A/N: I didn't realise how hard it would be to make Cartman so... un-asshole-ish. XD The whole balance of the group will be thrown off by it!

:O GUARANTEED.

anyways, enjoy. :D

Off To Raisins!

"Hi, asshole!" Kenny said, as he strode into Cartman's hospital room. He had another Styrofoam cup full of water in hand, with packets of salt and cocoa mix jutting out of his orange hoodie's pockets.

Eric… Cartman… whoever he was, made a face at his 'friend'. "Hey, Kenny…" he said. He cleared a couple of candy wrappers off his bed and ran a hand through his hair.

Kenny frowned. "Sorry, dude. I forgot you're not used to the way we used to talk to each other yet. How are you?" Kenny said, in a much more concerned tone.

"It's fine," Cartman said, stretching his neck from side to side. "I just feel kinda stiff… I've been in this damn bed for so long!" he complained. He was sick of having nothing but sugary food available to him, too. After having food fed to him through a tube for nearly a month he wanted a real meal.

"Yeah, I know! When the fuck do you get out of this place?" Kenny asked, looking around.

Cartman blinked. "I don't know, I haven't even asked," he said. He pushed a button above his head to alert the nurse, and after a moment she came into his room.

"Can I help you?" she asked kindly.

"Yes, I was wondering when the hell I get out of this craphole," Cartman said bluntly. Kenny grinned wider than ever- that sounded like Cartman all right.

"Oh… I'm not sure of that. I'll get you your doctor," the nurse said, and hurried away.

Kenny's eyes lingered at the doorway. "Nice ass on that nurse, huh?" he asked his bed ridden friend with a smile.

Cartman raised an eyebrow. "Uh, I guess so," he said. Kenny's spirits sank slightly.

"That'll be sweet if I get out of here today," Cartman said. "What are we gonna do if I do? Go hang at your place, or something?"

Kenny looked away. "We never hang at my place. It's a dump," he said.

"Oh …" Cartman said. "Well, lets just get something to eat, the two of us then," he finished, trying to pull a finger through his tangled brown hair.

Kenny swallowed. "Sure, we can do that. I won't be getting much. I don't have any money," he said in a melancholy tone.

"Really? That's… lame," Cartman said. Kenny smiled. "Well, it looks like I have a lot of cash left here from worried relatives… or someone," Cartman said, poking at the gifts to his left. "I'll buy you something."

Kenny's eyes widened twice their size. "You're gonna buy me food?" he asked.

Cartman blinked. "Uh, why not?" he said.

Kenny smiled again. "Never mind! Where the hell is that doctor?" he said, looking at the doorway.

A moment later, the doctor walked into the room. "Good afternoon, Eric! How are you feeling today?" he asked in a polite manner.

"Good. Great, actually! When can I leave?" Cartman asked.

"Leave? You mean, you want to go without regaining your memory? Won't it be a little… tough for you to be around everyone who knows you as you once were?" the doctor said.

Cartman fidgeted in bed. Was he that much of a character to everyone? How the hell did he use to act around people?

"Yeah, I wanna leave. I'm sick of this room!" he said.

"Can he go?" Kenny asked.

"Not just yet," the doctor said. "Your mother is coming by again soon, and she can choose to bring you home or leave you here a little longer. We need her to sign some things as well."

The two teens sighed.

"That's fine, you just gotta wait a few more hours," Kenny said. "Your mom will let you out."

"How do you know?" Cartman asked.

Kenny blinked at him. "Well, you always get your way with your mom," Kenny said.

"I do? Sweet!" Cartman said. Kenny sighed again.

"Yeah. Hopefully taking you to Raisins will jog your memory. I've decided that's where we're going to eat," Kenny said with a grin.

"Oh, cool. What's so great about that place?" Cartman said.

Kenny continued smiling. "You'll see!"

After another hour or so of watching TV and ordering Jello and other hospital food for Kenny, Ms. Cartman knocked at the doorframe.

"Honey? Are you up?" she asked, peeking in. "Oh, sweetums! How do you feel?" she asked, walking towards his bed.

"Awesome!" Cartman said. "I think I'm ready to leave."

"Oh, hon. Are you sure? Do you remember anything new since yesterday?" she asked.

Kenny looked nervously at Cartman.

"Uh, well, kinda yeah. Kenny want's to take me somewhere to eat muumm! I want to leeeavvee!" Cartman said in his whiny voice.

Kenny smiled at looked at Cartman's mom. "So he can go?" he said excitedly.

Ms. Cartman looked hesitant. "Well, if you're sure you're feeling alright… I'll go talk with the doctor," she said, leaving the room.

"Woohoo! Get out of bed, fat boy!" Kenny said, throwing Cartman his hat.

Cartman scowled at the blonde.

---

A few hours later, the two friends were walking through town, Kenny pointing out some places where they usually went. Ms. Cartman had gone home with all of Cartman's gifts and belongings.

"And this is Jimbo's Gun store. Jimbo is Stan's uncle. He left a gun unattended on the counter once and you shot me in the head," Kenny said.

"What?!" Cartman cried, looking at Kenny. Wouldn't that have killed him?

