A/N: Thanks as always to everyone who reviewed this last chapter. I did reply to all of your reviews. I'm not sure if you received them or not because I was having a few problems with the internet. Anyway Thanks! I hope you like this chapter! As always any suggestions are always welcome.

Chapter 8 – I want you

That night Addison struggled to sleep. She tossed and turned and woke through the night having a bad dream of reliving the attack again.

"Addison. What is it?" Derek asked half asleep.

"Just a bad dream. Go back to sleep." She replied. Still piecing it all together.

"What was it about?" Derek asked always concerned.

"It was about the night I lost the baby."

"I wonder what made you think about that. You haven't thought about that for a long time." He said as he pulled her close to him.

"Oh I'm not sure." She said hating herself for lying to him. Hating herself for kissing Alex earlier. Hating herself even more for not regretting kissing Alex.

"Try and get some sleep." Derek said.

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Alex didn't even attempt to go to bed; he knew he wouldn't be able to sleep so he lay on the sofa channel surfing for most of the night. He couldn't really concentrate on anything. His mind was wrestling between two things.

Firstly that Addison had been pregnant with his child and even though he knew logically even if he was around then that neither of them were ready to be parents. That still didn't stop the fact that he felt the sense of loss. Along with that loss came anger at what the woman that he loved had endured at the hands of those 2 men.

Secondly and this was the one that at least brought a smile to his lips was the fact that he had held Addison again and she didn't resist when they kissed. So the conclusion that Alex came to was that perhaps she still felt something for him too. If that was the case he was going to make sure that they would be together again somehow.

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The next morning Alex was already in the Nursery doing 'his share' of the new born exams. Addison may well be the love of his life but there was no way in hell he was giving up this part of his job. He still liked to be in charge of the Post-Natal ward even if he begrudgingly had to share it with Addison.

"Good Morning." She said quietly as she entered the room. There were only a few night nurses doing a hand over to the day work nurses at this time of the morning so they always had time alone.

"Hey. How did you sleep?" He asked concerned.

"Oh alright." She lied. No point telling him the truth. "And you?" she asked.

"I didn't get much sleep." Alex always went with honesty.

"I'm sorry Alex. I just don't know what else there is I can say."

"I told you Addie, you have nothing to be sorry for. Please don't say it again. It wasn't your fault. None of it was. The whole thing it's just...it's just sad."

"Yeah it is."

"Does Derek know?"

"About you?"

"Yeah."

"Um no. He knows the story of Alex in Florida and he was there that night so he knew I was pregnant but he doesn't know you are THAT Alex."

"Well I guess he doesn't need to know that."

"No. I'd appreciate it if we kept it that way."

"Sure."

"So I can finish up these exams if you like?" Addison asked.

"No. The deal was we would do half each." He said light heartedly.

"God you're stubborn. I was just trying to help." She said returning his smile.

"Oh well if you want to help you can fill out the paperwork for me while I do the tests."He said in all seriousness.

"Hey what did your last slave die of?"

"You said you wanted to help. Here's the forms and a pen. I'm kind like that I can even provide the pen." He said smirking.

Addison took the forms and PEN off him and pretended to be annoyed.

"Alex I'm really glad things aren't going to be weird between us. I like being friends with you." She said looking into his beautiful brown eyes.

"It took 15 years to have you back in my life I don't want to do weird with you."He replied.

Addison was a little surprised at his reaction but happy none the less. It seemed as though they could talk about the pregnancy and the miscarriage but the kiss was something they silently agreed not to acknowledge.

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A few days passed and even though on the surface everything seemed to be okay between Alex and Addison there was still the underlying feelings about the kiss. Neither of them wanted to be the first to say anything but by the time another week went by Alex decided it was time to say something.

They had a minor disagreement on the course of treatment for a new born and after they eventually agreed she turned to leave his office, her hand was on the door knob when she heard Alex's voice.

"Are we ever going to say anything? Or would you rather just keep avoiding it?" Alex asked.

"I was hoping we could avoid it." She replied softly.

"Well..." He said as he walked closer to her and placed his hand over hers that was still holding the door knob. "I have a few things I want to say."

Addison looked down at his hand covering hers and she felt that same tingling sensation in her hand and she could feel her heart rate increase and there were butterflies doing somersaults in her stomach. She eventually turned her gaze to his before she spoke.

"I don't know what there is to say Alex."

