The Prodigal Son (Chapter 3 of 'The Once & Future Bass')
"When you know that language, it's easy to believe that someone in the world awaits you, whether it's in the middle of the desert or in some great city… without such love, one's dreams would have no meaning." – The Alchemist
Author: Isabelle
Rating: PG-13 (language, adult situations, violence)
Spoilers: All of Season 1 & some Season 2 promos
Summary: In Season 2 Blair & Chuck finally re-unite after their break-up and that same night Chuck witnesses something that pulls him away from Blair. Years later he's back to save her and those he left behind.
Disclaimer: I own nothing that has to do with Gossip Girl; CW owns them along with their creators. Lyrics "Wish You Were" by Kate Voegele.
--
"Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself. And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second's encounter with God and with eternity." – The Alchemist
Blair Waldorf, heart in her throat, bounded down the stairs, forgetting the elevator and running as if her life depended on it. Because it did. Her heart, at least, and what was life without a heart?
She burst through the front door, stunning the bellman and startling several pedestrians especially with fresh blood on her face and dress.
"Chuck!" she shouted. Her lungs burned, she was out of breath, but she had never felt so alive, so happy, so very confused.
"Chuck!" she ran towards the building, making taxis stop and screech their wheels; their drivers shouting at her in Ukrainian.
Behind her, Nate ran after her, eyes wide as he watched his girlfriend run after a ghost.
"Blair!"
"I saw him, Nate, I saw him!" She was rambling now, looking for a way into the closed building before her. She pounded the door, her small fists doing nothing to gain her entrance.
Nate looked at her as if she had lost her head, shaking his head in disbelief. "Blair!"
"He looked right at me, and he was Chuck, I mean he looked a bit different – larger somehow, but it was Chuck. Same look, same eyes, same hair-" she was choking back a sob, desperately pulling on the locked door.
Nate grabbed her from behind and turned her to face him. Her face was flushed and there was an eminent smile on her face despite the blood now drying on her forehead.
"Blair!" He shook her.
"I saw him!" She shouted, attempting to pull herself free from his arms but he didn't let go.
"He's dead!" Nate shouted, shaking her. People all around them stopped walking just to watch the young couple argue.
"He's not!" Blair shouted right back at him but, upon seeing Nate's shocked face, her bravado crumbled. "I saw him," she whispered.
"Blair…" Nate touched her face; she was breaking his heart. "Baby, Chuck's dead. We buried him. He's dead. He's never coming back. Ever. Regardless of how much we want him to."
Blair studied him and it was as if realization hit her. She was crazy, she was completely crazy. She was seeing her ex-boyfriend in empty buildings, in shadow, in mirrors… what was wrong with her? Why did she feel so empty? So wrong? Like a piece of her soul was missing and she couldn't function without it?
Nate reached out and cleaned the blood on her forehead with the sleeve of his blazer.
"I don't want him to be gone," she whispered, eyes wide and wet.
Nate held her against his chest and she gripped him as if her dear life depended on it.
"Do you hate me?" She whispered.
"No." he said after a minute, stroking her hair.
"How can you not? I'm in love with your dead best friend." Her voice was a mere whisper.
He didn't answer, just held her closer and led her back to the house were the chaos was greater than it was outside in the streets.
Gone away are the golden days
Just a page in my diary
So here I am, a utopian citizen
Still convinced there's no such thing as idealism
--
Chuck stood frozen behind the brick wall, blending himself with the shadows, just like he was taught.
The last thing he heard from their conversation was Nate's voice telling Blair that he was gone. Regardless of what they wanted. His heart was at his throat and his hands were stained blood red; the life of a man tinted his soul.
Chuck waited, pressed against the wall, until all of Boris' men searched the area. When he began to hear the sirens, he started climbing up the building. He would've waited to catch a glimpse of Blair as they exited the building, but he realized that he needed to get as far from Blair Waldorf, UES, and everything he knew and knew him, as soon as possible.
While 27 was congratulating him on a job well done, he asked only one thing: to be as far from New York as possible.
After 27 stared him down and he refused to look away, she smiled and approved it.
As he showered that night tears blended with the water so it didn't really count for crying because neither Chuck Bass nor agent 98 cried.
