Title: Uncle Greg
Author: Mother Nature's Daughter; Sam
Summary: Gregory House is a lot of things: arrogant, sarcastic, rude, brilliant. The one thing he is not, however, is a babysitter to his young niece. But that doesn't stop his sister from forcing him into taking the girl to work with him while she's away. "She really did it. She stuck me with the little bugger…all day."
Rating: PG-13 for mild language
Author's Note: All right, here it is—the last bit of the story. Thanks to everyone who reviewed the first half, and to the readers who enjoyed it. This half's for you all! I hope you like it. I have noticed that some have put the story on their alert/favourite lists, and I would very much apperciate any feedback you'd be willing to give after you're done reading this last bit.
Once again, Reviews are very much appreciated; constructive criticism more than welcome.
-o0o-
"It hurts everywhere I poke, doc. If I poke either knee, it hurts. If I poke my shoulder, it hurts. If I poke my neck, it hurts. And if poke my—"
"It hurts," House interrupted. "I get it."
House despised clinic duty. Right now, being forced to interact with this idiot; he couldn't decide whether he disliked this less than he disliked baby-sitting.
"Can you help me, doc?" a young man, only nineteen or twenty, asked him worriedly. He ran a hand through his shaggy brown-black hair and blew through his lips.
House pushed the swiveling chair he was sitting in across the room, away from the kid. "You still in school?"
The man's brows furrowed at the irrelevance of the question, but he answered. "No. I dropped out at sixteen. I was bored with it."
"Idiot," House replied as he spun back to the other boy. Not only was flying across the room endlessly entertaining, it almost made him look like he was happy to be here.
"Excuse me?" The man stared at House, his mouth slightly agape.
"Maybe if you stayed in school you'd be less of a dumbass." House paused. "Then again, maybe you're just stupid."
"Do you always insult patients before diagnosing them?"
"When I can," House said smoothly. "As for diagnosing you...there's nothing to diagnose."
"Are you kidding me?" The man was beginning to doubt House's credibility as a doctor. "I'm in pain no matter where I poke myself. That's something to diagnose, don't you think?"
"Your left forefinger—the one you keep poking different body parts with—is…broken." House made it sound as dramatic as he could. "The purple swelling around your knuckle's not hormones, you know."
Shooting a quick glance at the clock on the wall, House brightened suddenly. The black second hand moved across the screen, and House counted with them.
When it struck just the right number, House flew out of his chair and grabbed his cane. "...And my hour's up," he announced.
"What about my finger?" The man looked up from staring at the swelling to glance at the doctor with a panicked expression.
"You should probably get it looked at," House recommended, opening the office door and leaving before slamming it closed behind him.
-o0o-
There was no case to be solved, and House's team had nothing to do. And, really, neither did House. There was no need for him to go and interact with them at all.
But that didn't stop him from going to make fun of them anyway.
-o0o-
House had his feet up on his desk and had crossed them in the position of being generally comfortable. With a contented sigh, he watched the soap opera that the portable TV he had was always channeled to.
"That's Susie," House announced, pointing to the TV. "She didn't marry the other guy; she's not going to marry this guy either." His voice turned into a whisper. "He has even less money than her former guy."
The two members of House's team that were in the room—Eric Foreman and Robert Chase— barely moved.
"I can't say that I care," Robert Chase muttered. He was feeling particularly cross today; putting up with House on a good day—one where he actually got to be a doctor—was challenging enough, but on days were they had no patients to tend to, putting up with House was always an extra struggle.
Usually Foreman tended to agree, but he wasn't really paying much attention. He stared down at the newspaper crossword he was using to occupy himself. Unfortunately, he was only succeeding in putting himself to sleep. Foreman never could concentrate on word puzzles. Thinking aloud, he announced to the two other men in his room: "A six-letter word that starts with 'a'."
"Hmm…" House looked directly at Chase as he spoke. "Try Anti-GH." 'General Hospital' was his favorite soap, and happened to be the one he was watching now.
When Chase sent him a look, House merely continued. "What? They don't have soaps in England?"
