AN:One more chapter to go after this and like Magpie287 pointed out there are still a few more confessions to be made.

Drowning in my tears

How many days am I going to regret you?
How many nights till I forget you?
Have I been wasting all these years?
Drowning in my tears?

63 lonely, dark and depressing days later

Marian loved the feeling of the cold breeze against her face, loved the salty smell of the sea and the feeling of fresh air filling her lungs. The ferry had just left the shelter of Calais harbour for the open channel and she was leaning against the railing at the edge of the deck, fully enjoying the vastness of the sea around her.

Watching the shore lights fade away she reached into her shoulder bag she pulled a tattered piece of paper out of her wallet. It was a letter, which she had read and reread so many times its edges had grown worn and ragged. She handled it carefully, as she read it again.

Marian

I don't know where to start. I'm not much for writing letters the old-fashioned way. It's hard to put on paper what's in my heart and mind. Which must sound funny coming from someone who writes sappy poetry for a living. To tell you the truth my trash can is filled to the rim with half-written letters that I will never send and lyrics that will never be heard by who it was intended for. I have come to realize that some things are just easier to say (and do) face-to-face. But since I have no other way of contacting you, here I am struggling to write this blasted thing... I know I shouldn't whine about it, though. I brought this on myself...

I don't blame you for not taking my calls... and I don't blame you if you're mad at me for flooding your voice mail.... I don't blame you for being mad, period. But I hope you'll read this letter and maybe listen to a few of the messages I have left for you... because I owe you an apology, a proper one this time, so here goes; I'm sorry for everything. You didn't deserve to be treated the way I've treated you. Nobody deserves to be treated that way. But no matter how it all started, and no matter how it ended up, almost everything in between was real. I hope you can believe that and I hope you can forgive me someday (hopefully soon) because I miss you like crazy and I'd like for us to be on talking terms again...

Love
Robin

With shaky hands she slowly folded the letter again and put it back in her wallet. She knew there would come times when she would regret her decision. But right now it felt good to be back.

The sun was rude enough to come up while Robin was still asleep and he woke up to obnoxious rays of light shining in his face. Was it morning already? Stifling a groan, he sat up and scrambled for his cell phone on the nightstand. Swinging his feet off the bed he flipped it open. "One missed call" was flashing across the display screen. He quickly checked the number, hoping for a small miracle. Checking his messages before he even brushed his teeth had been a part of his morning routine for weeks now. But like so many times before his prayer wasn't answered this morning either...

He sat there numb for a second waiting for the wave of disappointment and the pain that he knew would come. In a sudden fit of rage he threw his precious phone at the wall on the opposite side of the room.

It's over. She is really gone. Stop bullsh*tting yourself, he thought as he watched it shattering on the floor.

His friends kept telling him to move on with his life, to search for greener pastures. Frankly he was sick of hearing those 'encouraging' words. He felt cursed. It was like he had the Midas touch when it came to relationships. Except everything he touched didn't turn to gold but to shit. If it could go wrong then it did.

The first couple of weeks after the breakup he had thought for sure that she would come back. Not to him but to her job, to her apartment, to the life she had made for herself long before he even met her. He remembered thinking that her talk about moving out of the country was nothing but empty threats made in the heat of emotion....

How wrong he had been... He wanted to kick himself for being so naive. For taking for granted that things would work themselves out if he just gave her some time alone to think. For clinging to the hope that she would want to keep in touch with him. For even thinking that she would want him in her life after all the crap he had put her through.

Sitting there in his big empty house, on his big empty bed, he felt more lonely than he'd ever felt before.

"Stop being such a baby, life goes on..." he scolded himself

But right then and there, he couldn't see how....

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Robin was panting harder than the dog when they returned from their morning walk. Nemo didn't particularly like to walk on leash and Robin's arms were sore from trying to keep up with his furry friend who seemed to be in an exceptionally good mood that day. As they got closer to the house Nemo started barking and whining for no apparent reason. Robin did not think anything of it until he saw the unfamiliar car parked on his driveway outside the garage. It was a Volvo from Scotty's Car Rental with a foreign license plate, possibly Danish.

