something in Sora snapped. Those words were the scissors which snipped the last of Sora's nerves. Sora flung Riku's hand away and pushed back. That was the first and last time Sora physically rebelled against Riku. Sora shoved him back, away. He stumbled back a step and then stood, solid, unmoving. Staring Sora down with unprecedented intensity. And then he chuckled, you don't have anywhere else. Tense shoulders relaxed. His posture changed to one of ease. Above all else, the change in his eyes. Sora could see the laughter plainly. It was humiliating.
Sora ran. Out of the apartment, the complex. He didn't care where he went, and so routine took over and he ended up at the bakery where he worked. Sora laughed hysterically. Riku was right; he had nowhere else to go. Running away was stupid. Was he still a kid that ran away from home? Then again, Riku was playing childish games. Sora beat his fist on the wall. In a moment of enlightenment, he realized that Riku was the one at fault. He was wrong. He hurt me, and he didn't even give me an excuse. He didn't say sorry. He's comfortable living a lie.
But aren't I the only one living the lie? I should have seen it before.
Self doubt took over Sora's mind and his body became weak. He couldn't believe that he was living a lie. Of course Riku didn't give an excuse. No one gives an excuse for something they didn't do. And there are answers. I just have to look at them. Otherwise…
Sora decided it would be best if he went somewhere else. The area was dangerous in the dead of night. He could think of only one place to go. Surprisingly, this place wasn't in Riku's arms. He still couldn't bear the thought of seeing Riku in that state. He didn't realize that if he did go back to the apartment, he would only wake Riku up. Fortunately, Sora walked the three miles to Roxas' place.
A platinum blond girl sleepily opened the front door. Sora remembered her from the one time he met her. This was Namine. And she was living with Roxas. Luckily, Sora thought, she remembered him. He didn't know that she only let him in because of his puffy red eyes and shaking hands. Roxas, dear, she called in her half-awaked state. Sora's here. Roxas trudged out of what seemed to be the bedroom and sat next to Namine on the loveseat, next to the overstuffed chair which Sora occupied. He only had to glance at Sora to know something had happened with Riku. He was the only person who had such an effect on Sora. Something deep within his chest moved, a feeling of compassion and companionship. Sora sad in the chair silently, staring at his hands, not knowing what to do now that he was here.
Namine was the first to take direction. Sora, you look so tired, I'll get you the futon and you can get some sleep. She stood and went to drag out the futon from the closet. Through the doorway she could see Roxas give his friend a quick hug. Roxas ruffled Sora's hair. That's why I love him, she thought. She saw the look of understanding that Sora missed. She didn't understand. It bothered her a little bit. Roxas got that sad, lonely look sometimes. She didn't, couldn't know what it meant. Even so, her trust in Roxas by far outweighed that little feeling, and she laid out the futon for Sora and went back to her bedroom and slept.
Sora lived for the next week out of Roxas and Namine's living room. It was the first time since he had moved away from home that he felt like he was part of a family. He realized, though, after overhearing Namine complain to Roxas about him that he wouldn't be welcome much longer. Still, the atmosphere helped his mood. It made him feel stronger and he was able to think about Riku without breaking down.
Namine didn't have any of the reservations that Roxas did toward Sora. Roxas was afraid of hurting him with the truth. Namine knew that it would only get worse without the truth. When she told Sora that he needed to get away from Riku, that he deserved better, she told him directly.
The opinion caused an emotional déjà vu for Sora. Was he right, and Riku wrong?
Either way, Sora decided that he needed to stand on his own feet again. As he expected, Roxas talked to him about Namine's complaint. They were eating lunch at a trendy restaurant when Roxas decided that he needed to bring the uncomfortable subject up. Anticipating it, Sora told Roxas about the apartment he had found. Relief visibly washed over Roxas' face. Sora thought it was because he wouldn't have to deal with Namine anymore, but Roxas was also happy that Sora wouldn't be going back to live with Riku. The more distance between them, the sooner Sora could begin to heal.
