Chapter Fourteen
I tell you naught for your comfort,
Yea, naught for your desire,
Save that the sky grows darker yet
And the sea rises higher.
-G.K Chesterton
Lord Ahriman's hands gripped Jenny's upper arms firmly but not painfully. It didn't take long for his smirk to vanish as he took in her expression. "What happened?" he demanded. "If he hurt you, I'll tear his balls off."
Jenny, for the moment, forgot who she was talking to and that he was probably serious. In her mind, he was her Max again, fiercely protective and indignant on her behalf. She shook her head, laughing shakily.
"Don't bother. He can't help being a jerk. It's ingrained."
"I asked you to stay in your room." His hawk eyes were intent as he looked down at her.
Jenny shrugged. She was beyond giving a damn about what happened to her. Lord Ahriman must have guessed this, because he didn't press the issue. He pulled her closer to him so that Jenny's head was resting directly against his chest. With a quick motion of his arms, he surrounded Jenny in his cloak. Before she was able to squeak in protest she felt an unnatural shifting of space, a jolt. When Lord Ahriman unfolded her from his arms they were in another room entirely. A sitting room with walls painted gold and Picasso and El Greco prints on the walls. The two artists made a strange combination, but Jenny knew it was for her benefit because they were her favorite. She felt unmoved by the compliment.
"Sit," Lord Ahriman said, gesturing towards a black leather sofa. Jenny sat. "Coffee? Wine?" he continued. Jenny didn't see how, but somehow he was holding a coffee pot in one hand and a bottle of red wine in the other. She shook her head.
"No? You don't mind if I do?" Pot and bottle vanished, and Lord Ahriman sat down beside her. He was holding a wine glass. The light shining against the glass made the wine a sparkling burgundy. Jenny stared at it morosely for a moment before meeting his eyes.
"What do you want from me?"
"Simply to have a chat. About you, me, your loyalties. There are some factors you need to be aware of before you make your final decision."
"Is that so?" At that moment, Jenny almost hated him. She wished she was home. She wished she had never learned Japanese. She wanted nothing more than to crawl into her mother's lap, eat popcorn, and watch TMC, as had been their Sunday afternoon tradition.
As if reading her thoughts, Lord Ahriman smiled. "You're not a child anymore. You have more responsibilities than most people could ever imagine. You hold the fates of many people in your pretty hands. All I want is to ensure that you use that power wisely."
Stubbornly, Jenny shook her head.
"Are you afraid of me? Do you think I'll hurt you?" Lord Ahriman asked softly. When Jenny just stared at him, he added, "Then what do you have to lose?"
True. He had promised he would never hurt her, and Jenny believed him. She had never doubted.
"Okay," she said suddenly, "have at it. Go on. Convince me. Tell me I have to join you and turn on all my friends. Prove to me that I secretly would love to maim and torture the innocent. Let's go."
Lord Ahriman put on a good show of looking aghast. "Main and torture? Is that what you think I do? No, quite the opposite. There will never be need for pain and suffering in the world again once you and I have it under our control. But that is out of the scope of this conversation. I simply wanted to show you this." He reached inside his dark cloak and pulled out a round hand mirror. The backing and the handle were made of gold. The surface of the mirror looked as alive as quicksilver. Something about it made Jenny's fingers itch to touch it, but Lord Ahriman pulled it to himself. He looked at his reflection pensively.
"Mirrors are very interesting if you know the way of them. They can reveal your surface reflection or deeper. They can measure your soul." Expressionless, Lord Ahriman turned the mirror around and handed it to Jenny. With eager fingers, she took it. She saw a glimpse of her own reflection, her skin very pale and eyes curious, before the surface of the mirror rippled like water. Her features blurred and disappeared until they were replaced by another image. The mirror became not a tool of reflection but a window into another place and time.
"It's my house. My kitchen," Jenny said, surprised. She saw the familiar faded yellow curtains on the windows, the table with the blue and white checkered tablecloth piled with too many bills. Flowers and cacti were lined up in pots on the windowsill above the sink where the Southern California sun shone through, bright and cheery. She looked at Lord Ahriman with confusion, but he silently gestured towards the mirror.
Jenny's mother was coming into the kitchen. She pulled out a chair at the table and sat, rifling through a pile of mail. She barely glanced at several envelopes as she tossed them onto the ever growing pile of bills. Several seconds later Jenny's older sister Kristen entered the kitchen. Kristen was a year and a half older than Jenny. She had been reasonably popular in her grade and was involved in student government and the National Honor Society. She had started college at Northwestern around the same time Jenny left for Japan. Designer sunglasses were perched on her head that she had bought from money she earned as a hostess at a local family restaurant in San Mantego. On weekends, she volunteered at a home for senior citizens.
Jenny and her sister had very little in common.
Kristen kissed her mother on the top of her head and sank into the chair beside her, swinging her purse off her shoulder. "Did we get our report cards, Mom?" she asked eagerly. Mrs. Thomas flipped back through several letters before pulling out a white envelope and handing it to her daughter. With an excited intake of breath, Kristen tore into the envelope. By the length of Kristen's bleached blonde hair, Jenny knew the scene was from the previous June, right after Kristen's final semester at San Mantego High.
"Last report card of your senior year, darling. Will I be proud?" Mrs. Thomas asked with a smile that showed she already knew the answer.
"Of course," Kristin said matter-of-factly. Jenny rolled her eyes. Sometimes, her sister's attitude grated at her. Kristin was damn near perfect at everything and knew it. Most of the time, she expended energy making sure everyone else knew it, too.
However, as the seconds passed, Kristen's smile drooped. She wasn't looking nearly so cocky. Jenny couldn't help the satisfied smile that crept onto her own lips. It was nice to see her squirm for once.
