"A Dish Fit for a Maid"
by Furor Scribendi
2008 Scribendi Productions
August 2nd.
It was a warmish afternoon, and the Misato residence was made even warmer by the oven operating and a couple of pots filled with sauce, bubbling away.
Mahoro was busy in the kitchen, making some snack food. She was singing a little song while hard at work. "I think salmon tastes most delicious with its skin. When I eat it for breakfast, I feel ready for the day."
At her feet, Guri sat patiently. Sensing something, he barked. "Now, now Guri-san, as soon as they all get home, you will get a little treat as well. I will not forget about you." As she was slicing up the last of the fillets into bite-size cubes, she looked up at the clock. "It is almost time for Suguru and his friends to be back. I will be ready in time."
Hurrying her pace, she was able to get the food properly prepared and presented, laid out in her usual precise manner. In the refrigerator were six chilled glasses, along with a pitcher of tea, merely waiting the right time. As she closed the fridge, she heard the front door open. "Mahoro, I'm home," chimed through the house.
"Don't you mean 'we're home', Suguru-san?" chided Miyuki.
"We've had the best shopping day ever!" squealed Rin, holding up a few bags. "I'll put on a fashion show later for you all. They had the most darling items. And at such fabulous prices!"
Behind her dragged Hamaguchi and Kawahara, who flopped into the nearby couch. "Where do they find the strength to do all that shopping?" whined Hamadi.
"They must take energy right out of the air, like plants do with sunlight," moped Kawahara. Mahoro brought over a tray with the six glasses on it.
"On this hot day, I thought you might like some cool drinks and…" Before she could finish, Hamadi and Kawahara grabbed two glasses each and noisily gurgled down the contents, one after the other.
"Careful, boys," commented Chizu. "Some of that is getting in your mouth."
"Heh heh heh," said Suguru embarrassedly. "What have you made up for today, Mahoro?"
"No, let ME guess!" offered Chizo, who made her way to the table and gazed lovingly at the servings of food before her. The rest of her friends stared at her. They knew enough to wait until she acted first. Chizo's breathing became labored, as if some great physical exertion was being primed.
"I have never seen her this mesmerized," said Rin.
"Sure you have; the last time Mahoro made anything, which was, oh…yesterday? Remember that white radish dish from last month? I thought Chizo was going to explode," said Miyuki.
"So, are we going to eat or what?" asked Kawahara.
"Not until we get the pronouncement," chided Hamadi. "She must speak first."
"If I am not mistaken, this appears to be skate? Skate cubes?" Chizo looked up for acknowledgement of her correct guess.
Mahoro nodded silently as she stood on the other side of the table, smiling away. She watched as Chizo took a bit of the food, succulent in its presentation, and dipped it in her sauce bowl. She put it in her mouth and began to shudder and curl up.
"Get back! She's gonna blow!" Rin grabbed Miyuki and hid behind the couch, while the boys scattered about. Only Mahoro remained steadfast.
"Oh….my…..GOODNESS! ARRRRRRRRRRRRRR! How did you do this? These skate cheeks are IDENTICAL to what you get at Shikamori's Fish Palace, except yours are so much more tender. The amazing blend of spices and rice vinegar takes this to a whole new level of eating! Most of the time, it's like eating rubber bands, but this, this, this! I can't…" Chizo began to devour everything in sight.
"I hope there'll be something left for us," groused Hamadi, as he looked up.
"Don't worry," said Mahoro cheerfully. "I have enough for everyone."
Suguru came up to her, shaking his head. "I'm not too certain about that."
"Why does she always have to flip out? Always," said Kawahara.
"Then she wouldn't be Chizo," countered Miyuki.
With the first plate done, Chizo fell over backwards in a stupor, gasping and panting. Rin looked at her watch. "Hmmm. 34 seconds. I think it's a new record for her." Miyuki stepped over the supine Chizo and helped herself to a bit of the skate.
"Normally, I don't like this stuff, but this is superb. What is your secret? I mean, most of the time I taste only the spices, which hides the fact that it is a rather bland dish."
"They had an excellent sale at the marketplace and I gave just enough tenderizing of them so it wasn't that chewy." Suguru had a vision of Mahoro, in her android uniform, attacking the skate as though it were an enemy, punching and pummeling it into submission.
