Yay! I finally came up with something on my own! I only needed a teensy-bit of help from Sesshomaru'sSaphireMaiden this time!

Warnings: Extreme stupidity, horrible sounds and bad lyric-changes to classic songs.

Disclaimer: I do not own FullMetal Alchemist, The Sound of Music, or Yoplait yogurt, because if I did own Yoplait, there would be no more yogurt left to sell to anyone. My favorite flavors are currently strawberry/kiwi, strawberry, and strawberry mango. Peach used to be my favorite flavor, but I got tired of it. I hate raspberry, blackberry and especially boysenberry flavor!!

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krrrk

krrr

krk

Roy looked up at Ed sitting on his couch scraping yogurt from a plastic cup with a plastic spoon. Ed grinned at him and Roy smiled sweetly back.

"Can I have some?" the colonel asked. Ed shook his head, looking down at his spoon scraping the sides of the plastic yoplait container.

krrrk

krrrrr

krk

"I know you just want to take it away from me. You don't like cherry flavor." Ed replied. Roy sighed.

"Out then. Out."

"Hmph." Ed marched out. Roy heard him lock the door on his way, and rolled his eyes.

Two minutes later, the loudspeaker blared suddenly, scaring the crap out of Roy. He glared up at it before the words blaring out began to register in his mind.

"Hi, I'm just here to respond to a request from Colonel Roy Mustang, who said he'd like to hear a musical. Apparently, it helps him work. Well then, Colonel, what I can do for you is run a little take-off from The Sound of Music, called The Sound of Yogurt." Roy's eyes went wide. He'd hoped he was wrong, but there was no denying the identity of the speaker now. He was going to kill his little subordinate. But only after he recovered from the shock he got next as Ed began to sing, accompanying himself by scraping his plastic spoon on his plastic yogurt cup, producing a hideously loud KRRRRK.

"Krrk, Doe, a deer, krrk, a female krrk deer!" Roy stood abruptly. "Roy, a Colonel Bastaaard! Mi, a name I call myself! (krrrrrk) Fa-krrrk-" Roy jerked his doorknob, forgetting Ed had locked it. By the time Roy had burned it to ashes, Ed was on "Sol-something Roy does not have!! (krrk, krr ,krrK)" Still accompanied by his yogurt-cup scraping. As Roy slammed out of his office past all his other subordinates who had been waiting to see what he would do, Ed continued.

"Si(1), something Mustang claims not to dooo(KRRRRK)" Ed finished a moment later as Roy tried to remember where the sound system was even kept.

"Whoops! I forgot the first song! Let's see..." he set the beat with his awful scraping and then began.

"What do you do about an officer like Maria

How do you get Brosh not to follow her around?

Why'd I get stuck with a bodyguard like Maria

Many a thing you know you'd like to tell her

Many a thing she ought to understand

But how do you make her stay?

And not follow me around----"

Lieutenant Ross appeared at Roy's side, grabbing his arm and steering him down a hallway.

"He's in here, Sir." She said between clenched teeth as she shoved him through a door where he could see Ed scraping away and singing. The boy went a little pale when he saw Roy enter and hurriedly spoke into the mic.

"OK. I'm afraid the Colonel has retracted his request. We have time for just one more number." Roy raised an eyebrow and a gloved hand simultaneously. With a headache worthy scrape of his spoon, he sprang shakily into

"I am 16, going on 17, and have no plans to die!!!!" To which Roy responded

"You are 16, you'll never see 17, I think it's time I shut your mouth!!" Ed ducked a canon of flames and sprang away from Roy. And having forgotten the rest of the words, repeated his line. Roy singed the end of Ed's braid as the boy picked up his microphone and yelled "Well that's all folks!" And gave on last ear-splitting scrape before fleeing the room with Mustang on his heels. Ross was soon following them as well.

Hawkeye, never one to disobey an order from a higher ranking officer, responded with lightning fast reflexes to Roy's scream of

"CATCH THAT PUNK!" She grabbed Ed and tied him to a chair where he whimpered and squirmed.

"I'm going to shove that Goddamn spoon down your throat." Roy growled.

And he did.

And Al never found out why Ed couldn't eat for a week after he went to see the Colonel, or why he stopped carrying around yogurts for snacks.

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(1) I just thought I should mention that in the song it's "ti" but in my workbook for Solfege (singing the notes, sight-reading program) it's Si, so I thought I'd use that because I could work some more fake lyrics in that way.

KRRRRK! It drives my mom crazy when I scrape my yogurt cup, but I'm always determined to get every last bit out! Thanks for reading! R&R please!