A/N: Hey everybody! Sorry for the long wait! I've been on vacation and I only just got back now. I kind of bashed the meadow scene in this chapter, even though I love that part of the book. So, please, don't get mad at me! Thanks to: CourtneyFirehand, Permanent Rose, Vampire-Belle, 2boys, CrushonDib and AliceCullenLivesForever for their lovely reviews! Enjoy the chapter!
BIOLOGY CLASS
(Edward and Bella are sitting in Biology, making goo-goo eyes at each other. Mr Banner enters, wheeling in a VCR)
Mr Banner: Hey, kids, we're going to watch a video today!
Class: YAY!
Edward: I can actually feel myself getting stupider.
(Bella snorts as the lights flicker off)
Bella: (thinking) Wow, Edward is so hot…well, actually, in literal terms he's cold…but, whatever. Point is, he's very good-looking. Snap out of it, Bella! You should be paying attention, not gazing at Edward's perfect hair… (she sighs)…but it's just so darn fluffy-looking! And as for his nose…
(An hour of drooling over Edward later, the bell rings and Edward walks Bella to class)
Bella: Edward looks upset about something. I wish I could know what he's thinking!
Edward: (thinking) No, you can't. Are you insane? Do you want to kill her? I didn't think so. No way. Nope. Not gonna happen. You should never in a million years believe that you can – (he reaches out and strokes Bella's cheek, causing her eyes to turn into cartoon hearts) – touch her. Great. So much for self-control.
(Edward walks off, leaving a dazzled Bella to stumble into gym)
ON THE BADMINTON COURT
Mike: Are you ready for this, Bella?
Bella: Sure I am! Who knows, maybe badminton is my game!
(Everyone in the gym, Mike and Coach Clapp included, laugh derisively)
Bella: A girl can dream…
(The game begins. All too soon, the shuttlecock comes flying Bella's way)
Bella: (running) I got it! I got it!
(Bella runs into the net and hits herself with her racquet before bouncing backwards and landing on top of Mike)
Bella: I don't got it.
AFTER GYM
Edward: Do you make it your job to injure yourself as much as possible?
Bella: WERE YOU SPYING ON ME AGAIN??
Edward: Seriously, Bella you really need to stop yelling so much, preferably before you burst both of my eardrums.
Bella: Oh, sorry. But I'm still mad at you.
(Edward turns to smile at her)
Edward: How about now?
Bella: Um…what were we talking about?
Edward: I was just saying I'd pick you up for school tomorrow.
Bella: Oh, okay.
Edward: And, that tomorrow, it's my turn to interrogate you.
(Bella gulps)
THE NEXT MORNING
Bella: (climbing into the Volvo) Hey Edw –
Edward: No time for that – I need to find out as much as possible. Now, tell me your favourite colour, flower, book, gemstone, airline, food, coffee shop, subject, Broadway musical, Poptart flavour, teacher, Audrey Hepburn movie and who you think would win in a duel – me or Harry Potter.
Bella: (blinking) Um…can you repeat that?
AFTER SCHOOL
Edward: You must have one, Bella. You're just avoiding the question!
Bella: I am not! For the last time Edward, I do not have a favourite episode of Batman!
Edward: Sure you don't. I'm going to keep aski – (he freezes, growls, then looks down at Bella) you've got visitors – I have to go. I'll see you tomorrow.
(Edward (gently) shoves Bella out of the Volvo and speeds along the street much too quickly)
Bella: Well, that was weird. (she catches sight of three people standing on the porch) Oh! Hey Charlie, Jacob, Jacob's Dad.
Charlie: Hey Bells!
Jacob: Hi Bella!
Billy: (death glare)
Bella: Why do people keep glaring at me? Do I have something in my teeth?
(Bella and Jacob go into the kitchen)
Bella: Jake, what's up with your Dad? He looks like he just saw me hanging out with a vampire…oh!
Jacob: Yeah, that's my crazy father for you. He believes all of those Cullens are vampires.
Bella: (giggling hysterically) That's completely ridiculous!
