Disclaimer: I do not own the Winchesters in any way…no matter how hard I dream
Note: I know I probably have some facts wrong because first of all, I'm not from America and second, I haven't watched Supernatural for a while…yeah, blame it
on school. So anyway, forgive me if I made some mistakes about our precious boys.
Italic- Sam's thoughts
Summary: ( Set immediately after Crossroad Blues) Things are never going to be the same between Dean and him, not now that Sam knows the truth.
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Sam stared at Dean. He tried to swallow the lump in his throat but with no avail.
Dean's silence was in itself all the answer Sam needed
Dean wanted to make the deal.
He wanted to.
Suddenly, Sam found himself unable to breathe. He turned to face the window, hands gripping tightly to the leather seat. Everything was a blur but he didn't miss the quick, concerned glance that came his way. He squeezed his eyes shut, at the same time shutting the cruel, cruel world out. It took all he had not to scream and kick the living daylight out of Dean.
Stupid overprotective big brother.
Did Dean ever think of what would happen if he actually made the deal? Did he think at all of the consequences? Did he think of Sam at all?
Stupid Dean.
If he actually made the deal, the Dad's sacrifice would be for nothing. The only reason Dad made the deal was to save Dean and Dean basically giving his life up kinda defeats the purpose!
Sam sighed inwardly, suddenly feeling so tired. He knew he was overanalyzing things but he couldn't help it. He knew that Dean didn't actually make the deal and that he should be relived but it didn't change the fact that Dean thought about it, that there was the desire…to leave Sam.
Damnit Sam, he scolded himself, this is not the time to be selfish.
He opened his eyes and glance at Dean through the corners of his eyes. His brother stared straight on the road, hands gripping the steering wheel so tight, his knuckles were white. His face remained stone hard, eyes showing no emotions.
Sam leaned his head against the cold window and stared blankly into the dark night.
Dean wanted to make the deal, he wanted to, he wanted to, he wanted to, he wanted to, the mantra repeated over and over again in Sam's head.
He wanted to leave me.
The staggering truth came crashing down.
He wanted to leave me.
A sharp pain went through his chest, like a dagger to his heart and it took the breath right out of him.
Sam gasped sharply.
He felt shattered. He wanted to hate Dean. What's even more shocking, Sam wanted to put his hands around Dean's throat and shake some sense into his brain.
Suddenly, he felt a familiar burning sensation behind his brown eyes. He tried hard to hold the tears back but with no success. A pair of crystal clear droplets trickled down his cheeks. Then more and more rolled down.
He waited for it.
As expected, droplets of water started to fall from the sky. It was as if heaven was crying along with him, sharing his sorrow and pain.
Sam smiled softly. You haven't abandoned me, old friend.
This was something he realized months ago. Whenever he cried, it rained. The harder he cried, the heavier the downpour. Sometimes, it would turn into a massive thunderstorm, but that only happened once…the night Jessica died.
At first, Sam had thought it was just a coincidence. But the again, when had anything been a coincidence in Sam's life?
Sam snorted loudly, ignoring the startled look Dean gave him.
It's one of his powers, Sam assumed. In fact, it was the only thing that makes sense. Honestly, it took him quite some time to fix the pattern. It rained the night Jessica died, after Dad's cremation, while Dean was in the coma and the list goes on and on. He didn't know what to make of this 'gift' at first. After a while, he grew to accept it. It's almost…comforting actually, to have the rain with him as he breaks down and allowed himself to feel.
Soon, the rain became his faithful companion. It never left his side, never abandoned him. It would always be there, and Sam would always be grateful for that. Often, in the middle of the night, he would lay in his bed as he sobbed and hear the rain pounding on the roof, the thunder cry and the lighting scream. It gave him a sense of peace and contentment. Without knowing it, the rain helped to calm him down, the loud noise it makes distracting him from his grim thoughts. He would lay there until the sky stopped its weeping and the lightning stopped its screaming and the thunders shrieking cries ceased to exist. He would lay there until the sobbing slowly stopped and the rain was nothing more than a drizzle before he finally slept.
He never told Dean, never once attempted to. This is something he wanted to keep to himself, one of the things he isn't willing to share with anyone else. As selfish as it sounds, he wanted to keep the rain for himself.
Besides, the rain hasn't brought any trouble and it doesn't hurt anyone…right?
Yeah, unless the news comes on and reports that someone died because he drowned in a sudden flood, Sam thought darkly.
Sam let out a shaky breath, fogging the window. He almost forgot that Dean was beside him, too lost in his own world. He made sure not to turn and face his brother, not wanting him to see his tear-soaked face. Sam had never felt so alone. He didn't know what to do. Should he confront Dean? Tell him how he feels? Or should he just let it go, pretend and act as if nothing happened?
He decided that the latter choice would be the more …safer choice. Knowing Dean, he'd probably decide to ignore the talking part and go straight to the inevitable fighting part (It comes in a package of fists, swearing and blood.), which is the last thing Sam needs right now.
Sam bit his lips and forced down a sob. God, everything was so messed up right now. He'd already lost his father; he couldn't bear losing his brother too.
He wished desperately for this to be a nightmare and that Dean was going to wake him up any minute, cocky grin and a cup of coffee in sight. He knew it wasn't though.
It was hard, cold reality.
A part of Sam died with that realization.
It rained heavier, water practically smashing to the ground.
Another part burned with anger.
Thunder clapped and Sam knew, lightning violently striked the ground somewhere.
He could barely see now, too much tears in his eyes. All he knew was that he came so close to losing his brother tonight. And just for that, he resented Dean just a little.
His brother didn't want to be here if it meant that their father's soul was lost forever. And nothing that Sam could do or say would make Dean want to stay.
Sam was alone now. Dean was there but things were never going to be the same again, not now that Sam knew the truth. There is always going to be that crack between them, that unables them to be how they used to be. He was alone.
Suddenly, almost in an angry cry, thunder boomed.
Sam smiled sadly.
No, he was not alone.
I guess it's just you and me, old friend.
He knew though, that it wasn't the same.
I guess it's just you and me.
The wind howled and the skies wept for the broken man who just lost everything.
END
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Reviews are greatly appreciated and thank you for taking the time to read this.
Don't be too hard me guys, I'm still new at this.
I know the idea is kind of far-fetched but I actually got the idea after watching Men In Black 2. It was interesting and I wanted to explore and see what I can come up with and well, there it was.