A stormtrooper lost in the Digiworld Chapter 6 – Thoughts or Resemblance
This chapter would be different from the others. Hopefully I won't screw this one up. Anyway, I want to say thanks to people, who support me by reading this story, and especially whatisee, who posted his reviews. As usual, any reviews are welcomed, and, once again, I am sorry for any grammatical mistakes.
…"One – two, One – two, One – two. Damn, those guys even walk similar. Wait, why I keep thinking about them? I don't know." Renamon thought, while the group was marching. She and Rika were marching behind Ulairimon and NZ, and Renamon just had nothing to do, so she was thinking about … things. "They have the same height... Both have swords on the right side…Gosh, they are just so alike. Well, tamers usually have some resemblance with their digimon, but this… Wait, why I think about those two again? Ah, forget it, I'm too bored to control my brain right now. NZ – soldier of the Empire, unwavering, merciless to enemies, merciless even to himself. Faithful. Executive. That's all, nothing to add, nothing to take away. I have never seen his face, and for some reason he is always in his helmet. Well, another creepy resemblance – they both are hiding their faces. Ulairimon – supposed to be a manifestation of evil. Terrifying, dreadful, executive, merciless, powerful. Very powerful. Why are they acting like so? I don't know, and I will probably never find out. Well, I can understand why Ulairi is acting so maliciously, after all, he is an evil ghost, even though he is holding himself under control perfectly. But NZ is a human, and all humans I know act more … humane. Actually, I don't know much about him. All I know is that he resigned to his name, his face, his personality, his feelings, and even his life "for the glory of the Empire.", and now, when he has lost his primary goal in life, to which he sacrificed so much, he is going to make the same thing "for our sake"… It is almost like he can't live for himself, only for the others… Is this goal really worth it? But still … I remember, when he helped me out after the battle with Ogremon, it was something different. I actually felt there was a human behind that mask. Or was it just a trick of my imagination? I don't know. We talked much about things in our night – guarding hours. His thoughts are relying on two things: logic and loyalty. When logic doesn't work, works loyalty. And his thoughts are always easy to understand and almost impossible to refute. It is sad to see that he actually exists for the thing that is worth dying for. But who can blame him? He has nothing, besides his weaponry and armor suit. He never did. And he got used to the thing that he is just a number for anyone, and that no one would care if he is dead or not… Marching away, alone in the dark, fighting for cause nobody cares about… I will never understand… And there is his digimon. Ulairimon. Excellent fighter, his wrath means death to the enemy. I heard that such creatures form from a twist of dark power, and remains of data from the destroyed digimon, whose hatred was beyond imagination. He obeys his master without doubt. He looks like a creature of someone's nightmare, and scares the children with his presence. Undoubtedly he has no family, no friends. And who will even consider such a terrifying person a friend? No one in decent mind, that's for sure. Perhaps that thing explains the reason he is so full of hatred. Who would like to live in the world where everyone is seeing you as a monster and quickly closes the doors when you approach? No one. Hatred is a powerful energy resource, and it is helpful in battle. But not in the common life. I heard that the Evil's primal goal – complete world destruction. For what I understand, there are three ways people I have met so far reacted when the community is not accepting them: 1) They accept their fate and walk away. 2) They are struggling hard to make community accept them. 3) They are getting their revenge, and are trying to destroy the community. That must be it. That's must be what he is fighting for. Revenge… To stand with the sword against the whole world… Insane. Almost insane… But I saw him actually listening to music. A phantom whose existence is bending on revenge and destruction, listening to music? Something is not right here. And it was a good song too… Hm, another resemblance – they both are bearing a sorrowful existence. And while they are bearing it – not a word about how hard it is. Holding everything inside, never letting anyone share their pain. Gosh, it must be hard." Renamon was thinking nonstop, just letting her mind go free of any restrictions she put while serving Rika. And while they were going, Rika felt that something was wrong with Renamon. She was just staring in one direction, and was not speaking at all.
"Renamon! Renamon! Are you alright?" she asked.
"Huh? Oh, yes, I'm fine. Just got a little carried away with my thoughts."
"So, are you going to tell me about what you were thinking about?"
"If you really want to know this."
"Yes, I do. Now spill it!"
"Well… fine I'll tell you. I was thinking about those two in front of us. Don't ask me why, because I don't know myself."
"Really? You know, I was thinking about the same thing recently." Rika replied.
"And?"
"Well, I can say that they are quite strange. As you know, I hate to be wrong, but this case just turns every thought upside down. I used to see only bad thing in people. And when we first met NZ – 13, I was pretty sure he was nothing but a mindless puppet, a heartless machine, at least that's what I heard from Henry. But now, when I think about it, mind always give me images of him helping you and Henry in the desert, in fact, helping all of us back there, and him treating your wounds two times… Look at him, the desert is long gone, and he still is carrying our backpacks on his shoulder. I just don't know what to think, it could be a pure dedication to his job, and it could be something more than just that. I guess that after all what happened, we all might call NZ a friend. I don't know what his motives to help us are. I want to believe that he is a good man, but his appearance is, well, solid, scary. Henry told me that their armor was made like so to intimidate the enemy, and I can say that people who invented this armor suit did the job well. For now he is a disciplined and executive member of our team, and this armor sealed any emotions of his inside of him. You know, he reminds me of you, when we first met, you were almost like him, only without a mask… As for his digimon, well, that is another story. I don't know if I can trust him, but I admire his power. I think you have much to learn from him. Oh, and he is also quite terrifying. I will never forget that shriek of his…" she finally ended her long speech.
