OK, everyone say "Thank you" to my wonderful sister, Sesshomaru'sSapphireMaiden because without her giving me the original idea and then helping me with this ficlet, it wouldn't be up here!

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"I just got a letter from the Fuhrer, requesting that all my subordinates and any other soldiers I should happen to speak to for the next week," Roy paused to think about that oddity for a moment before continuing, "That, in order to save money, the military has switched to a new uniform supplier."

Everyone nodded and shrugged at each other, then went back to their paperwork.

As Roy was heading back to his office, the door bumped open and there in the doorway, stood the FullMetal Alchemist in all his glory. Of course, glory wasn't the word he would've used, really. Ed was covered head to toe in thick, lumpy mud, his shoulders drooping and his expression exhausted.

"Don't you go anywhere, Mustang," he rasped in a dangerous voice.

"Sorry, Ed. Got to get back to work."

"You. Said. That if I dug a tunnel underneath the dairy farm outside the city, I might find the enemy's secret hideout. You know what I found? Results of cows pooping in the same area for hundreds of years!"

Fuery held his nose.

"Yes, well... I never said who the enemy was," Roy said as though that should have been obvious.

"I. Hope. You're. Happy." Ed grit his teeth. "I'm going to go now and wash this jacket in your kitchen sink."

"How do you know where my house is?"

"I know," was all Ed would say and with that he turned and walked away.

"No! Wait! Take it down to the basement, there are washing machines down there!" Roy begged, running after Ed. Al, who was with his brother now, asked, "Do they have a hose?"

The suit of armor was just as muddy, smelled just as bad, as his older brother.

"Uh, there's one out front. Used to water the grass." Roy stared at Alphonse. The Monster from the Black Lagoon could not possibly have looked more frightening nor smelled any worse. Roy noted the hallway was completely empty of any other soldiers.

"I should go roll on your bed! Why did you send me under a dairy farm?!" Ed yelled.

"For the same reason you sealed up my office door last week!"

"You mean you did it because you told me my train which left at three was going to leave at four and made me miss it?!"

"No, I think it had something more to do with you putting laxatives in my coffee!"

"I wouldn't have done that if you hadn't torched my bag of cookies!"

"You stole those! Hawkeye gave them to me!"

"You stole the cupcake Sheska gave me!"

"Because you returned all the books I hadn't read yet to the library!"

"You chased me down the sidewalk in your car!"

"You put a raw fish under the hood!"

"You put dirty pictures in my research notebook!"

"You put a bag of flaming dog shit on my doorstep!"

"You made me come to your stupid Christmas party under threat of court martial!"

"You were the one who didn't look where he was going! You ran into me!"

"You're the one who put the XXXXing mistletoe up in the first place!"

Al shook his head. "First kisses are usually supposed to lead to candlelit dinners and romance, not prank-wars."

Roy and Ed glared at him.

" "What would you know about it?" " They yelled at the same time.

"Whatever. Why don't you two go take a shower together," Al suggested cuttingly. Then he ran out of HQ before his brother could turn him into a thousand tiny thumbtacks to put on Roy's chair.

Roy didn't even notice Al was gone. He was too busy dragging Ed into the shower rooms.

He dragged him under a faucet and let the spray take the first two layers of mud off of the FullMetal Alchemist. Ed rinsed off his arms and hands and pulled Roy under the spray as well. Roy laughed and helped Ed get his red coat off so it could be rinsed more easily.

Roy was also soaked through by the time Ed's clothes had been sufficiently rinsed that they could be put in a washing machine, but he didn't mind. It was almost time for him to go home anyway.

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"What! Why should I have to post for Military Magazine! That sucks! You have to put on makeup and stay in one position for like a hundred photos and then they only use one! Why do I have to represent the State Alchemists?"

"Look at what you did! If you hadn't gotten me all wet yesterday, the dye from my new uniform wouldn't have TURNED ME BLUE!"

"Well you sent me on some dumbass mission under a dairy farm!"

"You sealed off my office door! I had to burn a new one!"

"Well you..."

Al shook his head. "Ayayay... I never should have told the colonel to hang mistletoe near the bookcase!"

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I couldn't really find a good place for Roy to realize it, but Ed knows where Roy's house is because Roy made him come to his Christmas party which was at his house.

Oh and in case it didn't quite come across, the new uniforms are cheaply dyed, so the dye comes out when they get wet and dyes the person wearing it. This happened to my dad once! Same color, too.

R&R please!