Chizo slowly got to her feet, legs wobbly. "So…so you will be going, right?" She focused her eyes on Mahoro, wheezing and panting.
"Going? Going where?"
Chizo flared, eyes bugging out. "Don't tell me you haven't heard?"
"Heard what?" Mahoro looked about, trying to get a cue from her friends, who were equally in the dark on matters. Suguru shrugged and Rin was too into her clothes to be paying close enough attention.
Chizo let out an enormous scream. Everyone winced in pain, save for Mahoro. Outside, Slash stirred. "They certainly are a noisy bunch. Day and night, night and day. Why are things always this way with them?" he pondered, as he rolled back over and napped some more.
Inside, Chizo ran frantically throughout the house, scattering things about. "Where's the paper? Where's the paper? Wheresthepaperwheresthepaperwheresthepaper? AHA!" Snatching the paper from the pile, she yanked it over, sending the unwanted sections flapping about the room. She hurriedly opened it and fluttered through the pages. "THIS is what I mean."
Scampering up to Mahoro, she snapped the paper in front of her face, but it was too close to Mahoro and she popped it too hard, so it tore in half over her, splitting right down the fold seam. Chizo stood there with the two halves of the paper, as Mahoro said nothing, but she did look at Chizo with a deal of concern.
Discarding the unneeded half, she presented a full page ad to her. "The Cooking Shogun Show is coming to town. Tomorrow!"
"Who is the Cooking Shogun?" Mahoro asked innocently.
Miyuki turned to Suguru. "What do you watch at night? Oh, right, endless anime."
Rin joined in. "I thought everyone saw that show."
"I like it when they set the food on fire," offered Hamadi.
"What have I been missing, then?" Mahoro looked perplexed.
Chizo began to talk. "It's this chef and he cooks but he cooks and with others so you see how cooking can be with cooking and…" Kawahara took Chizo by the shoulders and gently settled her in a seat, then gave her another plate of the skate.
"Stop, or you're gonna hurt yourself. You dine. I talk." He then turned to look at Mahoro. "Ahem, allow me to explain. The Cooking Shogun is Hattori Hanzo, one of the greatest chefs in Japan today…"
"THE!" corrected Chizo "The greatest chef in Japan ever and perhaps the world, the universe, for all eternity!" She stood up, thrusting her chopsticks into the air to promote his excellence.
Kawahara pointed at her. "Sit down and eat your skate. That's a good Chizo. Now, where was I? His restaurant, The Blade, in Tokyo, is so popular, reservations are made TWO years in advance. People hang around outside, just in case there is a cancellation.
"In his show, sometimes he personally takes on chefs from Japan or other countries. Other times, he pits three renowned chefs against each other in a timed competition, cooking up a meal of his choosing. At the end, top food critics sample the offerings and pass judgment on who has succeeded and who has not.
"Hanzo is of the belief that there are some great chefs out there that just never get the chance to really present themselves. This year, as he has done in the past, along with his regular shows, he is doing some regional shows, trying to find this hidden talent."
Chizo burst in. "He will be in town tomorrow, tomorrow."
Hamaji followed up, singing, "I'll love you, tomorrow, it's only a d….." Miyuki elbowed him.
"I hate that song," muttered Miyuki.
Chizo got so close to Mahoro that Mahoro had to retreat until her back hit the refrigerator. Chizo held the ad up to her, pointing at her. "YOU are going to the pre-screening tomorrow and YOU are going to the finals the following day and YOU are going to win!"
"But, as a maid, I have to take care of this household. There is no time for frivolity in these matters, as that is so un-maid like. What would the neighbors think?" Mahoro put a finger in the air to emphasize this point. "You can't believe how quickly the weeds can take over a garden or, worse, an aphid infestation! My primary duty, my sole duty, is to keep this house running properly."
She stepped away and pointed to the lone sheet of paper on the fridge, which was the contract that Suguru had signed, placing the Misato home under her care. "That must always be the first consideration."
Before Chizo could counter with an argument, Shikijo came in. "Am I late for anything? It is so hot out there." Seeing some glasses of iced tea on the table, she drained two. Everyone looked at her as she made more noise than when both the boys slugged down their drinks.
