I've tried so hard to tell myself you're gone.

But though you're still with me,

I was alone all along….

~Evanescence

Chapter 12

She felt her heart sink with guilt. She thought taking her relationship to the next level would help her get over her mom, but instead it crushed her soul. She knew if her mom was her she would be very ashamed of her. She sank down onto the floor once she got to room, and she cried. She would never want to make her mom ashamed of her, and now her spirit would be. She looked at her bed and felt her stomach turn.

"What have I done?" she sobbed, to herself. "Oh, what have I done? Oh God, please forgive me."

Draco walked in on this. "What's wrong?"

"Everything…" she cried. "I shouldn't have done that, you know what my mom would think? Oh my God, I can't even bear it." She put her hands on her face to hide the tears and redness.

"Liz, come here," said Draco, reaching out for her hands, and pulling her up into him. "It's fine, you'll get used to it."

"What do you mean by that?" she demanded, "You mean this wasn't you're fir…?"

"No it wasn't," he answered. Liz pulled away from him. This was too much, far too much. She was feeling worst than ever and he didn't help things. "What you though it was my first?" he asked.

With all the hurt in her eyes she looked at him, then stormed off, outside, somewhere far away from him.

"Liz!" he shouted after her, but she was already out the door. "Shit."

She was crying even harder now, with a mix of all the things that went wrong. She ran along the side walk in the crisp morning, with barely anything on. She had to get away, she couldn't bear it, and she didn't know why. Why was she made at him, that he had had other relationships and not just her? She had to tell someone or she was going to melt down and attempt suicide. She made her way to Nana's. Cutting corners and hurrying along with tear stained cheeks. When she finally made it she stormed through the door.

"Nana!" she cried. Her little grandmother came right out of the kitchen.

"Liz, darling, what is wrong?" she asked, putting her hands on her granddaughter's face.

"Nana, I'm a terrible, no good, dirty person," she wept, wiping her face.

"What could ever possibly give you that idea?"

This broke Liz's heart. "I…I had…I had sex with Draco." She put her hands over her mouth and teared up again, then went into the living room. Nana was taken aback, at first but then she eased up. She walked into the living room and sat down next to Liz. She wasn't mad, just shocked. When she sat down she grabbed Liz's hand.

"Liz, darling, I know you feel guilty about your situation, but you know it was going to happen sooner or late. In your case, it was sooner. And I'm not going to be mad, I may be old-fashioned, but I know what you kids do. They all do it. Just know that the past is the past, you can't change what happened, love." She paused there, and patted Liz's trembling hand. "You know, I remember when your mother and I had this same conversation. She was around our age, and she was the same way about it…" Nana told the story, as she held Liz against her chest. That's when Draco walked in.

"Liz?" he called, gently.

"I'd better go see what he wants, asshole…"said Liz, standing up. She had told Nana everything.

She walked into the light that the door allowed in and looked at Draco. "can we go outside?" asked Draco.

"Sure."

Once they were outside, Liz asked him coldly, "What do you want?"

"Look Liz, I'm sorry, I should have told you I know, but I was scared. You know what it's like to be scared, right?"

"I don't know, that depends on which scared you're referring to." She was still defensive, because of the painful truth.

"You know Liz, we all can't be high and mighty, and have no soul," Draco retaliated.

"ME!" she screamed. "You think I act high and mighty? Have you looked in the mirror Draco! And how DARE you say that I have no soul!" Her Irish temper had kicked in full force now.

"I'm Sorry Liz! What more do you want from me! We can't all be perfect!"

"Draco Malfoy! How dare you!" she yelled. "Get out of here; I will see you back at school!" She pointed her finger, in a random direction.

Draco looked at her, he felt all sorts of pain and agony. But he sure as hell wasn't going to let her see it. "Fine, I will see you there," he hissed.

Liz stood there and watched him leave. She was so pissed and her wall was up. This was going to cause her tremendous heart ache, but it wasn't going to hit her till later.

* * *

A couple weeks passed, Liz was back at school and back to her normal routine. Well, before Draco. Her lonely, quiet ways, and she had begged Snape to give her a different potions partner. Now she was with Blaise. She would see Draco in the hall and didn't even wave or anything. As soon as she had gotten back, that's when she broke down and realized where her temper had brought her. Unfortunately, she thought about him all the time, and pictured him waiting for her. It was almost like he died. She knew that she was the one who shooed him away, she knew he was upset. And she would still cry herself to sleep, every night, praying that she could get him back again. She loved him, and still did.

It struck her really hard when she saw him with another girl, and how they got along. She was absolutely devastated. Times were only going to get tougher.

Liz woke up one morning, and felt SO sick, she had to run to the bathroom to puke. She couldn't go to the morning classes, she couldn't make it. Once she came to she remembered, she hadn't got her period yet.

Oh my god, she thought. As if my life wasn't complicated enough. Before she confirmed it though, she had Nana send a pregnancy test. Once she got it, she went right to the bathroom. Positive.