"NZ don't talk much about himself, does he?"
"If you are that curious about it, go ahead and ask NZ when you are in night-watch with him again. You seem to have some conversation then. If he will tell you something, tell me about it too, because I am also curious."
"How did you know that we were talking during the night patrol?"
"Terriermon told me."
"Oh, very well, I'll ask him. But still, just look at us, thinking how we can annoy those two."
"Got any better ideas? Besides, it drives me crazy when I don't have a clear opinion about a person."
"Fine, just calm down."
They kept going, and Renamon was in deep in her thoughts again. "Those two… Damn! Why I just can't get them out of my head! If that is some mind trick played by Ulairimon, I'm going to show him…" she was going to finish the thought, but accidently hit a branch with her head.
"Arhh!"
"Great job, stupid. Better watch when you're going." Rika replied.
"Yeah, right, sorry." Renamon replied. Everything was a little blur after the hit. Then she looked at Rika. "What is that violet … aura around Rika? I must have hit myself pretty hard, because I hallucinate that I see auras. Terriermon and Henry have a relaxing green color, Guilmon and Takato have an energizing yellow, and those two… black? Oh no…" she thought and shook her head. The vision vanished. "That is it. No more thinking without looking, where I am going. But still, was it the effect of the hit or not? Calm down Renamon, you are just tired or something, and there is nothing strange in travelling with a lifeless soldier from one weird future and an emanation of evil. Yeah, right… but still…"
They kept going… The night was approaching, and everyone was preparing to sleep. Renamon and NZ went to patrol, as always. This time Renamon had some questions.
"NZ, can I ask you something?"
"Of course."
"Can you tell me about yourself?"
"As you wish. I, NZ-13 was born…"
"Wait, not your biography."
"What do you mean in "tell me about yourself" then?"
"Well, I mean, did you had any family, friends back in your reality?"
"Family – no. Orphanage. Friends – no, comrades – yes."
"Is there a difference between a comrade and a friend?"
"Yes. Comrade is a person who fights for the same cause as you. We are not allowed to have friends. That measure is made to delete any hesitation if their "friends" prove to be traitors."
"That's cruel."
"But efficient."
"Have you ever thought than you are something else, than just a soldier?"
"No. Why have you asked?"
"Because in peaceful life people do not have to put themselves in such harsh disciplinary restricts. Because they are needed only to kill more efficiently. Am I correct?"
"Yes."
"You are not in the Empire now. Will you continue to be a lifeless cold stormtrooper when we are done with our matters here?" Renamon asked. Then NZ turned his head and looked right in her eyes. She tried to hold that look, but all she has seen was dark lenses of his helmet.
"If I must."
"But you shouldn't. Have ever thought that when you will finally defeat your enemies and there will be peace, you will become useless? What will you do then?"
"I will wait for the time I will be needed again."
"Have you ever received any thanks for your doings?"
"No. Only curses. Our job is not the cleanest, you know."
"That's what I thought. You said that when we will go back, you will try to find a decent job and will try to live peacefully. How exactly you are going to do that with such attitude?"
"In your world there is an army, right?"
"Err, yes. But it is rarely used. All current conflicts are resolved through diplomacy."
"See, I will serve as always and even will not be shot all the time. It is actually a good thing"
"Are you saying that you are scared of death?" Renamon asked with a bit of amazement in her voice.
"Anyone, who says that he is not scared of death, is a liar. We all are scared of death, but we were taught to comprehend that fear. "
"Oh, I see. I'm sorry, I will not bother you any more. I guess I'm quite annoying with these questions."
"You are not bothering me. It is actually quite pleasant to have the opportunity to talk to someone."
"Really?"
"Yes. But I think I have missed the point of the discussion. In what you were trying to convince me?"
"In the fact that it is not good to oppress yourself and follow restrictions where it is not needed."
"I remember what our sergeant said back in the Academy: Stormtrooper is not a profession, it is a state of mind. It is too late to change. I am used to live with those restrictions and I doubt that this thing need changing."
"It is hard to argue against that."
"Probably."
"Well, fine then. It was a pleasure to talk to you and to know that my questions do not annoy you."
"Of course." The rest of the night Renamon was thinking … again. "Well, Rika was right. Sometimes to solve any doubts you just have to ask. Well, I know now. When people are changed, it is very hard to change him back. Well, I have to do a conclusion of what I was thinking about lately. And I have one: I thought that NZ and the soldiers of the Empire have no personality, but that was not true. Even "no personality" is still a type of personality, even if it is a weird one. And still, he had a personality. I saw a human with a very calm and patient temper, and who never really hated his enemies. He learned to kill without hatred, only with cold efficiency. And that is probably crueler. But still he was quite nice to whom he considered "on his side". So the conclusion is: he was calm and understanding for his allies and merciless for his enemies. So simple and correct. Yet, I still feel quite uncomfortable when a person does something not because he wants to do so, but because he was taught it should be so. Yes. That is it. He just accepted things that were implanted in him during his training as his own. And with time they have became a part of him. Now it is useless to try to change him back. And there is no need. I will accept him as a member of our team as he is now, and will stop complaining. Hopefully Rika will understand me."
The sun was rising...
I am terribly sorry if it is bad or too short or anything else. I am really ill now and it is hard to create something with this headache. Anyway all reviews are welcomed.