A/N: LOL. I can honestly say this is my favorite chapter so far. I think I have to change one of the catagories to humor. xD

AND IT'S GON GET BETTER TOO.

So read and review! (no rhyming intended)

I think I better stop drinking those Frappuccinos...

Many Maniacal Plans

"So uh, what was that all about, Stan?" Kenny asked as the two friends made their way through the town. He pulled out a packet of cocoa he took from the hospital earlier and poured it in his mouth.

Stan sighed and stared at the sidewalk. "I dunno. I just… don't like the way things are going with Cartman's memory being shot and everything. I'm afraid of… Kyle getting hurt when Cartman returns to normal," he decided, rubbing the back of his neck. "You know how he reacts when Cartman acts nice towards him for a while, and then stabs him in the back right? Well, I just- want Cartman back to normal before anything changes!"

"Oh!" Kenny said, apparently getting Stan's confusing point. He swallowed and looked up thoughtfully. "I guess you're right, they're both gonna get fucked up if this carries on past today," he said, matter-of-factly. "And I really miss the way Cartman was! Craig can only fill up the void in me that Cartman's cruel sense of humor used to fill for so long... you know, not for that to sound totally gay or something." Kenny finished with his stupid perverted smile.

Stan smiled back at the blonde. "So we gotta make a plan to get Cartman's memory back faster, kay?" And make sure Kyle won't get stolen away by Nice Cartman...

Kenny grinned back. "Fuck yeah!"

---

"HAHAHAHAH!"

"Hahaha! Oh, Jesus, oh man! I used to watch some pretty awesome stuff!" Cartman said, sprawling out on his couch for the first time in weeks. Some part of him knew he missed that, at least.

Kyle was wiping a tear from his eye from laughing so hard. "I never knew you did! It's kinda dorky you recorded so much of this retarded show, though," Kyle said towards Cartman, laughter lingering in his voice. "I guess that's what you did whenever you weren't with me and the guys, you dork," he joked.

"Ha ha," Cartman said sarcastically with a half grin. "Well I don't even remember any of that, asshole."

Kyle's composure returned and he smoothed his hair. "Yeah, I guess so." His mind was busy with thoughts.

"Want another chocolate gun?" Cartman asked, dangling one in the air.

"Yes!" Kyle said, catching the sugary treat when Cartman threw it. "I still can't believe you don't remember loving these! You have the weirdest amnesia ever!"

"I didn't know you could have weird amnesia."

Kyle laughed again, taking a bite of chocolate. "So, are you going to come to school tomorrow?" It felt so nice to be able to talk to Cartman like a normal friend instead of an enemy.

Cartman started tearing apart a candy wrapper boredly. "Well, I guess so. It won't be so bad if I have you around telling me about stuff."

"Poopykins!" sang Ms. Cartman from the kitchen. "Time for little Kyle to go home, it's bed time soon!" Kyle lifted his eyebrows curiously at such an order for a sixteen year old.

"Aw!" Cartman called, but didn't protest the demand like he used to. Kyle smiled reassuringly as he stood up and his tall friend walked him to the door.

"So… I can count on you tomorrow?" Cartman asked at the door. He sounded so helpless.

"Yeah… don't worry about it, I'll take care of everything," Kyle said, smiling. Cartman smiled back and shut the door as Kyle made his way down the steps. He continued grinning to himself as he walked down the block, breathing in the chilly air. He was going to do it. Finally. He was going to make Cartman a civil human being. He knew he could do it. After so long, Cartman was going to finally be normal!

---

The next morning, Stan and Kenny were standing alone at the bus stop.

"Where the hell are they?" Stan asked Kenny as he looked at his watch. "They're gonna miss the bus!"

Just then, both teens turned as the sound of laughter rang from the trees. Stan raised an eyebrow as Kyle and Cartman emerged, laughing about… something.

"…and then Flake cloned himself in the machine right after, and his clone came out with an ass on his stomach!" Cartman said between laughs.

Kyle continued laughing hard as Cartman told the retarded story. "Oh- my God! I wish I could have stayed longer to watch that one!" Kyle said, wandering over to Stan. "Hey Stan," he said casually.

Stan continued to raise his eyebrow. "Uh, hi…"

Kenny smiled as Cartman took his position next to him. "Hey asshole! How're you feeling today?" Kenny asked, slapping Cartman on the back.

"Uh, pretty good," Cartman said. When Kenny rolled his eyes and turned to Kyle, Cartman suddenly jerked his attention upwards. Something deep inside his brain stirred as he heard a crow caw on the power line above him.

"...what, you'll throw a scone at me?"

Cartman widened his eyes and quickly closed them, grabbed both sides of his head. "Ahhnnn!!" he groaned, kneeling over.

"Holy fuck! Cartman!" Kenny said. He and Kyle rushed to help straighten him up while Stan walked over, concern on his face.

"Cartman! Dude, are you okay?" Kyle said worriedly.

