Disclaimer

"Dude, I told you we'd hit the jackpot and we did, so stop givin' me those Censored looks!" Jay complained from between the two identical blue haired girls he had his arms wrapped around.

Silent Bob just glared at him.

"What? They're legal. Hell, according to the law they've been legal for two years. They may not be legal in the states… but they're legal from where we got them, well except for the whole angel-clone-hybrid Censored and I'm not sure, but I think cloning is like a federal crime."

Another three girls, identical to the first two, wandered in. Long blue hair and red eyes were a bit unusual, but it complemented their pale skin, all of which was on display since they were all sans clothes.

Bob blinked and stared as more girls trickled in until there was almost no room for him in the scene.

"I couldn't leave them there; that freaky scientist chick was goin' melt 'em. Don't be such a heartless bastard! It was a rescue operation and I can't believe you're getting Censored about it!" Jay snorted in disgust.

Bob just stared at him for a minute, before looking thoughtful and nodding; agreeing silently that Jay's heart was in the right place, for once.

"Good, now come on Tubby, we've got to teach them how to live, cause being clones of that Dawn chick all they know how to do is obey orders and go to school. Well, that and pilot giant robots. It's up to us to teach them everything else."

"Jailbait, ho!" Jay called out, leading the girls off screen.

Bob was swept along in the river of blue hair and pale skin.

Jay's voice could be heard faintly as they all headed out, "Do the words 'Baseball Rule' mean anything to you girls?"

A burst if flame heralded the arrival of a winged figure. "Behold, The Voice of the Almighty, for I am the Metatron…" the booming voice trailed off as he glanced around.

"Damn, I must have missed my cue. Oh well, at least they're older than Mary was when she had Jesus."

The Metatron straightened his immaculate suit, enjoying the fact that no one had tried to use a fire extinguisher on him for once, before pulling a piece of paper out of his pocket.

"Let's see… the author claims no ownership over the Harry Potter series or the Buffy: The Vampire Slayer. He's also not the owner of any series from Jersey or set in Japan. Quite frankly he doesn't own any intellectual property of note, except possibly the idea of crossing BtVS and Eva and that was used solely for the Multiple-Jailbait-Naked-Dawn-Clones scene. Of course that's worth about two years in the twenty-third circle of Hell, (That's the Hell of waiting in DMV lines for those that are interested) or if God is feeling particularly cruel she could always just make him do an SI in that world. Typically they last about six months, but the therapy to recover from it takes decades."

The Metatron scratched the side of his head thoughtfully, before continuing, "I'd also like to state for the record that I am in no way related to Severus Snape and that he has earned quite a long sentence for his actions, as the evil he has done far outweighs the good, and he only gets partial credit for the good because it was really a half assed effort. I'm thinking of requesting he be put in Harry's place and forced to live through Harry's life before he is sentenced. Thus ends the disclaimer!"

AN: Wait a minute, what the hell do you mean I'm going to be forced to do an SI?! I don't write SIs!!

The Metatron smirked. "Well you should have thought of that before you wrote this, shouldn't you."

AN: Fine, in that case the part of Severus Snape will be played by the Metatron for the duration of this fic! Two can play at this game!

"You, bastard, I'll make you regret this!"

AN: Muhahaha!!

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Everyone quickly geared up and rushed down into the valley, to crowd around the translucent barrier and watch the battle raging inside.

"Any way to bust this puppy open?" Faith asked, carefully poking it with a wooden stake, having learned her lesson and lost her favorite knife poking a magical barrier once before and finding out that using conductive material was a very bad idea.

"Nope. It's being held together with more power then we can raise. Willow the White is way beyond our level. All we could do is distract her by trying," Rachel said apologetically, before rejoining her magically inclined colleagues in taking notes on the spell casting being done inside the dome.

"Damn!" Faith cursed, pissed that a major battle was raging and all she could do was watch.

"Popcorn?" David held up a bag of popcorn, to a confused Kennedy, who was wondering why three of the soldiers had brought lawn chairs and popcorn to a battle.

"No, thanks."

David turned to the soldier in the chair next to him, who gave the impression of being related to him, despite being of Latin stock and with much darker hair and skin. "Look at them go. Did anyone think to bring a video camera, cause this is better than Lord of the Rings."

"I think Sharon has one on a tripod back in the clearing pointed this way. She had it set up for the Watcher's archive. Says it'll be good for the watchers in training to see what a large scale battle looks like. Most of them think it's all cloak and dagger, hiding in shadows work," Frank replied, flinching and taking a sip of his soda as a vamp hit the shield in front of them and exploded into ash.

The third soldier, Greg, who definitely had a large amount of Swedish ancestor, being about 6'1" and blond and who also gave the impression of being related to the other two despite that, grinned wolfishly. "I never get tired of seeing demons get diced by a happy slayer."

"Happy slayer! Are you kidding me?! How can you sit there and say she's happy with only her and her two friends against a legion of enemies?" Kennedy complained, furious at one of the hunters for taking Buffy's battle so casually.

"Whee!" Buffy cheered loudly, as she combined what looked to be a cheerleading routine and a spear kata into whirling death that removed the limbs and heads from several of the demons surrounding her.

Greg took another sip of his soda and pretended Kennedy hadn't said anything, while a laughing Willow threw fireballs like confetti into the opposing forces, mercifully dusting some of the moaning vampires, as the masked Xander sniped targets of opportunity while guarding the witch's back.

