"Do Android Maids Dream of Electric Cooktops?"

by Furor Scribendi

2008 Scribendi Productions

August 4th

Standing in the area behind the stage, Mahoro felt butterflies in her stomach. This was a rather odd sensation for her. Could she actually be…nervous? The group was split into two: Mahoro was with Shikijo and Shuboya on the near side, while Tanaka and Miyoka went with the other aide to the far side.

A monitor was set up so they could see what was happening. A very energetic Warm-Up director was winding down his part of the pre-show activities

"So, again, lots of applause and cheering. And a reminder about the double gongs. Those will be struck at fifteen-minute intervals, so I would like some cheering to go along with that. This is television and we want the folks at home to have as much fun watching this as you have being here, right? You are also cheering on the competitors as well and it does make them feel good." A tremendous roar greeted him. "That's what I want to hear! So we are going to start shortly. Have fun, folks!" As he left the stage, a wave of applause greeted him.

He came down the stairs on Mahoro's side. "OK, they are set and ready to go. It's all up to you," he said to the coordinator. Then he looked right at Mahoro, pointing at her. "You do well."

The coordinator held up her hand to the chefs. "OK, we are getting final instructions and we will be going momentarily. So relax, have fun and don't forget to smile. And we are going in five…four…three…" She counted out the last two numbers with fingers. A roar filled the hall as the announcer spoke.

"Coming to you from the Hiryu Convention Center, it is…The Cooking Shogun Roadshow!" More cheering was heard. The coordinator leaned into her chefs to whisper.

"We are making time on the tape for the introduction of the show, which will be about a minute or so, then your introductions, and…" She listened on her headpiece, and then motioned Shikijo into position. "Don't forget to smile!" she called after her.

"A school teacher for the Hiritsu #4 Junior High, we have Saori Shikijo!" She went up there and wiggled about, then headed down to her position. The introductions went fast and it was Mahoro's turn. She went up and was momentarily blinded by the lights, but gave a big smile, bowed and went to her station. The roar of the crowd was very invigorating. She felt all kinds of giddy feelings as she stood at her cook station, staring out into the audience. She thought she heard Chizo, cheering wildly, but could not really focus on her position.

Then, the gong was heard and they all turned about to see Hanzo in his seat, looking very regal. "I expect you to do your best. No matter who wins, you have all done well to get to this level." He then stood up as a couple of aides brought down the trays of tuna to the green tablecloth area. "Chefs…you may now begin!"

There was a frantic jump as the rest of them scrambled to get the best pieces of tuna quickly. Mahoro came over and immediately eyed the pieces she wanted. Taking them back to her station, she placed them to one side, turned on her stove and closed her eyes to think. The other chefs were already at it: chopping, slicing, rubbing herbs into it.

Chizo was in the stands, binoculars at hand. "I have never really seen her cook, it this normal for her?" she asked of Suguru.

"No, she usually goes right at it."

The announcers were equally perplexed. "I see that Shikijo is already hard at work, making up a kind of tuna stroganoff and getting those slices really, really thin."

"And Shuboya is trying a cedar plank tuna, which can be tricky with an indoor environment. But Mahoro is just standing there. What do you think this is all about, Bede?"

"Perhaps she is getting into the right frame of mind, Fode. Half of cooking is attitude."

"Well, she shouldn't take too long, as time is a cruel master."

Mahoro's eyes opened up as a grin came to her face. She was ready. Flinging an onion into the air, she withdrew the knife that she wore on her left thigh. Flaring her skirt about, she showed a lot of leg and the garter that held the knife in place to everyone, and then leapt into the air after the onion. With a few deft strokes, the onion practically exploded into slices. She threw the knife down into the cutting board, where it stuck. As she landed, she banged a pan handle so the pan spiraled in the air. She caught the pan with her right hand, scooped the onion out of the air and landed it on the stovetop.

In the production truck, the director was beside himself. "Camera Eight! Tell me you got that. Tell me you got the whole thing."

"I got it, I got it!"

"You stay with her. Ready to take camera two and TAKE two. Camera Ten, I want a reverse angle on Station Five as well. Stick to her like glue. Ready to take Camera four…and TAKE. Camera five, widen out your shot. Camera Seven, give me some audience reaction shots. Camera One, I want you to remain solid on Station Three. The one in the gold outfit is giving us some strong visuals and I do NOT want to miss them! Ready to take camera one. Zoom in a touch more, one. Good and…take one!"

Back at her cook station, Mahoro grabbed the chayote squash and the canary melon and juilenned them in nothing flat, without a hint of error or hesitation. In another small pan, she began to toast up the sesame seeds.