"Okay well how about you just listen." He said as he took his hand from hers and asked her to sit down on the small sofa.

"Please don't. I shouldn't have. It was a mistake." She said as she sat down next to him.

"I get that this is hard for you. I know that but you can't tell me that it didn't feel right."

"Alex. Don't make this harder than it has to be."

"Well Addison sometimes life is hard. You didn't answer my question. Tell me that the kiss didn't feel right."

"I shouldn't have kissed you back. It wasn't fair. I'm married to a wonderful man. I shouldn't be kissing anyone else."

"Probably not but you STILL haven't answered my question. Did it or did it not feel right to you?"

"I can't." Addison said still avoiding the question.

"That isn't an answer."

"No it shouldn't feel right. I'm married. To Derek. Who is a wonderful man."

"But..." Alex prodded.

"But YES okay! Yes it felt right. It felt good to be with you again. Happy now."Addison said angrily. She really didn't want to admit any of that to him but he kept pushing the subject so she let it out.

"No I'm not happy now." He said back just as angry. "This isn't easy for me either Addison."

"I realize that Alex but what is it you want me to do about it. I'm married."

"Yes and you don't have to keep reminding me of that."

"This is pointless. We are going around in circles." Addison said as she got up to leave.

"Stop. I haven't said what I wanted to say." Alex said as he got up himself.

Addison turned around and met his gaze again. They stood looking at each other in the middle of his office.

"What is it?" She asked sighing.

"Addison, if I thought for 1 minute that you felt nothing for me, I wouldn't bother you. Trust me I don't chase women I can't catch. I know you felt something last week so I'm not going anywhere. It's complicated, I understand that but by us not being together who wins. Derek doesn't win because he is your second choice..."

"How dare you? Derek is not my second choice."

"Really. Let's see, would you have started anything with him all those years ago if we hadn't lost contact." Alex challenged.

"That is a stupid question that I can't possibly answer."

"Alright how about this one. Does he make your heart race when he looks at you?" Alex asked as he moved closer to her to prove his point.

"What are you doing?" She asked as he moved closer to her and she was now standing pushed up against the wall near the door.

"Nothing and you didn't answer another question. Does Derek make your heart race when he looks at you? If you don't feel anything for me this shouldn't bother you." He breathed out as he took her face in his hands and leant in slightly. He was going to make her close the gap. He knew he wasn't playing fair but if this was what it took to make her realise that she was meant to be with him then that was what he would do.

"Alex...don't do this." She whispered as she felt her resistance fading. One hand caressed her face as the other began to tangle in her hair. She could feel his breath on her lips as her eyes drifted from his warm eyes to his very kissable lips. Still they stood like that moment after moment Addison pressed firmly against the wall, Alex standing his ground assured that she would finally close the gap, he was prepared to wait all night.

Alex didn't have to wait much longer before Addison did in fact close the gap between them. There was nothing soft about this kiss it was deep and passionate from the very beginning. The kissing intensified, and as Addison's tongue entered Alex's mouth he groaned slightly. Addison just couldn't resist him and her arms found their way to his chest. God he felt good.

His hand moved from her face slowly down to her breasts. He stroked one softly through the thin material of her shirt. That sensation jolted Addison back into reality. She pulled away from his embrace quickly.

"Alex. Oh god I'm so sorry I can't do this. I shouldn't have..."

"No I'm sorry I shouldn't have rushed you."

"No I kissed you and I can't do that. This stops now I'm sorry." Addison said as she continued to look in his eyes. Her words were not convincing even to her own ears.

"Addison we are too old to play games. Bottom line, I want you and I know you want me too so you just need to figure it out. I'll be waiting." Alex said still not having moved any real distance away from her.

"Alex you can't just come back into my life and expect to pick up where we left off."

"I want you that's all I know. Let me know when you're ready to admit you want me too."

Addison glanced at him one more time before leaving the room. She knew she wanted him, God who was she kidding she was in love with him but saying it out loud was a completely different thing, everything would be too real then.

I can't be around him! He makes me do things sane Addison would never do. Okay new plan work is fine as long as other people are around, I can't be trusted alone with him. Next time I might not be able to stop myself. Derek I need to think about him. I've never wanted Derek like the way I want Alex. This is not good, not good at all.

A/N: So that was chapter 8. I hope you liked it. I'm the 1st to admit that Alex is a little out of character but I know he COULD be this Alex given the chance. Anyway please review and let me know what you think!