--
Memories they're following me like a shadow now
And I'm dreaming
And I've already suffered the fever of disbelief
By the time Nate walked out of Blair's room and stood to face Serena's worried look, he was emotionally drained.
"I thought she was doing better," Serena whispered, wringing her hands on her lap.
"Blair is an excellent actress," Nate snapped and walked past Serena towards the liquor cabinet in his place.
Serena rubbed her temples and followed him to the small bar.
"She was just in shock – a man did just get killed in front of her," Serena attempted to explain.
Nate fixed her with a look and then took a swig of whiskey. It burned his throat and he relished it, grimacing. Serena reached and let him pour her a drink; she gulped it down to calm herself, just to calm herself.
"You didn't see her," he explained, pouring himself more drink.
"I don't want to know," Serena stated and was quiet for a moment. She took another drink. "Tell me."
"She was shouting. Shouting: 'I saw him, Nate! He looks different, but it's Chuck, he's alive!' and more nonsense." Nate gestured with his hands.
Serena let out a breath. "Oh, God." Another drink.
"This is not normal," Nate sat next to Serena. "It isn't healthy."
"Nate-" Serena began but decided to be quiet.
"I love her, I do. I just… I don't know if I can do this much longer," He finally whispered.
--
4 years later
New York, to him, was where life started and where it ended. It was both paradise and hell all mixed into one. He both loved it and hated it. He desired it and was also repulsed by it.
Too many memories that he'd kept hidden behind a mask would stir and remind him that he was once a normal, happy boy. He partied, danced, drank and lived helplessly in love with his best friend's girlfriend. For years. So because he couldn't have her he had everyone else.
Shit, he still loved his best friend's girlfriend. He would party when he would kill. He would drink when he had to think about the killing. And there was still just one woman who could break him like no other.
Blair Waldorf.
He looked down at the newspaper on his lap as the copter circled around Manhattan.
Socialites and childhood sweethearts Nathaniel Archibald and Blair Waldorf announce their engagement during this year's White Party.
There on page 6 was a picture of a healthier-looking Blair in the arms of her ever-white-knight; Nathaniel Archibald.
If there wasn't so much shit going on, he would be pissed. He would be drunk. Possibly both.
"Sir, we'll be landing in five minutes." The pilot told him and Chuck nodded.
Five fucking minutes and it was back to heaven and hell on Earth.
The moment the copter landed, none other than Jenkins walked out of the waiting SUV and went to greet him.
"Look who we have here. Welcome back," he told Chuck, who stared at him blankly through his signature black sunglasses.
"Come back home a big hero? I heard about Hong Kong and Paris." Jenkins smiled at him.
"Did you?" Chuck slurred and threw his bag to a junior agent waiting next to Jenkins. "As much as I enjoy the pleasantries, Jenkins, and the endless talk about myself, I have an appointment with 27. You know how she gets when she's…. hot and bothered."
"Looks like Europe gave you a sense of humor," Jenkins smirked at him.
Chuck glared at him and jumped into the car, waiting impatiently for him.
"Fine, you're always so ready to cut straight to business," Jenkins joined him in the car.
"When did it happen?" Chuck asked Jenkins as he looked sideways out the window. They were now driving through New York's streets and the all-too familiar feeling seeped into Chuck's insides.
"We found her early this morning," Jenkins handed him a portable handheld PC that briefed Chuck on the situation.
Chuck studied it, his jaw clenching and un-clenching.
"Anyone we know?" He finally asked as he handed the handheld back to Jenkins.
"27 thinks this is related to the Boris Viloslovich case we had a few years ago. Apparently they've been tracking us this whole time and the only one they could identify was Tersa."
Remembering that night still made Chuck sick. He hated to think back and remember Blair screaming out his name as if her sanity depended on it. It had taken all of his physical and emotional strength not to grab her and take her far away.
"You remember the Boris case, right?"
Next to him Jenkins smirked at him. He knew Chuck remembered it.
"Vaguely," was Chuck's response.
Jenkins smirked.