DANISH!

He didn't want to get his hope up but his heartbeat was already speeding up and breathing was becoming almost impossible. Nemo, his loyal companion, immediately sensed his mixed feelings and began to howl.

Slowly, almost in slow-motion, the door on the drivers side opened and someone...a woman... a brunette...stepped out of the car. Robin released a breath he hadn't even realised he'd been holding as he recognised the oh so familiar figure. The cast on her arm was gone and she looked great - healthy and relaxed. Letting go of the leash, he watched his dog rush to her side with wagging tail and joyous barks. He wasn't dreaming, it really was her, Marian, waiting for him outside his house.

"Don't you want to know why I'm here?" She asked later as they were sitting on the front lawn, sipping cold soda and enjoying the sunny weather.

"No, I'm just glad you came."

"Did you know that your friends and family have been calling me? All of them worrying about you and telling me how out of character you have been acting lately."

"I did not ask them to do that," he answered quickly in a defensive tone.

"I know that. Don't worry they made that perfectly clear.... The final straw was when your grandfather called and apologised on your behalf. Saying that he did not raise his grandson to be a coward or a fool... It was kind of sweet twisted sort of way. He made me promise I would come here and talk to you."

"Oh, so that's why you're here. He can be rather persuasive sometimes. Remind me to thank him later," he chuckled and put his empty glass can away.

"I read the letter you wrote me and you're right, some things are better said face to face..."

"So you're here to talk?! That is fine with me. Actually that's better than fine that's great. I wasn't sure that letter would ever reach you. I mean I asked your sister to give it to you but I had no way of knowing if she would keep her promise or not..." Robin seemed to realize he was rambling and trailed off, blushing slightly. "Sorry, I'll shut up and let you talk now."

"Thanks! Look, there are still a few things I don't understand. I had a little chat with Much the other day and I know now that the trip to London we made was suppose to be all about publicity... You and me being seen on the red carpet together, being photographed, making it to the gossip columns... But that never happened, we never went anywhere near the red carpet and I just want to know why you changed your mind." Marian demanded in a low but firm voice.

"That's easy to explain. I chickened out. That night after we made lo-... err... had sex for the first time you were ready to jump out of bed and rush to that stupid charity ball even though you didn't even have a dress to wear. I'm pretty sure it wasn't something you really wanted to do, considering your broken arm and all, but you were ready to do it anyway... for me. It I just made me realise what an incredible person you are and I couldn't do it, I couldn't go through with it..."

"Okay, that's pretty much what Much said too.... But I wasn't sure I believed him. All your friends seem to think that you're a really good person despise your faults and flaws. They have known you a lot longer than I have so maybe they have seen sides of you that I haven't... I don't know... I'm tired of this. I want to believe them, I want to believe you. I want to be able to trust you again...."

"Does that mean we are going to be okay?" Robin interrupted softly.

"To be honest with you, I don't know," she said barely able to meet his eyes.

"I messed up big time, didn't I?," he asked slowly, wanting desperately to take her into his arms but knowing she would never allow it. "I love you Marian, so much and all I want is a chance to make things right, to be in your life again. I know I have no right to ask you this, I know, I just, I can't help myself," he added and felt himself get teary eyed.

Marian took his hand and moved closer. " I still have feelings for you. I wouldn't be here today if I didn't. Despite everything that has happened, you still have my heart."

"Does that mean we can be together again? " he asked, a hopeful smile spreading on his face.

"It means we can work towards getting back together. But Robin you lied to me and you broke our trust. I do love you honey, but I don't trust you, not like people who are lovers should."

"I'll do anything Marian, you know that. "

"Then let's be friends and go from there, okay?! " she suggested.

"I'll take whatever I can get... I just want you in my life again."

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