Chapter 5: Comfort in the Dark
"What is the purpose of a dream?"
"Dreams… sometimes they offer a new perspective on past events, sometimes they permit a small glimpse of the future. Other times, they bring dangerous thoughts and feelings to the surface, allowing people to recognize and treat the wounds that have haunted them for so long. An important fact about dreams however, is there is no way of distinguishing between what is real and what is not until one wakes up. Because of that, when one is experiencing a phenomenon that can bring even the most battle hardened warriors to their knees, a nightmare, it is as real as anything else. The mind often times uses nightmares to convey subconscious fears, concerns about the future or grant the mind the outlet to express long forgotten pain."
"I understand. Shion's stress exceeded acceptable levels while she rested on occasion. This is the cause?"
"I'd imagine so KOS-MOS. Shion has many hidden fears and long forgotten pains. I wouldn't doubt she has nightmares more often then not."
"Do you have nightmares Jin?"
"Sometimes I do, yes. I'd believe everyone does."
"Do you become as afraid as I do?"
"Everybody becomes afraid during a nightmare." Jin's sleeve rolled back as he gently placed his hand on the side of KOS-MOS' cheek. "Just remember that bravery and strength is not the absence of fear. How brave or strong one is depends on how they are able to handle that fear, and overcome it with a shining will."
"How can I stop my nightmares?"
"You would have to find peace of mind for them to stop."
"What would I have to do to accomplish that?"
"I can't answer that KOS-MOS, everyone has their own personal demons. You will have to discover that answer for yourself…"
KOS-MOS slowly opened her eyes, glancing at the clock; she had been napping for several hours. As her mind re-acclimated, she felt peaceful for the first time since her reactivation. Having dreamt about a conversation she had with Jin several millennia ago was quite comforting. It is strange, that image began as a memory and evolved into something new, a dream. It seemed so real, I suppose that I will need to accustom myself to dreams. That's how dreams are supposed to be. KOS-MOS let out a short sigh and stood up, the chilling floor reiterating that ever so fine line between dream and reality. Her gaze bounced from the destroyed console and table to the stars out the window, the vastness of the cosmos inferring themselves onto KOS-MOS. Such a vast universe, so little humans have explored. There is so much we… they can learn. I hope that they will learn what they need to further their existence, and consequently, the existence of this universe.
After taking a step backwards, KOS-MOS turned around and realized that she had no pressing tasks; a sense of boredom began to grow until she discovered something to occupy a bit of time. I know what I can do. I'll explore. KOS-MOS sauntered towards the glowing ambience of the hexagonal transfer pad. Upon arrival, the now familiar holographic interface appeared, showing all the possible destinations. KOS-MOS sifted through them all until something sparked her curiosity, a section titled 'Training Deck'. Phantasmal as ever, her finger passed through the aqua key before her view was enveloped by the brilliant white transfer flash. As it faded, the new surrounding that materialized was at least the size of the Elsa, only sectioned off with numerous circular sub rooms blocking her view of the rest of the deck. It could very well be far larger then she guessed. One of the closer sections was home to a large panel with 'Flight Training' inscribed on it; the very room KOS-MOS had received her crash course in piloting the magnificent Dark Angel fighter earlier that day.
The other rounded rooms populating the area had a staggering variety for the different simulations. Some of the immediately visible ones were combat training, many of the others were simulated science labs or engine rooms. KOS-MOS spied around and identified a screen displaying all the available simulations and took the two steps towards it. She scrolled though the hundreds of sims, eventually settling on the basic combat simulation. Apparently it was one of the most common, for it was right near the transfer pads. The door opened as she approached, igniting the lights and revealing several of the sarcophagi like pods; identical to the ones she had used earlier that day. There were only five in this room however, and no instructor or engineer; simply a hologram of a young woman that activated as she stepped inside.
"Welcome. This is the A-26 Vanguard of Hope Combat Simulation room. Please lie down on one of the pods, place your visor in place and the simulation will begin."