"I think I did see her that night," Jenkins looked pleased with himself. Chuck ignored him. "Blue dress. Nice ass-"
Chuck had grabbed him by the throat and pushed him against the glass, his face pressed dangerously close to Jenkins.
Jenkins sputtered, "Calm down-"
"Shut up." And even Chuck surprised himself on how cold his voice sounded. "You hear?"
Jenkins slowly nodded. Chuck let him go, turning from him and into the street.
"Right…" Jenkins said slowly, massaging his neck. "Not bad."
"You speak of her again, you think about her, you go near her," Chuck looked him straight in the eye. "And I will kill you."
Something dark went through Jenkins' eyes but he dropped the subject. No more joking and having a laugh. Jenkins had crossed the line; he had enjoyed it and Chuck noticed.
When they made it to Sector's headquarters 27 was dressed all in red and waiting for them. She was still as stunningly dangerous as ever. The one person Chuck still didn't dare challenge.
"Welcome home, Bass," she stated and walked away, fully expecting him to follow. Which he did. After a minute. He had forgotten how much she liked being in control.
27's office was relatively the same since the last time she had swung her hips for him. Chuck was no longer that young recruit with anger-management issues. He'd seen enough in life to straighten him out. Her hips had no effect on him whatsoever. Not that they did to begin with.
She sat down and looked him up and down.
"You've grown up nicely, Bass," she stated the obvious, never one to have a problem with sexual harassment.
"Tersa." He began, ignoring her comment. "When did it happen?"
"Yes. Dear Tersa. So sad," 27 smoothed out her skirt. "It is lovely of you to come back."
Chuck stared her down.
"Bass, you've become quite a sensation yourself these past few years. Hong Kong, Paris – even Sydney was quite commendable." 27 looked at her nails, as if they were the most interesting thing in the world. Chuck knew better; she was a poisonous spider.
"I didn't know we were here for an evaluation, 27." He drawled out and crossed his legs, comfortably.
27 looked up and smiled at him. Killer smile.
"I will be in the city for only a few days, then I'm heading back to Barcelona." Chuck informed her, still calm. "I have some business in the city and I would like to see the Tersa file before I leave. That is – if you have no objections, I'd hate to infringe in your territory."
"You forget your place," she reminded him, stoically.
"You forget I no longer answer to you," he said calmly, eyes never leaving hers.
"Don't try me, Bass. I can make you disappear or even worse." 27's voice was placid and almost friendly, but Chuck knew better. He hadn't made it all these years without being able to read voices and the real intent behind them.
Chuck smiled at her and stood up. "If you wanted me gone or destroyed, 27, you would've done so along time ago. I'll be waiting for the file to be downloaded to my account."
Then he walked out.
--
I'm still in love with who I wish you were
And I wish you were here
"Dorota!"
The maid huffed down the stairs muttering under her breath. She was too old for this.
"Dorota!"
She made it to the last step.
"Doro-" Blair sighed. "There you are!"
"Yes, Ms. Blair," Dorota stared at the grown-up Blair. Her hair was shorter than it had been in high school; it was still chocolate brown and sporting soft curls to frame her face.
Blair was glaring at the flowers on the center table.
"Carnations?" Blair's perfectly plucked eyebrow was raised.
"Mr. Nate." Dorota explained and Blair grimaced.
"Take them away," Blair said in a hushed tone.
Dorota nodded and promptly picked up the vase taking the red flowers far from Blair's sight.
Blair shook head and pulled out her phone.
ty 4 the flowers! Luv them. xo B.
He replied.
Pick u up 7:30?
She sighed. She was really hoping to stay in and begin preparing for her soirée.
Sure. See u. xo.B.
Nate was everything that she had expected from him when she was growing up, but the older she became, the more she felt like something was missing. Perhaps if they had never broken up and she had never…
Well, there are many things that could be different.
When Nate stopped at 7:25pm to pick her up, she made sure her hair was absolutely perfect and not one scuff was found on her favorite Manolo Blahniks. She looked radiant in a yellow strapless cocktail Valentino. All of this was staged, of course, New York was a buzz with the news of the recent engagement and paparazzi were everywhere.