Chase rolled his eyes. He and House had been over this before—he wasn't British. But House still called him a Brit, just to tick him off. Returning House's stare, he told Foreman, "Here's an idea. Try the word 'Aussie'."
House scoffed and broke the stare. "Until the Queen's off your money, you're British."
-o0o-
The phone in Cuddy's office had started ringing about ten minutes ago.
...And it hadn't stopped ringing since.
So now, as Cuddy had phone conversation after phone conversation, Laura sat in one of the chairs in front of the desk and stared at her feet—her legs weren't long enough to touch the ground—as they swung back and forth. The little girl listened to what Dr. Cuddy was saying to whoever was on the other end of the phone, but none of it meant anything to her.
"Would you just stop complaining and do your damn—"
Laura looked up from the ground when Cuddy stopped talking suddenly. She didn't know why the older woman was staring at her so guiltily; maybe it had something to do with what she had said. Her mom had said that word before, and had always looked at Laura liked that afterwards. She didn't know why, because nobody ever looked at her after they said any other words.
Adults were so silly, sometimes.
After another moment of staring at the girl, Cuddy seemed to remember she was on the phone. She went back to the conversation at hand, but seemed more mindful of her word choice.
"Just get the da…stupid prescription filled, and fill it right."
Cuddy gently lowered the phone and started to say something to Laura, but no sooner had she opened her mouth before the phone rang again.
-o0o-
She sat quietly for a while, but soon Laura began to get bored. She wondered where her Uncle Greg had gone, and when he would be coming back. Whoever the woman was that he had left him with, she wasn't very fun at all; Laura would much rather be with Uncle Greg. Most of the time she didn't understand what he was saying, but she enjoyed listening to the funny way he said words...Mommy called it "sarcasm."
Laura hopped down out of the chair and inched closer to the door. Cuddy didn't notice. Little Laura walked all the way to the door and stared out the lowest part of the glass.
When Cuddy didn't notice that, either, Laura decided to press her luck. Opening the door just a few feet, only wide enough for Laura to squeeze her small body through, the little girl walked right out of Cuddy's office.
And Cuddy didn't notice.
-o0o-
Laura had been to a hospital only one time in her short life: when she had fallen off her bike and scraped her knee to the bone. Her knee had needed something her mom called "stitches", but it had only reminded Laura of her grandmother's needle and thread. Except the needle they put in her hurt.
After she was all patched up, and it was time for her mom to "fill out the paperwork" before going home, Laura had been terrified as she stood next to the counter; all the sounds of the hospital, all the rushing people and large machines that made funny noises were too much for someone only five. She did nothing but cling to her mother the whole time.
But that wasn't how she felt now.
She was only five when she got the cut; which made her a little girl. Little girls were supposed to be scared. But now she was seven and she was a big girl. Big girls weren't scared of anything.
….Except the moving bed that happened to be heading right towards her
The man was screaming in the ear of another, younger-looking man while at the same time pushing a small bed carry a bleeding woman on it down the hallway. He was coming towards the little girl that stood merely feet in front of him, and showed no signs of stopping anytime soon.
Heart thudding, Laura jumped out of the way. The man pushing the bed didn't even slow down. Hadn't he ever heard of looking both ways before?
Wary of another scare like that, Laura decided it would be best if she found Uncle Greg as soon as possible.
-o0o-
Laura wasn't all that worried. The hospital looked really, really, really big, but Laura felt she would be able to find Uncle Greg soon. In a way, her seven-year-old mind kept comparing her search to a game of hide-and-seek with her only uncle. Except…Uncle Greg didn't know he was hiding.
Which would only make him easier to find, right?
Opening a door in one of the hallways, Laura saw a small, pale man laying in a white bed with a bunch of tubes in him. He appeared to be asleep and didn't look up when she came in, so she didn't wake him.
"You're not my Uncle Greg," She said matter-of-factly, closing the door again.
"You idiot!"
Laura stopped to listen at the screaming coming from the room across the hall from the room she had just closed. Uncle Greg had called people idiots lots of times, she remembered. Maybe…
"You're not my Uncle Greg." Laura was a bit surprised when she opened the door to see a woman hitting a man with her bag. She was calling him an idiot, but she was screaming so loud she didn't sound like any woman Laura had ever met before.