KOS-MOS did as instructed and selected the nearest pod, which opened as she approached. The relatively firm cushions failed to dampen KOS-MOS curiosity about her new combat performance, and the fall into the semi-UMN environment simply furthered her anticipation. The massive, featureless black desert melted into view as her vision returned, allowing KOS-MOS the free ability to walk around. The sky was brown and dismal, simply amplifying the barren nature of the harsh simulated battle field. She took a few steps and paused; one generic looking soldier was standing fifty meters ahead of her. Simple enough target. Responding to her will, her hand and entire forearm was momentarily engulfed in light, fading not to reveal her arm, but her blade housing that wrapped itself around and extended into the sleek cannon. She aimed it at the soldier who was now running towards her. The blast echoed through the barren desert and threw KOS-MOS off balance, anticipating a kickback far less then what had nearly knocked her over. She quickly regained her balance and identified the twelve meter wide crater where the soldier had been. Perhaps a lower setting would be more appropriate.
A new soldier materialized and charged at KOS-MOS, just like the first. KOS-MOS aimed and braced herself before firing a much smaller shot. The blast was still loud enough to echo, but not nearly as powerful as the first. KOS-MOS easily maintained her balance and was able to see the soldier splatter, akin to an insect being blasted with one of Jr.'s old metal slug pistols. Jr. would certainly enjoy seeing some of these abilities. Of course MOMO would simply use the colossal bang as an excuse to hide behind him. A yearning smile accompanied her slight chuckle at the memory; a smile that vanished as soon as she once again realized what happened to her beloved friends, and what she will do to whoever is responsible. The anger began to seethe within her, and as her furor rose, she decided to vent.
"Computer, maximum difficulty."
An eerie disembodied voice reverberated through the landscape. "Attention! Maximum difficulty requires 41,573 times the statistically standard human skill level. Are you sure you wish to proceed?"
"Yes."
"Acknowledged."
It's time I discover what this new body is capable of. Thousands of soldiers and A.M.W.S.-like mechs began materializing all around the landscape. As the numbers climbed into the millions, a sadistic desire replaced her anguish and a matching vicious grin replaced her gloom. In unison, a million and a half firearms pointed their crosshairs at KOS-MOS' stalwart form. She moved her arms inward in tandem with a brief energy collection, causing her to glow. Hardly a moment passed and KOS-MOS thrust her arms outwards, blasting a powerful shockwave out in all directions. The nearest soldiers were disintegrated outright and the flesh was torn right off the bones from a large percentage of the others. The blast was only a prelude to the ground shattering under the pressure of KOS-MOS launching herself several kilometers straight up. Thousands mechs fired their boosters, taking to flight in pursuit. She gracefully evaded all incoming fire until a energy blast nicked her shoulder. It ricocheted off, thanks to the energy field reinforcing her body. Nevertheless, the blast was still enough to throw her off balance, destroying her elegant aerial ballet. The enemy relentlessly attacked, sending thousands of energy bolts smashing into her body, keeping her afloat merely with the knockback of the barrage. She tucked into a defensive ball and teleported a blue omphalic crystal over her naval. It began to glow brilliantly, like a cerulean sun, as KOS-MOS channeled the tremendous energy for her X-Buster. One second was all that was needed to complete the charging and in response, KOS-MOS propelled her body out from the star-like crystal, an angelic crucifix in the sky. A thousand azure tendrils of raw energy streaked out from her stomach; smashing their way through the enemy before dissipating.
The debris rained down like hellfire on the soldiers below, putting them into a total panic. KOS-MOS followed the flaming meteors to the ground, landing amidst the chaos like an angel descending from heaven. Her gaze moved around the battlefield as she began to move forward, even as the debris continued to smash craters into the ground all around her. Enemy troops were running in every direction, screaming in fear. They bumbled into each other, pushing and shoving, even shooting each other to get out of the nightmare that KOS-MOS had created. The enemy is in total disarray. Even though they are simulations, I have no reason to destroy them while they are running around like animals. I have won. "Computer; end simulation."
The disembodied voice echoed overtop of the frenzied screams in response to KOS-MOS' command. "Acknowledged; ending simulation."
