A/N: Hey everyone! Yes, it's Ellie, back after an eternity! You can stop chasing me down dark alleys now! Seriously, I've been totally swamped at school and I've also been bitten by the RENT bug, so expect some RENT-y fanfics coming your way very soon! Thank you to: Permanent Rose, Wotcher-Tonks, Cullens4everandever, 2boys, CrushonDib, AliceCullenLivesForever, twinklestartwinkle and Mizz Lana Banana for their fabulous reviews! Enjoy the chapter!
CARLISLE'S STUDY
(Edward is reading aloud from a storybook, while Bella has reassumed he activity of drooling over her boyfriend)
Edward: Once upon a time, in a land called England –
Bella: Is this going somewhere?
Edward: Hm. Not really.
Bella: Then can you hurry this up a bit so we can go make out in your bedroom?
Edward: Okay! Well, to tell a long and pretty boring story short, Carlisle became a vampire, got depressed, tried to kill himself, failed, swam places, met up with some evil vampires that will most definitely not come to kill us because of our immortal vamp-human hybrid, and changed all of us Cullens into vampires. (he closes the storybook) The End!
Bella: What was that part about hybrids?
Edward: Uh. Heh. Nothing. Let's go look at my CD collection.
(He drags Bella up to his room. Though Bella is momentarily disappointed about the absence of a bed, she soon recovers and walks over to the CD shelf).
Bella: Whoa, Edward, you have great taste in mu – wait, the deluxe edition of the Annie soundtrack?
Edward: Oh, um, that's Emmett's. He has a thing for red-haired orphans.
Bella: Should I be afraid?
Edward: Terrified.
(an argument then ensues between the two, on whether Bella should be afraid of her bloodsucking vampire boyfriend and his family, which eventually results in Edward 'playfully' attacking Bella and crashing into the couch. Alice and Jasper suddenly enter, clutching knives and forks, and looking hungry)
Edward: For the last time, you are not eating my girlfriend! She's my life partner, my one coquet, the answer to my –
Alice: The answer to your love's duet, yeah, yeah. Jasper, put the fork away, we're not eating Bella.
Jasper: Can't catch a break (he grudgingly puts away the knife and fork).
Alice: Well, seeing as drinking Bella's blood is off the agenda, how about we play baseball tonight?
Edward: Yes! (to Bella) Do you want to come?
Bella: Sure! I mean, what could possibly go wrong?
Jasper: Some sadistic vampire could show up and then hunt you for sport to get Edward mad.
Bella: Pessimist.
SWAN RESIDENCE
Bella: Charlie, I have something important to tell you...
Charlie: You're PREGNANT?
Bella: What? No!
Charlie: Oh. Sorry. I'm getting ahead of myself. What did you wanna tell me?
Bella: Well...I sorta have a boyfriend.
Charlie: WHAT?! That's even worse!
(on cue, the doorbell rings and Bella lets Edward into the house)
Edward: Hello, Chief Swan, I'm Edw –
Charlie: I don't like you.
Edward: But I –
Bella: Don't even try – he's a very focused person. See you, Dad!
Charlie: Tie ballgame! C'mon, let's bring home a win for Washington! Huh? Oh, bye Bells.
(Edward and Bella leave Charlie to watch baseball)
A FOREST CLEARING
Edward: Now, Bella, don't freak out, but we need to run for a little bit –
(Bella begins to hyperventilate)
Edward: (sighing) So much for not freaking out...
(Edward kisses Bella, who almost implodes with happiness, and then allows him to run her to the baseball clearing, smiling goofily)
Edward: Here we are! Bella, this is Emmett and Rosalie.
Bella: Um, hi! (she trips over, landing with her face in the mud)
Emmett: (laughing) I have a feeling that I'm going to like you.
Rosalie: (death glare)
Bella: I wish people would stop doing that! It's not like I'm hideously whiney and annoying, or anything.
(silence)
Alice: Ahem...baseball! Let's play!
(Everybody, minus Bella and Esme, run off to play)
Bella: So, um, you're a vampire.
Esme: Sure am.
Bella: How's that going?
Esme: Pretty good. I'm actually happy, despite having jumped off a cliff when my kid died.
Bella: Jumped off a cliff. Hmm. (Bella writes this down for future reference)
(Meanwhile, on the baseball diamond, Alice has a vision)
Alice: Uh oh.
Edward: What did you see?
Alice: Oh, nothing...
Edward: Alice!
Alice: Fine! Isawagroupofcrazynomadvampirescomingtoeatyournewgirlfriend!
Edward: WHAT? How did you not see that coming? It's pretty hard to miss!
Alice: I don't see you making any predictions, mister. Besides, I was preoccupied – did you know that they're gonna move the sixth Harry Potter movie to July 2009?
Emmett: No way! How can those corporate goons do that to us?
Bella: Hello? Defenceless human over here!
Edward: Oh yeah! Positions, people!
(the Cullens form a protective circle around Bella, just as the three nomads enter the clearing)
Laurent: Salutations! I'm Laurent, and this is James and Victoria.
James and Victoria: (evil glares)
Carlisle: Um, hi. Nice to meet you. We're the Cullens. Uh...have you met our friends in Denali? No? You should go pay them a visit! Now!
