AN: Yes, Iggy's horrid. It's a parody. Don't judge me, it was essential for him to be that way. He'll never be like this in any other story I ever write. I love Iggy. What you think I write Miggy oneshots because I think Max is gunning for them? But he is impossibly hard to write in my Dawna universe. This is my revenge. Also, minor minuscule spoiler warning here for the end of 'Matchmaker'. That is all. : ) –S.S.

Chapter Two: Loading the Gun

"Max, are you sure about this?" Nudge asked nervously, shifting from foot to foot.

"Nope," Max said cheerily, "but even if it doesn't work you're going to get to annoy the hell out of Iggy in the process."

Nudge smiled evilly and nodded. "Fair point."

They'd moved their meeting from Iggy's lab, which Max had pointed out was not the best spot to hold it seeing how it was Iggy's to one of the council chambers used to discuss matters with visiting dignitaries and brief strike team for missions against Itex. The group was in a shockingly good mood. The chance to completely and utterly tick of Iggy did that to people.

Gazzy's smile was perhaps the biggest as he pushed a button on his laptop and a diagram of the caves came up.

"He's in his lab." Gazzy's said. After shooting them all a I told you so look, Max nodded.

"Okay, you all know the plan." Max's smile echoed those of her flock. "Now let's go out there and give that meddling good-for-nothing pyro what's coming to him!"

With cheers and grins everyone ran off to their respective stations.

Let the chaos begin.

Nudge attempted to sneak quietly down the hall towards Iggy's lab.

Attempted, as Nudge is incapable of doing anything without noise. There is a reason she'd been labeled 'Motermouth' by the various populaces of Dawna.

Her miserably muffled giggles echoed down the corridor. Max's plan was dozy. Nudge had never thought she could be so ruthless. She made a mental note to never ever get on her bad side ever again. Well, at least not more so then was absolutely necessary.

But that was in the future; right now she had a mission to complete!

Moments later she arrived at the entrance to Iggy's lab and tried desperately to sniffle her laughter, making one last hopeless attempt to conceal her amusement and make what she had to do as convincing at possible.

"Iggy!" She barked in her best I'm-in-charge-so-don't-mess-with-me impression of Max. The name was out of her mouth before she was even halfway through the doorway. Boy, she was nervous!

The blind pryo was sitting at a desk, his head hunched over a deformed pogo stick thing. Nudge vaguely recognized it from the rantings of a certain Tiger's Eye in the mess cavern last week. Something about unnecessary trouble and… And Nevada. Huh, Nudge really hadn't been paying attention. A small odd-shaped tool sat in his left hand, the device in his right. The second Nudge's call rang through the cave his hand froze above it and he swiveled around to glare in the general direction of Nudge.

"What?!" He screeched angrily, obviously very unhappy about the interruption. His teeth clenched and Nudge could almost imagine he was hissing at her.

"Gazzy's going on and on about this gadget one of the strike squads brought back from the last Itex raid. He's yelping on about… Well, I'm not sure really. I don't understand geek-speak very well, but he made it sound like it was really rather important. He wants you to come down there and help him out."

Iggy's moved his head as if he was rolling his eyes and sighed dramatically, the tool falling from his hand and landing with a 'clunk' on the floor. "Can't you get someone else to do it? Or help him yourself!"

"Sure, I'll go. Right after I get back from the off base meeting I have with the secretary of state, and finish my official reply to the government of France on the subject of covering extra ground overseas and supervising my underlings latest projects, and about a dozen other things." Despite her desperate, somewhat effective attempts at utter sarcasm, Nudge could feel the edges of her mouth begin to turn upward.

Oh no, no, no, NO! I'm going to laugh! She could already feel the disobedient giggle begin to rise in his throat. I told Max I couldn't bluff. I told her that she should have given this assignment to Gasman!

Usually by now Nudge would be laughing her head off, rolling around on the floor feeling her insides burst. But this was way too good a chance to pass up. She had to keep control of herself.

Think of something depressing! Think of death, torture, nuclear war, huger pains… AHG! NOT WORKING!!

If Iggy could detect any of the inner debate Nudge was having with herself he certainly didn't show it. "When did he want me to go down there?" He asked nonchalantly, obviously not caring if he ended up helping Gazzy or throwing him off a cliff.

Do not laugh. Be a jerk. Tell him off. Rile him up. Do. Not. Laugh.

"Um, how does five minutes ago work for you?" She snapped in her best I'm- supremely-ticked-off impression of Max. Max was coming in very handy today… Nudge made a pointed look at her watch even though Iggy couldn't see, it kept her eyes off him for a few minutes so she wouldn't break out hooting like mad.

Iggy gave her his trademark scowl, but stood up anyway and slaked off towards the door, purposely going as slow as physically possible to irritate Nudge. If he had been able to get over himself for the six second it would have taken him to get out of hearing range, the whole confrontation that followed could have been avoided.

Don't laugh, don't laugh, don't laugh, don't…

Iggy was almost out the door when a rather noticeable snort broke through Nudge's resolve.

CRAP!

Iggy turned swiftly on the heel of his boot, glaring in Nudge's direction. "What's so funny?" he asked, voice clouded with suspicion.

Nudge bit her lip, drawing blood in her futile attempt to conceal her oncoming hysterics. "No-nothi-" She cut herself off with a particularly rebellious string of chuckles.

