Disclaimer: I do not own the Icemark, but I DO own the idea for this ficcy.
HOLIDAY ways to Annoy Scipio Bellorum! I know these are a little late, but the story just got published so here they are. They are not numbered.
-On Christmas morning give him a post-it that says COAL on it, and then laugh at him because he didn't even get real coal. Make sure the rest of the Icemark cast got super-fantabulous amazing presents.
-Write the song "Bellorum Got Run Over by a Reindeer", and then make sure all the radio stations play it. Then ask him what it's like to be run over by a sled carrying presents for all the children in the world and a fat guy.
-Wait until he's addressing the entire army and then say that he believes in Santa Claus.
-Make him listen to the radio from the day after Thanksgiving to Christmas, because all they play is annoying covers of Christmas carols and it will drive him insane.
- Sign him up to be one of those mall Santas. After about three hours of kids drooling on him, pulling his beard, and wiping their sticky slobbery hands all over his face, get him fired for not being jolly enough.
- Tell him the ONLY way to get all those advanced weapons he asked for for Christmas is to say sorry to Thirrin and take his armies out of the Icemark and promise never to return.
-If he does that, wait until Christmas day, then give him makeup and fluffy bunny slippers and a DVD of Charlie the Unicorn and those pink bunny PJs that Ralphie got in A Christmas Story and basically all the girly stuff you could find. Then run for your life.
-Steal his armor, sword, pistols, and any other general-ish stuff of his and put on top of the Rockefeller Center Christmas tree. When he gets a ladder to climb up and get it back, wait until he's almost at the top then push the ladder over.
-Superglue mistletoe all over his helmet right before he goes to duel with Thirrin. When they're both facing each other go "Isn't that so CUTE???" and point at the mistletoe on his helmet.
-At those New Years parties where everyone stays up until midnight and gets drunk, wait until all the staff officer people and him get stinking drunk then convince them all to get on a table and do the Can-Can.
-Right before midnight when everyone's doing the countdown knock him out when they hit 2.
-When he's all drunk, convince him to dress in a baby costume because it's the New Year.
-On New Years day wake him up at 3 in the morning and dance around saying "IT'S A NEW YEAR! IT'S A FRESH START! IT'S A NEW YEAR! IT'S A FRESH START!" repeat the whole New Year thing about 15, 20 times.
-Give Thirrin photos of him drunk at the Christmas party or New Years party, and then she can blackmail him with them.
-Put a piece of string in a box. Convince Bellorum that you have photos of him drunk at the Christmas/New Years party. Say you'll give him the contents of the box if he does embarrassing stuff like run around in a llama suit, talk in a ridiculous French accent, give all his staff officers hugs, stuff like that. Take videos of him doing the stuff. Then give him the box and when he sees it's just string, laugh in his face, post the videos on YouTube then run for your life.
A/N: Hallow again. Reviews are nice, I would really like to hear people's thoughts on the list and know that people are reading my stuff. And also, if you haven't read Cry of the Icemark, you are missing out my friends. Go read it, it's COOL!