Laurent: Sounds go –
(suddenly, the wind blows and James turns to Edward, sniffing the air creepily)
James: You brought a snack!
Jasper: Hey! I saw her first!
(Edward glares at him)
Jasper: I mean...no one is allowed to eat Bella!
Carlisle: How about we all go back to our home and discuss this like dignified adu –
Emmett: (sing-song) Catch us if you ca-an!
(he, Edward, Alice and Bella run back to Emmett's Jeep, James hot on their heels)
Carlisle: Nobody can say I don't try...
IN THE JEEP
Edward: Okay, here's the plan: we drive really far away, and then we hide.
Alice: How high did you say your IQ was?
Bella: Um, I have a plan...
Edward: That's nice. Anyway, we drive to New Mexico, okay? And then we –
Bella: No, no! Listen to my plan! I'll hide out in a hotel with Alice and Jasper while the rest of you chase James around the continental U.S.!
Emmett: Whoa, she's a genius!
Edward: I don't like this plan.
Alice: Edward, please, what could happen? James would lure Bella to a ballet studio and attempt to kill her? Yeah right! Next thing, that female will have created a newborn army to kill us!
Emmett: Yeah, and you'll get Bella pregnant!
Edward: Be serious, please! Okay, we'll use Bella's foolproof plan. Bella, you go tell Charlie you're leaving.
Bella: Roger that (she storms into her living room). CHARLIE! I'M LEAVING FORVER AND YOU CAN'T STOP ME!
Charlie: Bella! You can't lea – GRAND SLAM! GO TEAM! YOU SHOW THEM WHO'S BOSS!
(Bella exits the house)
Bella: Well, that sure was easy!
(Bella gets into the Jeep and they speed to the Cullen's house)
CULLEN HOUSEHOLD
Laurent: Well, it was great meeting all of you! I'll just leave...
(Laurent runs out the door)
Jasper: I hope some random pack of werewolves attack him someday.
(the Cullens nod in agreement)
Carlisle: Anyway, let's get going – we've got a sadistic tracker to stalk!
The Cullens: YAY!
(everyone then shares tearful goodbyes, and Edward kisses Bella full-on)
Alice: Ew. Get a room.
Bella: Way to kill the moment. Anyways, Edward, I lurve you!
Edward: (burning-man look) Whatever.
(Edward, Emmett, Carlisle, Esme and Rosalie all leave)
Alice: Yay! Let's all go to Phoenix to wait for them! And no, Jasper, you still can't eat Bella.
(Jasper sighs and they all climb into the Mercedes. Bella falls asleep instantly)
IN A RANDOM PHOENIX HOTEL ROOM
Bella: What time is it, Alice?
Alice: (sighing) It's twelve-oh-two, Bella.
Bella: ...And now?
Alice: It's the exact same as it was five seconds ago.
Bella: Oh. How about now?
Alice: For the last time, it's TWELVE-OH-TWO! STOP ASKING!
Bella: Oh, sorry. (she pauses) What time is it now?
(steam starts coming out of Alice's ears)
Alice: You know what, how about I tell you how to become a vampire?
(Bella perks up)
Alice: Okay, so, we bite people, and then our super-venom gets into their veins and makes them a vampire. Not to mention incredibly hot.
Bella: Well, I already knew that. What a let down. Anyway, what time is it?
Alice: (through clenched teeth) Jasper! I think someone needs to knock Bella out again!
Jasper: (walking into the room) I'm on it!
Bella: (drowsy) Oopsies.
(Bella becomes unconscious, which is fast becoming a new hobby of hers)
LATER, STILL IN THE HOTEL ROOM
Alice: I had another vision! Of the ballet studio near Bella's house! What could this possibly mean?
Jasper: James is taking dance lessons?
Bella: (waking up) Alice, what ti –
Alice: (glowering) Don't finish that sentence if you want to live!
(Bella gulps, then turns to look at Alice's phone)
Phone: (rings)
(Bella pounces on the phone and presses the answer button)
Bella: Hello? Edward? I miss you! And I'm so worried about you, despite the fact that you're totally indestructible! Do you miss me? I bet you do! I miss you sooooooooo much! And Alice misses you too – she keeps yelling at me for no reason! Oh Edward, I miss your incredible hotness! Come take me away so that we can go to Rio de Janeiro and have –
Emmett: Actually, Bella, it's Emmett. I'll – uh – get Edward (he gags)
Edward: Bella! My one true love, I have missed you more than I –
Alice: (snatching the phone) There's no way I'm listening to that sappiness again. Edward, I had this vision and I have no idea what it could possibly mean!
(Alice and Edward have a conversation about the complexity of Alice's unfathomable vision before Alice hangs up the phone)
Alice: Okay, Carlisle says we have to stay put.
Bella: This sucks.
Alice and Jasper: Tell me about it. (they turn to watch TV)
Bella: Hey, Alice?
Alice: Yes?
Bella: What time is it?
(Alice's head explodes)
A/N: The Annie thing is a joke between me and my friends Alice and Bella (power-of-two)! I had severe writer's block with this chapter, so reviews are very welcome! Plus, you get to choose from an array of virtual baked goods when you review! Who could say no?
-Ellie :D