It didn't help that an Oscar-winning actress had worn her mother's gown – on the night of her Oscar win. Suddenly everyone from Katie Holmes to Lil'Kim wanted a Waldorf original. Blair was now even featured in Celebrity Kids Gossip Sites and Nate had been caught on TMZ pushing a camera crew out of her face. Really!
She saw even less of her mother now than she did in high school. It worked out well: Blair was now in charge of the Marketing team for Eleanor Waldorf and next year would move to take over the Public Relations department. Her mother and she had strangely grown closer. If by closer, you mean more emails and text messages, of course (half were work-related but she counted those).
"You look stunning." Nate kissed her cheek, like he always did, and gave her a nod of approval.
"I figured if you're taking me to Imogene, I might as well look the part," she smiled at him as he helped her into the limo. And just then, just before she entered, she felt a shiver go up her spine. She hadn't felt that shiver since… well; it was a long time ago. Like someone was watching her. When Nate scooted over next to her she clung to him a little tighter than usual and attempted to ignore how unnaturally stiff he was.
--
Chuck watched the two people he actually cared about enter the limo, and he stewed there for a bit. He already knew where they were going and all he had to do was follow but he had to pause and ask himself if this was really what he wanted to do.
Is this what he really wanted out of his 'life'? To come back every so often and just stare at them from far away as envy, jealousy and regret continued to build in his stomach? Watch them marry, what them have little kids, watch them be a family?
What had life made him? He used to be so very carefree… where was that Chuck? Had Sector killed it? Had he killed him himself in a desperate hope not to go running back to Blair and have her die in his arms?
That thought, which was a thought that sometimes haunted his mind, made him shiver. He could never go back to her, not if he really loved her. He'd rather she be out there alive and loving someone else than dead because he just couldn't let her go.
He decided that he should follow them, and stay just far enough away that he wouldn't have to smell her intoxicating perfume. The perfume could take over his resolve and bring it all crumbling down.
When he arrived at Imogene, they had already been seated at the table facing the window.
Typical, he thought to himself (yes, he was bitter, dammit).
They were showing off their status as people glanced at them and whispered behind hidden smiles, some even taking pictures of them with their phones. They were the golden couple of the UES: childhood sweethearts (with the exception of that incident with the best friend that got killed), always together, and in the near future producing perfect babies.
It was then that Chuck noticed something very interesting. Maybe it had always been there and now that he was accustomed to watching people, he could see what he hadn't been able to see before. Both Blair and Nate were completely bored with each other.
Completely.
Nate glanced past her head and Blair kept her eyes on her food. Sure, they would make small talk and chat amicably and there was obvious fondness for each other but they were as bored as an old married couple who hadn't had sex since 1975.
He didn't know why but this sudden realization made him get out of his SUV and slink into the shadow of the alley behind the restaurant.
--
Blair was bored, he could tell. This wasn't the first time and the pit in his stomach reminded him that it wouldn't be the last.
Sure, she was stronger than she had been all those years ago, but he still couldn't bear to leave her. Even though their relationship had gone from having robotic sex once a week to (at times) weeks passing and not even a kiss. The facade was slowly deteriorating him, and he was sure it was evident in his face.
The need to get out of here and to his place of solace was making him anxious, and he hoped with all his might that the evening would end shortly.
He got his relief when Blair placed her napkin on the table and smiled at him.
"I'll be right back, I'm going to the ladies," she told him and gracefully stood, ever the lady.
He let out a sigh of relief as she walked away. This was getting harder and harder.
--
I was true as the sky is blue
I couldn't soon say the same for you
So now I find denial in my eyes
I'm mesmerized by the picture that's in my mind
Blair walked to the restroom and stopped short when that chill once more went through her spine. It was so frightening that she looked around, wild-eyed; to see if anyone was behind her. Her heart began to beat faster and all sorts of thoughts went through her head.
Years ago, when this first occurred, she and Serena (just to appease her) read about ghosts and spirits. If the dead had left the earth before their time and they had unfinished business, they would haunt those that they loved in an attempt to send them a message.
She had been silly then; she had hired psychics, ghost hunters and all types of people. She even bought an Ouija board but no matter how hard she tried, the chill never came again. She didn't know what she had been hoping for. Chuck's voice from the grave? His face on a mirror?
