Sakura Winds: A Little Lighter

by: JeNya

Author's Note on 'Sakura Winds' - please remember that this is a collection of one-shots, so 'A Little Lighter' has no connection to 'Protector'. If someone asks me, it is possible that a one-shot could become more than, well, a one-shot.

Author's Note on 'A Little Lighter' - This story is pretty Hisoka focused (strange for me), and is rated K plus only for some mild swearing. As always, reviews are great and please tell me the good, the bad and the ugly.

The day was perfect, to some. The horizon seemed to have gathered every nearby cloud and turn them so that they came to Meifu, land of eternal cherry blossoms. Under one of those trees sat someone small, and hunched over. His short hair was plastered to his face with the cold rain that came down from the endless clouds, and his clothes dripped more water to the ground.

"He's been out there since seven." Murmured Tsuzuki, staring out at the wet form of his partner. "I asked him what was wrong, but he just looked at me and turned away."

"Do you want me to go ask him?"

"Please. If he won't talk to me, maybe he'll talk to you."

A small silence.

"I'll see if he does."

The scientist approached his younger co-worker, a look of worry on his face. Hisoka heard him, the glops of shoes going through mud letting him know that he had a visitor.

"I am Hisoka Kurosaki." He sated, seeming to the moisture filled air but in reality to the scientist behind him.

"I am Bon", added Hisoka, turning his gaze on Watari, "as you call me. I am an employee of Tatsumi and a partner of Tsuzuki. I am. . . me, for better or for worse."

"Why for worse?" asked Watari, taking a seat next to him on the cold and wet bench. "You seem to like it here, with us. It's not a bad thing, to do good after dying."

"I do like it here." Was a simple declaration, accompanied by a small smile. "But why am I like this? Why am I me? Shouldn't I be someone else, after my life? After my family, my father. . . hell, after Muraki? Someone who doesn't like to help, or who hates being with others?"

The scientist gave a small sigh and a slight smile.

"You're in quite a philosophical mood today Bon, asking the hard questions."

He shrugged his shoulders, leaning back against a tree.

"I don't know how we work, as humans or Shinigami. Nobody does, except Enma. And maybe even he guesses sometimes. Truth is, we are all walking, talking experiments."

Hisoka made as if to get up, but a hand touched his shoulder, stopping him.

"Hear me out," said Watari, raising his hand. "This is not 'let's experiment on all of my co-workers' Watari talking. This is 'what I think about the questions you just asked' Watari speaking."

"An experiment? We're all just around so that someone can do whatever they want to with us?" spat Hisoka. "Do you really believe that?"

"No. By experiments, I mean that each human is an unknown 'base' of chemicals. If you take the same event, the same 'experiment' and have it happen to two people of two different 'bases', they have different reactions."

"Like what?"

"Hmmm. Like twins. Genetically, if you have identical twins, they are the same. However, there has to be something different somewhere else in the body. If those two children have the same thing happen to them, there will usually be different reactions. A spanking for something done wrong might encourage one to stay away from doing bad things, but the other one might not care. Volia, the two different reactions to the same event, by two people raised the same way and with genetically alike wired bodies."

"So you're saying what makes us are our memories, our past actions and reactions."

"Yes and no. For most people, that is the bulk of what makes them. Tsuzuki, for example, is who he is because of what happened to him. He was teased and bullied as a child, and it hurts him to see it happen to anyone else. Because of his horrible past, he is kinder and nicer than anyone would think. However, I also think that there had to be something in his 'base' to counter act the bad stuff."

"Something that made him think it would be better to help someone in that position than to put someone in that position?"

Watari beamed. "Exactly Bon! You've got the idea! And who knows, if people had been nice to him, maybe it would have gone the other way. Maybe the reaction to kindness would have been superiority, or bullying."

"I doubt that. I think that he would have stayed the same." Said Hisoka hesitantly, that last idea rolling around in his brain. "That there is something in his base that keeps him kind."

"So do I, but it was always a possibility, Bon. Everything is a possibility."

"In that view then, should he be thankful for being tormented? Should I be grateful for the way my family treated me? For being the 'toy' of a demented doctor? Those are the things that made us who we are, after all."

Hisoka's head dropped, his fringe of hair coming forward to hide his eyes, and the tears that were forming in them.

"No!" shouted Watari, jumping up and startling the boy.

"No, Hisoka. . . just because something helped make you who you are, there is no need to be thankful for rotten things. What happened to you because of your family was not a good thing, and Muraki rates much higher than that. Never be glad that that stuff happened to you."

Green eyes stared at gold, and Watari felt a pain in his heart that his co-worker had even thought about Muraki as a 'good' thing.

"Honestly, just be happy that your 'base' chemicals canceled out most of the harmful effects. That's all that any of us should want from life, the ability to roll with the punches."

"I guess. . . I handled it well."

"Well, you certainly didn't become Muraki Jr."

"But what about you? You had no memories, you had to start again from scratch. How are you still Watari? How could you ever know if there was a differnece? Why are you a happy person when all you remember are things related to death?"

"And that," answered Watari, stretching, "is when we head out of the rain and into my lab for some hot tea, along with slices of life discussions. Interested, Bon?"

Hisoka suddenly realized that he and Watari were soaking wet, as if earlier it hadn't mattered enough to penetrate his conciseness. It did matter, though. And right now he felt lighter than ever before, less angry than he had ever been.

"Bon?"

He got up, the area where he'd been sitting suddenly exposed to the downpour, the light gray concrete turning to dark with every splatter of rain that touched.