Author's Note: Man, I thought I was done with being depressing! This part actually reads a lot like one of the heart events in AnWL now that I think of it. It's short, though, so I'm going to post the next chapter today also. Enjoy!
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Chapter 13: Eyes on the Road Ahead
Winter was coming to an end as buds began to show on the lonely tree standing on its own in the cold. I hadn't come to visit Aaron as often as I should. It was bad enough he was in the frozen earth without having to forget about him being there. When he first passed away about this time, I had sworn I would forever remain at his side. Here it had been only a year, and I was already faltering in my resolve.
I was finding it more and more difficult to talk to someone who couldn't answer. Conversations are hard enough without them all being one way messages to places unknown. How was I to know he could even hear me?
I'm going to go through with it one of these days soon, I informed him. I'm just not sure when would be the right time, you know? There's not exactly a manual for a woman like Tanya.
That little thought made me laugh inside. She had been putting all of her energy into nosing her way into someone's business again although one party involved didn't seem to mind. I can't say for the other since she's next to impossible for me to read. Even so, I wasn't worried about Tanya getting herself into too much mischief. She had a good head on her shoulders when she was willing to use it. There was a chance she'd know when to keep her opinion to herself. Maybe.
You should see how she's been acting lately. She's a special young woman. I only wish you could see what she's done with the place...
Abruptly standing up, I gave my surroundings a once over. There were so many things that had changed since Aaron's death. No longer was the pasture bare and lifeless, for Lilac could now munch happily on the plentiful outcroppings of hay. The once empty chicken coop sounded with hens' gossip, and the fields on either side were filled with grade A produce. Soon there would be a third one at the back of the property once we scraped together enough by summer.
By then I'm hoping to be a married man, I absently thought. Yes, it looked as though everything was beginning to fall together instead of apart.
However, "pride goeth before a fall," and I was half expecting one to turn up. After all, what had I done to deserve all this goodness in my life? Had I been forgiven for the hurts I'd given in the past?
"Daydreaming there again, Taka?" a familiar voice asked from beside me.
With a panicked glance, I saw a face reminiscent of another's. I had forgotten how much she sounded like her father, not to mention her looks. Figured that I would notice after forgetting the dead man so soon. "Just remembering..." I told her dully.
"You do that too much," she observed, stretching her arms enough to create a popping noise. She was looking mighty worn though it had only just turned into the afternoon, but given all the work she'd been doing to prepare for spring, I reasoned it was natural. She'd made a new promise not to overwork herself again because I suppose she knew I couldn't handle the additional stress, either. Tanya could tell when something was up with me. I only prayed she didn't identify it. That would ruin the whole thing...
"I know," I agreed with a slight smile. "I can help but think about the past, I guess. It keeps me from making the same mistakes."
"That's good an' all, but I worry about you," Tanya said shyly, digging into the ground with the toe of her boot. "A man like yourself shouldn't be dwelling on what was or what could've been. It makes you feel old when you aren't."
After a somewhat defeated sigh, I tried to laugh it off. She caught me. Every moment I let my mind wander into times gone, I came out feeling older than my years. The trail of events was always the same, but I didn't seem to learn my lesson. Though I swore not to make the same mistakes, I would fall back on the biggest one of all.
"I'll be all right," I assured her as best I could. "But thanks. I'll keep it in mind."
"Well, that's what advise is for," Tanya teased, elbowing me in the side before taking my hand in hers. "Oh, by the way, Vesta invited us to dinner."
"Really? She's not the one cooking is she?" I fretted, screwing my features into something ugly just thinking about it. The woman could grow the best produce around, but the quality of the ingredients doesn't matter much if they're burnt.
The young woman cackled, wrapping my arm around her shoulder as we started on the path leading to the bridge. She's happier than anyone else in this world. Of course she's had her hardships, and her memories aren't the brightest. Though all of this is true, her smile is one that never truly fades. She's cheerful even when all she wants to do is cry. Because she won't let herself be sad for long, there's no room for it surrounded by all the good things in her heart.
If a person appreciates all the little things, happiness adds up into something wonderful. And so, she gathers them carefully as her collection grows and grows. With it, her joy bursts inside her until she can't help but smile tirelessly. I pray that it never fades away. Until her last breath, I want Tanya to remain the most beautiful soul on this earth.
Of course, I also want to be the one to make it that way forever.
