Chap. 3

Name: Massive Destruction Towards The Cause of Sanity

Pairings: none

Author's note: My sister, who doesn't yet have a pen name, gave me the wonderful inspiration for the Major's part in this story, and was generous enough to let me use her idea. And helped me with the name.

Roy Mustang was sitting on the floor of his office pulling his hair out. He'd finally met his match. It had not been a good experience for him.

Bzzzzzzzzzzz

"AUGH!" Roy snapped his fingers again, effectively setting his couch ablaze. His desk-chair was already heating the room quite nicely and his desk was blackened on all four corners, but not quite on fire.

Hawkeye appeared in the doorway and jumped as a flame shot past her at the wall. "Aaah! Colonel!" she yelled, out of character and disturbed at the charred/burning surroundings.

"It's a fly, lieutenant." Mustang informed her. It came to buzz around his head for the 400,000,000nth time. Roy set his hair on fire before Hawkeye could even draw her handgun. Ignoring Mustangs' rubbing-his-head-in-the-carpet-to-put-the-fire-out motions, she watched the fly land on his lamp.

BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM!

Roy torched the bookcase where it landed, diminishing it to a pile of ash, ignoring the fire the lamp had started when it hit the carpet. A polite knock on the door caused it to collapse on its burnt self, revealing a concerned Major Armstrong. "Colonel? Lieutenant? Is everything alright?" he asked, sure of the answer already.

"Nothing to worry about Major, just a bothersome fly." Hawkeye told him calmly. "Ah! Is that so? Let me assist you in getting rid of it for good!" Armstrong quickly transmuted the lamp that had set some of the carpet on fire. Thankfully, it hadn't spread past the deskchair/bonfire yet. "That's quite alrih Major. There's no need to trouble yourself." Hawkeye replied.

"Nonsense! It will be no problem for me using the secret Fly-Swatting technique passed down the Armstrong line for generations!" And with that, Alex charged the charred wall where the fly was perched and slammed his fly-swatter through it, revealing a frightened secretary. 'I never knew she worked right behind me.' Roy thought before realizing that the walls and his desk were taking serious damage at the Major's hands.

"Major! Please don't damage the walls any further! I"ll handle this." Hawkeye snapped.

BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM-FOOM! Roy torched the ceiling only to have the fly reappear right next to the Major.

"I've got it!" yelled Roy

"I've got it!" Riza snapped

"I have you!" Armstrong cried out

FOOOOOM!

BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM!

THWACK CRACK SMASH

The fly landed safely on the wall next to the door that connected Mustang's office ot the rest of his suboordinates'. Roy held up his hand, Riza cocked her gun and Armstrong began to charge-

When Havoc walked in, cigarette in hand.

"What are you guys doing?" he asked, putting his cigarette out on the fly. It buzzed feebly, then fell to the floor as Havoc lit up another cigarette. "Seriously, this office looks like a volcano erupted in here."

They all gaped, mouths hanging open like dead fish. Finally, Roy broke the awkward silence with even more awkwardness.

"Hooray Havoc!" he yelled. Everyone gaped at him as he jumped for joy around his destroyed office.