Chapter Six: Love, War, and Philosophy

Over the days that followed, my son was rather distracted, spending most of his time with Amarie. It was amusing to watch them together, and for Earwen and I it brought back memories of when we were young and in love for the first time.

Unfortunately, I had worked I needed to do. The Noldor would be making most of the weapons for the War, and supplies of the correct metals had to be located, delivered to the people who would make the weapons, and the smiths and fletchers paid for their work. We didn't have enough people who knew how to make weapons, and we didn't know what patterns worked best because most of the people who specialized in making weaponry had gone into exile with Feanaro. We also had to learn to fight... which my son and Glorfindel were supposed to be helping us with. However, considering how clumsy Findarato was, I was most loathe to ask him to show anyone how to wield a weapon. I was afraid he would injure himself by mistake, and Glorfindel was probably in the same state as my son. That would have to wait.

In the evenings Findarato and I found time to talk. We sat quietly in my study, and discussed many things. He started teaching me Sindarin, the language spoken by almost everyone in Beleriand. I found it quite strange to think that those of the Noldor who went into exile had given up their language in favor of another. Many of them were so arrogant when they left. I found it impossible to picture someone such as Carnistir speaking another people's tongue to the point where he was known as Caranthir. Yet I knew my son was truthful, so I had to believe him when he said this was so.

We also spoke of the Hildor. I found the idea of a mortal race who lived less than a century to be strange and rather horrifying. Why, for us they would be barely considered out of childhood at the time when they died. "How do they have time to learn anything, or even to perpetuate their own kind?" I asked.

"They mature much faster than we do," he explained. "They consider themselves to be adult when only eighteen years of age - and those are sun years. They sometimes have children with less than two years in age separating them." He smiled softly. "One of my favorite things about visiting my Edain friends is that there were always children around, and usually many of them. Their knowledge is rarely so deep as ours, but they manage very well. They learn quickly, and take joy in their lives."

"Why are they mortal?" I asked. It seemed strange for speaking beings to grow old and die.

"It is apparently Eru's gift to them, although many of them like it not at all. Their fear of it is almost certainly Morgoth's work. They had no Valar come to guide them as we had, and were left with only the Moriquendi and their own resourcefullness, at least until they came to Beleriand and found us. And we Noldor are not fit substitutes for the Valar. It is amazing they have done as well as they have."

"It seems an odd gift," I commented.

"Its purpose has not been fully revealed yet, but the Valar have been forbidden to tamper with it and I have a suspicion that it is of vital importance to the healing of Arda." He twitched as he looked at the expression on my face. "I know that may seem farfetched, but when they die they do not stay within Ea. They leave Ea, and Lord Namo does not know what happens to them after, save that Eru deals with them himself. I asked Lord Namo when I was in Mandos."

"You asked Lord Namo about the fate of humanity while you were waiting in his halls." I was a little startled. If I were in Mandos waiting to be pardoned and released, I doubt I would have the temerity to ask him philosophical questions about the fate of people who were not even elves. I wouldn't want to attract the wrong sort of attention.

"Yes. I wanted to know what had happened to my friends. He's surprisingly approachable so long as you are not demanding to know when you will be released or insisting that kinslaying is justifiable."

I finally asked one of the questions that had been bothering me ever since he came back. "What are the Halls of Mandos like - you don't have to answer if you don't want to." I added hastily, seeing him frown.

"Gray," he said. "Vague. You don't have a hroa, so you have no eyes and no ears. The only things distinct in Mandos' halls are the other Fea, and the Valar and Maiar. The Maiar come and teach you sometimes, and in between lessons I spent most of my time thinking. You can communicate with the other Fea mentally, but it is considered impolite to interrupt someone else's thoughts. I don't have many very clear memories of what happened, but I do remember some of the things I learned during that time. It was very gray and very quiet. Hard to describe." He gave me an impudent grin. "I like being alive much better."

"I am glad. I don't want to lose you again. Did you see your brothers while you were there? Do you know when they may be released?"

"Lord Namo does not allow discussion of when a specific Fea will be released unless they are you or your spouse. I did see both of them. Angarato was somewhat irritable."

"Some things never change," I muttered.

After he had been home a week, he started teaching Sindarin to any who wished to learn. This was awkward because there was not room to accommodate everyone. He taught multiple classes per day, but it was not enough. We needed more teachers. Hopefully more of the Returned would be allowed out from Mandos soon. It felt strange being student rather than teacher to my own son, but he proved very good at it once we had both gotten used to the strangeness.

Amarie and her brother continued to stay with us, while letters went back and forth between them and their parents in Valmar. Amarie's brother was obviously bored. He was ostensibly chaperoning Amarie, but he wasn't bothering to act as a chaperone on the grounds that Findarato and Amarie were both adults and could take care of themselves. Findarato came up to me privately and told me that he wished to take a trip to Valmar to speak with Amarie's parents. As for the topic... He and Amarie had decided they had been engaged quite long enough, and that they wish to be married soon: before the war began, since the war would not get started immediately. Oh yes, and did I have any objections if they married at midsummer?

I had no objections, feeling that as their wedding had originally been planned to take place over three Yeni in the past it was rather overdue. The three of them set out for Valmar with a suitable escort while I continued to work out the logistics of weapons creation, supplies and war materials.

Findarato was originally supposed to be home after a week in Valmar, but Ingwe requested his assistance in teaching fighting, since none of his people could provide that information. Therefore, Findarato stayed in Valmar for over a month. It was agreed that he would return with Ingwe when we went to Alqualonde. Fortunately, some of the Returned Sindar came from their settlements beyond Alqualonde to teach us their language. The lessons went on. Meanwhile, Glorfindel started coming to our fighting practices and proceeded to turn them inside out. It was immediately obvious that we had been teaching ourselves things that were often useless or downright counterproductive in the circumstances of an actual war.

There was also a problem with the Teleri. We would need their ships to get to Middle-earth, as none of us wanted to attempt the Exile's feat of crossing over the Helcaraxe. Glorfindel's expression when I suggested it as a possibility... no, not an option worth considering. The Valar had formally asked to borrow their ships, but Olwe had not given an answer, and indeed he said that his people were most troubled and he was unsure he would be able to provide either ships or mariners to crew them. The Valar might ask, but they would not compel them to help where they did not wish to. Any persuasion beyond a simple request would have to come from us.

The Teleri had been moved by the tales of Elwing, Earendil's lady wife and Elwe's great granddaughter, but it was not enough. From Olwe's letters, it sounded like the people were beginning to polarize. Such polarization can be dangerous, as we Noldor found out the hard way. Ingwe and I started planning a visit to speak with them, but it would take some time before that came to fruition. Meanwhile, on went the preparations for war.

A/N: Information contained in Finrod's conversation with Finarfin can be found in Morgoth's Ring: HoME number 10.