The grey visor retracted as the iron cocoon cracked open. She sat up, disturbed. That wasn't as satisfying as I had thought it might be. I simply feel remorse for giving into my blood lust. Shion would be disappointed. Yet again, another sigh made its way out of KOS-MOS's artificial lungs. She brushed her hair back and let her head fall a little. I shouldn't feel guilty. I have a right to be upset. They weren't even real people, as close to 'real' as they might have seemed. She huffed and exited the small simulation room and made her way down the hall, back towards the transfer pad.
Upon arrival, a pleasant sight greeted her. Ryan smiled and trotted over to her. "I saw your fight. That was quite the display, but you do know that your new body is much more capable right?"
"I would hope so," KOS-MOS smiled, needing the lifting of spirits. "I need someone to educate me, otherwise why would I still keep you around?"
Ryan chuckled. "Hah, you would keep me around just for the eye candy."
KOS-MOS raised an eyebrow. "Pardon me?"
"You heard me." He said smugly.
"I don't think so Ryan. Physical attraction has little to do with why I'm here." KOS-MOS stated bluntly. Still being upset about the simulation, she recalled the sour realization that Ryan had lied. "I understand you activated me just to help your mission and not out of the kindness of your heart like you had lead me to believe." Ryan looked right into her eyes, allowing KOS-MOS to see the guilt he did little to hide.
"Alright, it's true. I lied to you. We need you, desperately." Ryan confessed.
He followed obediently as KOS-MOS moved towards the nearest transfer pad. She entered in the address for her room and teleported the both of them with a blaze of light. After it faded and the room materialized, \she gently turned her head to the side. "Why didn't you just ask me?"
"We didn't want to risk you attacking us. We had no idea how your personality would respond to the circumstance you were in, it seemed more likely you would trust us if you were lead to believe that we did rebuild you out of the kindness of our heart."
KOS-MOS jarred her head to the left, snapping her hair to the side and ferociously glaring at Ryan. "What makes you believe that I hadn't suspected from the beginning? You tried to comfort me, but what makes you believe that I trusted you for even a moment?"
Ryan's head fell. "I suppose I was just hoping you would."
"I want you to know something Ryan. I am kind, but I am not helping for the sake of this ship. I am helping because the Remnant is the only lead I have on finding out what happened to my family."
Ryan raised an eyebrow. "Family?"
"Friends. I mean my friends…" She said as she looked to the floor.
"I see" he spoke with an understanding tone.. "Alright, well… are you still willing to be my friend for the time being?"
KOS-MOS lifted her head up, her fiery eyes once again piercing through Ryan, not wanting to be alone in such an alien universe. "I don't have a choice about that. I need a friend, I'm too alone. But I need you to be honest with me. If there is something you can't tell me, simply tell me that you are unable to tell me without suffering serious consequences… please."
"Alright, I'm sorry I lied and I promise I'll be honest with you from now on, kay?"
"Ok." KOS-MOS smiled, and looked to her trashed console. "Now… I broke the computer."
"You broke it? How….?" Ryan spoke as he followed KOS-MOS' gaze, eventually eyeing the mangled table. He raised an eyebrow. "Angry much?"
"It wasn't cooperating."
"So you smashed it?"
"I said it wasn't cooperating." She said again, plainly.
Ryan's hair fluttered as he shook his head. After eying the table from a few different angles, he once again shook his head.
"I'll need to replace the whole thing, this is way beyond repair. I hope you're proud of yourself."
KOS-MOS smiled a little. "I actually didn't intend to crush it like that."
"Oh? You're not used to your strength then are you."
"Apparently not."
Ryan stood up and hustled over to KOS-MOS. "Alright, I had worried that the increase in strength might be a little hard to get used to since you are no longer mechanical. I planned ahead and gave you a safety mechanism allowing your strength to be regulated to that of a normal human until you disengage it. Just place your hand on your forehead and focus very hard on the base of your spine. It'll be hard to activate it the first time, but it should become instinct in no time."
"Alright." Her eyes closed and a look of utter concentration made it's way across her face, reflecting the sheer focus of her will. After a few moments, she felt something best described as a click. "I think I did it."
"Well, let's find out, hit the console again."
KOS-MOS wound up and punched the console. The ding didn't even dent the steel.