Kennedy blushed.

"Where'd you guys get the popcorn and the chairs?" Faith asked.

Samantha snorted. "David always brings a fold up chair and popcorn. After all the heavy fighting's done and there's no doubt we're going to win, he breaks it out and acts like he's watching a football game."

"You're the one who said that I shouldn't get in the way and complained that I followed too close, while making sure everything was dead," David said, not taking his eyes off the battle.

"Yeah... well that Kavenick almost got you by playing possum."

"Kav'ck and that was one time out of how many dozens?" he asked, taking a swig of root beer.

"One is all it takes," Samantha worried, twisting a stake in her hands.

"Exactly, so now I sit on the sidelines and encourage you to do your best," David said proudly.

Samantha ground her teeth together. "You act like it's a sport. You brought an extra chair for Rachel and started cheering and let's not forget last week!"

"What about last week?" Kennedy asked curiously.

"Last week," the blond slayer growled out angrily, "Rachel and him broke out the chairs before the battle even started! We were more heavily outnumbered then we'd ever been before and likely going to die and they sit down and start arguing about how many I'd kill, before the demons broke and ran, and which was going to die the most painful death."

"So what happened?" Faith asked, hiding a grin, as she thought she saw where this was going.

"The demons got scared for some reason and ran off before I…" Samantha trailed off and got a thoughtful look on her face.

"You try it yet?" David asked Greg.

"Nah, don't have a steady gig and while I don't have a slayer to work with yet, to practice psychological warfare on the locals with, I notice that when I howl in the middle of battle they flinch and if enough of the others with me join in, they run." Greg grinned ferally.

The other two examined Greg carefully.

"Wolf?" David asked curiously.

"Timber wolf, if you want to be picky about it." Greg pulled a wolf's head talisman out of his shirt, "Got a shaman to help me connect with my totem."

"Cool. My adventures with the canine kind were a bit different," David explained, "some idiot thought he could create a werecoyote, after reading it in a web comic and tried it out on me."

"Did it work?" Frank asked.

"Not really. I ended up looking like a furry and it took forever to get that and the eye in my palm to go away. It's kinda still there, but mostly gone."

Frank laughed. "I don't feel so bad now. I thought mine was the worst, just the universe having another joke at my expense. I was possessed by my dead dog and forced to chase cats and cars for about a week."

Greg scratched his chin thoughtfully. "I don't suppose you both got your military skills through unusual means too?"

David smirked. "Rachel tried casting a spell to give me strength of arms and instead I ended up thinking I was a cartoon character called Duke."

"Hmmm. I sense a theme here," Frank muttered.

"I think you're right. I got mine from a half-blood Apache shaman who was in world war two and died while dream walking," Greg admitted.

Frank started laughing as the other two waited to see what the joke was. "Now it all makes sense. I was chosen by a cult of Elvis worshippers and forced to wear his army fatigues while they tried to resurrect him, using me as a vessel."

Faith broke in, "How does that fit?"

"Guess what kind of dog I had." Frank's grin was infectious as the other two soldiers got the joke and started laughing.

"I completely envy you right now," Greg said, "Elvis had a nearly magical ability to make women remove their panties and if you got to keep even a tiny bit of your hound dog's sense of smell... well I think your 'club hunting' skills should be godlike."

"Dibs on the horn dog who was a hound dog," Faith called out, jumping in Frank's lap, much to his surprise. "You now have your very own slayer and there are certain itches you are required to help scratch after patrols. There are other rules, but we can work them out later, capich?"

Frank just nodded dumbly.

Greg grinned. "So that's how you get a slayer. I always thought there was some ceremony or they combed through the records to pick the best."

Faith grinned and ground her leather clad rear against Frank's crotch. "Nope, we pick who gets permanent duty with us."

Kennedy eyed the other two hunters thoughtfully and Samantha quickly sat in David's lap, trying to look casual, but with a hand tightly gripping her axe, practically daring someone to comment.

Wisely, no one did.

Kennedy contemplated Greg, who had returned his attention to the ongoing battle.

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Xander tossed a grenade into the center of a knot of demons who had pulled back to regroup. The last thing he wanted was to see an organized resistance among the cannon fodder. He wasn't quite sure what kind of demon the blue spikey ones were, but they blew up nicely, coating everything within ten feet of them in a sticky blue goo. Willow sent a wave of flame to follow Xander's grenade and the two discovered that not only was the blue goo sticky, but apparently it was also flammable. The two repeated the tactic several times, just for the humor value alone, as they both thought that seeing demon running around screaming, batting at flames was funny.

Buffy was busy playing Cuisinart with her scythe and occasionally calling out battle cries, like 'For the Honor of Greyskull' and 'Thundercats Ho!', which were definitely off genre, but amused her none the less. Even Xander would have to admit that her yelling 'Care Bear Stare' caused more confusion and fear among the enemy than his grenades.

Willow had just released a wave of green flames into the advancing hordes, when a large blue demon with curled goat horns and legs shimmered into existence behind her.

Buffy's warning came too late for Willow to shield against the ball of sparkling light that it flung at her back, but Xander had just enough time to throw himself in the way.

The flash blinded everyone inside and outside the dome, and when their vision cleared… Xander was gone.

AN: I need sleep, so I'll leave you with a cliff hanger!