"You were cheating on me?" The woman hit him again. "For six months?"
Laura didn't understand. As she closed that door behind her, she wondered aloud. "They weren't playing a game…"
They didn't even have the board or pieces or anything. How could he have cheated if they weren't even playing a board game?
Laura decided not to dwell on it anymore. There were only a few rooms left in this hall, anyway…
-o0o-
"You're not my Uncle Greg."
The last door in the hallway shut behind the seven-year-old. Laura had searched every one in the hallway. No one had seen her open the doors, expect for one elderly lady with more wrinkles than Laura's grandmother even had. She had been kind enough, though, and when Laura had told her she wasn't her Uncle Greg, the old woman had only replied that Laura was in the wrong room.
But Laura knew she was in the wrong room. What she needed to find was the right room.
The little girl was more bored with her situation than worried. She knew Uncle Greg was here somewhere, but Laura was getting tired of looking for him.
Even when Uncle Greg didn't know he was hiding, he could still hide really well…
-o0o-
Laura's mother had always told her: don't talk to strangers.
But Laura was getting really tired of searching for Uncle Greg by herself. Maybe if she just asked one person, it would be okay. And she would make sure that person was nice, too. Mommy would approve of that plan, she would have to; little Laura could think of no other way to do it.
So Laura decided that the next time she saw someone in a white coat like a lot of the people here had on, she would ask them if they knew Uncle Greg.
As it turned out, the little girl didn't have to look far: The very next person walking down the hall towards her was wearing a white coat. She wasn't exactly smiling, but she didn't look mean either. Maybe she would be a good person to ask.
But, just to be safe, Laura would have to make sure…
-o0o-
"Are you nice?"
"I like to…think so, yeah." Allison Cameron was genuinely confused as she stared down at the little girl that held her coat sleeve. Looking around her, Cameron couldn't see anyone that looked like they might be missing a little girl. Where had she come from?
"Do you know my Uncle Greg?"
"Uncle…Greg?" Cameron only knew one Greg, and he was no uncle.
"Uh-huh." The girl nodded her head. "I came here with him but then he had to go and do something I couldn't help with and now I can't find him."
"Listen, sweetie," Cameron said gently. "Are you lost?"
This time, the child shook her head. "Not really. I just don't know where Uncle Greg went. Do you know him?"
"Honey, I can't say I know your uncle." Cameron bent down to look the little girl in the eye. "What's your name, sweetie?"
"Laura," the little girl answered. "But if you don't know my Uncle Greg, do you know someone who does?"
"Laura," Cameron said kindly. "Can you tell me what he looks like? Is he the only person you're here with? Where's your mommy?"
"Uncle Greg's a doctor," Laura chirped cheerfully. "And my mommy had to go to work so he was watching me. He walks with a cane." Laura pretended to limp away from Cameron and then limped back with her invisible cane. "He went to go do something and now I can't find him, like I said."
"Okay." Cameron was hooked up on the cane part of the description. But Gregory House an uncle? Baby-sitting his niece? Cameron shook her head. No way. "Laura, sweetie, can you come with me?"
"Can you take me to Uncle Greg?" she asked, already taking Cameron's outstretched hand.
"I think so..."
-o0o-
"Name a four-letter word that starts with 'b' and ends with 't'," Foreman said, his pen scribbling back and forth on the newspaper. He sat at the glass table, across from Chase, and hadn't moved from that spot since he sat down.
"You're still working on that thing?" Chase raised his head up from where he had laid it on the table and looked over at the dark skinned man, who had his head bent to look at the paper and didn't notice. "We've been working on it for over an hour."
"He's right." House didn't even move from his spot on the desk. Like Foreman and Chase, he hadn't moved for awhile, either. He still sat where he had positioned himself at his desk when his soap had came on. It had since then gone off, of course, but House didn't feel like moving. "You're an idiot."
"Last one, I promise." Foreman's head stayed bent. He didn't notice Chase lower his head back down on the table in frustration or House's scoff—even so, House couldn't resist the puzzle for long.
