Retribution

By

PND

Part 5

For Chica, as a tribute to her late birthday present that I am writing.

Yumichika felt so naïve here. The other men in the room sat quietly, busying themselves with food. The only one even looking at him was Aizen, but Yumichika was trying to ignore the frequent glances and knowing smiles being thrown at him. It was bed enough that Aizen had requested his presence for their morning meal, but this silence was awkward.

"Why is it you have asked me here?"

"Aw, did ya get tired of our quiet time?" Gin lifted a brow slightly, making his features more quizzical. "Shucks, here I was thinking ya were enjoying our company."

"We all know Yumichika has no intention of getting along with us. He'll act pleasant enough of course, but there won't be any truth behind his words. They're empty."

"Hmm?" Gin sat up a little and his curiosity seemed to increase. "You saying that he's lying to us?"

"Not lying," Aizen's smile remained on his face as he rested his cheek in one of his palms. "He just won't mean it."

"Isn't that the same thing?"

"Not at all. It's something Yumichika and I have in common," his smile widened as the shinigami met his eyes. "Yes, we have something in common, Yumichika. It's not so surprising. I'm sure you'll learn that you aren't far from being like us. I know how it must feel to be looked down upon by your superiors and friends because you're different from them. It must be tiresome to always be near those who can't think like you."

"I don't know what you mean," Yumichika said quietly.

"No? Well," Aizen chuckled a little. "I'll explain. I know a lot more about you than you might think. I like to keep tabs on shinigami that I consider to be a rising threat. Despite the fact I keep my eye on most of the captains, there are also a few lower seated officers that I have to keep in mind at all times. You should be honored to know you are the only member of the eleventh division under my watch. Not even your captain is on my list. However, this is not based solely on your powers. Impressive as your zanpakuto may be, I am not concerned with the potential of your spiritual pressure at all. I only care about your mind and the latent ability it has. You, to me, are a threat. Usually I like to terminate threats, but since Stark seems to have taken a liking to you and you're so utterly busy trying not to think about anything at all, that I have no need to harm you. In fact, you're presence here may be a good thing. You've put Stark in a very good mood, which is reason enough to let you live."

"You insinuate too much about my intelligence. I am not as smart as you make me out to be."

"Don't be afraid to flatter yourself, Yumichika," Aizen's eyes took on a kind look. "I used to do that too when I was younger, but as time went on I realized how pathetic I was not to realize how much I needed to know it. Flattering yourself is not conceit. If anything it's a boost of pride, which I believe you need very much right now. However, since I can see you don't believe me, maybe you'll consider this to be helpful. Sometimes it's not so bad to be like someone else. Everyone needs an idol if they can't find something in themselves to idolize. I think you should focus all of your energy on something so you won't be as useless as you are now."

"Don't you think that's a bit harsh, Aizen?" Yumichika settled a heavy gaze on him. "It's not fair when you say that."

"Can you honestly tell me you're making something out of yourself? You're useless to the Gotei 13 if you refuse to go back and you're useless to Stark if you refuse him all together. How can you tell me it's unfair to judge you as I have? Men like us have priorities; you just have to find yours. Don't worry, you'll find them soon enough and then you'll realize that you aren't useless. At that point I will find you and use you, because that is when I will need you." Aizen's smiled warmly. "Please, do have a good day, Yumichika. You are dismissed."

"You're upset. Why?"

Yumichika looked up as Stark steadied his shoulders between his hands. He shook his head, not sure of what to answer.

"Answer me, Yumichika. What was that meeting about this morning? What did Aizen want with you?"

"I'm fine," Yumichika offered a small smile. "He just said some things that I really needed to hear. They just struck a little close to home."

"What could he have to say that you would agree with?" Stark narrowed his eyes, wondering just what Aizen had wanted.

"I don't want to answer you if that's all right."

"Sure," Stark frowned and wrapped his arms around Yumichika. The shinigami didn't react, which wasn't as comforting as it should have been. "I..." Stark stopped, and rethought whatever he'd been about to say. "It wasn't your fault. I just thought you should hear that."

"What wasn't my fault?" Yumichika looked at him. The young look in his eyes worried Stark. He'd always hated that look of innocence and fragility.

"Everything. You shouldn't blame yourself for any of this," the arrancar ran a hand over Yumichika's hair. "Not for being here, being abandoned, or being alone. It's not your fault. I wish you'd stop blaming yourself. If anyone's to blame it's me. It was my selfishness that didn't let you die, so don't think you had anything to do with it."

"Thank you for your kind words," Yumichika sighed, letting his body collapse again Stark's chest. He closed his eyes, letting the Espada's breathing settle his mind.

"I think it's time for you to go home."

Stark's lips touched his jaw, bringing Yumichika out of his rest.

"Please Stark, I can't."

