Silhouette

The Nine Lives of a Shadow

By Perfect Image

Eleven to Twenty

Tick, tick, Boom--


- For three he plays, for three he strays, and for the last three he stays-

~English Proverb~

::Chapter Two::

Ages Twelve to Thirteen

Like Glass


Roxas had been Roxas for one year and he had discovered that being one person was hard. But hey, at least he still had his brother at that point. What so often drove people to madness was the loss of that connection with the outside world and Roxas wouldn't even call himself insane until later when he heard a voice that he knew he would never hear again – so maybe those that were mad were just trying to stay sane and were appearing mad in the process. At least, that's what Roxas thought after, when it was all over and there was only another shadow for company.

However, things were bad with Namine to the point that Sora actually had to coax Roxas to come to school which was bad since it was normally Sora that was pleading mercy when it came to the attendance of school. Except that Roxas wasn't pleading mercy; he simply wasn't coming out of his room. His new room was across the hall from Sora's because his parents were worried he might feel incestuous toward his brother and that was stupid; Roxas just didn't want a girlfriend taking away his time with Sora and besides Kairi was too young to date Sora and act responsibly because obviously the brunet wasn't even close to acting his appropriate age.

Roxas confessed this to Sora later when they were sitting on a swing set in a tiny playground surrounded mostly by hedges stripped of leaves skipping school like the juvenile delinquents they weren't, and Sora grinned and secured his younger brother in a headlock. He said it was all right because girls were still icky to him and Roxas wasn't so they could be as incest-incest-that big word as much as they liked and like hell their parents would do anything to stop them. And Roxas smiled truly for the first time in a long time and said it was right.

Then Sora released his younger brother and dared him to try and swing higher before taking off with a swirl of snow and flying into the sky, bottom still planted in the seat of the swing. Roxas coughed slightly from the shower of white, but he wasn't going to be outdone; he began to push against the ground too, trying to gain on his already soaring brother.

The swing set was rocking with them because it was small and though they were somewhat short, they still made some weight and their speed was increasing by the second. It wasn't until they were aligned with the top of the set that their eyes met in a second-long glance that was the longest conversation at the same time and they flew. Fingers unwrapped from the plastic-covered chains and both shoved off at the highest elevation they could reach. Both landed on their feet and both fell onto their asses right afterward, more than a little out of breath and high off endorphins.

"We need to do this more often." Sora panted, sky-blue eyes staring up at the white clouds that currently hid the sun and sky. He ended up falling onto his back and simply lying in the snow with uniform for school more than slightly mussed up. Roxas eyed him, acknowledging the fact that Sora was a knock-out even at the age of twelve while he was a…lemon head. He felt stupid for even thinking that right afterward because really they looked the same, and honestly, he was beyond envying his brother wasn't he?

-----

Roxas found out he wasn't beyond envying his brother later on, but that was later on. When he was twelve, Sora was still his twin and they needed to be together. He nearly screamed bloody murder the day he learned about the divorce and the apparent eloping between his mother and uncle that was his father's brother and therefore Cloud and Namine's stepfather. And he hated it because his mother wanted Sora – not him, but it didn't matter then, only the fact that his brother was leaving – and his father would keep him. So it had been willed in court and so it was done.

When it came time to leave his mother who was no longer his mother purred, "Say goodbye to Roxy, Sora," he lost it. Though he didn't attack his mother, the darkness in his eyes grew then, no longer a speck of fiery darkness that was deeper and fuller than his pupils ever were. And she stared at him, her mouth quivered and when the darkness was hidden by feelings of sorrow and loss as his brother hugged him in goodbye, it was only then that she regained her bravado.

They left Roxas and his father alone in that house that suddenly seemed too large, and Sora disappeared behind the wall. Now, Roxas would not walk straight home, and when he did, the beats of harsh techno resounded from his room. His father stuffed himself into a tiny room now dubbed the Study and committed himself fully to his work. Both spent more and more time out of the house, rarely speaking to each other because his father was dark-haired like Sora and Roxas looked like his mother with his hair weighted down by water or hats.

It came of no surprise to Roxas when he learned that his father was flying high on Glass. Honestly, he just felt glad that the older man wasn't out getting wasted or contracting AIDS or something equally unfitting. Glass was classy and his father could function better with it. Sure, he crashed eventually, but it was only for a day when he would sleep like the dead and then they were both back into their lives – utterly absorbed by their newest responsibilities, whatever they happened to be that week.