"Brit," the doctor suggested. He put on an innocent face when Chase raised his head to glare at him. Smirking, he lowered his legs from the desk and spun around in his chair in amusement. As he spun, he kept naming words. "Beat…Best…Bent…"
His chair coming full circle once again, House got a clear view out the glass windows that served as walls for his office. He saw his missing team member walking toward them, with someone considerably shorter and smaller in size than his employee. As he recognized the brown-haired, blue-eyed girl, he stopped spinning and grimaced.
"Brat."
-o0o-
"She belong to you?" Cameron asked House in a would-be casual voice, gesturing towards the small girl that had entered the room with her.
"No," House said bluntly.
"Uncle Greg!" Laura came out from behind Cameron and rushed over to the doctor, proving once and for all that House knew her. In response, House used his cane to push against the desk and send the chair and him along with it flying away from her.
Laura stopped. "You're a really good hider, Uncle Greg."
"Uncle…Greg? House is an uncle?" Chase's eyes were wide in surprise. Foreman didn't look much different. Finally putting down his crossword, the dark skinned man had exchanged a perplexed glance with Chase before the both of them turned to stare with interest at Laura; the little girl was now exploring the office with the normal level of curiosity for someone her age.
"You have a lot of stuff, Uncle Greg…" She was muttering to herself, and no one really paid much attention to her as she looked at House's 'stuff'. So long as she didn't touch anything…
"I'm not her uncle, no," House grumbled. "She's my sister's kid, or something."
"So you are an uncle." Chase's eyes went from Laura to House.
"No."
"But—"
"Just…" Cameron interrupted, shaking her head at Chase. "Leave it alone."
"What's her name?" Foreman couldn't contain his curiosity anymore. He had sat quietly and let Chase ask the questions, but the Aussie hadn't gotten any information out of House that had meant anything to Foreman.
"I believe she goes by…Damn Annoying." House turned to look at Foreman, his sarcasm making his lips twist into an arrogant smirk.
"But if you're her unc—" Chase began.
"Say it," House interrupted. "And you're out of a job."
"Her name's Laura," Cameron clarified. Chase and Foreman nodded.
"What is she doing here?" House demanded. "I left her with Cuddy for a reason."
"Yeah?" Cameron challenged. "She came up to me from wandering the halls and asked if I knew her 'Uncle Greg'."
Chase shook his head at as he heard the name. "…God, that sounds so weird."
"Get over it," House ordered sharply, annoyed at Chase's disbelief. He turned back to Cameron and his blue eyes didn't soften.
"You should've left her wandering the halls, then. At least she wouldn't have been here."
-o0o-
House's team was too easily distracted, as far as the cynical doctor was concerned. Since Laura had walked in, the three younger doctors hadn't taken their eyes off of her. As she explored the room silently—that was the only thing that kept House from murdering her; her ability to stay quiet and not talk and annoy—Chase, Cameron and Foreman's eyes all followed her around the room.
"How entertaining can one seven-year-old girl be?" House said in annoyance, trying unsuccessfully to have his team's attention back to something slightly less boring. He had abandoned his spot at his desk in favor of the big recliner-like chair in the corner of the room. It put more space between him and the kid, and even brought him closer to the doctors, but they didn't seem to notice. "She walks, she talks, she occasionally breaks things. She laughs and she cries. She—"
"…Is your niece," Foreman said. His eyes never left Laura.
"Right," House said sarcastically. "The fact that she's related to me makes her ability to walk and talk so much more interesting"
The team didn't respond.
"What is so damn interesting?" House turned to look in the direction his employees were—right at Laura. The little girl had dropped down on her knees and crawled under his desk, exploring. She was so far under that nothing but her small feet were visible, and as House watched in annoyance, even they disappeared.
"Amazing." House still laced his voice with sarcasm. "She can do magical-disappearances."
When no one humored him with a response he could then turn into another cynical remark, House made a sound of disgust and reached for a magazine. He got distracted, though, when he looked out the window-walls that made up his room.