The camera was right there as she chopped away. Bede commented. "I have never seen anyone work so fast with such precision. Ever seen 'The Long Kiss Goodnight'? When Geena Davis makes short work of that carrot in the kitchen? This is even better than that!"

Fode added in. "Look at how thin she gets those slices. Such artistry. That is stunning to see. A chef with no fear of the kitchen."

"And we are not the only ones who are noticing. Three of the other competitors have stopped for a moment to watch the big monitor and see Mahoro in action."

Mahoro picked up her summer squash one by one and peeled them in a near continuous ribbon, laying them to one side until all three were done. She made short work of the garlic cloves and placed them all in a pan to be sweated with the grapeseed oil.

The sesames seeds were taken off and she began her orange reduction; she also got the milk and the cream cooking as well. With that on its way, she turned to the tuna.

She only needed to cook up three meals, but it would not be that hard to do up eight: the original ones for the three judges, one for Hanzo and four more, for her competitors.

First, she started with the poke. Cutting off a few ounces of the ahi, she diced it up, put in the sesame oil and the scallions, plus a pinch of kosher salt. She mixed it about and put it in the fridge to chill. She remembered what Chizo said and gave a little extra vigorous and obvious shaking of the ingredients in the bowl

Chizo was unusually quiet, thought Suguru, as she was absolutely riveted on watching Mahoro.

"This is almost overwhelming. Is she like this at home every night?" she asked.

"Most of the time, it's rather simple meals, so she doesn't go to this level of presentation. I guess she wants to make a good impression."

"I am surprised how well everyone is doing," commented Chizo. "I was right about Misoka, however, as she is bound and determined to do what appears to be a Stuffed Tuna Surprise. She is really keeping up with all of them."

Mahoro's coconut cream was done and placed in the fridge as the first double gong went off. Fifteen minutes were down.

She grabbed all the ingredients for the chayote slaw, mixed those together and placed that in the fridge. She looked up for a moment to Shikijo, frantically working. Despite what Mahoro may have thought of her, she was very good at what she did. She was in full control, as she made sure the tuna was cooking properly. Although it would have been nice to see what the others were doing, time was a definite factor against her.

As the double gong sounded off the halfway mark, a huge cheer came from the crowd. Mahoro turned her attention to the last of the Summer Squash. She stirred in the curry powder, added the lime leaves, the coconut milk and the stock. She did these one at a time, so each was given a chance to blend properly.

She stirred with slightly over-exaggerated movements. It looked like she was doing more, but it was just the way she wanted it to go. Suddenly, there was an outburst next to her. She looked up to see that Shuboya's sleeve was on fire. He looked at it with a bit of incredulity, as if it were a mere annoyance to be aflame. He slapped at the fire.

Reacting quickly, Mahoro grabbed the nearest thing to her, her huge slab of tuna and wrapped it around his forearm to smother the flames. It wasn't that big of a fire, but it could have spread quickly. With the fire out, Shuboya brushed off his sleeve, looked at it, waved thanks to Mahoro and got right back to work. Mahoro returned to her station and kept working.

In the production booth, it was total chaos. The Assistant Director was going berserk. "Should we stop taping? Floor, what's going on out there? Should we stop taping? What if he's really injured? Should we stop taping? A fire? A fire."

The director was more sanguine. "He's waved it off, we'll wave it off. Keep taping. We can tend to his potential wounds later. I mean, he thinks it is nothing."

Mahoro began the simmering of the squash and turned her attention to the tuna. As she began to char it, she put on a pot of water. She did up a full pound of the tuna and got it well on its way. As she removed the squash, she took out the lime leaves and blended it all together. She added a little ginger juice, salt, and ground cumin. As she put it into the fridge to chill, the third double gong went off. It was now time to tend to the tuna.

The charring was going a bit slower that she had hoped, but she felt that was due more to the nature of the wok. The Thai basil leaves went in as well as she kept a good eye on the tuna. Char it too little and there is no flavor; char it too much and it's a burnt mess, and at this late stage, you could not afford any mistake.

As she got the tuna to where she wanted it, she took it out of the wok and let it rest. The whistling teapot told her that part was ready, so she brewed up a pot of green tea for dinner.

A cheer from the crowd went up as Tanaka was first to be finished. A blue flag at his station signaled he was done.

Keeping her eye on the clock, she began by putting it all together. She started by placing the ahi poke in the bowl, followed by the charred tuna, now sliced, and the slaw. She poured in the squash puree and garnished with the coconut cream, and the basil leaves.