It was all silly. One of the physics had even taken advantage of her and told her Chuck's presence followed her and he wanted to tell her things. Nate hadn't taken it too well and had exposed the woman for what she was before Chuck's face appeared in any mirrors.
Yet… here it was again. The chill that had first started her fascination with the dead. The fascination of just seeing him again, if only for a moment.
Her brain told her to run because it was all too much, yet her head told her to be calm, make it to the bathroom with some decency.
She entered the restroom and was relieved to find it empty. The towels were all in place, the entire place sparkled. A true UES restroom of a five-star restaurant. The emptiness ate at her, and she wondered if she should go back to Nate and ask him to spend the night. Just so she could feel arms around her even if when she closed them she desperately wished they belonged to someone else… someone she had buried a long time ago.
She closed herself behind a stall and pressed her forehead against the door, letting the cool metal share its calming presence with her. She breathed in and out and willed herself not to get sick like she had always done in the days of her youth. Her calmness was startled when she felt the door open and close.
She should get out of here; this was ridiculous.
When she exited the stall she noticed… that no one else was in the restroom.
She gulped and bent down with as much dignity as she could muster to look under the stalls.
One by one she checked. They were empty. All empty. It was only her and that chill that convinced her that she was no alone, not truly alone.
--
After five years of becoming invisible, Chuck was now a master of it. Despite the fact that his heart was beating faster than it ever did on all those previous missions (not that spying on Blair was a mission, he was just curious), he kept his calm and his cool.
He had seen her enter the bathroom and it was strange… but it was almost as if she could sense him. He'd tracked down assassins and they had never felt him, yet Blair somehow did. The fact that she was sensing him made him curious – like a moth to the flame was always his case with Blair. She being the flame, of course.
He ensured himself that no one saw him enter the restroom and followed her in, swiftly standing on one of the toilets, closing the stall behind him. It didn't take long for her to exit her stall and start worrying. He could sense it once more – she felt a presence and he didn't know why exactly, but this made him smile.
He pulled down his ski-mask over his head in case she barged into his stall, he could always play the part of masked robber if he wanted. He remained motionless, waiting for her to leave, yet a part of him wanted them to stay forever like this; her just a door away. He waited and when she didn't leave, his heart and mind began to question exactly how much she could sense.
That's when he felt her go to the entrance and turn the lock. She locked them in.
The pit in his stomach grew larger. What was she doing?
"Oh, God. This is crazy," he distinctively heard her mutter.
His ears perked up.
"Ok. Here it goes." She said to the 'empty' bathroom. "Look, I don't know if I'm going crazy, but I have to say it before I spend another four years and thousands of dollars wondering if there was something more…."
He heard her take a breath.
"I don't know if it's you, Chuck…"
His body froze.
"… I don't know if there's something you need to tell me. I just… I sometimes feel something, and I can't explain it. So if you're just hanging around to make sure I'm ok, then let me tell you I am. I'm as ok as I can be without you."
His stomach sent warning waves to his heart and he had to close his eyes.
"Life is good, life is ok. I just… I just wish you were still here, you know? But we can't turn back time and I'm only twenty-three. My whole life is ahead of me."
She was quiet for a minute then he heard her hold back a sob and he continued a mantra of not going out there and holding her in his arms.
"I don't want you to worry, ok. I know you loved me and you know I loved you. I will always love you. No matter what … No matter whom I marry or who I spend the rest of my life with. I will never stop."
Something must be wrong with his eyes because he felt them moisten.
"But you need to let me go. I want you to be at peace. I really want this… and, of course, if it's not you now I'm talking to a dead person, then I'm technically insane. But if it's you and you just need to hear me say it, then there it is. I want you to be at peace."
He heard her grab some tissues and wipe her eyes.
His jaw twitched.
"Goodbye, Chuck. One day… one day, we will see each other, and then we'll have forever. No one will be able to take away our forever. Not this time."
With that she opened the lock and walked out.
Fuck, fuck, fuck, was the only thing that went through his mind.
Sometimes I can't explain
And I'm so sorry that I can't
I'll try to concentrate
On your true identity
--
When he saw her walking towards him, he knew she wanted to go. She wanted to go home and just be alone.
