Chapter 20: Mirror

When L awoke, handcuffed to a bedpost with a chain that looked eerily similar to the one he had used on Light in his past life, the most accurate way to describe his reaction is similar to many of the stages of denial. Disbelief, anger, and sadness, in that order. Practically as soon as he had assessed the situation he determined that Light had drugged his coffee, but he didn't want to believe it. Anger followed, both at Kira, and at himself for not realizing that Light was lying. And finally, sadness. Light had proven beyond all doubt that he was Kira once again, and there was nothing L could do about it.

The chain was long enough to reach into the small bathroom, but he couldn't reach any of the other walls. He wanted to try the door, even if he only expected it was locked. There were no windows, and the bed was the only piece of furniture. There was nothing he could use as a lock-pick or any kind of weapon if someone showed up.

Judging from the way the room was laid out, he was likely in someone's house. If he had to guess, he would assume Drevan, the leader of the current mess with Kira. The only thing he couldn't fathom was why they hadn't killed him yet. Kira, he had assumed, would be all too eager to be rid of him.

Obviously, none of the new Kiras had equipment sophisticated enough to allow for cameras in the room, and that was only a blessing in L's eyes. For some reason, he still had the white notebook on his person. They hadn't searched him, and Ryuk had been gone when Light returned to the apartment. There was no way that the notebook could help him in this situation, as he knew no one's full name but Light, and he couldn't bring himself to even consider the thought of killing the other boy. Not with a murder notebook. And, of course, the fact that he had nothing to write with anyway. The only consolation that the Death Note brought him was that it was still in his hands, and not in theirs.

xXx

After what seemed like hours to the bored detective, he noticed that he was hungry. Obviously it was close to some meal time, but which one? It had been afternoon when he was kidnapped. Was this dinner, or even breakfast or lunch the following morning? He had no way to tell. He couldn't tell anything; the time, if there were even people in the house… He didn't even know what day it was.

The sound of the door unlocking drew his attention, and he looked up to see Light come in, carrying a plate and cup.

"Light-kun…" L murmured, almost a growl. Light smiled, an emotion behind it that L couldn't place, and set the plate down. There was a sandwich on it, and a few potato chips.

"Enjoying your stay, L?" Light asked. L wanted to get up and kick him, but refrained. Instead, he asked bluntly, "What day is it? What time?"

Light raised an eyebrow. "One o'clock the day after I drugged you." he replied, sounding bored. "I was expecting more interesting questions than that."

"You mean, am I wondering why you did it." L said, a hint of a smile barely flickering across his lips. "To me, it doesn't matter why you did it, Light-kun. What matters is, you drugged me, and I am here. And I have no trust in you anymore."

Anger flashed through Light's mahogany eyes. "I've saved your life, L. Would you prefer death to being a prisoner? I've kept them from killing you. I haven't even allowed Drevan to see your name."

L blinked impassively at the sandwich Light had brought. "No sweets?" he asked pointedly, ignoring Light's attempt at justification.

Light scowled. "There are no sweets in the house, L. Sorry." It came out sharply, not at all apologetic, and Light frowned before settling back into his attempt to be nice. "I'll leave you to eat. You probably don't want to talk to me at the moment." He set the cup down next to the plate and left L alone, re-locking the door behind him.

L did eat the sandwich, considering that he had had no dinner and no breakfast before it. It wasn't something sweet, but it was food, after all.

The bare little room seemed more and more like a prison the longer L stayed there. He tried to keep himself busy, seeing what he could hear when hushed voices passed by the doorway, or plotting how he could escape. If he could just reach Near…

Light returned after a long time, leaving a bowl of spaghetti for L's dinner and exiting again without speaking. Apparently he still thought that L wasn't ready to speak with him. In truth, L had lots of questions. Most importantly, why had Light allowed Kira to consume him so completely?

He slept briefly, not trusting anyone. Not Light, and certainly not Drevan, master of the house and mastermind behind Kira's latest attempt at a "perfect world". It would be a sick, Kira-like joke to make him believe he was safe, and knife him in the back when he let his guard down. It had been stupid to trust Light to begin with. Now he had condemned himself to the same fate he had suffered all those years ago. Because no matter what Light said or claimed, he would eventually tire of this game he was playing and kill L.

xXx

Over the next several days, L was brought regular meals by Light. He never saw anyone else in the house, and was not allowed to leave the room. Light had spoken little, probably assuming that no matter what he said, he would not be able to change L's mind regarding anything. On the fourth or fifth day of being trapped in the room, L finally asked Light quietly, "How long do you plan to keep me here?"

Light looked up, a flicker of surprise in his eyes that L was actually speaking to him. "Until you see that our goal of a peaceful world is the right one." he replied.

L stared at him, then looked down at the bowl of soup he was holding. "Is it truly a peaceful world you want? Or will you try to rule, and kill those in your way, as you did seventeen years ago?"

"I think you know that that's not true." Light said. He watched L set the bowl aside, and continued, "After all, you would not be alive if I were to kill everyone who opposed our goal."

"The great Kira shows mercy?" L asked sarcastically. Light reached out, brushing his fingers against L's face softly. L shifted back, shaking off the touch. "Don't touch me, Light-kun."

Light ignored him, moving closer. L tried to move back, but got tangled in the chain connecting him to the headboard. He cursed silently as he realized that his current predicament didn't leave him much slack to move his arms, or to push Light away.