It might have been all right, if it had been only that. Glass was something Roxas knew instinctively not to try, not to screw with because the shit would destroy his senses so totally that it wasn't even worth it in the end. But, his father needed something else, Roxas knew. He just didn't know what until he stayed home one day unexpectedly because he was sick with some stupid virus that only lasted for twenty-four hours. His father left for work before him and came back home for lunch before returning to work for another seven hours. When his father came home at lunch, Roxas stayed in bed, not wishing to arouse concern and possibly take his mind off work.

He needn't have bothered with the courtesy. Ten minutes after his father had settled down in his room to smoke Glass, the front door was opened and a giggly, bubbly voice issued from the hall. Roxas stayed still and didn't even dare to breathe as he tried to place the voice. He couldn't which made a knot form in his stomach, but what made it worse was when the woman went into his father's room and asked for some Glass as well. But, Glass made one's sensual desires increase tenfold and it wasn't long until Roxas had a pair of earbuds in with music cranked up to the max to drown out the sound of squeaky bedsprings and low, insistent moans that he found revolting in the worst possible way because it was as if they knew he was here and were trying to punish him for his obvious refusal to join the party.

Still, it all eventually stopped and he could finally breathe because there wasn't a stone lodged in his throat and his eyes no longer burned. It wasn't uncommon for a child to learn of sex this way, hearing parents or lovers, accidently finding it somehow or another. But this was cruel and wrong and Roxas feared the day his father might mistake him for his mother and try something Roxas didn't want to think of. It was a strange fear, but it was one that too often took shape in the boy's troubled mind. Because there was something not right with him, something that made him both a necessity and an abomination as compared to the rest of mankind. And it would be later than Roxas would be known as the one who did what he wanted and called it duty, who was so pure and tainted at the same time – a glass rose with real brambles, so fragile and yet so strong.

Roxas didn't find anything wrong about kissing Sora, though. He never thought beyond that, except maybe in his dreams.

-----

Their group broke up completely once Sora left. Kairi began to hang out with girls like Selphie and Penelo others that Roxas cared nothing for. Hayner, Pence, and Olette all went their separate ways, and Namine still couldn't quite face Roxas so she fled to the roof of the main school building to hide until it came time for classes to begin. Roxas found new friends.

Of course, they weren't his friends. They were Cloud's – quiet and solemn Cloud who could have been shaped from the same mold that shaped Roxas except that the mold broke after it made Roxas, and there were some differences in their personality that wouldn't show up until it was chaos and carnage with hounds fighting Shadows and light dying before darkness. But that would be then and for now Roxas became a second shadow for Cloud, following the older blonde and it was all right because he looked like a younger brother except that he wasn't.

Tidus, one of Cloud's friends, had the tactlessness to point this out during an extended break period where everyone was wandering around while the graduating classes took tests and worried about their futures even though they had no futures. And then everyone was studying the two blondes until it was decided that Cloud's ears were too pointy and Roxas's were too round and why the fuck wasn't Cloud an elf? Because, with those ears, he could certainly pass as one. But they were both lemon heads and too wrapped up in pessimistic clouds of despair and muck; the conversation was so strange at that point that Roxas tuned it out but not before hearing Cloud whisper tersely into his ear that he should visit Namine, and "you need to visit Namine, for both of you."

The next day was bright and right so Roxas went to visit Namine high up on the roof with the key to it in hand and ready for use. It wasn't until Roxas was on the last flight of stairs with only a locked door separating him from the quiet girl that he became timid because why had he rejected her? But Roxas couldn't dredge up an answer because then the morning bell rang and the door swung open on its own to reveal Namine. She took a step back in slight shock and he took it as his clue to step into the spotlight that was actually sunlight and face a jury that didn't know what to do and consisted of only one.

"I didn't want to ruin things for the group," and "Us dating when we were related by law was kind of weird and it's still weird," were the basis of his speech and he quickly gained steam once those words were out. Because Roxas wasn't that smart, he was only twelve for God's sake, and he could only process so much of what his mind was telling him. Namine was that smart, however, simply because she was a girl and girls matured faster, everyone knew that, duh.