"Nate…"
"You want me to take you home?" He asked, standing to greet her.
Her eyes were wide and possibly pink, and she looked eternally grateful.
"Yes, thank you," she whispered.
He quickly settled the bill and led her outside, placing his hand gently on her lower back and making sure she was comfortable before he slid in next to her.
She looked spaced, lost and alone. She was quiet for most of the ride before she looked up, as if seeing him for the first time all night.
"Nate…" She licked her lips. "You're wonderful, you know."
Guilt ran through his body and he looked down, unable to meet her eyes. His best friend had been better. He may have no been the 'perfect boyfriend,' but he was honest. He was always honest and when he found a cause to be loyal to, he was loyal to the end… 'till the end.
He gulped and looked back up at her.
"Blair…" he began, but she smiled at him, reached for his hand and squeezed it.
"I know," she said and got out when she realized they were at her house. "Call me later."
And she was out, leaving only her perfume in her wake.
Nathaniel sat for a minute in the limo, and then thumped his head a few times against the window. His life was an awful mess.
He wanted to punch something, to hit something – to possibly start a fight. He hadn't had this strong desire of hurting something in years. In years since Chuck died.
"Fuck, man," he hissed quietly at his dead best friend. "You just had to fuck everything up."
Then he instructed the driver where he wanted to go and kept his eyes out the window as they drove down the now-familiar route.
When the car door was opened he gingerly stepped outside and told his driver that he wouldn't need him for the rest of the night. The man nodded, accustomed to this, and left. He took a deep breath before he felt… something cold run up and down his spine. He quickly turned and looked down the dark street.
It was empty, quiet, and only a few empty cars parked on the side.
He shook it off and briskly jogged up the stairs and into the building. He knew the layout well and was able to get to the door before he continued to spook himself.
He pulled out his keys and opened the door, taking a deep breath as if he'd been deprived of air for a while.
He took off his shoes and jacket and walked to the kitchen, pulling out a beer to calm his nerves.
Familiar arms went around his waist, and he felt a face pressed against his shoulder.
"Hey! You're here early."
He smiled his first real smile of the night and turned around.
He looked down at her face; smooth and trusting. He loved that face.
"Baby." He smiled and took her lips in his. "I missed you."
She melted into him, pulling his head down lower to be able to be fully enveloped.
He pulled back and tucked a blonde strand behind her ear.
"Studying?" he asked, she smiled and nodded.
"How was Blair?" she asked, almost timidly.
"The same." A shadow must've crossed his face, because she noticed and brought their foreheads together, staring at him.
"Nate-"
"It's not fair to you." He whispered and pulled her closer.
"I think we'll be ok. At least you're home now."
He nodded and kissed her head, inhaling her scent.
--
Chuck couldn't believe his brown eyes. His best friend, who was currently engaged to Blair was actually … dare he say it? In love with Little Jenny Humphrey? Of course, she wasn't little anymore. She'd grown up to be quite a beauty. Her hair had gotten darker, almost golden, as opposed to the light blonde he had last seen her with. Her body had grown with her, fuller hips, breasts and ass. Her eyes still held that wide-eyed fascination with life and he could see how Nate would be indescribably attracted to it.
But it was more than attraction. As Chuck spied on them from across the street he saw Nate… lived in this apartment with Jenny. They had an easy camaraderie between them. They shared a small bathroom and while wearing their underwear they brushed their teeth and talked and joked about the day. Nate was anything but stiff and boring. He reminded Chuck of a pre-Serena Nate, who would laugh and joke and would be comfortable around people.
His vision was cut short when Jenny drew the curtains and cut his view.
Chucked collected his equipment and walked to his vehicle. When he settled in, his thoughts going a mile an hour, his phone rang.
He looked at the ID and had a dull idea of who it was.
"27."
"Wrong choice, Bass."
The line went dead and the pit that had slowly been digging a hole in Chuck's stomach became a rock.
There was only one way 27 could really hurt him. Only one person that would truly destroy Chuck. And she lived in the other side of town.
--
To be continued
A/N - I hope you're all enjoying it!