"Oh, Goddamn…" Cartman breathed. What the hell was that about?! Those fucking crows were driving him insane! "Son of a bitch crow!" Cartman yelled upwards, scaring the crow away.

Kenny furrowed his brow. "Uh, okay… are you sure you want to come to school today?" he asked.

Cartman blinked a few times and took a deep breath. "Y-yeah… I'm fine now. I just- never mind…" he said, thinking of the random words that flashed through his mind. Was that a… memory? A real memory of his?

"You sure, man?" Kyle asked. "I'll take you back to your house if you want," he offered, placing a hand on Cartman's shoulder. Stan frowned.

"No, really," Cartman said, smiling at Kyle. "Just make sure you stick with me today, dude."

"No problem. I said I would," Kyle said, more calmly.

"Wait, why?" Stan asked.

"Because I need a good friend to help me today!" Cartman said.

"Ha! Good friend my balls!" Stan shot back.

"Stan, shut up!" Kyle said. He hadn't told Stan his plan to ease Cartman into being a good person yet. Stan blinked at his friends harsh words, with a hurt look on his face.

"Oh, calm down you faggots," Kenny said. "Cartman, I was gonna help you out today. Me and Stan think we should keep things as normal as possible so your memories return sooner. And you and I used to do a lot of things together," Kenny said, slowly grinning. "Non sexual, of course."

"Oh God, Kenny!" Kyle said, rolling his eyes. "Cartman asked me to help him out today. So let's just stick to the plan…" Kyle said, when he really was thinking about his plan. Kenny gave Kyle a weird look.

"Well do you even want us around, then?" Stan asked sourly, before his face lit up. Time to put his and Kenny's plan into action. "You know, uh, like that time that both of you joined that David Blaine cult and you wouldn't even talk to me?"

Cartman, obviously flustered as hell, blinked at Stan and Kyle furrowed his brow. "What the hell are you bringing that up for?" Kyle asked, genuinely curious.

"I'm just thinking of time's you guys actually spent time together," Stan continued awkwardly. "You know, like when you both tried to bike to Los Angeles and get that episode of Family Guy taken off the air?"

Cartman blinked a few more times and lowered his head, which was pounding by now. He felt like a balloon was about to burst in his mind.

"Stan, knock it off! You're freaking him out!" Kyle said angrily.

Cartman backed up, steadying himself against a tree. "You guys… I, appreciate what you're doing…" he mumbled, not knowing what the three teens were actually doing exactly, "but I just want today to be casual, not worry about memories, and…"

"Get on the fucking bus!" an angry, messy haired lady yelled from a bright yellow school bus. The boys jolted their attention to her. Apparently the bus had pulled up while the boys were arguing.

"Yes ma'am!" Kenny said, leading the boys over. Cartman sighed and followed. He stared at the unpleasant woman as he waited for the guys to get on the bus.

"Who the crap is that?" Cartman asked Kyle as he boarded.

"Ms. Crabtree," Kyle said. "She started driving the high school bus four months-"

"Sit down and shut up!" She yelled at the four of them. Stan and Kenny scrambled down the aisle.

"Jesus! alright already, you stupid wench…" Cartman muttered angrily. He had enough problems without this bitch adding to them.

"Whut did you say?" She asked Cartman.

Cartman swallowed. Uh oh. "I- I said that... Cupid is French?"

"Oh," she said. "Well, yes, I suppose he is."

Cartman sighed and sat stiffly next to Kyle, who saved a seat for him a few rows down. Stan was sitting next to Kenny, and was glaring at Kyle- who was glaring back at Stan. Kids were talking hurriedly all around as the bus lurched forwards, either not noticing or not caring about Cartman's return. Just as well, Cartman didn't recognise any of them anyways.

"Hi Cartman!" Clyde called from the back of the bus. Cartman turned in his seat.

"How're you doing, fatass?" Craig yelled.

"Ngh!" Tweek said.

"Cartman's out of the hospital?" said a black guy, who was sitting with the other three boys.

Cartman stared at the group at the back of the bus, both pissed off and curious. "Who the fudge is the black dude?" he asked Kyle, ignoring their greetings and questions.

"That's Token," Kyle said bluntly, looking over nervously from the window.

"Yeah, he's part of that group of four guys. You used to always call them Craig and those guys," Kenny said, smiling. "Like that time we all dressed up fruity and gay and we fought with them to see who was more gay."

"Yeah, you threw a rock at Token when we were younger and got arrested for a hate crime," Stan said.

Cartman groaned as his head began to throb again, and pinched the bridge of his nose as Kyle and Stan began yelling at each other.

This was going to be a long fucking day.

A/N: Rofl, ah the return of Ms. Crabtree. XD I hope you all enjoyed this chapter 'cause I sure liked writing it.

Expect more chaos in the next exciting installment! 8D -shot-

Pleease review everyone :) I must know if I suck balls or not. XD