"I can't believe this!" Kristin said bitterly. "I hate Mr. Steiner! I knew he had it in for me."
"What happened?" Mrs. Thomas asked curiously. She peered over Kristin's shoulder at the piece of paper and her face fell. "Oh, honey…"
"He ruined my GPA. I hate him!"
"Honey, you can't blame your grades on anyone but yourself. Tell me what happened."
"Mom, I tried. I really did. AP Physics is just not my subject. I offered to do extra credit for him. I studied like crazy. You know I did. I guess there just wasn't enough time to bring my B+ up to an A."
Jenny's smile drooped. A B+? Kristin was getting so worked up over a B+? Jenny personally would have been thrilled with a B+ in any class, let alone science.
"Everything else is an A," Kristin said defensively. She eyed another white envelope lying on the table and picked it up. "Let's see what Jenny got."
"No, I think you should wait and let your sister…"
It was too late. Kristin's red nails sliced into the envelope and she pulled out the letter inside. "B, C+, D, D, A, and C-," Kristin read with satisfaction. "Mom, my grades are way better than hers."
"Your grades are always better than Jenny's," Mrs. Thomas reminded her patiently. "She just has different needs than you."
"Yeah, special needs."
Jenny bristled at her sister's tone. What business was it of hers what grades she got?
Mrs. Thomas smiled as she looked over Kristin's shoulder. "She got an A this time. Good girl!"
"It's art, Mom. It's not exactly challenging. And the only B she has is in Japanese. That's the only real subject she cares about. Dipping a brush in paint and splattering it on paper is not a subject. I'm sorry, but it's not. She has no drive for anything real. She'll never get anywhere in the world."
"Oh, Kris…"
"You know it's true, Mom. Why do you baby her? That's the reason she has no ambition. You and Dad have always pushed me, but it's like Jenny has a free pass to do whatever she wants."
"I gave up on Jenny being valedictorian a long time ago, sweetie. It's not in her nature. She's an artist, and as long as that's what she cares about, that's what she's going to do. You, on the other hand, have a very bright future. I know you're going to make your father and I very proud."
Kristin's smile was self-satisfied. "And Jenny?"
Mrs. Thomas looked back at Jenny's report card. "I can't say I'm proud of her," she said quietly. "I'm very disappointed in her studies. I with she would…" She trailed off, shook her head, and set the paper down on the table.
"What would you like for dinner?" she asked Kristin with a sunny smile.
The image on the mirror dissolved. Jenny's eyes reappeared on the silver surface, unusually watery. She put the mirror down quickly. "She never told me," she said dazedly. "I always thought she was proud of me. Just in a different way. She never discouraged me from my art. I thought she understood." She turned to Lord Ahriman accusingly. "How do I know this is real?"
He smiled. "I admit that I'm a liar. I have lied to many people, freely and gladly. But I would never lie to you. Not about something like this. What is it?"
The last sentence was spoken with genuine concern. Jenny was furiously rubbing her eyes, angry that tears were forming, angry at herself for not being the kind of daughter her parents could be proud of. "It's just…I'm the screw up. I always have been. Kristin is the genius. Beautiful and smart and popular. And my younger brothers and sister always get good reports from their teachers. It's not like I do it on purpose. Even if I try, something always goes wrong, so why bother? God, I'm such a statistic. The middle child who never does anything right."
Lord Ahriman shook his head firmly. He placed a hand on her shoulder. "You come to them from a distance of ten thousand years. Naturally, you would be different. You don't belong with them."
Normally, Jenny would have argued with him, but she was feeling abnormally cold. She didn't say anything.
"Besides, maybe there were other reasons you didn't flourish at that school in the desert. How are your grades now?"
Jenny thought about that. They were fine. Maybe not compared to Kristin or Ami, but they were much better than they had been at San Mantego High. For the first time in a long time, she was happy. That made everything easier, including studying.
"As toxic is the environment so is the person," Lord Ahriman said, once again seeming to read her mind effortlessly. Jenny's reflection on the mirror was blurring again. She lifted the mirror warily. This time, the image she saw was a deserted hallway in her old school. Her stomach twisted uneasily. Two girls were walking quickly down the hallway. Ella Kairos and Jessica Black, the inseparable leading duo of San Mantego High's popular crowd. Jenny was confused. Other than the occasional bitchy remarks, they had been mostly peripheral to Jenny's tormenting. Jenny had never mixed with them, and likewise, they had never mixed with Jenny. Why was Lord Ahriman showing them to her?
"I'll just be a moment," Jessica was saying, sounding harried. "I'm sure I left my phone in my locker. Then we can go."
"Whatever." Something was making Ella's mood sour. She examined her French manicured nails as Jessica paused beside a locker, dialed a combination, and yanked the door open. Jessica retrieved her phone, but her expression was still anxious as she looked at her friend.
"You won't believe what I heard," she said, looking eager to please.
"What?"
"About who Brian was hooking up with last summer." Jessica lifted her dark eyebrows meaningfully. This caught Ella's attention. She looked up curiously.
"Brian? My Brian?"
Brian who? Jenny thought before she realized. They were talking about Dirk. She had forgotten that Ella and Dirk were "together" on occasion. Her mouth twisted into a grimace. If Ella didn't know that there were very few souls in the school that Dirk hadn't messed around with, then she was dumber than she looked. Jenny gave Lord Ahriman an annoyed glance, not believing that she was being forced to watch the idiotic teenage soap opera of her former life.
Ella's lips curved into a smirk. "Who was it this time?"
"You will never guess," Jessica continued. She was practically shivering with the excitement of being the one with the hot gossip.
Ella stared at her. "You planning on telling me sometime before I develop wrinkles?"
"Sorry." Jessica blushed, but she was still grinning. "None other than little miss innocent Jenny." The way she said "innocent" made it clear that she had other ideas. Jenny blinked. Surely they didn't mean her?