"Ahhhhhhhhhh!" said Shikijo, smacking her lips. "That was nice but do you have something a bit stronger, like beer? You know, beer?" Upon seeing Suguru, she charged up to him, pinning him to the wall with her large breasts. "I am so happy to see you, Suguru-kun."
Suguru sputtered. "Shikijo-sensei, this is all too…."
Shikijo felt herself being yanked away and plunked into the nearby couch by Mahoro. "Please have a seat while I get something for you!" said Mahoro, tersely. As she filled a plate and gave it to her, Shikijo saw Chizo, trailing after Mahoro, the paper in her hand. Chizo was really trying to get Mahoro's attention, but somehow, Mahoro managed to dodge her attempts.
Shikijo was amused at this kind of pas de deux: the turning, the pirouettes, the grace and fluidity of Mahoro not wanting to address whatever Chizo desired to say. Shikijo had a bit of the skate, and then talked after she got a glimpse of the ad as it sailed past her.
"Oh, the Cooking Shogun Roadshow. I am certainly going to be there for the preliminaries. I have a chicken recipe that is marvelous. I will have such big, juicy breasts to die for!"
Mahoro stopped cold upon hearing that, her eyes glistening with resentment as Shikijo went on. "I know the whole town will be there, so I have to make sure I give the best presentation that I can. And then afterwards, Suguru-kun…" She turned back to Suguru, to get his attention, "…perhaps we can dine upon my love offerings for you."
Mahoro moved in closer to her as Shikijo started to wax rhapsodic. "Imagine it: just you and I, dining upon the patio, the stars twinkling about as the balmy weather surround us with its all-embracing warmth. A dinner fit for a king, even chicken a la King, and then, after an equally delightful dessert, it will be followed by an extra treat that only a woman of my class and breeding can…"
She got no further as Mahoro pointed a finger at Shikijo. "Then I will be there as well! The kitchen is my battlefield and I will defeat all adversaries! I'm not afraid of your breasts!" Chizo jumped up and down with joy, clapping with glee at Mahoro's challenge
The boys looked at one another. "Did Mahoro just say what I think she…" started Hamadi.
"Ixnay, ixnay," whispered back Kawahara."
Shikijo stood up and went right over to Mahoro. "Bring your best, I'll be all over you!" And to emphasize this, she leaned into Mahoro. "Many have also tried and all have been crushed by my will and might!"
"I have never lost on any battlefield to anyone and I will not permit you to be the first!" Mahoro's hair horns twitched with resentment.
Shikijo grinned. "We'll see, we'll see. This is one time you will not best me. You have no idea what you are getting into. I'm sure you may come up with something edible." As she turned about, another piece of skate disappeared from Shikijo's plate. I am in trouble, thought Shikijo. If she cooks anything like this for tomorrow, there is no way I can beat her. I'll have to pull out all the stops for this one. ALL the stops. She continued.
"Well, this is a nice piece of….whatever it is, but you'll need something more substantial to impress Shogun Chef Hanzo. I mean, if what you would make is no better than macaroni and cheese from a box, you might as well stay home and watch my triumph." Mahoro's eyes squinted into slits as she pondered ways to obliterate Shikijo.
It would be so easy to destroy her where she stands, she thought. I could vaporize her in mere moments, but then, I would have to clean up the mess and I have the house exactly where I need it to be. Besides, Suguru would never forgive me for turning her into a pile of cinders, but it would be nice to sweep her up and send her packing with the rest of the refuse. She deserves a beating, so it might be best to do so where everyone can see her humiliation. Mahoro nodded in agreement with her plan.
Shikijo took Mahoro's silence as weakness and really leaned into her. "Nothing more to say? I'm not surprised. I would be scared of me as well, so I will leave you to your 'battlefield.'" She placed the plate on the table and headed to the door, but not fully leaving. She stood on the porch and turned back to speak into the house. "Oh, and no matter what happens tomorrow, Suguru-kun, we're still on for that 'special' dinner."
"Bye," said Mahoro, who smiled broadly, waggled her fingers at her and politely slammed the door hard. She turned about. "Please stay and enjoy your meal. I have to get to work." She took the ad from Chizo and poured over it, not missing a single detail, nodding agreement to whatever she was reading.
