Love Is A Battlefield
Summary: Ino has set her sights on Neji Hyuuga he's smart, athletic and hot.However Tenten stands in her way. Which begins as a rivalry ends up having all of Konoha running for cover!
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. The Idea is mine, and the OCs are mine. I'm not responsible by any illnesses or deaths caused by this Fanfic.
Warnings: Fights, Gore, Out Of Characterness, Hidan's sailor Mouth, possible Lemon (my favorite fruit), Character Death, Mature Themes, Excessive Ino-ness, Own Characters, Shocking ending, (secret warning to revealed at final chapter) Swearing.
Pairings: ?x?, TentenNeji, NarutoHinata, KibaHinata, InoNeji, InoShikamaru,?x?, SakuraNaruto, TemariShikamaru, KankuroAnko. ?x? (secret couples that will be revealed in the ending)
Koala929: This whole Fanfic is dedicated to Winter-Rae an AWSM Fanfic member. Check her stories out. In this story she is Aiko. Oh and if anyone would like to thank and/or give me a death letter (I collect those) Please e-mail me at here's the 2nd chapter.
Italics-Flashback
bold- emphasis
underline-thoughts
Chapter two: The Pervert Punch
BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! Tsunade pounded the alarm clock. The alarm clocked broke causing the mechanics to whir.
"four o'clock already?", Tsunade asked. She put on her Hokage robe and high heels. She yawned with such strength that the window broke.
"I'll get Izumo to fix that later", Tsunade planned.
Tsunade walked downstairs to hear irrational screaming.
"You have to wait she's not here", Shizune barked.
"I want entry" Kankuro screamed.
"She's not in her office, Supreme Dipshit", Shizune rudely informed.
Temari and Gaara were asking Kankuro to calm down.
"What the fuck is going on? I only slept for two hours!", Tsunade boomed.
"Why?", Temari asked.
"Tsunade come on", Jiraiya begged.
"No, Jiraiya. I had long day and I just want to sleep", Tsunade complained, shutting him down for love making.
She dazedly fell asleep. Two hours later she felt something enter her.
"Jiraiya. What the hell are doing?", Tsunade moodily asked.
She looked down. His hands were holding her breasts.
"Oh. Your gonna get it!", Tsunade roared.
"Bed bugs", Tsunade answered.
"Jiraiya tried to fuck you again", Temari decoded.
"Exactly".
Old people sex is disgusting. Temari thought.
"Well, Manwhore over here decided to be impatient", Shizune informed.
"Shizune, Dokugiri", Tsunade ordered.
A toxin and poisonous cloud swarmed Kankuro. Kankuro fell to the floor and puked.
Tsunade went into her office.
Shizune sarcastically informed "Kankuro, Lady Tsunade will now see you"
Temari, Gaara, and Kankuro walked into the office each with different thoughts. Temari was thinking about Shikamaru, Gaara was thinking of asking Tsunade some things about leadership, and Kankuro just wanted to get laid.
"Please, have a seat", Tsunade commanded. "Now I bet that your all tired of eating, dancing, seeing the sights."
"No, it's always interesting", Temari said
Fuck on truck on a duck on a buck Tsunade cursed.
"But we made something new for you guys", Tsunade informed. "We'll split you up into two teams for a Chunin, and Naruto, batlle royale."
"Now choose what team you want. Team Ino or Tenten", Tsunade asked.
"Which team has Shikamaru", Temari asked.
"Ino's"
"Then sign all of us for Ino", Temari cheered.
"Great that balances the teams out! Meet at the Forest of Death around nine o'clock", Tsunade Informed.
"Everyone wake up it's a beautiful mornin'", Tetsu alarm clock sang. "Everyone be-" Testu smashed his alarm clock until it was obsolete.
"That blonde hair beauty kept me dreaming all night", Tetsu mumbled. He was referring to Aiko whom he officially met yesterday.
He threw on his Crimson leather vest and shorts. I wonder if I'll se that attractive young lady.
He walked down the street. He couldn't Aiko but, he saw Shino and Iruka. He crossed the street to talk to them.
"Hey, Shino, Iruka what's up?", Tetsu asked.
"We're just talking about Tsunade's motives", Shino informed.
"Yes, I mean why would Tsunade call the Chunin over", Iruka asked.
"Well, we're here lets just make the best of what happens", Tetsu offered.
"So, your probably wondering why your all here", Tsunade "predicted".
"No. We were wondering about pies and their variations", Naruto sarcastically replied.
Tsunade then proceeded to make the biggest bitch slap in shinobi history. Sending Naruto Flying through a window.
"Don't sass me, boy", Tsunade plagiarized.
"Anyway, Today you guys will be battling Ino and Tenten's battle because the sand people have nothing to do. The battle over... the sex trophy?" Tsunade looked up puzzled, with a faced that screamed what the fuck ?
"Neji.", Tenten said.
"Wait a second", Aiko commanded, "You, The Hokage, are exploiting a fight over two girls to nail a guy just for tourism?"
"Yeah."
"But isn't that sketchy on ethics?" Aiko asked.
"Yeah.", Tsunade replied.
"Bu-"
"Aiko you lost all your talking privileges in my office.", Tsunade ruled.
Aiko gave a look that meant ' Guys, help me out here'. An idea dawned Tetsu.
"Hey!", Tetsu said taking charge into the situation, "What about our missions?"
Sacterred conversations plagued the room about missions.
"Excusese me.", Tsuande requested but, the earned no response.
"Exscuse me.", She said once again with a tone of annoyance in her voice.
"HEY LITTLE SHITS, LISTEN UP!", Tsunade shrieked.
Everyone looked at Tsunade, shocked.
"Thank you." She warmly spoke, "We're outsourcing your missions to reliable source"
"To who?", Chouji asked.
