You saw Matt wince as the chocolate bar Mello had been munching on fell to the floor from shock. Mello's scar seemed to stretch an extra hand size- bright, red, and angry.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Mello yelled. He stood up, staring down at you with anger burning in his light eyes.

"Don't you dare ask me that, you liar!" You screamed as loud as you could, hoping to pop his eardrums.

Mello grabbed your shoulders and shook you. "What are you talking about?" He shook you more. "What's gotten into you? Are you insane?"

He obviously didn't know what was going on. You decided to clear it up for him. "Mello, how did we become friends? Or, more specifically, why did we become friends?"

His eyes flew to Matt. "What did you say to her, Matt?"

Matt's hands flew up, trying to show innocence. "All I did was show her the paper and answer questions."

"Are you-" Mello pinched the bridge of his nose for just a moment. He obviously didn't want to say something that would offend Matt. Which was odd, because Mello never held back.

"Why would you do that?" he asked, much calmer now.

"Because I can," Matt retorted. Matt wasn't an angel, either, but usually he just took whatever Mello threw at him without trying to dodge it. Damn testosterone.

There were a few "Oooh"s from the couch, as the boys tried to encourage the fight. You silenced them with a wave of your hand.

"Mello, Matt was right when he told me. I want to know why you never told me yourself. Why did you use me like that?" You were on the verge of crying, but you weren't sure if you were angry or sad. It didn't matter right now.

"Tell you that I used you?" Mello began. "That's great. 'Hey, Hail. Just so you know, I only started to talk to you because you and Near were so close and I hate him and want him to be miserable. Just thought you should know. So, yeah. We cool, though?' I can't see that happening."

You rubbed your face, trying to play it off as annoyance but you were really wiping away your tears. You took a breath to calm down. You didn't want your voice to crack. "Mello..." You stopped talking. You were so disgusted, so sad, so angry, and so ashamed that you had believed every lie Mello had told you.

"It's not what you think," Mello tried to explain.

You laughed. "What is it, then? What on God's green earth is it?"

Mello started over. "I mean, I did use you, but- Matt, stop looking at me like that!"

You turned to Matt who shrugged. Matt must have seen that your eyes were red, if that's possible through orange goggles, because he came over and hugged you.

"Fine. Be on her side," Mello spat. His words felt as cold as icicles. Venomous as poison. Kinda like poison icicles.

"I'm not on her side. She just needs help standing," Matt told him. Then you realized your knees had been shaking. "You're standing fine. And you're not the one crying."

Mello's expression changed. He shoved his hands in his pockets and stared at the ground. "I didn't mean to make her cry," he mumbled to Matt as if you weren't there. He scuffed his feet like a guilty kid.

Matt didn't say anything else. You didn't say anything else. Even Mello stayed silent.

You shook out of Matt's grasp and went to bed, your emotions occupying your mind so it didn't notice the sweat rolling down your face. Or was it tears? You were to tired to notice, but you didn't sleep. When everyone's doors had closed, you got up. You packed a suit case.

"I should never have left Near's. He was right. Damn it," you muttered to yourself as you packed your clothes. You left your room, ready to leave. You'd probably hitchhike to Near's since you didn't have enough money for a cab. Matt would understand. There was no way you could get married right now.

The hideout was all dark except for a single lamp that illuminated an overstuffed chair that was bursting at the seams. Mello sat on that chair, his hands clasped, his thumbs wrestling each other.

He looked up as you walked out of your room. Had he been expecting you? He sure as hell didn't look surprised. He looked sad.

You wanted to ignore him and leave, but your feet wouldn't move. He stood up gracefully and walked over to you.

"Please hear me out," he whispered. "For Matt."

He didn't have to add that last part. He knew that you would listen no matter what. That was just the way you were. You couldn't throw away fourteen years of friendship just like that. What were you without the three people you held closest? Nothing.

He led you to the couch. You sat down, but he didn't. He paced back and fourth, tweaking what he wanted to say until it sounded perfect.

"Just say it," you whispered.

"Yes, I did u-," he winced "use you. I was six. Shoot me."

When you didn't laugh, he went on. "I though that if I could get you away from Near, I'd've finally won at something, ya know? I heard you liked Matt. So, I had to find out what kind of person Matt was.

"I asked around, and finally found this little red-haired dork, sitting in front of the television watching Sailor Moon, saying, 'I wish I had powers.' I'll never forget that. He was just muttering to himself about how cool life would be with superpowers.

"Then I said, 'Are you Matt?' and he looked up at me, real surprised, and nodded. So I introduced myself as Mello. I have to say, I was a little put off by the goggles, but he was wearing them on his head. He said he liked looking at Sailor Moon without the orange tint." Mello laughed. "He always was a bit of a pervert. Not that I'm really one to talk.