Because House's doctors were watching Laura and nothing else, House was the first—and only—person to see a dark-haired brunette woman heading down the hallway to his office. It was action he saw a often, really; Cuddy was constantly coming to check in on him to make sure that he wasn't doing something stupid, or made it a habit to yell at him for doing that stupid something anyway. That was why he was able to react calmly.
"When she gets here and asks what I did," House told his team, who now looked generally confused at how random his statement was, "I didn't do it."
-o0o-
"House, I'm so sorry. She was right there and then—it's all my fault!"
When Lisa Cuddy finished her frantic, rushed apology by way of greeting, a silent surprise fell over the room. No one could believe that Cuddy was telling House she was sorry for something she did, especially when it was always the latter doctor doing something he should apologize for, and then not feel even a little bit of remorse.
Even House found it a bit surprising, though he hid it better than the team of doctors that had allowed their mouths to hit the floor. Instead of gaping, he leaned back in his chair with his arms behind his head and scolded the female doctor.
"Of course it is. When isn't anything not your fault?" He stretched his arms above his head lazily. "So…what did you do?"
"Laura…she's gone. She must have left my office when I was on the phone." Cuddy's eyes were filled with worry. "I can't find her anywhere."
House's head turned quickly to stare at his desk. His niece was still completely under it, and not even a part of her was visible to anyone in the room. He looked thoughtful for a minute, and after shooting a warning look at the team that could only be interpreted as an order to stay quiet, he turned his head back to face Cuddy.
"You should probably try to find her, otherwise she might do something bad that could jeopardize the well-being of the hospital and—what was that other thing?" House pretended to think. "Oh, yeah…your job."
"You're not even worried about your niece?" Cuddy might've guessed then and there that something was up, but since it was House—who cared very little for very few—she never suspected a thing.
"I might be more concerned if I actually considered her my niece," House said. "Or if you weren't so obviously doing that job for me—if you're so damn worried over the bugger, find her."
House was having a time seeing Cuddy squirm, but his god-forsaken niece chose just that moment to end his game. With a small Achoo! she crawled backward out from under his desk and said, "It's really dusty under there, Uncle Greg. Don't you clean it?"
House looked from Laura to Cuddy, who was also looking at Laura, and put on a falsely bright grin. "Well, would you look at that! You found her." He made a face of fake appreciation and added, "You're good."
"You were just going to let me panic, weren't you?" Cuddy was hardly surprised.
"Pft," House scoffed. "That doesn't sound like something I'd do at all."
"Actually, it almost defines what you do." Chase obviously wasn't on House's side. But he said no more when House looked his way.
"If you want to hide her from me," Cuddy started heading towards the door, "then she can stay here with you."
Taking her revenge on House the best way she knew how—by sticking him with the little girl—the doctor turned and left the room without so much as a 'good-bye'.
House let his head collapse on his chest. "Damn."
"House!" Cameron scolded it in a whisper, and gestured with her palm to the small girl that was sitting cross-legged on the floor next the desk. "Don't talk like that around her."
House didn't even move. "You should hear the way her mother curses."
-o0o-
The day was over.
House could go home.
And, the way the he saw things, the sooner he got home, the sooner Natalie would arrive to take her bugger away from him.
The talented doctor had never known such relief as what he felt now.
"You're not staying late tonight?" Cameron asked. "No extra things to work on, nothing?"
"Are you kidding?" House asked disbelievingly. "I'm leaving now. My shift's over."
As he spoke, he quickly threw his leather jacket on, and grabbed his book-bag from its spot on the back of his chair. Then he stopped and stood there, unmoving.
"What's wrong?" Chase stopped at the doorway, looking at him over his shoulder. He had previously been following Foreman out, who had already left.
"Where's my cane?" House's eyes were narrowed in annoyance. He looked all around him, in each corner of the room, but the object that nearly defined House was nowhere to be seen.
Chase and Cameron looked around, too. At nearly the same time, their gazes landed on the same thing…or rather, person. Cameron lowered her head to hide her amusement, and Chase's eyes widened. Both of them remind silent, trying to make the subtle movements even less noticeable, but House saw them.
"What…?" He began suspiciously. But, just then, he saw what his doctors had already noticed.
