Alright! This request was from The Arctic Tumbleweed!!

Author Notes: I've mixed characters from both the anime and manga in this ficlet, there are only 3 or 4 OC's and you'll be able to recognize them for lack of having names.

The song is Last Dance with Mary Jane by Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers. WOOOOh!

And, without further ado ladies and gentlemen, give it up for EDWARD ELRIC!!!

----------------

Roy groaned dramatically, seeking pity or better yet relief of his current duty, from the sleeping people he was surrounded by. He didn't understand how being promoted to Colonel hadn't gotten him out of walking around the dorms and checking to make sure everyone's lights were out and everyone was asleep.

He heard water running up ahead and frowned, quickening his pace toward the sound. He stumbled and examined the floor which was warped and uneven. Frowning again, he looked at the room number whose doorway was looking like a regular Xinganese pothole: Room Number 208. Edward Elric's when he was in town. Roy listened to the running water sound again, pausing for a moment to think about it.

Edward always refused to shower in the shower rooms, and the one time Roy had complained about the way he smelled, Ed had transmuted a private shower in the middle of the shower room, which had caused quite a disturbance. Looks like Ed had stayed within his own room this time. Mustang didn't even want to consider where Ed was tapping water from. No doubt there would be plumbing complications later. As he was about to knock on the door to rebuke the small alchemist though, he heard Edward's voice raise up suddenly into a tune.

"Well she grew up in an Indiana town

Had a good lookin' Mama who never was around

But she grew up tall and she grew up right

With them Indiana boys on an Indiana night."

Roy stared at the door in wonder. Ed was singing. And not just some old tune, he was really singing...

This was too good to be wasted!

"She moved down here at age 18,"

Roy ran down the hall to Maria Ross' room and banged loudly. She opened the door after a moment, alarmed by Roy's excited babbling.

"Ed's singing in the shower down the hall, Room 208! Go listen!"

"Er-,Yes, Sir!" She staggered sleepily down the hallway and stood at the door.

"She blew the boys away, was more than they'd seen

I was introduced and we both started groovin'

She said I dig you baby but I got to keep movin'

on

keep movin' on!"

At this point, Denny Brosh, Major Armstrong, Lt. Breda and Falman joined Maria, soon to be followed by Riza, Black Hayate, Havoc, Fuery, Sheska, Hughes, Gracia and Elicia, some of Sheska's fellow librarians, General Grumman, Scar, General Hakuro and his family, Lust and Gluttony, Wrath, Winry, Pinako and Hohenheim (who really didn't know what he was doing there) who brought Pride, Envy and Sloth. Roy came running back panting, in time for the chorus.

"Last dance with Mary Jane

One more time to kill the pai--n

I feel summer creepin' in and I'm tired of this town agai--n

Doo-da-da-da-dee-do-do-duh-da-da..."

Greed, Marta, Dorchette, Loa and the rest of the entire Devil's Nest gang staggered sleepily toward the room, curious as to why the "Fuhrer" was standing there and wanting to see what all the other homonculi were looking at.

Ling Yao, Lanfan and Foo followed them there which drew some MPs to the scene looking for illegal immigrants, but getting caught up in Ed's singing.

"Well I don't know

But I been told

You never slow down

You never grow old

Tired of screwin' up

I'm tired of going down

Tired of myself

Tired of this town

Oh my my, Oh hell yes

Honey put on that party dress

buy me a drink, sing me a song

take me as I come 'cause I can't stay long."

Maria and Denny's parents showed up to ask if they needed any money and also got drawn in by Ed's song. Ling's father showed up too, but only to ask if Ling knew where that knew concubine of his had gone and would Ling tell his little little little, but no not that one, sister to clean her room?

The coal miners from Youswell showed up, as well as Yoki who had Mei Chan and Xiao Mei in tow. Russel, Fletcher and some people from Xenotime showed up too to make fun of Ed, after which Izumi, Sig and Mason showed up, followed by Paninya, Mr. Garfiel, Dominic, Riddle and Satera, plus their new baby. Remembering that Ed had automail which he often broke, every automail mechanic in Rush Valley followed, not to mention one very sleepy and confused Cretan ambassador who no one knew.

At this point, Fuery had to be ordered to set up some amplifications so that everyone in the jampacked dorms could hear Ed.

"Last dance with Mary Jane

One more time to kill the pai--n

I feel summer creepin' in and I'm tired of this town agai--n

da-da-da-dun-da-dun...

There's pigeons down

On market square

She's standin' in her underwear

Lookin' down from her hotel room

Nightfall will be coming soon

Oh my my, Oh hell yes

You got to put on that party dress

It was too cold to cry when I woke up alone

I hit the last number, I walked to the road

Last dance with Mary Jane

One more time to kill the pai--n

I feel summer creepin' in and I'm tired of this town agai--n

Daaa-dun-da-da-da-doo...

Daaa-doo-dan..."

Ed stepped out of his little bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist, stopping dead when someone slowly opened his door and about a thousand people, many of whom he didn't know, peered in, then began clapping so hard Barry the Chopper's head fell off.

"Yeeeaaaah!"

"We didn't know you could sing!"

"Woohoo, Edward!"

"Encore!"

"YeeaaaaaaAH!"

"AGAIN! Again!"

Ed could have been the Red Stone for his color and degree of ability of movement at that moment. As he stared, absolutely flabbergasted, at the mob outside his door, someone interrupted very loudly.

"COMING THROUGH!" A soldier with a loudspeaker was driving a backhoe down the hallway, screaming his lungs out to be heard.

"First I came up here because someone tapped into our water line and now none of the toilets in the building can be flushed, which is a huge problem already but now I'm pretty sure the higher-ups want me to say something a bout the fact that there are so many people up here the building is about to collapse."

The mob looked around at itself before about two hundred people spoke up at once.

"What higher-ups? We're all right here!"

"...I wonder who I was talking to..." The man said in a truly mystified voice.

"If the building is about to collapse under our weight," Envy interjected, "Why are you driving a backhoe up here?"

"Oh...Good question."

"Can I drive it?"

"Um...Sure."

Envy happily hopped into the driver's seat and spent the rest of the night destroying things and killing people with the backhoe.

"You, Edward Elric, are going to have to go and fix e very one of the toilets in this building as punishment for tapping the water pipe.

"Awww, I just got clean!" Ed whined.

"Don't worry," Roy leaned over to whisper in Ed's ear, "You can come shower at my place. If you'll sing that song again."

"Never. I am never singing that song again."

"Well I guess you'll just have to shower in the shower room, then." Roy turned to go home.

"Wait! Please!"

"Will you sing?" Roy whispered.

"Yes..." Ed was BRIGHT. RED.

"Ok then. Now go fix the toilets."

As soon as Ed was gone toward the bathrooms, Roy raised his voice.

"Hey everybody!! Ed's gonna sing it again at my place! Be there in two hours!!"

"WOO HOOO!"

"YAAAAH!"

"OUR DEAREST FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST IS SUCH A TALENTED LAD!"

"WILL THERE BE FOOD?"

"Gimme back my head!"

And that is how Edward Elric became the first Amestrian Idol. Although Al did have to drag Simon through the Gate to prove Ed deserved it. Which he did.

---

XD Domo arigatoo to The Arctic Tumbleweed! Give it up, everybody! XD