Ella snorted. "The chick with the bad dye jobs? Seriously? Hasn't she been gone all year?"
"Yeah, but I heard he and Jenny were getting it on all summer. I guess he wanted to give her a good memory before she went off to a land of much, ah…shorter men. The slut didn't need any lessons from him. They were quite hot together, I hear."
As hot as Jenny's cheeks were flaming at that moment?
"Well, Brian can make anything hot," Ella said. She tossed her sun-streaked brown hair over her shoulder. "I've got a date with him this weekend."
"Really?"
Jenny couldn't believe they were speaking about it so calmly. Dirk had been making up rumors about her! She took a slow, deep breath, telling herself that it didn't matter. She didn't care what they thought about her. It was a stupid rumor, and by the time she returned home for her senior year, nobody would care or remember. Really, Lord Ahriman was going to have to do much better if he wanted to upset her.
"What else did he say about her?" Ella asked.
"Actually, it wasn't Brian who told me. Although I hear he's not denying it. It was that girl. Her friend. Melissa something-or-other."
Jenny's face drained of all remaining color. No. She didn't believe it. Melissa would never do that to her. Not her best friend.
"Really?" Ella looked quite delighted with the news. "Well, she'd be in a position to know. But why was she telling you? What did she want?"
Jessica suddenly looked uncomfortable. "She wanted to come to your party this weekend."
Ella looked horrified. "You didn't invite her, did you? No. That girl can not come into my house. Are you kidding?"
"She said she had more to tell," Jessica said defensively.
Ella's scowl relaxed into a smirk. "Well, in that case…"
The picture faded away. Jenny tore the mirror from her vision before she could see her reflection. She couldn't bear to see the pain that was undoubtedly reflected in her eyes. She didn't care so much that Ella and Jessica were gossiping about her as the fact that it had been Melissa supplying the fuel. Jenny bit the insides of her cheeks until they bled trying to keep herself from crying. She didn't understand why Melissa would do that to her. Why? In a desperate attempt to become popular? Melissa had always said she didn't care about that, but now that Jenny was out of the picture maybe things were changing.
"Are you alright?" Lord Ahriman asked.
"What do you think?" Jenny snapped. "My parents wish I had never been born and my best friend sold me out for a party. How would you feel?"
Jenny lifted a hand to angrily brush stray hairs out of her eyes, but Lord Ahriman caught her trembling hand. He held it firmly in his, lightly caressing her palm. His expression was sympathetic but also dark with thoughts of his own. "How would I feel? I wouldn't know. I hardly knew my family. They were taken from me when I was very young. Your mother, Queen Serenity, and their glorious army of Light sealed them into a world of darkness. Away from me."
Jenny stared at him, her own concerns fading into the background. "I'm sorry," she said truthfully. He sounded so bitter, looked so alone. She scooted closer to him, holding his hand as tightly as he held hers. When she met his eyes, she saw how passionately they glowed.
"This is why we need each other," Lord Ahriman said. "Everyone we could have loved has either betrayed us, left, or been taken away. You're all I have, Jenny. No one understands you as I do. No one could ever love you as much." His head was bending slightly, tilting towards hers. It took Jenny a few seconds to understand what he was doing. When she did, she released his hand as if it had burned her and scooted back to a safe distance.
"That's not true," she said unsteadily. "Maybe you're right about the people in San Mantego, but I don't care about them. I have friends here who do love me. They'd die to save me, and they hate you."
Lord Ahriman looked at her sadly. "Do you hate me?"
Jenny looked away. She didn't dare answer him.
"Anyway, are you sure that they care about you so much?" he asked, his familiar mocking smile returning. A chill filled Jenny's chest.
"Yes," she said, but her voice trembled.
"Would you like to see?"
"No."
"Oh, why not? You said it yourself. If you're right, you have nothing to fear." Lord Ahriman's eyes glittered as he looked at her. Jenny returned the gaze for a nervous moment before swallowing and lifting the mirror.
"Show your worst," she dared.
As Jenny's reflection exploded in waves for a third time, Lord Ahriman said, "All of them care about you enough to die for you? That's quite a strong assertion. It's only been a few months, has it not?"
"I know my place. I belong with them."
"Do you?"
The surface of the mirror shimmered and flashed. Jenny saw Lyyli's crisp blue hair and Dalila's serene dark beauty. They were in a restaurant somewhere in Tokyo slurping noodles. "She's not my idea of a golden princess," Lyyli was saying. "Have you seen the way she dresses?"
Dalila shook her head with a smile. "Since when have you been a Versace queen?"
Lyyli ignored her. "And the music she listens to! It's like she doesn't think it counts unless some guy is screaming. She uncoordinated, self-conscious, rude to Nick. Her whole mannerism is so un-princess-like! You know what, I bet Alyson is the real princess. Mako told me that Minako posed as the Moon Princess for a while a few years back to protect Usagi's identity. Seriously, can you picture Jenny as our glorious leader? It's a joke."
Dalila was laughing. "You're right. It must be Alyson."
"Or somebody else. Anyone but Jenny. Hell, I'd believe it was Adiel before her."
The two laughed together.
Jenny looked at Lord Ahriman a little indignantly as the picture faded. "Why should I care that Dalila and Lyyli think I'm a slob and hate my music? Besides, they're right. This is so not my role. Alyson is more…regal than me. I've been saying it all along."
"But I could never mistake you." Lord Ahriman's golden eyes were fixed on her admiringly.
Jenny looked back at the mirror and shrugged. "It doesn't matter. I could never hate them, or stop believing in them." But she didn't feel as sure as she sounded. She shivered slightly. Did Dalila and the others really like her, or did they only support her because she was destined to be their leader?