Just outside the room, clearly visible thanks to the glass-walls, was Laura. She was walking to the door, then turning around abruptly when she reached it and pacing back to the other side of the hallway, where she would spin around and repeat the process.
And in her hand she held House's cane, causing her gait to be more of a limp than a walk.
Feeling everyone's eyes on her, she stopped and looked at them. With a jubilant wave she yelled out loudly.
"Look, Uncle Greg! I'm you!"
-o0o-
When Gregory House walked through the door of his home, he just stood there for a minute to congratulate himself. He had made it home without killing the kid. And, better yet, he didn't kill himself, either.
The only thing casting a shadow over his moment was the fact that Laura was still here.
"When is Mommy coming back, Uncle Greg?" she asked, from her spot on the couch. She had come straight in and sat there, watching him. She hadn't done anything to entertain herself. It was a little unnerving from House's end.
"Not soon enough." House sat down in his chair and grabbed the remote before the kid could. He didn't even have the tiniest yearning to watch TV, but he didn't want Laura putting on some show that he'd just as soon overdose on Vicodin than watch.
They sat in silence for a few minutes, both child and doctor being very tired. House closed his eyes and tried to pretend he was alone, and Laura actually dozed for awhile.
Both were awoken at the sound of a knock, and then a familiar feminine voice.
"Greg, it's Natalie. I'm back."
-o0o-
"Did you have fun today, Laura?" House's sister said to the top of her daughter's head, looking down at her as she hugged her waist. Natalie didn't sit down on the couch, nor did she pull her purse off her shoulder. She held her keys in her hand, indicating she wasn't staying long.
That observation came much to House's relief; in fact, it pleased him so much he even decided to get up from his chair to stand by the door, hurrying them on their way.
"Yes, yes!" Laura exclaimed in response to her mother's question. "It was very fun!"
"Says you," House mumbled quietly, inaudible to both mother and daughter.
"What did you do today?" Natalie asked laughingly, delighted at her child's excitement.
"He took me for a ride on his motorcycle!" Laura squealed. "We went very, very fast, Mommy! I rode it two times, Mom! And I didn't even have to wear a helmet, like I do on my bike!"
"Oh, really?" Natalie's voice was level and calm as she spoke to her daughter, but the expression she gave House was the complete opposite. House cringed under her glare, hoping he wouldn't have to pay for that later on. He immediately regretted telling Laura to make her ride sound dangerous.
"And what else did you do?" This time his sister was not so eager to hear the answer. But she felt she had to ask. "Did you learn anything today?"
"I don't think Uncle Greg's boss likes him very much," Laura whispered to her mother, but House heard. The doctor quickly squared his shoulders and stood straighter, looking indignant. "She called him mean names." A short pause, where Laura seemed to be remembering something. Then she asked, very thoughtfully, "Mom, what's a jackass?"
House coughed loudly, trying to cover up Laura's words or, since that quickly failed, to distract Natalie, but his attempts were in vain. This time it was the female adult in the room that stood up straighter, her turn to look indignant. Her mouth opened, but nothing came out. House figured now would be as good as time as ever to speak up.
"She so did not learn that from me."
Before anything more than a disbelieving eye cast in House's direction could break out between the siblings, Laura kept talking. "Mom am I 'damn annoyin—"
House sprang forward and covered the girl's mouth with his hand, but Natalie's eyes were already narrowed. She'd heard.
House flashed a hopeful grin at his sister and said guiltily, "Now, that one she might have learned from me."
The brother and sister had a minor stare down for a few moments, before Natalie turned towards the door. "Say good-bye to your uncle, Laura. We're going home."
House's hand slipped off Laura's mouth and, staring at it with a look of mild disgust, he wiped it on her shoulder. But his distasteful look only grew larger when Laura turned around to hug his waist.
His body tensed completely, rigid with shock. He immediately moved to push her off. "Get off—"
Natalie's eyes flashed dangerously. Fearfully, House forced a grin. He patted the kid's back awkwardly, knowing that if Natalie got any angrier he was a dead man.
Laura looked up at him, her expression one of complete delight. Her arms tightened around him.
"When can I go back to work with you, Uncle Greg?"