Miyuki looked over to Kawahara. "Well, that got a bit tense. Anyone care for some more iced tea?" She began to pour some more glasses
"That was close. I felt for a moment Mahoro was going to do something to Shikijo-sensei," mumbled Hamadi. "Did anyone else feel that? Anyone? I got the feeling that she was going to turn her into cinders!" Hamadi then realized he was talking to himself and decided to finish up his plate of food quietly.
"Oh yes!" chirped Chizo. She turned to everyone else. "I felt it. I felt the power of Mahoro, Warrior Chef! Tomorrow is going to be a really fabulous day. Cooking. Watching Mahoro cook. Watching Mahoro cooking and putting everyone else to shame! And the food! All that marvelous food!"
Chizo started to circulate about the room, trying to get the rest of the people as jazzed as she was. "And don't you guys worry about getting in. I have special seats on reserve for us all. This is going to be great and…hey! What happened to all the skate? Where did it go?" Chizo even looked under the plate in case an errant piece was hiding there.
Rin shook her head. "Tomorrow is going to be a long day, indeed."
MAHORO'S SYSTEMS WILL CEASE TO FUNCTION IN 351 DAYS.
End NotesSometimes, it isn't until you get started that you realize you have too much.
When I began this particular tale, I had hoped to wrap up all three days of the events in about eight or so pages. I don't think fan fiction chapters should go on beyond that, as it should be fun to read, not a homework assignment. If you do longer, you had best have the chops to make it worthwhile.
But when I already had 12 pages worth and still had not gotten to the third day, I needed to rethink my strategy.
This also blends in to my personal theory of how to handle Mahoro. She has so many days of NOT seeing what goes on, it gives one ample opportunity to fill in those days and give a better accounting of her last 10 months.
Those that are familiar with the series will know that her full operational time was slated at 398 days, but between the major fight with Ryuga (September 23) and the horrific beating at the hands of Dr. Metherius (March 22), plus lesser encounter as with the Crab Robot (July 27), protecting Minawa from the Keepers (December 8) and chasing Suguru and Slash to the edge of Hokkaido (a distance of about 750 miles, approximate date March 1), these all cut into her available energy reserve.
Of course, it was all for naught, when she was destroyed sometime in April.
The dates are, at best, an estimation, but anchored from both the manga and the anime that put July 20th as Day 365. The rest is extrapolation and conjecture, befuddled by the confusion during the End Days. I can get to day 120 with no problem and, the manga confirmed April 2nd as the day President Greg was killed. Then, it's up to you for the rest.
August is actually a rather busy time for Mahoro. It opens on the first with her letter to Vesper, about her days with Suguru and what she is trying to do (along with her first official request for breast augmentation). Then we have this Cooking Shogun segment from the 2nd to the 4th.
The Ghost Hunter incident occurs the night of August 16th, the Ninja Panty Bandit affair concludes the night of the 22nd (manga only), the Summer Fair, where Mahoro dances, is the 26th (although it "officially" begins the afternoon of the 23rd) and Ryuga first appears in town on the 31st.
I also fling in a sleepover with the girls, which happens on August 29th. I might take care of that gap between August 5th and August 15th, but not at the present time.
The real problem is making it seem natural and not kind of activity shoe-horned in. "Let's see, nothing happens between 6/25 and 7/15, let's have her do SOMETHING, anything." (This is kind of funny, as I had a story for June 25th)
There are lots of possibilities, but I do not want it to look like a bad sitcom. "Mahoro buys a car. "(Wait! She's got that snappin' BMW). "Mahoro wins a beauty contest"; "Mahoro and Suguru go to another amusement park and get stuck on the roller coaster, hanging upside down for several hours."
Another concern is how little I really know of Japanese Culture. In the manga, there is an episode where she has to go to this prestigious Vesper Academy to find two bombs. She discovers one of them through a pronunciation shift. I, hopelessly American, would not understand this for them, whether you say "juujika" or "juuji ka", so I have to stick with "safe" areas for her tales.
It presents a challenge, so that means, research, research, research.
Some of you might notice that I grabbed the name "Hattori Hanzo" for the Cooking Shogun. The sharp-eyed will recognize that from "Kill Bill." It's just a good name, and the cable has been showing it a lot recently. If you are equally aware, you also picked up on Shikamori, who is the male protagonist in the anime, "Maburaho".