"I suppose you're right. The seven of them will fight with you no matter what. But how do you think they really feel about you? How do any of your new friends? Would you like to find out?"
Jenny knew that she didn't have a choice. This time, Lord Ahriman chose to narrate the images instead of letting her listen. "They think they're better than you," he told her in a low voice as the mirror flashed images of her friends, from Setsuna and Hotaru to Christine and Adiel. Jenny swallowed heavily as she watched them all, laughing together, connected by invisible bonds of friendship and strength.
"They're wrong," Lord Ahriman continued. She could feel him watching her. "They think they have the power and that you are nothing. They treat you like a frail baby robin with no defenses of your own. They escort you everywhere. They have no confidence in you."
"Yes," Jenny whispered. She watched images of her friends following her wherever she went. For protection, they always claimed, but she had never wanted or asked for their protection.
"You could show them," Lord Ahriman continued casually. "You could prove to them that you're stronger than they think, stronger than any of them. You won't be a joke anymore."
"I'm not a joke to them now," Jenny said crossly, even as she heard the sound of Lyyli and Dalila's laughter floating in her mind. In the mirror, she saw herself leaning against the wall and drawing contently in Alyson's bedroom at her host family's home. Alyson and Brenna were huddled together several feet away and giggling. Occasionally, they looked over at Jenny, whispered to each other, and burst out laughing again. Jenny felt sick as she remembered that day. She had asked them what was so funny, but they'd only shaken their heads and laughed harder.
Laughing at her. Why? Did everyone think of her as a joke as Lord Ahriman claimed? She could show them…
No! He wants you to turn against them, a voice in her mind reminded her. Jenny bit her lip, not knowing what to believe.
Lord Ahriman picked up on her inner struggle. He looked perfectly sympathetic as he said, "Do you think any of them want to be in the position they're in because of you? They'd all be happier if you and the problems that came with you disappeared. They think of you as a burden."
"No. Kelly said…" Jenny trailed off. Kelly had said she'd protect her always, but she never once said that she wanted to. She could have only been sucking up to the girl who would someday have great power. Jenny shut her eyes. Why was Lord Ahriman doing this to her, twisting her thoughts, trying to make her doubt everyone she loved?
He wasn't finished. "Furthermore, the Japan senshi. How much do you think they care for you? Their number one priority is the Moon Princess. You're only second best…if that. I doubt they'd risk the safety of their group for you. They're a close knit family. There is no room for you in it."
"I know that," Jenny said heavily. She'd never seen a group with more intimacy than theirs. They had problems like all friends, but they were fiercely loyal to one another and Usagi.
Jenny's heartbeat quickened. Of course. "Usagi would fight to save me," she said confidently, looking Lord Ahriman right in his golden eyes.
"Would she?"
"Yes. Usagi is my sister. My true sister. She loves me."
"Maybe, as one would love a dear pet, a stuffed animal. She thinks she's much higher class than you."
"That's not true!"
"We shall see," Lord Ahriman said patiently. He gestured again at the mirror. Feeling sick, Jenny looked down at the silvery surface. A gleam of light passed over her reflection. She was presented with images of Usagi smiling and laughing with her friends, snuggling with Mamoru in a chair, looking beautiful and powerful as Sailormoon. The mirror flowed easily through a montage of scenes, showing Usagi always happy and protected by her circle of friends.
Abruptly, her smiles disappeared. It was easy to see why. Jenny had come into the picture. Usagi now spent her time glaring at Jenny through the darkness as she lay in bed, and shooting her nasty looks over the dinner table. The mirror proceeded to show a few of Jenny and Usagi's many verbal feuds during the early part of her stay in Japan. Usagi's voice was suddenly heard with the images, proclaiming that Jenny was a nuisance, that she was evil, that she had been sent to Japan with the sole mission of destroying her life. As a final peak of hatred, Usagi's face darkened as she yelled to Luna, "I hate her! I wish she never came at all!" Her voice echoed through the silence in the room as the picture faded.
Jenny was left staring at her reflection. She knew the scene was probably from the beginning of her stay, but the words still stung. How could she be sure Usagi's feelings had ever changed? Maybe Usagi resented her for showing up and disturbing her peaceful life, bringing danger for her friends and boyfriend.
Jenny was more aware of Lord Ahriman's eyes on her than ever. She flushed slightly but refused to look at him. "Well?" he said.
"Well what?" Jenny asked sharply. She suppressed an urge to throw the mirror to the floor, shattering its power. She despised it. She despised herself.
"What reason do you have to stay loyal to a girl who feels that way about you? She'd just as soon turn on you as me. Why not beat her to it and steal her chances before she can take yours?"
Jenny couldn't answer. Her thoughts were betraying her feelings, and the struggle was not pleasant.
"You have the power within you to do great things, and yet you do not change." Lord Ahriman took her hand again and touched the ring Surya had given her with his forefinger. The red of the firestone gem set in the intricate silver design glittered intensely in the light. "Who is there left to stay loyal to?" he asked softly.
"Someone," Jenny whispered. There had to be.
"Who? Nick?" Lord Ahriman couldn't pronounce the name without sneering. "You think he wants you even a little?" At the name, Jenny felt a jolt. The reminder of him was painful. She couldn't deal with thoughts of Nick on top of everything else.
There was hatred in Lord Ahriman's voice as he said, "He means nothing. He's a simple human with no powers."
"Unlike you, right?" Jenny said dryly.
Lord Ahriman smiled modestly. "Take a look," he urged, pointing to the mirror. "Let's find out how much your boyfriend really appreciates you."