She nodded and made small sounds of encouragement whenever he faltered, hands fidgeting in her lap until she could stand it no longer and was brushing at her hair – smoothing it into place only to decide thirty seconds later that it felt more natural the other way. Because Roxas was changing and developing out of his old self-assured, mature self. Now he was finicky, slightly timid, and she wondered if Roxas was the moon. Sora was the sun and without the sun, the moon could cast no light in the darkness of the night and was lost and cold and alone. And this was Roxas except for the fact that she saw ice too – so cold it burned when touched and was hatred where before his fire had been desire and she wondered.

Then he was done and there was once more fiery flames spiraling in his eyes and they begged her to accept his choice to deny her. Namine was cool water and she suddenly saw that this was right, to be this way – because she was water and he was ice which would never work together. Ice couldn't grow or melt with water the way it did with fire and other elements. And she, as water, had grown into her niche already but the ice still needed to either thaw or expand so she nodded her head and withdrew her heart from the air and back into her chest where it would be locked up until she found someone else.

Roxas smiled and the fire diminished and went away, but she still saw the pinpricks of heat and hatred deep within. She might have said something that day if Cloud hadn't come up then to inform them that he hadn't wanted them to have an hour and a half-long conversation, so could they please come back before they missed anymore classes? And Roxas turned and the tiny pits of Hell became covered by his deep blue irises once more. She didn't see the light blue gathering around the edges like ice upon water. And Cloud might have, and Namine should have asked him because otherwise they might not have had such harsh winters later on when blocks of ice replaced what could have been scarlet and beating and warm had it been allowed to grow and revel in the sun's attention like a flower.

-----

November meant something that year because Roxas received the news from his father that Sora was coming home for some time because his mother (for she refused to acknowledge the demon-child that was Roxas as her own) was taking courses in psychology and his step-father (because neither of the twins would ever say the word Uncle to his face ever again) was away on some sort of business on the northern side of the City. Neither his mother nor his step-father would be able to give him any sort of attention during that time (and the length of his visit was still undetermined), so he would be with Roxas and their father for two birthdays that would be celebrated together simply because the boys needed that old type of classification and they would be we and us until both felt safe with their status as one another's twin.

Then Roxas actually cared about life again because the only two who had kept him from wasting away had been Namine and Cloud since his other friends had apparently felt no loyalty to him once Sora was gone. Now he watched what he ate (though his super-fast metabolism hadn't permitted him to gain weight anyway), and he searched desperately for something that would remind Sora of him once they had to separate again. But Sora wasn't here yet, wouldn't be until the twelfth of December, and he didn't need to so suddenly do a three-sixty with his life but Roxas didn't care. The sun was back!

Both Namine and Cloud were happy for him and kept Sora's return a secret for him simply because he had to have Sora at least until the day after their birthdays, then everyone else could bask in the glow that was Sora. He hadn't wanted anyone to know, but after seeing Kairi starting to look like a skeleton, he decided that his sun had to be given to everyone despite how much it pained him.

Roxas found the necklace the day before Sora's arrival. It was in a rickety old antique store that sold wares from when the twenty-second century had just dawned. It was there that Roxas found the crown dangling from a slim, yet strong chain. Magic was something that everyone knew existed in one form or another. Everyone also knew that certain magical items could develop a sort of consciousness. They could reject certain people and save others. And this crown hated Roxas – but it was a grudging kind of hate, as if it thrummed softly because it was made to fight against him but did not sense any harm. And similarly – Roxas just knew that it would like Sora because it begged for something like Roxas but utterly not him. So it would go to Sora on his birthday.

-----

The door to the car that wasn't just a car but a taxi, airship, navigatorsecretaryinternbedcouchtablepackmule opened and Sora stumbled out of it with two bags bursting with clothes and odd knick-knacks stuck here and there since space seemed to have been eliminated. In his mouth he carried a bag with bubbles and black and blue splashes on it, and red tissue paper stuck out along with a card that was halfway stuck in a green envelope that clashed so horribly with the bag and tissue paper that Roxas knew Sora had gone shopping by himself and had picked out everything for Roxas – at least their father had helped Roxas pick out the little cardboard cake with a hollow inside where a case containing the crown necklace would go.