The warm kisses stopped and pale blue eyes connected with his own. Stark gently removed his hands from the shinigami's waist and hair. He took and step back, a frown forming. Yumichika immediately felt a rush of guilt and fear course through his veins. He took a haggard breath and shook his head, as if trying to clear his thoughts. He took a slight breath, making a decision and slowly took Stark's hands and rested them on his hips.

Stark's fingers tightened in the fabric, resisting the urge to pull the young man closer. He swallowed as Yumichika unbuttoned the shirt Lilinette had provided for him. The white fabric slid off his arms to settle at his waist. The bandaging was still wrapped tightly around his middle, protecting the healing wound underneath. Stark's fingers rested on it momentarily before he let his hands slide up his body. The bruises on his arm and shoulder were barely noticeable and any other minor cut had already faded.

"I'm sorry," Yumichika whispered, dropping his head to rest gently against Stark's shoulder. "Take whatever you want from me. You deserve if for your kindness to me. Use me however you want. That's what you really want, isn't it? That's why you saved me. My life has been yours since the day I set foot into Hueco Mundo. I think a part of me even wants this, just don't make me go back there. Not right now and not like this. Not without you," Yumichika pressed his lips against Stark's and his fingers trailed down his chest. "I need you to have me. I just can't bear the thought of returning to that place without having a memory. Good or bad, I want one. I just want to feel loved, even if you don't mean it."

"Yumichika," Stark had no idea how to respond to the broken honesty in the shinigami's voice. He would love to have him right then and there. His hands even went to the waist of his pants before Stark took a step back again and laughed. "You have no idea how much I'd love to do that to you. I'd gladly give up my existence if it meant having the greatest rut of my life with you, but even as I say this, I know it wouldn't be fair to you. I want you to cry out my name not because you feel obligated to, but because you have to. Because I fill your mind so completely that you can't force out another thought. I want your gasps and moans to be for me, not some bastard that left you for dead. I want you to look into my eyes and beg for more. I want you to cry when I don't give it to you," Stark smiled and touched Yumichika's cheek. "I want all of you. Do you think you can give me that?"

"You want me to love you," Yumichika murmured, closing his eyes. "It's not a good idea."

"How is it any different than what you want from me?" Stark demanded, dropping his hand.

"Why do you have to make things so difficult? I told you to take me. Why don't you? Don't men find some kind of great pleasure in getting what they want for free? What difference does if make whether I love you or not? I am giving myself to you. It's not important in the end. So please, Stark, I can't love you, but I'll try to make you feel loved if you try to return the favor."

"Why are you so damn confusing? Why do you treat love like it's nothing?"

"When you've done the things I've done and have heard the words I have, the concept of loving has lost its glow. I don't think its right to expect me to love you, when I don't expect the same thing from you. I can't love anyone again, even if my hearts wants it, I don't."

"That's stupid," Stark growled, turning away from the shinigami. "I can't believe you'd say that."

"It doesn't matter," Yumichika shrugged, moving in front of Stark again. "Besides, didn't I say I'd make everything up to you?"

He swallowed, not liking the steady look in Yumichika's eyes. Stark reached out and hand and shoved the shinigami down to the floor. Yumichika let out a gasp as Stark, went down with him, straddling his hips and pinning him to the floor. The Espada's mouth came down on his, and Yumichika moaned as their hips ground together. Stark immediately pulled away.

Yumichika was surprised to find his cheek pressed against Stark's shoulder and his body pulled close to the arrancar's.

"Now, tell me, Yumichika," Stark whispered, looking straight into his eyes. "What got you so scared that you'd do this so easily? You never want me to touch you like this...not unless something's bothering you. So what is it?"

"They've been coming to see me recently," Yumichika murmured, closing his eyes and dropping any trace of hostility he had.

"Who?" Stark frowned, "Which of the espada is it?"

"It's not just the Espada."

"What have those bastards done to you?" Stark demanded, looking for any sign of harm.

"They've never touched me...not like that. They treat me like I'm no different from them and I hate it. I'm not like him at all."

Gods, how he hated Aizen. Stark growled, "Do you want to leave?"

"What?" Yumichika's surprised whisper made Stark want to smile.

"Do you want to leave?" he repeated, wanting an answer. He was tired of the shinigami dodging the truth with stupid lies and silence.

"I don't know."

"There's nothing wrong with wanting to be here. You can admit it if you want, but no one's going to make you. Stay or go, you make the choice, but whatever choice you make, make sure it's your own."

"Stark," Yumichika pressed his hand to the man's heart and smiled. "Thank you for letting me stay. That tone in your voice...it almost makes me want to believe you."

Stark's eyes widened. "What are you talking about, Shinigami?"

"It doesn't matter," Yumichika sighed. He already knew Stark's attraction for him was only physical, but when those blue eyes settled on him and those kind words were spoken he...

Yumichika smiled gently, "You don't have to love me. I couldn't ask it of you."

END.

Is it just me or is this story getting bad?

Actually, I don't think it is. I'm just looking for some love.