Jenny felt an icy hand grip her heart as she lifted the mirror before her eyes. What unfolded next was the story of her life. So much of her life had been wrapped up with Nick's that it was as if they were dark shadows of each other. Jenny saw herself as a rosy-cheeked infant lying in her crib, gazing up adoringly at the two-year-old Nick who looked back with wide, childish eyes as he smeared snot away from his runny nose with his fist. Jenny and Nick's mothers had gone to college together. They were best friends, had been maids of honor at each other's weddings, and lived next door to each other. They had been amused with toddler Nick's fascination with his new neighbor. He had never shown any interest in Kristin who was only nine months his junior. They saw the way their children responded to each other and they were delighted. They encouraged it.
Years rolled by, and what started out as curious interest became a real friendship. Jenny couldn't help smiling seeing her younger self and Nick together, always on the go, getting into as many adventures as they could create. Always, it was the two of them. No one else held any interest for either of them. Jenny couldn't get along with other girls her age. When her mother set up play dates with the girls in her class, she didn't care about playing dolls or dress up. All she had wanted was for the time to pass quickly so that she could go home and see Nick. Likewise, Nick was unenthusiastic about the many sports his retired career Marine father signed him up for. He had talent on the soccer field and in the baseball diamond. He had the longest punt of anyone his age. He was constantly being invited to other boys' houses to play video games or build forts, but he wasn't interested. He only wanted to be with Jenny.
By the ages of eight and eleven, neither of them had any other friends. But she and Nick were both growing, changing. When Nick entered sixth grade, Jenny began seeing him less and less. When she called his house, he was always studying. When she skipped over to his front door, eyes bright with a new scheme, he was always at an after-school activity. Jenny began to fear seeing his father open the door. His voice was harsh when he told Jenny repeatedly that Nick had bigger things to worry about than hanging out with a little girl. More responsibilities, other friends. He told her she needed to find friends her own age.
Third-grade Jenny couldn't accept that. She refused to. In her mind, it was inconceivable that Nick would rather be with someone else. So she watched. And she waited. One day, her wait was rewarded. She saw Nick out in his front yard throwing a football with three older boys. The sun beat down on him, making his hair shine with tiny beads of sweat. She remembered how happy he looked. She remembered the rush of joy she felt at seeing him. Jenny didn't think. She ran down the stairs and went outside to join them. She lifted her arms, demanding in her selfish, eight-year old way that Nick throw the football to her.
The other boys laughed. How could they not? But Jenny didn't care. She rushed at Nick, tried to tackle him. He shoved her away lightly as he might an insistent cat trying to climb on him. Jenny took his hand. She tugged, trying to get him to come back to her house with her. She wanted to show him new drawings she'd done. The other boys were nearly rolling on the ground by this point. They laughed at Nick, teased him about his "little girlfriend." As the minutes passed, Nick said nothing. His face got redder and redder at the jeers of the other boys. Jenny tugged and tugged, but he was as unmovable as a telephone pole.
It wasn't until one of the other boys took Jenny's hand and told her that he'd go look at her drawings – he had something to show her too – that Nick snapped. He threw the football on the ground and yelled at Jenny, telling her to go home and leave him alone. He yelled until Jenny burst into tears and ran back into the house, the laughter of Nick's new friends following her every step.
That laughter rang in her ears again. Jenny blinked and shook her head until the sound disappeared, leaving only the pounding sound of her heart beating through her temples.
"He betrayed you," Lord Ahriman said softly near her ear.
"He was eleven years old," Jenny said somewhat snappishly. "And I was being ridiculous. I didn't get it then, but I do now. It was unhealthy for his only friend to be a girl three years younger. He needed to make friends his own age, and if the only way to do that was to tell me off, then I'm glad to oblige." As she spoke, Jenny was aware of how bitter she sounded. Knowing and feeling were two very different things.
"But he didn't apologize or try to explain, did he? In fact, when you tried to talk to him, he made you feel worse."
Jenny sucked in her breath as the scene changed. There she was only a week later sneaking away from her school during recess and walking four blocks to Nick's middle school. Jenny felt the heat of embarrassment on her face as she saw herself enter the school and head directly to the cafeteria where Nick was having lunch with a large group of his friends. The same boys he had been playing football with were there, as well as a pretty girl on his left, her lips shiny with pink lipgloss. This didn't seem to bother Jenny. She walked right up to him and tugged on his shoulder, asking him to step out into the hallway with her. She wanted to talk to him.
The future Jenny's stomach was in knots as she watched the scene. As before, his friends burst into laughter. One pounded on the table with his head down. Another snorted milk out of his nose. The girl stared at Jenny with a combination of amusement, disbelief, and pity. And Nick…that was the worst of it. After enduring the laughter of his friends for a minute, urging Jenny to go back to her school, something changed in his expression. He looked at her as if she was a stranger, as if she meant nothing to him. Not only did he join in the laughter, he provoked it. He told her mean things. He called her names. The scene attracted the attention of more students. Soon the nearby tables were also giggling, yelling comments that Jenny was grateful she hadn't understood back then.
Jenny had fled, more confused than ever, but she hadn't given up. She persisted in trying to make him talk to her, trying to find ways to win him back. Seeing it now, Jenny was humiliated. Why hadn't she given up? Why did she have to have so much damned faith in him? Maybe if she had seen that her efforts were useless, she could have spared herself a multitude of grief in the following years. Because the more Jenny tried the worse it got. She became a running joke among his friends.
The semester had almost ended when Jenny realized she could never win Nick back. But by then it was too late. It was open season on naïve little blonds in San Mantego. Jenny became a walking target. Tormenting her became a favorite game, a way to pass the time in a one Starbucks town. Not only Nick's friends did it, but other kids as well as the news spread of the freaky third grader who was obsessed with Nick. The older kids encouraged their younger siblings to make Jenny's life a living hell when they couldn't do it themselves. The younger brother of Nick's new best friend Dane, Brian Dirkson, became one of Jenny's worst tormenters.
