Decided to go ahead and post this. I've got all the way up to chapter 7 finished. I don't think i'll post 3 until tomorrow though. Unless someone asks or my reviews go up. Anyhow sorry that Seth's mean. I just wanted to do something different. I'm changing this to M just in case.
Chapter 2
I used to be annoying, or I still am according to my ass of a boyfriend. But he doesn't count. I used to talk and ramble, okay I still do but that's beside my point. My point is I've changed. Most people might say for the better but not me. I think I changed for the worst. I never used to let people walk all over me. Now, I do.
It all started when my mom started criticizing me more for my weight and how I dressed. I'm not fat. Far from it but the woman needed something to make herself feel better. Then I started believing her. So I jumped for the first guy who actually said a few nice words to me.
So now here I am in a relationship with said guy. A terrible abusive relationship. But one none-the-less. The same guy is currently hovering over my body.
He calls this 'make-up sex.' Whatever. I gave in after he hit me a few times. Nothing that I hadn't had before. So after he's done and he's calmed down a bit he decides he wants to have sex. Knowing if I say no I'll just be 'punished.' I don't fight it. No use anymore. It was over as soon as it seemed to start. Like I said terrible sex.
He's getting out of my bed now and throwing his clothes on. Cuddling is a no-no. The first time we had sex he told me that. He didn't like it. I didn't really want to be that close to him anyway. So why was I with him? I couldn't even answer that question myself. I just was.
He left quickly muttering a goodbye or two. He'd be nice to me in the morning when he picked me up for day 2 of school. But that'd only last for a few hours. Then everything would go back to usual.
My door closed and I buried myself deep beneath my covers. Still naked but not really caring. No use in getting dressed. I didn't have the strength, anyway. I took a deep breath knowing I had homework. It wasn't important. Nothing was important anymore.
I started looking forward to my first class the next morning. History. Where I'd get to see those amazing blue eyes. I couldn't help but smile. I didn't even know him and he was my teacher. Nothing could happen even if he did have even a slight attraction to me which I'm pretty sure he doesn't. Who would be attracted to me anyhow? Then I started thinking about an affair with said teacher? How hot would that be? Pretty hot. I mean the man is ripped or at least he looks like he is underneath his shirt. What am I saying? I met him in class that morning. How was I so attracted to him. What was it about this guy? I fell asleep thinking about the next morning. When I'd get to see his smile, his eyes, him.
There's no such thing as love. I've learned that already in the 17 years I've been alive. Love is a stupid word used by people to get what they want.
Seth has never said it. And I don't expect him to. Because truthfully if he did then I'd probably laugh in his face. What we have isn't love. It's more like hate. Or I don't know how to explain it all really. But it sure as hell isn't love. I don't believe in the whole butterfly's in the stomach, can't stop thinking about you kind of thing. It's all in the head. Whatever.
I'm sitting on the front steps of my house, waiting. He's late. Unless my watch is completely wrong so I check my cell phone. Nope. He's late. He'd be so pissed if it were the other way around. Then I see the black Range Rover. Great. I try to put on a smile. Doesn't work, it never works. The SUV stops in front of me and the passenger side window rolls down.
"Get in." He demands. I just nod and hop in. I put the seatbelt around me and lean back against the seat closing my eyes. "You're late." I whisper.
"So what?" Is all he says and the ride to school is ridden in silence.
"Meet me out here after class." He told me before getting out of the Range Rover. "Okay." I nod knowing I should probably pay attention so I don't have to stay after.
Oh God. I sat down in History. There he was. The gorgeous man that I had somehow become attracted to in like a day. What I wouldn't do to jump him. Here I am again. Daydreaming. He's talking about something and I'm not really paying attention. Again. He's right in front of me.
"See me after class again." Oh No. Why does he keep doing this? I don't want to stay. I haven't done anything wrong. Okay, so maybe not paying attention in class is wrong but it's his fault. He shouldn't look so damn good.
"I thought you didn't do this often." The class is gone. I didn't pay attention the whole lesson. Something's wrong with me. "I'm sorry, Mr. Atwood. I'm just going through some things with my boyfriend and I'm totally not in the right frame of mind. I promise tomorrow I'll listen." He nods.
"Please, pay attention. I've looked at your records, Taylor. You're a good student." He smiles. Oh God, that smile.
"I know. Like I said. Problems. And plus all of this senior year stuff. Look, Mr. Atwood. I really need to get out of here. I promise tomorrow I'll listen." I try to leave.
"Something's going on." What is he talking about? Why does he even care.