Roxas didn't notice Sora's appearance until the brown-haired boy had gotten to the front door with Roxas peeking out from upstairs where he had been cleaning out Sora's old room and fixing the two beds to where they sat right next to each other because he wasn't going to be separated from Sora for one second. Sora was the sun now, hair bleached lighter and swept up to where his spikes were all the more apparent and his skin was slightly darker than Roxas's own paleness. Sunglasses perched high on his head, as if long forgotten, and the boy wore so many chains that Roxas was surprised he didn't suffocate or simply fall down under all the extra weight.

And then Sora was inside the house because of course, their father was home that day because his other son was home. Roxas was down the stairs faster than ever before, eyes unfocused and pure delight outlining every part of his body because the sun was back which meant the moon was at full strength and perfection was in reach for the first time and butterfly wings may not have been rustling but dragonfly wings were and they shone in restored brilliance. He only roused himself from his drunken charge to make sure he was getting ready to tackle the right brunet before slamming into Sora at full force and sending them both tumbling to the ground.

His nose found its way into the curve of Sora's neck and his eyelashes peppered Sora's cheek with tears that hadn't meant to fall, hadn't even been there a second before. But it was ok because Sora was glad to have his reflection back and Roxas though giddily that he might pop because Sora's embrace was mighty and terrible yet so, so wonderful. And Sora was mumbling something that Roxas couldn't understand, yet he did all the same because the constellations were aligned and two hearts were beating in perfect tandem. "I'm back, Roxy; I'm back."

Later on, when memories of the past were like faded photographs worn by time's ever-impressive tongue, Roxas would remember those words because he said some of his own and they were: "It's all right, So-so. Everything's all right."

Roxas and Sora were stripped of their years then, transforming back to the tender age of five when the world was fresh and new and young. Then, they were everything and the worlds revolved around them and the walls were there to keep them safe and secret and locked away because they were special. Roxas was Roxy and Sora was So-so because Roxas was too big a name for such a small, little entity that was destined to become a deity and Sora made sure everything was either so-so or just fine. They were the essence of youth and innocence and the butterfly was still just a cocoon waiting until it became like aged wine so that it might be released and admired before finally being devoured.

Time might have stopped then and wound backwards for real and for good, but their father was a good man with strong morals and he felt more than a little uncomfortable to see two separate forces coming together in peace and harmony despite his own past sins. So his throat rumbled in interruption and the two boys split apart, getting up together from their place on the floor and picking up Sora's scattered belongings. They were hip-to-hip for the entire rest of the evening and when it came for showers and other such things generally done in private, the abandoned one stayed beside the bathroom door and leaned his head against, dozing in a way that he seemed ready to pass into death at any moment.

When it came time for sleep, the two spoke then because, with their father nearby, things couldn't be discussed that held any real meaning otherwise the feeling of being one with another would be lost and be replaced with the dirty feeling of being intimate with a stranger. So, under the glow of the moon being illuminated by the sun, Sora and Roxas spoke for the first time in months simply because talking to one another without the other right there was wrong and gut-wrenching in the worst possible way.

Roxas spoke about the group's disloyalty but kept quiet about Namine. He talked about Cloud's friends but said nothing about elf ears. Because, secrets had to be kept and even the moon hid half of itself from the sun at one point or another, sometimes fleeing to hide behind the earth while it recovered from the sun's radiant beauty. He packed months of sorrow and abandonment into one tiny, quiet sentence that exploded into the air with the force of a bomb simply because it was all truth and raw and unadulterated. Roxas said he missed Sora, and Sora replied back in kind. Then he told of his tale, about secrets that had hidden from Roxas to where not even their presence was known to the blonde.

There was a place to the southwest of the city and it was seaside and salty and vibrant in its life. Beyond the sea that broke upon rocks and scattered liquid diamonds lay a group of islands called Destiny Islands as a whole with no individual names where Sora now lived. And, altogether, from the stretch of wall that surrounded the city to the end of Destiny Islands – all of that land and ocean and air could fit inside the central part of the city, the one with skytrains bordering it on all sides and where the rich lived and went about their business. Central, as it was called, was the smallest of the sectors and for Sora's new home to fit inside that tiny space was amazing and showed Roxas how large the City really was.