She blamed Nick. All the love and adoration she had once felt for him became twisted. By the time she was ten she was convinced she hated him. It was all his fault. He had ended their friendship. He had turned her away. Worse, when the other kids in town had started bullying her, he hadn't done a damn thing to stop them. He could have protected her, but he just looked the other way. He was busy with his own life, climbing the social ladder as his athletic ability and growing personal charms made him one of the most popular students. Jenny, on the other hand, was always a little bit different. Awkward, her head in the clouds, she wouldn't have fit in even if the fallout with Nick had never happened. Nobody wanted to make friends with her long after she stopped trying.
Years passed on the mirror within seconds. Jenny saw herself growing taller, prettier, stronger. Her youthful innocence faded as she hardened. By middle school, when the other students teased her, she screamed right back at them. They no longer had the ability to hurt her. Only one person did, and she hadn't spoken to him in years.
The summer before high school started, Jenny shaved her head. When her hair grew back, she started dying it different colors. It humiliated Kristen, who tried as hard as she could to pretend that she and Jenny weren't related. Jenny didn't care. She cared only about being as tough and aloof as she could. She dreaded being in the same school as Nick again. In some ways, her freshman year was her worst yet. Jenny had learned to live with the taunting of her classmates. What she wasn't prepared for was Nick: being around him again, seeing him every day. Jenny quickly learned his class schedule and worked out ways to avoid him, but there were still occasional encounters in the hallways. Whenever it happened, Jenny would flush and duck her head, walking by him as quickly as possible. She dreaded meeting his eyes.
Thankfully, he didn't acknowledge her at the beginning, but as the weeks passed, Jenny had noticed his eyes lingering on her more and more. There was pity in his expression and regret. Unlike the early days when Nick had been the ringleader among his friends, he never joined in when the others teased her. Occasionally, he dropped a few words in her defense, telling his friends she wasn't worth the trouble. Jenny remembered how furious this had made her rather than thankful. She didn't want anything from him, especially his pity or protection. She hated him worse than ever, seeing how adored he was by his friends. She felt sick seeing a different girl on his arm every month.
"He's a dick," Lord Ahriman said suddenly. Jenny turned to him with a surprised laugh. To hear such a comment from him was hilarious. He was usually so dignified.
"Yes. Nick is a dick," Jenny said pleasantly. She smiled down at the mirror, which was showing herself as a freshman yelling at Nick and physically shoving him for daring to interfere and chase away a group of girls who were bullying her outside the gym. He never stopped trying to help. As the year drew to a close, he became all the more adamant about getting the other students to leave Jenny alone. It worked to some degree, at least among his friends. At least when he wasn't watching. For the others it didn't matter. Jenny's social status was too deeply imbedded in the minds of her classmates by that point for the interference of the Homecoming King to do any good.
Jenny blinked abruptly when the mirror flashed and showed Nick at her doorstep. She swallowed, knowing it was the day he had left for college. For Japan, although she hadn't known it at the time. It was the first time he'd come to her house in six years. He had come to apologize, but Jenny had refused to listen. She had slammed the door in his face, furious that he thought an apology was enough to wipe the slate clean. The moment Jenny had slammed the door, she had collapsed to the floor and started sobbing. All her frustration and feelings throughout the years came pouring out in her tears. She knew that she would finally be free of him. She wanted to rejoice, but instead new misery cut into her. Somehow, the only thing worse than seeing him every day was not seeing him at all.
Jenny was crying freely by this time, reliving the pain afresh. She didn't feel any better at the next montage of scenes Lord Ahriman showed her, of Nick with his many girlfriends. She recognized some of them from high school, but also girls she didn't know whom he had met in Japan. She saw pretty girls, skinny girls, lively girls. Nick kissing them on their necks as they giggled. Nick playing with their hair. Nick kissing Dalila at the club on Halloween. Jenny saw her own shocked expression at discovering them, the flashing purple lights coloring her white dress. She remembered how mortified she had felt, how she had turned and fled.
"He doesn't want you. He doesn't need you. And even if he did, he has no way of appreciating who you really are. That man-whore could never make you happy," said Lord Ahriman.
Mixed among the images of Nick were Usagi and the others, always laughing, their eyes malicious. Jenny's heart pounded as she watched them. Her fingers felt frozen to the handle of the mirror. "None of them want you. They laugh at you. They don't care about you," Lord Ahriman murmured against her ear, over and over until Jenny couldn't stand it. She lifted her arm, ready to hurl the mirror away from her, but he easily caught her wrist at the last moment and wrenched the mirror from her hand.
"No good," he said. He waved his other hand over the mirror, and it vanished. "That mirror contains my family. They're kept under a different spell than I was. If you smash it, they'll be lost forever. Only your power will help me set them free."
"My power?" Jenny's voice was shaking. "Why would I ever help you?"
"Because we need each other. You're the only one I can count on."
"But Sera and the others…" Jenny was cut off with a particularly sour laugh from Lord Ahriman.
"They're more frightened of me than loyal. As soon as the tide turns, they'll be on the other side, fighting with your dear friends. Especially Sera. But you and I, we could be great together. I told you before that I care about you and only you. When will you see that I'm the only one who truly loves you?"
That was stretching it a bit, but before Jenny had a chance to answer, there was an insistent knock on the door. Sera burst inside.
"We have a situation," she said crisply. Her eyes landed on Lord Ahriman and Jenny sitting together on the sofa. Nothing changed in her expression.
"I'm in the middle of something. Can't it wait?" he asked sharply.
Sera shook her head. "We have some unexpected guests, Boss."
Jenny's heart leapt into action. The senshi had come. She wasn't sure if she was pleased that they hadn't abandoned her or if she was annoyed that they were stupid enough to walk into Sera's trap. She felt the beginnings of panic flutter in her stomach.