"Are you mocking me?" Iggy spat.

Nudge gulped.

"No! Of course not! It's just… just a joke Fang told me! Yeah, it was really funny and... yeah, I was thinking about it and that's all!"

Stupid STUPID! Like he's gone buy that! Stupid!

Iggy raised an eyebrow, but at least he hadn't become overly hostile. "So, tell it then." He said.

Nudge froze. Stall for time, STALL FOR TIME!

"Um, what?" Nudge said, struggling to keep her voice steady.

"Tell the joke." Iggy clarified.

Nudge felt like throwing up. FANG told a good joke? Where the hell did I come up with THAT!? I'm going in insane. Yeah, that's it. Insane. What the HELL am I going to say?!

Budge groped around for something to say. "Um… So… A man… A man walks into a bar…"

Iggy raised an eyebrow. Nudge gulped.

"A guy walks into a bar… and says ouch!" Nudge mumbled.

Iggy stared at Nudge like she was insane, a fact which Nudge herself was finding more and more likely.

"Get it? Bar. Ouch. Ha Ha." Nudge's nervousness levels were off the charts. Iggy just kept staring at her. "Oh, never mind! Humor is lost on you. Go help Gazzy!" Nudge screeched in a last ditch effort to force Iggy into the trap.

It worked. Iggy merely rolled his eyes and slandered away. As soon as she was sure he was out of ranger, Nudge fell against a computer council with a huge sigh of relief before tapping her radio.

"Hey Fang? If Iggy asks you to tell him a joke say 'a guy walks into a bar and says ouch' OK? Oh, and make it sound as funny as possible.

"A guy walks into a… Nudge. What did you do?" Fang asked accusingly. Nudge smiled guiltily.

"Oh, nothing. I just kinda... sorta.. mighthavestartedlaughingwhioetalkingtohim." Nudge sputtered out.

"Nudge!"

"Oh, don't worry. He bought it… I think, Anyway, he's headed toward the trap. So I didn't mess anything up, really."

Fang heaved a long, drawn out sigh, releasing a rush of static into Nudge's ear. "Whatever Nudge. Just get your butt down here."

"Don't worry, I wouldn't miss this for the world."

Gasman rushed around the too-small lab, trying to make himself appear useful. Team Fang had hauled in the oversized piece of junk from one of the last missions. It took Gazzy less than an hour to figure out it was just an information hub, but even Iggy would need a little time to examine it. Which was all the rest of them needed…

Actually, this particular hub had a very interesting file on hybrid adaption. As soon as this whole thing was over, he'd have to find time to come down and figure out exactly what it meant but right now he had to stay focused!

As far as Gasman was concerned, Max was going to drive them all prematurely gray. First she's all in command; then she breaks down, then in command, then love struck, and now completely and utterly terrifying. It was like she was stuck in her 'time of the month' ALL the time.

Gasman heaved a sigh and tried desperately to concentrate. His mind had been doing that a lot now, wandering around form place to place. Suddenly he heard footsteps behind him, causing him to jump slightly.

Iggy sauntered in, his nose stuck in the air.

"You rang?" He growled irritably.

Luckily, Gasman was a much better liar then Nudge. It was a sort of acquired art… "As a matter of fact, yes." Gasman said, attempting to be civil. "I cannot get this piece of junk to power up for the life of me." He added, kicking to offending piece of machinery.

Iggy smiled deviously. "So you need my help, do you?"

Gasman bit back a growl. Five minutes. Five minutes and then you can extract all the revenge you want… "yes, now please get to work- or are you too incompetent to figure it out?"

Iggy smiled at the challenge/insult and walked indignantly across the room to the council. Before he could even touch the machine, he let out a giant screech as a invisible noose curled itself around his ankle and flung him skyward.

"Now!" Gasman yelped excitedly into his radio. Two floors up, Team Fang pulled on the rope, yanking their helpless victim out a specially carved window out over the cliff side. Fang himself gleefully tipped a giant pot of goop, a combination created by Angel consisting of glue and peanut butter over their prey, successfully, if temporarily, destroying his ability to fly.

Iggy screeched some more as he realized he couldn't get free. "I DEMAND to be released AT ONCE!!"

He hollered among spouts of cursing.

Fang shrugged. "Works for me!" And let his team drop the rope a couple of feet.

More screeching. "NO! Up. Lift me up IMEDIANTLY!!"

Nudge, who was just arriving, was rolling on the floor with laugher, approaching hysteria. Gasman joined her, his deep chuckles accenting of her high bells. Fang was, luckily for Iggy, able to control himself enough to keep Iggy from tumbling down onto the rocks below.



From a cliff not fifty yards away, Max smiled. She could see Iggy's wiggling form and hear his pleas. She could hear the laughter ringing off the cliffs. See could see the coward of hybrids joining her in observing the spectacle from all levels of the caves. Many were laughing along with the tormenters.

In general, Max was against violence and practical jokes, but this… This was worth it. Besides, it made the rest off her flock happy and successfully put Iggy where she needed him to be for the rest of her plan to work. The others may be perfecly satisfied with where this had gone already. But hers was a much more suitable, and satisfying revenge…

If anyone had happened to be paying much attention anything but the helpless pyro's piercing cries, they might have heard the disturbing laughter crackling from their leader as she partially skipped back down the halls to her office, an evil smile on her face.