Light leaned close. "I will just ask you to remember, L. If I wanted to kill you, there are a hundred ways to do it that don't involve Drevan seeing your name. Drevan wishes your death, but has agreed that I may keep you alive. Dangerous or not, I still feel the same about you." He dipped his head, kissing L lightly on the lips.

L struggled against the tangled chain, finally planting his foot into Light's stomach and forcing the other boy to stumble back, wheezing. "Don't touch me, Light-kun. You are not longer the person I trusted to be that close."

"Who am I, then?" Light demanded. "I'm still Light Kagayaki, L! I'm still the same person!"

"No." L whispered. "You are Kira."

Light glared at him, before storming from the room. L sat silently, reaching over and hugging one of the pillows tightly. Kira… He might look like Light, he might sound like Light, and he might try to act like Light, but deep down, he was a murderer who did not like being denied. Maybe Light's resolve would crack now. Maybe he might be mad enough to actually kill L. L almost wished he would. Nothing could be worse than living in a prison; a prison created by the person who had held your heart for so long.

He wondered, looking briefly around his prison room before gripping the pillow tightly again, if this was how Beyond Birthday had felt. L hadn't thought about his murderous heir and pseudo twin in a long time. But he couldn't help but think of him now. Thrown in prison by the one he cared about, waiting only for the time that he could die. After his unsuccessful suicide, he must have longed for death, until Kira came along and granted his wish. L had never gotten to apologize to him.

Beyond's actions had been unforgivable. Brutal and violent murders for the sole purpose of getting L's attention… He was a scar upon Wammy's House's history. His betrayal and A's suicide had been terrible events. Most of the children hadn't known what had happened. Mello, Near, and Matt had. Mello looked up to Beyond, and Near, obviously, was smart enough to figure out the events that had taken place.

L couldn't help but wonder if Beyond's soul was out there somewhere; if he had gotten a second chance like Light. He hoped so.

xXx

The next morning when L woke up, there was something sitting in the middle of the floor. He sat up, getting out of bed and going to inspect it curiously. It was a plate, and sitting on it was a huge slice of chocolate cake. A tag sitting next to it said, in Light's handwriting, "Happy Christmas, L."

L stared at it in disbelief. He had been here almost a week. From the date that he had been kidnapped… today was Christmas. The cake looked perfect, like something from a photograph rather than reality, and it was the first bit of sugar L had seen in a week. He stared at it for a long moment, bending over and picking up the plate.

How dare Light mock him like this! L picked up the cake and hurled it at the wall, furious. A piece of cake wasn't going to make things right, and if Light thought it would, he was stupid. L considered a moment, then threw the plate as well, listening to the satisfying crash when it broke. Happy Christmas indeed.

xXx

"You may as well kill me."

It was the first thing L said after Light walked into the room. Light set down the tray of food, walking over to L and running his fingers through the other's raven hair.

"That is not a request to make of someone who cares so deeply for you." Light said gently. As before, L shook off his touch, turning away.

"You have a funny way of showing it." he growled.

Light glanced at the ruined cake. "I went through a great deal of trouble to get that for you, and you threw it at a wall?"

"I do not appreciate being mocked." L murmured, looking down. He was silent for a long moment. "What will make you snap out of it?" he asked. "Kira?" His voice was sad. "You know that I will never be allowed to leave this place alive. I will likely never be allowed out of this room. I would rather be dead than a prisoner of foolish Kiras."

Light didn't answer, just walked rather quickly from the room. L watched him go, startled. There had been a flash of real emotion in Light's eyes for a moment. Actual pain had flickered in their depths at the mention of L being killed. L had learned to read Light's eyes a long time ago, and this was nothing less than truth. Maybe Kira didn't completely own his soul. Maybe there was just the tiniest piece of Light Kagayaki still left in the boy. If L could coax that piece to the surface, he could save Light from Kira.

The thought made him happy. It appeared that no matter what, Light was an important part of his very existence. Friends, rivals, enemies, lovers… No matter what they ended up as, they would be together. L was certain.

LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

School laptops are back!! I'm on a reading/writing binge. I was up till 4:40 in the morning the first night. :) I know, I'm terrible. But I have zero time to go to the library and post, which is why this is so late.

This chapter was written while listening to Pat Benatar's "We Belong". I command all of you to go listen, now!


Many times I've tried to tell you
Many times I've cried alone
Always I'm surprised how well you
Cut my feelings to the bone

Don't want to leave you really
I've invested too much time
To give you up that easy
To the doubts that complicate your mind

We belong to the light,
We belong to the thunder…
We belong to the sound of the words
We've both fallen under…
Whatever we deny or embrace
For worse or for better…
We belong, we belong,
We belong together

This chapter also contains an obligatory BB reference!! Because I love him. :)

Anyway, next chapter we'll see what Emi, Drevan, Himeko, and Mizuki have been up to. …You're going to hate me for how it ends. :)

Hugs!
Li

P.S. Before I go, I've had a request for an alternate version of this chapter. Namely something yaoi. :) I refuse to rate the story M for just one chapter, so tell me what y'all would think about a 'bonus chapter'. (Artsfan, I'll probably send you one regardless, because you asked nicely and I luv you. :) )

Thanks!
Li