"What? How? Where are they?" Lord Ahriman sounded more flummoxed than Jenny would have expected.
"How do you think? Kyanite and Alexandrite guided a group teleportation. For the moment I have them trapped behind a barrier I set up in case this happened, but it won't hold them for long. I was expecting them to try something like this. Somebody had to be prepared." Sera sounded unexpectedly petulant as she spoke to him. Lord Ahriman's expression darkened but he didn't reprimand her.
"Nick?" he asked rising to his feet. Jenny's panic multiplied tenfold.
"He's with them. I thought you'd want him there for the decision."
For a moment Jenny didn't understand, but then the blood drained from her face. The decision. Of course. This was is. The final battle. Everything for months had been leading up to this moment. They were all counting on her to make a decision. Thinking about it made Jenny feel faint. She felt less sure about her true feelings and where her loyalties lay than she had been only hours before.
Lord Ahriman stood abruptly. He grabbed Jenny's arm and yanked her to her feet. His face was white, his lips tight. "I hope you've been paying attention, princess, because nobody – nobody – is going to fight for you harder than me." The intensity of his gaze frightened her. There wasn't the faintest hint of the Max she had known in it, only dark fury. He pulled her out the door and down the hallway. Jenny barely noticed. She was thinking desperately, reliving what Lord Ahriman had shown her, wondering if there was a way out. She couldn't play this role. It wasn't fair of any of them to make her.
The doorway Lord Ahriman dragged her through led into the cavernous mess hall Jenny had seen his creatures in earlier. Her stomach lurched with fear, but it was empty of all except the senshi and their close allies trapped in a pearly bubble. Jenny felt even sicker upon seeing them standing together in an array of bright colors. It was evident that they had tried to break free from Sera's barrier, for the inside was scorched with ugly burn marks. At seeing her, many of them gasped and moved forward. Jenny saw Nick standing beside Tuxedo Kamen. Seeing Nick looking so pale and out of place among the warriors brimming with power did little to calm her.
Lord Ahriman's mood lifted instantly. He laughed, a surprisingly pleasant and relaxed sound considering the circumstances. "Well, well. Isn't this a surprise. Sailormoon and her entourage have come to visit me in my humble abode. What brings you here, dear? Come back to relive fond memories?"
"You know why we've come," Eternal Sailormoon said. She pressed both hands directly against the shimmering barrier. Jenny felt a rush of warmth at her voice. She tried to step forward, but Lord Ahriman's iron grip held her back.
He smiled unpleasantly. "You've come for her, yes? I can't blame you for that. But have you asked yourselves why you're really here? Have you come to rescue your friend, or to prevent her from gaining her powers as Sailorathena, because you know she's capable of destroying you all?"
Jenny looked at him quickly. Was that the reason they had come? The possibility made her feel cold. The senshi gasped, and Sailorneptune cried, "No, Jenny, that's not true! We're here because we're your friends!" Other voices joined with her, pleading their case. Jenny heard their voices but she was so busy with her own thoughts that she couldn't listen to their words. She saw the fear that was displayed so clearly in the eyes of some of the senshi, especially the newest ones. Sailordemeter and Sailormetis looked so tiny among the older, more experienced warriors, so fragile. No matter what happened, some of them were going to get hurt, maybe even killed.
Shining tears were dripping down Sailormoon's face. Her lips were trembling as her eyes looked at Jenny pleadingly. Jenny found it very difficult to look away. When she did, her gaze locked with a pair of chocolate brown eyes. Nick looked pale and strained. Jenny could hardly blame him. As she looked at him, she became aware for the first time of how fully human he was, how vulnerable. As Lord Ahriman had constantly reminded her, he had no special powers to protect himself. He was reasonably strong, probably more so than the average nineteen-year-old boy, but what use would his mortal strength do him when faced with Lord Ahriman's shimmering darkness?
Jenny clenched her fists so tightly that her nails dug into her palms. She felt the warmth of blood slide against her palms. As she looked at the familiar faces gazing at her from behind the glittering barrier, she suddenly realized that it was useless. They had no chance, not against Lord Ahriman's dark power and his army of beasts. There was no way they could win on their own. She narrowed her eyes slightly. Did they know that? Did they guess that fighting now would be useless? How could she protect them?
No matter what, she was going to have to betray someone.
"Get your hands off her," Nick said coldly. Jenny hadn't noticed that Lord Ahriman was standing behind her and that he had put his arms around her, holding her directly against him. At Nick's threat, he only laughed. His hands ran up and down Jenny's arms, caressing. She felt his lips touch against the top of her head. Jenny shivered as a chill ran through her body.
"Unfortunately, I can't do that. Jenny likes it when I touch her. We're a team. You see, we've just finished having a chat, and she understands now that she and I were meant to be together. She knows that all of you are only interested in using her, while I care for the girl above the outcome of any battle."
"No." Nick looked as ghastly as a phantom with his pallid complexion and dark circles brushing the undersides of his eyes. "She would never willingly give in to you. She isn't like that. She isn't like you. Jen, please look at me. Don't let him tell you that you're evil, because it isn't true. Whatever he's told you, however he's tried to convince you to join him, it's all lies. You know that. He'd do anything to win you." Other voices chimed with his, urging Jenny not to trust Lord Ahriman, trying to convince her that they were her real friends. The din mixed with Lord Ahriman's laughter was so great in her head that Jenny pressed both hands against her ears and shut her eyes. She wanted to disappear.
When she finally removed her hands and opened her eyes, Lord Ahriman was boasting again. "We have an understanding, you see. Jenny understands that this is the best way for everyone involved. She wants to be with me."
Sailormoon and the others were still protesting, but Jenny said weakly, "He's right."