With Sora out of her house, Namine was more than happy to let Roxas loan him some money for furniture and other necessities. Although a little unstable and sometimes lonely, Sora seemed happy with the new situation. He had freedom now. He found he had extra time to do what he wanted, where before he was rushing to fix Riku dinner or clean his apartment. While he was sure these times were supposed to make him happy, an empty space surrounded him. A space Riku had once filled. Sora felt like that space needed to be filled once again. He wasn't sure if Riku was the one who he wanted to fill it.
Although Sora was avoiding seeing Riku again, all his worldly possessions were at Riku's place. He was tempted to leave them there and forget about them, but he was not financially able to buy a whole new wardrobe. The dilemma led to a hesitant phone call.
Riku picked up on the second ring and Sora's heart sank to his stomach. He was half hoping that he could leave a message. Sora could barely manage to stutter out his words but Riku kept completely unaffected. He told Sora to stop by anytime, that he kept a key on top of the door frame. The answer caused Sora's stomach to turn. Good, he wouldn't have to see Riku yet. On the other hand, did this mean they weren't together anymore? Had Riku just broken up with him? Or were they merely on a "break"? Sora couldn't bring himself to ask. Instead he thanked Riku and quickly hung up.
The next day he had off from work Sora went to pick up his possessions. Just like Riku said, the key was there. Inside, everything looked just as it had before. Nothing of Sora's was moved. Was Riku waiting for him to come back? Sora wondered that everything stayed clean even though he hadn't been there to take care of things. He wondered if Riku was eating properly. A full fridge told him that Riku was fine. Had he ever needed Sora to take care of him? The contradiction was more than Sora could untangle.
Sora left as soon as possible. Everything fit into a large traveling bag. Walking down the hall to the elevator, head down, he recognized the familiar footsteps before he saw the face framed with silver. Sora began to shake slightly. His step slowed but he didn't look up. When he heard Riku's voice, it seemed distant. So you're actually leaving. Was that voice filled with regret, sorrow, pain? Remorse? Look at me. Riku tilted Sora's chin up gently and stared into his eyes, searching. He was changed somehow. Not physically. The change couldn't be seen. Sora could feel it though, and it made him wonder if moving away from Riku was really what he wanted to do. His thoughts were cut short with a tender kiss and the words, I'll see you again.
Riku's smooth manner infuriated Sora. The more he thought about it, the angrier he got. Riku had played with him. Riku thought that he would come back, tail between his legs. Sora was determined to prove him wrong.
Doing so included what looked like moving on. Sora went on casual dates. He worked, and went out, and did things for himself. Even so, Riku was in the back of his mind. Everything he did was to prove Riku wrong. He could live on his own. He didn't need Riku to drag him down.
Roxas was fooled. He thought that Sora had done a complete three-sixty from the injured person he was before. It was nice to see that he had gotten a life, his own life. That was until Sora met a certain man.
They met through school. It was a new year, and this person was also new. He wasn't a student, however. He was a young professor. Sora was entranced by the man as soon as he laid eyes on him. At first, Sora brushed his infatuation off as just that; a crush. He told himself he was too old to be doing such things, but he couldn't stop himself from daydreaming about this professor. This was in part because Sora felt safe in having a secret, one sided love. He couldn't be touched, and couldn't be hurt. He was content just looking, not drawing attention to himself. At least in the beginning.
As time went on, Sora became discontent. The crush was lasting longer than it should have. Sora was accustomed to being touched and used. He enjoyed the heat that came from a lover's body. Imagining that the man he was with was actually his professor wasn't fulfilling. He needed more.
Of course, Sora turned to Roxas with this problem. He didn't go into detail for Roxas' sake, but he made sure his friend knew what the problem was. The whole idea of Sora falling for another man made him believe that Sora was finally moving on. Roxas had yet to see just why Sora fell so quickly and so hard for the man, why the infatuation had lasted.
What Sora had failed to tell Roxas was his professor's uncanny resemblance, both physically and otherwise, to Riku. It must have been this resemblance that attracted Sephiroth to Sora like a moth to flame.
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Once again, lyrics by Brand New.