"But anyway, I watched him for a few days. I noticed he didn't really have any friends, so I realized how easy it would be to become his friend. He didn't have a whole group that I would have to please, and I didn't have to share his attention. Just him and me, and soon, of course, you.

"But I wasn't worried about getting you away from Near. I had a secret weapon. We were already friendly, you and I. Do you remember?" Mello saw you nod then continued.

"So when I introduced you to my new friend, I saw you blush. But I didn't count on your whole 'phobia'. You not only ran away, which I really expected, but you were panicking. Watari picked you up and brought you to the sink. I remember L was there, too, and he was fussing over you, as well. Then he took you in for a whole "Twenty Questions" deal and noted you as fourth in line."

You remembered that. Wammy kids don't just forget the first time they see L. He was God. Everything you were striving to be, in the flesh. You didn't remember the specific questions he asked you, but you remembered the smile he gave you at the end of the interrogation.

"Eventually, you got used to having Matt around. When you blushed around him, you didn't panic. When you would sweat, well, that's a different story," he chuckled. "And as time went on, you became a real friend to me. It's not like I ever forgot I lied to you. I just rather not think of it. Then Matt started to like you, too, which I hadn't expected. You two got close. Matt became my friend, too. I didn't like how close you two had gotten, but I lived with it because it worked for me. You never noticed-" he stopped short.

"What, Mello?" you asked, putting a pause between the two words. There was a long silence. "Mello? What?"

"Tch." Mello rubbed his arm. He was gathering his thoughts. You let him think quietly. "Near. You didn't notice Near. You saw him less and less. He always looked over at us with this sad face, but your back would be turned. He never let you see him suffer. Not once. But, you never forgot about him.

"When he was sick, I tried to get you to come play with us. You told me, 'No, Mello. Near's sick today.'" Mello did his best seven-year-old-Hail impression. "So I got Matt, but it was useless. 'I have to take his temperature!' you told him. I was listening outside the door, and I must say, you were pretty pissed. I called Matt out before you could bitch slap him.

"And on Near's birthday.. Christ. You were by his side from twelve am to twelve pm, I'm fucking sure. You're a late sleeper, Hail, and you would be up and dressed and at Near's room before the friggin' rooster in the science room crowed."

You laughed at the mention of the rooster. His name had been Bubbles. Every few years, Bubbles had a different color pattern, and when you got older, you realized Wammy's got a new one as soon as the old one died and played it off like nothing. Same with the hamsters and even the cat.

"No matter how much we told you to play with us, you stayed with that damn Near. You remember how we found out girls and boys had different, er, downstairs organs? It was Near's fifth birthday. Matt and I tried to pull you to our room to play with Legos. And then your leg swung as if your life depended on it and jammed me right in the dick. I was on the ground and you were confused. Matt kicked you in the same spot three times, but you didn't even flinch. Then Watari had to explain the anatomy to us before you killed one of us."

Mello laughed. "Matt thought you were invincible!"

You laughed at the conclusion you could see the red head jumping to. But your laughter ended as you thought about how you had hurt Near. Were you hurting him now?

Mello answered your thoughts. "He's alright, Hail. As long as you're happy. If you want to go see him, then go. But if you leave again, you'll just hurt him more. And if you leave here, you'll hurt Matt and yourself."

You weighed the pros and cons. There were no pros. No matter what, if you were hurting someone, you'd be sad.

"You're really a friend of mine, Hail. Honestly, you are." Mello patted your shoulder and went to his room.

You pulled out your cell phone and dialed a familiar number. It rang three times and a familiar voice picked up.

"Hello, Hail."

"Near.. Errr..." You tried to think of something to say.

There was silence on the other end.

"Near?"

"Yes."

You wanted to ask him if he loved you. Would that be too cocky? Too straightforward?

"Near, I might marry Matt." You didn't say it was certain, even though you were sure it was. Well, at least you wouldn't say no if he gave you a ring. There better be a damn ring.

"That's good. Am I invited?" he asked. His tone was dead, like it always was.

"You... wanna be there?" You perked up. But then a realization hit you. If he -did- love you, he'd never tell you. Mello had said that he didn't let you see him suffer. Then he would sound as normal as possible, even if he was sad. He would make it sound as if you were asking him what he wanted to eat. Unless he didn't love you. Maybe he had gotten over it. Yes, that's it. You weren't pretty. He probably didn't even think of you as anything more than a sister.

You broke into a slight panic, sweating lightly.

"I'm busy, Hail. I'll talk to you another time." Near's end clicked. You closed your cell phone and sighed. You closed your eyes tight, remembering that you were alone. No body could see your anxiety. There was nothing to be afraid of, nothing at all.

You rested your head and fell asleep.