"What?" Jupiter said disbelievingly. The senshi who had heard Jenny looked horrified. The others looked at their friends, their faces growing dark with comprehension the longer they stared.
"What?" said Lord Ahriman, equally stunned. Jenny looked up at him helplessly.
"You're right. This is the best way. I was here earlier, and I saw your army. There were hundreds of them. It was horrible. The senshi can't win against them. I know it. At least this way, I can protect some of them."
For a long moment there was only silence. It didn't appear that the senshi were breathing as they stared at her, horror-struck. Lord Ahriman looked down at her with an expression she had never seen on him before. He had heard her words but he didn't dare hope that he'd understood. "You're sure?" he asked. He held out his hand between them, not forcing, only waiting.
Jenny took it. She looked down at their clasped fingers for a long moment before lifting his hand and lightly kissing his knuckles. She raised her eyes to meet his. "I'm sure. I want to be with you. To support you. You were there for me all year. You were the only one at times. I don't believe you were just trying to use me. It was real. So from now on we're partners. In everything."
As his eyes started to shine with golden joy, Jenny forced a smile and added, "And, okay, maybe the whole absolute power thing has something to do with it. There's a lot about this world that really pisses me off, and maybe now I'll actually be in a position to do something about it."
From inside the barrier, the senshi were in an uproar. Nick didn't say a word as he shook his head slowly, incredulously. "I don't believe it," Sailormoon said, her voice shaking. "You wouldn't do that!"
Jenny turned to her with narrowed eyes. "Wouldn't I? You don't know me. You never tried to know me. You don't have a clue what I would and wouldn't do." It hurt Jenny to snap at her like that, but she needed to understand. She gripped Lord Ahriman's hand more tightly and leaned against his side. She felt the strength in his arm around her shoulders. He was still looking down at her, both proud and subservient, as if he would gladly kneel at her feet if she gave him a reason. Jenny smiled up at him before turning her head and seeking the eyes of Sailoranteros, the warrior in yellow who had been by her side from the beginning, protecting her.
Along with Nick, Anteros was the only other person not speaking. She stood very still as she looked at Jenny coolly, thoughtfully. For a moment they only looked at each other, and then Anteros' lips tightened. She nodded once and turned to the Athene senshi. "Come on," she said roughly. "Our princess has chosen our place. We must go to her."
"You have got to be kidding," Sailorhestia said, looking absolutely horrified. She shook her head, making her red hair fly from side to side. "There's no way in hell I'm going out there."
"We'll be on the right side. She's our princess, and it's our duty to defend her. No matter what."
"But…we are still talking about bad guys, right?" Pandia cut in. She seemed to be the only one questioning it. One by one, the Athene senshi silently stepped closer to Anteros. Pandia sighed and followed.
"What, are you crazy? You're going to turn on us just like that?" Mars demanded. Her face was white with anger.
"We don't know what he's done to her," Mercury added. "She may not be in her right mind. You can't decide so quickly. We have to talk about this."
"It's not our decision to make," Astraea said regretfully. She looked back at Nick. Her expression was sad, but her lips were set in a determined line.
Lord Ahriman laughed. "Wise decision, girls, very wise." Behind him, Sera moved her hands and the barrier became thin where the Athene senshi stood. They were able to pass through, while the other senshi looked after them numbly. Sailormoon was still crying. The Athene senshi went to stand behind Jenny silently as Sera, Calcite, and Azurite were shadowing Lord Ahriman. Their faces were grave but determined.
"Anyone else who wants to join the winning side is free to step forward," Lord Ahriman said, but he was only met with scornful looks. "Anyone but Nick," he added with a smirk.
Jenny really didn't want her eyes to stray his way, but after Lord Ahriman mentioned his name she couldn't help it. Nick was looking at her as darkly as before. "No, this can't be you," he said. "You wouldn't do this to your friends. Not the Jenny I know." His eyes were full of hurt as he looked at her. Jenny had nothing to say in response. She looked back at Lord Ahriman and saw his encouraging smile. She didn't have to listen to Nick. She knew she was doing the right thing.
"10,000 years," a voice muttered. Jenny looked down to see Surya rubbing against her legs. "This is exactly 10,000 years from the last battle. This truly is destiny." He red eyes glowed as he looked up at her. Barely perceptible, he gave her a little nod.
"You know what to do, my dear," Lord Ahriman said. He lightly touched her cheek. Jenny swallowed and nodded. Seeing him now was like looking at a stranger: he was both Mr. Gordon and Lord Ahriman combined, but somehow neither. His golden eyes shone with a light that showed his anticipation, his happiness. Jenny reached out a hand and traced his jaw-line. He easily caught her hand and brought her fingers to his lips.
"I say we get this over with. The sooner we can start our new life together."
"Yes," Jenny whispered. She felt the red hot flame inside her. It was time. Slowly, Jenny disentangled herself from his arms and stepped away. She lifted her hand into the air. Her ring flashed, brighter than fire, brighter than the sun.
"Power of Athena, transform me!" Jenny cried. She gasped as the light from the ring became a flame and wrapped around her body, changing her. She felt power from within spilling out through every pore she had, a power that had always been dormant, waiting for the right moment to come forth. She felt a variety of emotions as she transformed, but not regret, never regret. She finally understood her position, her power. This was supposed to happen. It was truly meant to be.
When the transformation was finished, she stepped away from the fire blazing around her like an exploding sun. Everyone was looking at her with a combination of horror and awe, at the previously normal girl who had become a warrior princess. Her uniform was red with blue ribbons, like an inverse of Sailormoon's uniform. It was strangely appropriate. Everything about her glowed. She lifted her hands to look down at her gloves. She felt more confident than she ever could have imagined. Slowly, her lips curved into a smile.
Sailorathena had finally arrived.