But, that wasn't all. And Sora's face lost some of its joy and drained back to the muted dullness that had sat upon it while the boy waited for Roxas to shower and change into pajamas. He hadn't seen Riku, but he had seen yet another wall – lower but much more menacing than the one that surrounded them presently. It had been covered in a material that looked like dragon scales with spikes as thick as the boys' bodies settled on top. Beyond that wall, for it had surrounded Sora's land on all sides except for the one that made up the City's barrier as well, lay the place where Riku and his parents had gone. Beyond that were the wilds and free magic, dark beasts and open countryside. For, the land was said to have a sort of scar upon it. Past that scar where everything terrible and wrong lived were others cities similar to the one Roxas presided in. And, up until the return of Shadows (except Sora simply called the group them), the cities had kept in contact with one another. Now, they had no communication with any of the other cities, each having been less grand than the City simply because the City was also the capital.

Sora might have said more but their father came in then and said they had to sleep because tomorrow was cake and ice cream and loud noise. Then, Sora regained his smile and punched the air as their father withdrew to his own room, flicking out the hall's light before closing the door. Roxas grabbed Sora's arm and pulled him into the beds because they were still equal in strength, and Sora was somewhat of a pushover.

He might have always have been a pushover and simply grew a backbone later on, but that was later on and for now, Sora and Roxas cuddled in the pushed-together beds and watched the first flakes of snow fall before succumbing to slumber.

-----

It was their birthday, and Roxas had graciously invited Cloud and Namine to come over because it was Friday and school was out for a snow day. They were thirteen and had been for at least ten or eleven hours which was awesome as Sora said because they were old. And then Cloud winced slightly and complained good-naturedly about feeling like a geezer with Sora saying that. Then Sora laughed and Roxas laughed, and the two exchanged amused glances before returning to their presents. Roxas had ten presents and Sora had nine because most of the presents had been for Roxas from Cloud's friends. But that wasn't right, so Roxas had given as many as he could to Sora and it still didn't turn out even since Cloud had an odd group of friends with some that liked quiet Roxas and others that wanted to knock his lights out.

All presents had been opened except for the two they had picked out for each other, and a feeling of anticipation fell like a cloud over the teens since their father wasn't there because he was getting pizza, yum. Then Sora was given a cake made of cardboard which he destroyed with both hands and teeth to reveal the velvet box containing the crown necklace. And he smiled because they were brothers and it connected them. Roxas felt the crown hum in approval, and Sora winked at Roxas before shoving his own bag into the blonde's lap. Then Sora put his necklace on while Roxas stared at the party bag in awe before slowly disassembling it until only a pouch was left.

So, Roxas undid the ridiculous little bowtie that Sora had twisted around the opening because "the gold cord wouldn't work" and emptied the contents into his hand. It was steel and moonstone with the front painted black and it was an X. And Roxas couldn't say anything because then he realized that his brother knew he wasn't supposed to exist, a girl named Rain or some other stupid name was supposed to and Roxas was reminded of it constantly because he was Sora X and roXaS. And his brother accepted this part of him and didn't blame him for not being Rain and not completing the circle of dragon and phoenix.

Sora accepted him as Roxas, so they both blew out the smoke but neither inhaled it.

Happy Birthday – Roxy, So-so.


Perfect Image: Chapter two is done. Here, we get closer to the present, and Roxas's memories aren't quite so jumbled. We're slowly progressing toward the lucky number and once we hit that age, everything will go by much faster – and will probably be longer just so I can stick all the information that needs sticking in there – so please enjoy the slowness while it lasts. I would, however, like to add a warning before we continue on to the next chapter – which won't be out until later, but whatever.

Shonen-ai, Shoujo-ai, and normal pairings will all make an appearance. However, the story is not based on these factors, so if one of these disturbs you, simply continue on to the next segment of the story or buckle down and bear with me. Most pairings are hinted at best while others most likely won't lead to anything.

I felt the need to add this for those that dislike any of the above factors and would not like to be taken surprise of. Please note that the series will not go above a Teen level so any looking for porn are out of luck since this is quite obviously not the place for such a topic.

Disclaimer: The characters from Square Enix are not mine and I do not claim them as mine. The story and concept are mine, however, so if someone wishes to write a story (or create an RPG) based upon the setting I've developed, please remember to credit me.