"A reliable source.", Tsunade emphasized.
Somewhere in a cave outside Konoha a bird flew into the cave with mission scrolls tied to its feet. The bird waddled over to two people sitting in the darkness. The bird gave the couple the scrolls.
"Hey, Hidan we have another scroll", Kakuzu said while reading the scroll of missions. Fuck it, the things we do for money!
"Finally something to do besides fucking with you all day", Hidan cheered.
"You don't like our sex?", Kakuzu asked as if he was offended.
"Of course not. I love our fucktime", He said while putting on his pants.
"C'mon, lets perform these missions," Kakuzu commanded.
Aiko was silently reflecting. She had completely lost interest of whatever Tsunade was saying. However, she was not the only one who's stopped paying attention.
Quick! Ask Aiko out, Tetsu thought. Tetsu opened his mouth but, fear got the best of him. Words refused to come out of his mouth. So, he kept staring at the beautiful girl. Who was thinking other things.
Hmmm... grocery list. Well, I do need bread I just toasted the last slice using my stove. Wait, did I leave the stove on before I left? What the hell is Tetsu staring at? Aiko thought.
"That is all please follow Shizune once you get down stairs", Tsunade closed.
Aiko decided to confront Tetsu about his perversion.
"Do you know what I do to perverts?", Aiko threateningly asked.
"What?", Tetsu asked.
"I destroy perverts!", Aiko declared.
"What?", Tetsu was left in the land of confusion and had no clue on what she was talking about.
"Punch of Pure Ice", Aiko threw a punch which was covered with sleet, snow, slush, and ice.
Tetsu rendezvoused with the floor.
"s-s-so c-c-c-old", Tetsu stuttered.
Tetsu walked over to an usually cheery Shizune
"Hello everybody!", Shizune greeted.
Unenthusiastic hellos replied back.
"We are going to a mystery place, so everyone follow me," Shizune chirped.
Everyone walked the streets of Konoha each in their respective teams for the fight for Neji.
"Have you guys thought of a team name yet?", Shizune asked curiously.
"No", Tenten and Ino both replied.
"Well, you should", Shizune suggested.
Tenten's team decided to come up with Team Sword and Ino's team thought of Team Flower.
The walk continued through Konoha and soon they reached the destination, to find nothing but the Sand Sibiling's and a crazy bitch they thought they have seen the last of.
"Well gotta go, bye", Shizune fled the scene.
"Hello everybody. Welcome to your second tour of the Forest of Death", The women named Anko yelled.
Anko was a woman of medium height, had blue hair in a ponytail similar to Shikamaru and wore a trench coat with mesh as her undergarment. Her leather skirt and her shin guards with sandals were very unusual clothing choices.
"Your teams will be arranged in pairs of two and placed around the perimeter of the Forest of Death," Anko Informed.
"But, first roll call.", She casually spoke.
"Tenten"
"Present!"
"Lee"
"Here...with youth"
"Naruto"
"Beleive It!"
"Please refrain from saying that or I'll ban from this fic."
"Tetsu"
"Here"
"Shino"
Silence controlled the room.
"Okay I'll just mark him as here," Anko assumed.
"Iruka"
"Here!"
"Hinata"
"H-h-h-here"
"Kiba"
"Woohoo!"
"Okay now for Team Flower"
"Ino"
"Here"
"Sakura"
"Present"
"Shikamaru"
"Troublesome"
"Choji"
"Here"
"Gaara"
"Here"
"Temari"
"Here"
"Aiko"
"Here"
"Kankuro"
"Your sexy!", Kankuro complimented... well sort of.
Anko playfully licked her lips to the flirt.
"Ok.", Anko announced "Now that bullshit is over I'll begin the rules"
"Rule one: No fatalities!"
"Rule two only certain Items are allowed as weapons. These are Puppets and their scrolls, Tessens, poison roses, Sanshokugan, shuriken, military ration pellets, Tonfa, Windmill shuriken, chains, swords, scythes, Numchucks, Meator Hammer, Rope Dart, Hand sythce, kunai, Shiki tags, Charkra Knives, blowpipes, Chakrams, brass knuckles, Shobo, Flail, Stiletto, Poison Needles, Sebon, Maces and Clubs." Anko paused to take a breath.
"Tenten, I fucking hate you," Anko gasped.
"So here are the pairs you'll be assigned with" Anko began "Tenten and Shino, Lee and Hinata, Naruto and Tetsu, and lastly, Iruka and Kiba"
"The true definition of crack pairings" Tetsu whispered to Naruto.
A kunai blazed passed Tetsu.
"Thank you for being quiet" Anko sarcastically expressed gratitude.
"Now for Team Flower," Anko began "Ino and Aiko, Sakura and Choji, Shikamaru and Gaara finally Temari and Kankuro."
Everyone paired with their teammates and thought about them.
Tenten and Shino didn't mind being each others partners. Lee and Hinata were excited to be with an other Taijutsu specialist. Naruto was buzzing around the usually serious Tetsu, making funny faces which Tetsu replied unphased. Iruka was pleased to teach his former student a few pointers while Kiba was unenthusiastic with being paired with his old teacher.
Ino and Aiko were less than excited to be paired with each other especially since the Chunin Exams. Sakura and Choji were puzzled with being paired up. Shikamaru was scared with being paired with his Girlfriend's brother.
"Touch her and your dead," Gaara warned.
Shikamaru gulped.
And lastly Temari and Kankuro were okay with being paired with each other.
"Okay now lets begin!", Anko screamed
The pairs set up around the perimiter for battle.
Koala929: I'll probaly make two updates next week. These chapters will be a bit shorter considering they're battle scenes. Hang In There! Bye!