John remained in the doorway of what used to be his room for several minutes before leaving Amanda in peace. He had been relieved, to say the least, when the young female had finally awakened. Recalling how he had found her, John grimaced. Amanda had been convulsing and vomiting blood. When he had lifted her up, she vomited on his clothes. Still, the filthy smell had been nothing compared to the uncertainty. Amanda had unconscious for nearly a week, wakening for only moments at a time within that period, and seeming like she was still in a nightmare. John had fed her during this time, and given her fluids through her vein, because although he was not a doctor, it seemed like the safest course of action. He hadn't wanted Amanda to dehydrate but he had also worried that she would choke, from drinking.
John, yet again, recalled the events of the day he rescued Amanda. He had waited until her sister left the apartment before sneaking in. Zepp had managed to secure him a room nearby, close enough to Amanda so that he could see her room through his window. He had watched her the night of the test, trailing behind her as she walked back to the building, her arms and clothes bloodied. The blood had disturbed Amanda more than Jigsaw. He was used to seeing other people's blood. He was even used to seeing his own. He vomited blood on nearly a daily basis, after all.
Amanda, however, was accustomed only to self mutilation and, therefore, only used to seeing her own blood. Plunging the knife into someone had been exceptionally difficult for her, harder than most of his other test subjects. When Jigsaw planned the test, this was not his intent. He had wanted to choose something difficult, but with a better chance of success. No other test subject had survived, so while Jigsaw refused to believe that they had no chance, he wanted to increase Amanda's chances of survival. What Jigsaw did not realize how hard it would be for Amanda to cut open another human being when he planned the trap.
He hadn't expected it to wear on Amanda to the extent that it had. She had been hysterical after unlocking the bear trap, suddenly screaming now that she could speak freely. It had taken her awhile simply to rise from the floor.
John had planned to send Billy along as a warning.
If she fled the room after seeing the doll, John would let her go. Temporarily. If she still could not pull herself together, he would approach her and speak with her. She had been more shaky than John had expected, and at one point he worried that she would not pass the test, and he hoped that if he did have the opportunity to speak with her, he would be able to calm her down.
But Amanda had raced out of the room as soon as Billy finished speaking.
He had known since before her survival that he wanted Amanda to continue his work. John had made Amanda's trap fairly easy for this reason. He always wanted his victims to survive, but in the case of Amanda, he needed her to survive. Had the timer went off, she would have had a few more seconds before the bear trap opened. The key was in a place fairly easy to locate. He purposely gave her fair lighting…or at least, better than his other victims had received. The test was probably the easiest he had given since he started his work, but John realized that he was not an impartial judge.
Many of the other test subjects were people that Jigsaw would have been happy to slaughter outright. Paul, for instance, was a pathetic excuse for a human being. He was a hazard to the employment industry, for one thing. But he was also very self absorbed. It made John angry that people like him existed and made life difficult for others. Jigsaw had made his trap nearly impossible for this reason, and when the human's ugly face caught on fire from holding the candle a little too close…well, he saw it as an improvement.
Perhaps it would be most honest to say that John felt sorry for Amanda. He was angry at her for wasting her life, but he also recognized that she must have other problems that would make her resort to drugs. Zepp had not told him much about her –just that she cut herself and smoked heroin—but Jigsaw recognized that it would be better to scare her into seeing that life was important. Then he would change that life and put it towards his worthy cause.
John was relieved that he found Amanda when he did. She was in a pitiable state when he found her, and she did not protest when he lifted her up. Zepp had some medical books around, and together they tried to calm her body and slow her heart rate. John had given Amanda his room, including his bed, at this time. Zepp had a dingy couch from his previous home, but John had been forced to sleep either on the floor or on an uncomfortable chair in what was now Amanda's room. John didn't mind; he was used to discomfort. He threw up at least four times each day, thanks to the cancer in his body that refused to respond to treatment.
But it had taken her awhile to truly wake up (the ravings and vomit attacks she had in the last week did not count), and John was starting to worry when he saw the young female open her eyes.
She had been terrified, at first. She must have been unaware of the times she had woken up during the withdraw period –as he had been used to thinking of it—and John had tried to calm her down. Amanda would not open her eyes right away, a sign that John associated with both trauma and denial. Perhaps she suspected that she would not wake up to find herself at home. Yet when her eyes did open, she panicked, trying to escape from the bed, death to John's pleas of reassurance. It had taken two hands pressing down on her shoulder to get the foolish child to stop struggling.
John had explained, briefly, what had happened and then asked if she needed anything. She refused to look at him with those dark brown eyes when she requested food. When the food arrived (he had made extra several hours ago in case Amanda should wake up, planning to consume it himself had she remained unconscious), she seemed hesitant, as though it contained traces of the drugs that had nearly killed her.
Of course, hunger took over, and she finished everything. John tried to reassure her that it was all right to sleep, but she stiffened when he put his arms around her.
He supposed that he couldn't blame her. In her mind (however faulty her logic was, it was Amanda's only source of being able to make decisions), he had tried to kill her before, and there was no telling what he might do to Amanda in her weakened state. Her only logical choice was to trust him, and that had only worked so well last time. He might not have lied to her, but John knew that he was not trustworthy.
He hoped he could fix things in the weeks to come. It would be that long before she was ready to start learning from him, should she agree.
Now that the immediate danger was out of the way, John was able to watch Amanda sleep without fear. He would have to heal her completely before he could mold her to follow him.
Yes, Jigsaw would have no choice but to wait until she recovered before he could emerge.