"And that's the Tweek Bros. Coffee Shop. Their coffee isn't that great but it's the only coffee place we have in town." Kenny said, pointing to the brown building.

As Cartman examined the small store, a skinny teen came out of the door, saying something to a man inside and shaking quite a bit. He had a cup of coffee in his shaky hand and had messy blonde hair that was brighter than Kenny's.

"Oh, that's Tweek! Hey Tweek! Look whose back!" Kenny yelled, making the jittery boy jump and look towards him.

"Oh, Jesus! Cartman's out?!" Tweek called back, as Cartman and Kenny made their way towards him.

As the two walked over, Cartman looked up at a crow cawing on a streetlight. He furrowed his brow and toyed with the yellow ball on his hat. Deja-vu, or something.

"Yeah! Well, he's not totally back," Kenny said. "What do you think of Tweek, Cartman?" Kenny asked, smiling widely. This was a bit too much fun for him.

Cartman stared at the boy nervously. "I think he needs to take a sedative with that coffee," Cartman said.

Kenny laughed.

"Urgh!" Tweek said, twitching. "Fuck you, Cartman!"

Cartman raised his hands in defense. "Jeez, I was kidding! Take a pill! Literally," he said.

Tweek blinked and cocked his head. "Kidding?"

"Yeah, it's just, well you're so jittery. What's the matter with you?" Cartman asked.

Tweek looked confused. "What the hells wrong with him, Kenny?!" Tweek asked the other blonde in a frantic voice.

"He has amnesia!" Kenny let out. "Weird huh?"

Cartman looked down. Kenny was treating him like a freak.

Kyle probably wouldn't treat him like this!

"Oh my God!" Tweek said. "Damien will be so -ngh- relieved!"

Cartman furrowed his brow. "Who's Damien?" he asked.

Kenny darted his eyes to Cartman and started pulling him away. "Eheh, well, Cartman and I have a lot to do, dude! I'll see you tomorrow at school!" Kenny said quickly, waving goodbye to the shaking teen.

Cartman's patience was wearing low. "Who the hell's Damien?" he asked again.

"He's just… well; actually… he's the guy that put you in the coma…" Kenny admitted.

"What?! So, that's the dilhole that made me a vegetable for almost a month? Cartman yelled.

"Heh, yeah…" Kenny said, grinning.

Cartman was sure getting sick of this guy.

"So what are you gonna do to him?" Kenny asked, still smiling.

"I'm gonna ask him why he would do something so mean!"

Kenny stopped in his tracks. Cartman stopped after a few steps and turned to him. "What?" he asked.

"Ask him… why he did something so mean?" Kenny repeated. He smacked a hand to his face. "Dude, you called him a satanic ass rammer before he knocked you out!"

Cartman widened his eyes. "What?! I- I didn't! I wouldn't do something like that!" he said, backing up. His head was hurting again. "You're a fucking liar!"

"Cartman!" Kenny said, walking towards his friend and outstretching an arm. "Calm down! I'm sorry!"

Cartman squeezed his eyes shut and let gravity take over his body. Everything went dark.

---

"...was freaking out?"

"…R-tard! What did you do that…"

"…know! How the hell…"

Cartman sighed inwardly at the familiar voices arguing. Actually, they were some of the only voices he knew at the moment. He opened his eyes to three teenagers standing before him on the sidewalk.

"His mom is gonna be so- Cartman!" Kyle said, surprised.

Cartman smiled. He was happy to see that red-headed kid again.

"Oh dude, I'm so glad you came to! I was freaking out!" Kenny said, kneeling next to the tall brunette.

"Ugh… Goddamnit…" Cartman said, rubbing his head. "Where'd they come from?" he asked, gesturing towards Stan and Kyle.

"I texted them and asked if they would come by here so we could try to carry you home, but you're awake now," Kenny said. "We should all go to Raisins together!" he said to the other guys while standing up.

Cartman steadied himself with the building to his left and stood up as well, not bothering to ask what texting was.

"Why are you guys going to Raisins?" Kyle asked.

"Because it's awesome!" Kenny said. "Cartman needs to go to places he's been before to try and jog his memory. Don't you remember how much he loved going there?"

"Of course," Stan said, grinning and rolling his eyes. "The girls had to be nice to him there."

Cartman glared at Stan. Why were these guys so rude to him?

"Well, I dunno, I have an English paper to hand in tomorrow…" Kyle said, rubbing his arm.

"Oh, stop being a homo and come with us dude!" Kenny said. He and Stan started walking and left Cartman and Kyle to follow.

Cartman looked at Kyle, who gave him a weird look in response. "Come on, Kahl. I'd feel better if you came along," Cartman said.

Kyle widened his eyes and raised his eyebrows. "You want me to come? You… really?" he asked, sounding utterly dumbfounded.

"Hell's yeah dude! You're the only one I like right nyao," Cartman said.

Kyle ran a hand through his red hair and glanced towards Kenny and Stan, who were still walking. "Uh, alright fa- I mean, C-Cartman. I'll go."

A/N: Cartman doesn't hate Kyle? What could this mean? Will this change when he finds out Kyles a Jew? XD

All this and more... probably tomorrow sometime. :B

Btw, Team America was fudging awesome. xD