Jacob: I know! What's next, me becoming a werewolf?
(Bella and Jacob laugh for a long time until Jacob has to leave. She bids them farewell as they drive away)
Bella: (waving) Bye bye now! Drive safely! And please, hesitate to come visit!
THE NEXT DAY – LUNCHTIME
Edward: So…I'm going hunting after lunch.
Bella: YOU'RE WHAT??
Edward: Bella, what did we say about yelling?
Bella: Oh, yeah. (she lowers her voice) You're what?
Edward: Well, I need to make sure I'm not thirsty so that I don't suck all your blood when we're alone tomorrow.
Bella: Oh. Sounds fun.
(Alice suddenly appears beside Edward)
Alice: Hi Bella, I'm Alice, your new best friend and future sister-in-law. I've already got everything planned out. We're all going to have many misadventures over the next year and you're going to have a lot of near-death experiences before marrying Edward and having a weird half-human, half-vampire baby with an unpronounceable name, and then –
Edward: That's enough, Alice. (to Bella) Alice here has a rather overactive imagination. Well, I'll see you later.
(Edward stands up and quickly drags Alice from the cafeteria)
Bella: Um…goodbye?
AT HOME
Charlie: So, Bells, are you still going to Seattle tomorrow?
Bella: Um…no? (shifty eyes)
Charlie: Oh, well, that's great! I'm completely not suspicious of you at all!
Bella: Phew, that was close! But…how am I going to get to sleep knowing I'm going out with Edward tomorrow? I know, I'll overdose on cold medicine! Wow, I sure am smart!
(Bella swallows a whole bottle of pills and immediately loses consciousness)
SATURDAY MORNING
Edward: (knocking on the door) Hello? Bella? Are you there?
(Bella jerks awake and swears violently)
Bella: Um… Coming, Edward!
(Bella jumps out of bed and attempts to brush her teeth, make her bed and pull on her pants at the same time. Fifteen minutes of failed multi-tasking later, she opens the door)
Edward: Hi there.
Bella: (panting) Hey…Edward…are…you…ready…to…leave…?
Edward: This is going to be a long day.
IN THE TRUCK
Bella: Where are we going today?
Edward: We're hiking to a place where I'll either kill you or confess my undying love for you. I haven't quite decided yet.
Bella: That sounds…wait, what? Kill me?
Edward: Would you look at that, we're here!
(Edward jumps out of the truck and starts walking up the hill)
Bella: But you just said…ugh, never mind.
IN THE MEADOW
Bella: Oh, this place is so pretty! I love all the flowers and – OHMYEDWARD! EDWARD, YOU'RE SPARKLY!!
Edward: How observant of you.
Bella: Wow, the guy I'm in love with can sparkle! This is awesome!
Edward: (suddenly angsty) No it's not! I'm an evil monster! You have to stay away from me because I could kill you! ARGH!
Bella: Are you finished with your random emotional outburst yet?
Edward: As a matter of fact, I am! Now onto phase two, confess my undying love for you.
Bella: Ooh! I like the sound of that!
Edward: (vampire-angst returning) You shouldn't! We're not even the same species! ARGH! Why do I have to be a super-hot, strong and incredibly smart vampire? Why can't I be a weak human and an idiot? Is that too much to ask? And why does Bella have to be the one in most danger?
Bella: Whoa, you have a lot of mood swings, don't you? And...what do you mean by 'most danger'?
Edward: Well, condensing what would be approximately five and a half pages of story-telling, you're blood is the best blood I've ever smelled and I spend every minute with you trying not to rip your throat out.
Bella: You're very poetic.
Edward: But all that doesn't matter, 'cause I, the evil monstrous vampire predator, am in love with you, the young, weak human girl.
Bella: And I find myself attracted to your incredible hotness...uh...great personality.
(Bella and Edward spend a while professing their love for one another and being generally romantic. Finally, they decide to go home)
Edward: Hey, Bella, why don't I run through the forest to your truck with you clinging to my back, you little spidermonkey?