"With all due respect, you don't know me. So I would appreciate if you would just stay out of my business." Yes, I said that a little too harshly. But despite him looking completely edible there is a line and he's starting to cross it. The line is my life.
"It is my business when you've been in my class for two days and you're already failing. I assigned a quiz today. I get yours back blank." He holds it up.
"I need to go." I try to leave again.
"Then that hand print on your face. That's not something I can overlook." He's got my arm in his grip. I get flashes. Seth. Slaps. Punches. I scream.
"LET GO OF ME!" And I snatch my arm out of his grip and I'm running out of his class room as fast as I possibly can.
I decide to not go to the Range Rover. Instead I'm in the bathroom sitting on the disgusting toilet with my legs pulled up to my chest. Stupid man. If he would just not care. He's not supposed to care. No one cares. My phones ringing but I'm ignoring it. I turn it off and I just sit there until the bell rings.
I wait until everyone's in class to escape. I'm late. Really late. With my eyes on the floor I open the classroom door. My teacher's yelling at me. Old hag. I want to tell her off. I can't of course. Staying after class again is not an option. I need to meet Seth. Face my 'punishment' so I can go on with my day.
He's in the Rover. He's got the binder in his lap. I roll my eyes. He's worse when he's high. It started with pot. Yeah, whatever didn't bother me. It went to coke. I think he's even done heroine but truthfully I could care less. I'm a terrible girlfriend. So he's about to snort a line. I don't want to be around him. So instead of walking towards the SUV I head back into the school. The lounge is full of people right now. I'd rather not deal with them but it's better than dealing with my cokehead boyfriend. He was nothing like this before.
He was sweet and we had a good time together. I thought it was love. It's not. And it never was. I don't even believe in love. Things changed and I stopped caring about much. About anything.
At first I cared. I cared a whole lot. But now it's no big deal. Not to me anyway. I just don't want to be around it.
I really need to start paying attention to where I'm walking. Especially since I seem to keep bumping into blue eyes.
I think he's purposely running into me. He knows I'm not paying attention so he decides to walk in front of me. Act like it was an accident. Okay, so I'm a little full of myself. Because really I could care less. He's gorgeous. Even if he's trying to pry into my life.
"We should probably stop doing this." He lets out a small laugh like he had forgotten about earlier. "Yeah, maybe it's not me." I look up.
"That could be it." He gives me a smile. THAT DAMN SMILE. I want to touch his face. I have to keep my hands in my pockets so I don't reach out. On second thought I'd rather press my lips to his. Yeah, that'd be a lot nicer. God, Taylor get a fucking grip. He's your teacher! Plus I've got a boyfriend. A terrible boyfriend but I have one none-the-less oh and I can't forget about the ring on his finger. Or the smile he had when he talked to his wife on the phone yesterday.
"I need to get to class." I try to pass him. Why can't he just stop? Why can't he just leave me the hell alone. Sure I may be attracted to the guy but that doesn't mean he can pry into my damn life. Because as I look up at him I know he wants to say something. I feel a hand on my back. It's not Mr. Atwood's. No this hand is cold. Full of hate. It's Seth's. I see Mr. Atwood look up at my boyfriend. He doesn't smile at him. No, he's glaring.
I look down at my feet. Seth has his arm wrapped around my shoulder. He never does that. EVER. He's jealous. Or something. Who knows, who cares.
My head is spinning. I'm about to pass out. Too much tension. Too many people staring. Too much to handle. My vision is blurring. I don't say anything. I try to move but it's not working. I'm falling. I feel hands catch me. These aren't Seth's. Then everything goes black. Something is wrong. Something is terribly wrong. Or at least that's what it looks like since I'm being stared at when I wake up. I'm in the nurse's office. Seth's not there though. I don't care. Mr. Atwood's there. I'm really not sure why. "Taylor." The nurse takes my hand. I give her a strange look. She's smiling. Oh God.
"Uhm, yeah?" I look at her then back at Mr. Atwood. He's got a strange look on his face. "You passed out." Well Duh! That's what usually happens when my vision blurs and things go black.
"Can I leave?" I ask. I'm not feeling well. But I'd rather be walking than being stared at like I am. My stomach lurches. Oh God. Not again. That's how I woke up this morning. Feeling sick. "Trashcan." I mutter. It's now up to my face as I puke. Great. Just great. I'm currently puking in front of my teacher. My very very hot teacher.
"Taylor, I think we should talk." The nurse is looking at me. "I don't think so. It's just a little bug or something." I shrug and try to get up. She's not letting me. She glances at Mr. Atwood and now he's gone. I'm getting nervous. "Sweetie, are you pregnant?" Why on earth would that lady ask such a thing? NO! I want to scream. But truthfully I have no earthly idea. I can't be. I shake my head. "Okay." She smiles but she doesn't seem assured.