"Good. Now you can be as rambunctious as you like without breaking anything, or anyone. So would you…" Ryan was interrupted by a beep from his left hand. He lifted up his arm, pressed a button and a small holo-screen activated, just like Shion's old hand held device. "Alright, the memo for the briefing has just been distributed. It's mandatory that we read it right away, but your terminal is well… deceased, so you'll need to come to my quarters if you don't mind."
"I don't." KOS-MOS stated coldly.
Ryan stood up and headed to the transfer pad with KOS-MOS in tow. The flash of light enveloped them and Ryan's quarters materialized. His was far less bland then KOS-MOS' own domicile. The walls were lined with oak, reminding KOS-MOS of Jin's old book store, but that was where the similarity ended. There were numerous computers and holo-terminals all around. Ryan's own station was far more robust than KOS-MOS'. The projected screen arced all the way around the desk, which in turn almost enclosed the chair in the center. The whole crescent was over two meters wide, and dozens of schematics and files were all active on the gigantic holographic canvas.
"You designed my new body there." KOS-MOS said, pointing to the impressive terminal.
"I did actually. It's an engineer's dream computer. I have enough computer power there to completely analyze a DNA strand in less then a second. I'd love to show you what I can do with it, but we need to load the data for the briefing. Ryan headed towards his desk and motioned for KOS-MOS to sit in the chair.
"I'd rather stand Ryan, thank you."
"If you wish." Ryan plunked himself down in the chair and rolled forward. He leaned forward and pressed a button on a key pad, opening a blue screen, standing out from the dozens of other green ones that encompassed his desk. "Operation Deus Ex Machina. You got to give Tirith credit for coming up with some interesting names." Ryan's words were met with no response; KOS-MOS was already busy reading.
The document is quite small, listing only the briefing location and the time, but very little information about the operation itself, presumably due to the high security of the event. It is unlikely that Tirith would risk the Remnant discovering his operation. KOS-MOS looked at Ryan, who seemed distracted by another screen. Taking advantage, KOS-MOS quickly looked through all the different screens, absorbing a significant amount of information. There was a dark angel schematic, a time schedule for the entire crew, sensor activity, reactor output, even schematics for a bio-engineered kitten. What stuck out the most were the Vanguard schematics. How strange. Less then 10% of the ship's bulk is even accessible by the crew…
"Okay so the briefing is listed at 5:00 AST tomorrow, so that leaves us a bit of time to get some dinner before we turn it in for the night."
KOS-MOS' stomach grumbled in approval. It had been many hours since breakfast, and she hadn't realized she was hungry. She placed her hand on her stomach and shook her head a little. "This will take some getting used to."
"I bet it well. Even us people who are used to it forget to eat sometimes. Shall we go to the mess hall?"
KOS-MOS nodded her head in approval, took a step back and headed for the transfer pad, allowing Ryan a path out from around his crescent shaped desk. Ryan jogged a few steps to make up the ground and caught up to KOS-MOS at the transfer pad, just in time for KOS-MOS to teleport them to the mess hall.
The sight was quite different then that morning. Obviously dinner time, there were at least three or four hundred people occupying the hall; but there was more. A large section of the tables had been moved out of the way to make room for a stage and a band playing against the stellar backdrop. Katrina was the lead singer, singing a song that was obviously intended to keep up morale. The song was upbeat and encouraging; simply hearing the words that Katrina so beautifully poured into the hall was enough to raise KOS-MOS spirits. Incredible, music, I had never thought it could be so powerful.
"Like it? Every night we have something else happen in the mess hall here. Music nights like this are weekly. Katrina is the one who organizes the band and writes the songs.
"She's very talented." KOS-MOS observed.
Ryan smiled proudly. "That she is. Come on, let's get some edibles."
KOS-MOS raised an eyebrow at Ryan's odd choice of words, but nonetheless understood and followed him down the aisle to the kitchen in the center. Everybody was either dancing, chatting or stuffing their faces with whatever was on their plate. It seemed like everyone was having a good time, causing KOS- MOS to smile, content to allow the infectious joy permeating the room overtake her.