Bella: What did you just call me?
Edward: A spidermonkey. They're very – ugh, never mind, I'd never say that anyway.
(Edward grabs Bella and runs through the forest in 0.4 of a second)
Edward: Wasn't that fun? Bella?
Bella: Am I dead yet?
Edward: Nope! But I'm going to take advantage of my newfound happiness and kiss you!
Bella: I don't think –
(Edward kisses Bella. Bella attacks Edward (in a 'romantic' sense). Edward staggers away from her)
Edward: Bella! Do you want me to kill you? Come on, let's get you home before I become angsty again.
Bella: Edward...kissed...me (she swoons)
SWAN RESIDENCE
Bella: (running through the house with Edward) Hi Charlie! Bye Charlie!
Charlie: What the – homerun! Go Mariners!
(Upstairs, Bella has discovered that Edward watches her sleep)
Bella: You watch me sleep? Who are you, Mike Newton?
Edward: You're just so fascinating, can I help it that I love you? (his eyes do that smouldering thing)
Bella: What's my name again?
Edward: It's Bella. Would you like me to sing you to sleep, you adorable baby seal?
Bella: You really need to stop with the animal names.
Edward: (sighing) Fine. But it's time for you to go to sleep so that I can eavesdrop on your sleep-talking.
Bella: (yawning) Oh-kay...
(Bella, despite the lack of cold medicine, falls asleep instantly)
THE NEXT MORNING
Bella: (waking up) Ugh...what happened last night? Was I drunk or...EDWARD!
(With a high-pitched squeal, Bella throws herself across the room and into Edward's lap)
Edward: Good morning, how are you?
Bella: I'm great and I just know I didn't say anything of importance in my sleep!
Edward: Heh...yeah...well, I guess it's breakfast time!
Bella: WHAT?! EDWARD THE VAMPIRE IS GOING TO EAT ME!
Edward: What? No!
Bella: Just kidding! You should have seen your face!
(Edward growls, carries Bella downstairs and sets a bowl of cereal in front of her)
Bella: So, what are we going to do today?
Edward: Why don't I introduce you to my blood-sucking vampire family?
Bella: Really? What if they don't like me?
Edward: Of course they will, or they'll certainly pretend to.
Bella: Well, that's a relief! You're the best, Edward!
(Edward kisses Bella again and she promptly collapses)
Edward: Am I that bad at this?
THE CULLEN HOUSEHOLD
Edward: Everyone, this is Bella. Nobody is to be rude to her, take her on any spontaneous shopping trips or suck her blood. (he looks pointedly at Jasper, who murmurs something about trust)
Carlisle: Hello, Bella. I'm Carlisle Cullen, the fatherly figure and all-knowing vampire who's going to be treating you after your various accidents over the next year.
Esme: And I'm Esme, the motherly figure. I clean and remodel houses. I'm also non-confrontational and hardly pass as a vampire.
Alice: I'm Alice and I see the future! I'm going to be making your life a misery over the next year through makeovers and shopping trips!
Jasper: My name is Jasper. I'm supposed to stay away from you because you smell so darn tasty. Oh, and I control emotions and stuff.
Bella: It's...uh...nice to meet you all. (she turns to Edward) But where are your scare-your-pants off brother and your I'm-so-perfect-it-hurts sister?
Edward: Well, don't be upset, but...they don't exactly like you...
(Bella starts sobbing hysterically)
Edward: No, don't cry! Here, listen to the song I wrote you!
(He plays her lullaby, causing Bella to cry harder)
Edward: This isn't working! Why don't I tell you a story about my adoptive father?
Bella: Actually, I really don't –
Edward: Great, let's go!
(Edward drags Bella upstairs, away from his watching vampire family)
A/N: The Edward/Harry Potter duel comes from Stephenie Meyer's interview on MuggleCast and I found it hilarious. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the chapter, and if you have time, please leave me a review! I love hearing what you think of my work! Plus, you get virtual cookies, who could turn that down?
-Ellie :D