"Can I go home?" I ask. She nods and writes me a pass. I'm walking down the road now. I'm timing myself. Again. Except I'm passing my house and walking to the drug store. Maybe I should check. Just in case. I mean there is no way I'm pregnant. Sure I have sex. But it's protected. I'm even on birth control. It's negative. I'm smiling. Thank God. It's only stress. Or maybe I read the test wrong.
Whatever, don't care. I throw it in the trash and put it to the back of my mind.
Someone's knocking on the front door. I look like shit. It's probably just Seth so I really don't care. But it's not. No, this person standing in front of me is not my boyfriend. Nope, this is my teacher.
My very hot teacher I might add. "What are you doing here Mr. Atwood?" I fold my arms over my chest. He's rubbing the side of his face.
"I was worried…" He trailed off. "You shouldn't be. Can I ask why you even care about me? You sure don't treat your other students this way." He's shrugging.
Whatever. I invite him in. He's looking around the foyer. Even our foyer is huge.
"I mean you can ask. Doesn't mean I'm going to tell." He staring at me. Oh God. Blue eyes are lingering over my body. He needs to stop. I'm walking away. Towards the kitchen.
"Want something to drink?" I ask. He shakes his head no. "I was just seeing if you're okay." I nod.
"Yeah, just got a little overwhelmed." I fidget with my hands. I want him to leave. Okay, I don't but I don't want him to stay. Because I'm getting even more ready to jump him. Ride him right there in my kitchen. STOP!
"Alright." He's not leaving. He's walking over and leaning against the counter. I hop up on the counter opposite him. I'm swinging my legs back and forth. "What's that from?" He pointed to my arm. I look down. I'm wearing a short sleeve t-shirt. I shrug.
"I ran into something." I lied. No, that mark was Seth's. That's the spot he liked to grab me when he was pissed off. Somehow it's created a constant bruise.
"No you didn't." He should mind is own business. "Mr. Atwood what are you really doing here?" I ask. "Call me Ryan." Is all he says. I try to hide my smile.
"You never answered my question, Ryan." I emphasize on his name.
"I told you already. I came to check up on you." He says crossing his arms over his chest. His chest. It's probably amazing.
"Okay but you're still here. I mean you checked up on me already." Just leave.
"I know. I figure the longer I stay here the sooner you'll talk." He has some nerve. I'd rather not talk. I'd rather just climb him. I'm sure he's a much better fuck than Seth. Maybe he'd even let me take control. I can't believe I'm thinking like this. I'm screaming at myself in my head. I need to stop. Now.
"No talking. Sorry." I lean my head against the top cabinet. I take a deep breath and close my eyes. Bad idea. I'm undressing him with my mind. I'm opening his shirt up and he's looking at me with so much lust. I open my eyes again. He's standing right in front of me now. I'm breathing heavy.
"Why do you let him hurt you?" He put his hand on my thigh. Okay I know for a fact a teacher shouldn't be doing this. But I'm not threatened. Instead I'm feeling safe. Feeling wanted. I just shake my head.
"You're better than that." He whispers. "How would you know? You don't even know me!" I cry out. He steps back a little and gives me a smirk. "I will." Is all he says. He's walking out of the kitchen.
I try to move. I try to run after him. Ask him what he's talking about. But I don't. Instead I stay at my spot on the counter until I hear the front door slam shut.
The door's opening again. I hold my breath. It's not him though. Nope. Not even close. I'm looking at dark eyes. Chocolate brown full of hate. He's pissed. He raises his hand to hit me. I'm getting ready for it. I close my eyes. Then nothing. I open them. He's still standing there with his hand up. I take a deep breath. Then I feel it. The sting. This is going to leave a mark. Just like always. He can't just hit me, he has to leave his mark. Stupid boyfriend.
"Done?" I ask before hopping off of the counter. He's breathing heavily. I sigh and we're walking upstairs. I don't enjoy this. But it happens every time. He expects it. So I give in. Once again I just don't care. He's rough. It hurts. I whimper he pushes harder. He's leaving bruises on my hips. He's done. Finally. I couldn't handle it a second longer. He's breathing heavily grabbing for his pants. I pull my covers up over my head.
"Who said we're done?" He pulls the covers off of me. "I did." I whisper reaching for them again.
He's gone now. My room's totally dark. I forget about homework. I'm not interested anymore. School used to be my most favorite thing in the world. Now it's a waste of my time. Now I wish I could just hide away from the world.