She was very aware of Chizo exhorting her to move faster, as time was running out. This was the key moment. It had to go perfect.

Another cheer went up as Shikijo concluded her session. Moment later, Shuboya held his arms out. The blue flags were placed next to them

In the stands, Chizo was beside herself. "She's not gonna make it! She's not gonna to make it! She's not gonna make it!" Miyoka completed her dishes and got her blue flag.

Mahoro began the final presentation. With each dish done to perfection, done exactly as she wanted them to be, they were lidded. She put her arms out to signify she was done. She heard a cheer, but no one came to her. She thrust them out again, and then waggled her arms about. She was not getting a confirmation from the judges. The final gong sounded, ending the competition. Had she been eliminated? There was no flag at her station to signify she had been seen. She turned about to see Hanzo himself behind her, holding up the blue flag high and proud above her. She had beaten the clock.

"Well, that was a close one for Mahoro. Did she actually beat the clock?" commented Fode.

"The replay shows that she gave the completion signal mere ticks before time ran out, even though the judges did not acknowledge. But Hanzo saw that she had," replied Bede.

"This is not the first time Hanzo has had to step in to make a determination. The thing is that he has never been wrong on his decisions, so he has a fine eye for this as well."

After a few moments, the floor director stepped out onto the stage, speaking into a microphone. "And we are clear! OK, for the audience, this is what is happening. This is where we will later insert a commercial break but this also allows the contestants to bring their dishes up and present them to the judges. When they are set and ready to go, the last part of the taping will begin. Again, it will be done straight through, no stopping."

The medical unit came down to look at Shuboya's arm. "This is nothing," he groused. "I've been burned far worse than something this petty. Get hot oil squirted on you!" They bandaged his arm anyway and gave him a clean bill of health

As they started with Miyoka and getting her set up, Hanzo spoke to Mahoro. "I see you have eight dishes set out. We only required three."

"That is true, Hanzo-sama, but four are for the other chefs to eat and one is for you. It has been a long day and I know some of them are really hungry." Hanzo merely nodded before he silently walked away.

Mahoro set up her dishes, and put out her drinks as well. One had a white wine, another had a blush wine but the third had a hot tea. When everyone was in position, the floor director came out again. "OK, we are going to resume taping in a moment, so if I could get you all to cheer, that will be great!"

A huge roar was made as the floor director left the stage and the taping resumed. Bede spoke first. "OK, we're back for the hardest part of the competition, the judging. Our current judges are Jouichurou Wakaki, Editor-in-Chief for the Connoisseur Report; Midori Masaake, Food Critic for the Tokyo Times and Iwao Fumiayomo, author of the book 'Regional Delights of Japan'.

"The first dish is Miyoka's Stuffed Tuna Surprise," followed Fode. "Now, they will be grading in two categories: presentation and flavor. You can get up to six points per judge in each category. The points are added together for the final results, so you can get a maximum of 36 points."

"That's right, but only two chefs have ever gotten that perfect score, one being Hanzo himself in a blind tasting."

Each judge lifted the lid to look at the food. Putting the lid aside each one took a small bite of the meal, really analyzing every part of it. The second judge spoke. "This is a dish where there's nothing wrong with it, but there's nothing right about it. I feel that it just misses on a lot of areas. A few little tweaks here and there and this could be a spectacular dish, instead of a better than average one."

Miyoka was crestfallen as her numbers came up: 14.8 overall for presentation, 14.1 overall for flavor. Total points: 28.9

Next came Tanaka and his Napoleon of Tuna Tartare. Judge One spoke. "This is one of those dishes where you have to be absolutely fearless with it. It is already a hard dish to make, much less make well and I at least applaud the bravery in deciding to do it. Now, it doesn't fully succeed, but it succeeds well enough." 16.0 for presentation, 15.8 for flavor, giving him 31.8.

Shikijo's Tuna Stroganoff came up. Judge Two spoke. "Cooking is also about taking chances and doing something different. Quite honestly, I had low expectations for this to succeed. Somehow, I was made a believer. I would never have thought to do something like this, and I would like to see the recipe to try it on my own." Shikijo smiled broadly as her totals came up: 16.9 for presentation, getting one perfect 6 in the process, and a 17.1 for the flavor. Her 34.0 gave her the current lead.

Shikijo could not stop grinning. Mahoro thought, if she gets any more puffed up with herself, she is going to burst out of her outfit and Shikijo would really like that to happen.

Next came Shuboya. Judge One spoke again. "I personally have a problem with wood flavoring in foods. I want to be able to taste the food enhanced by the wood, but not be overwhelmed by the wood. I know some people really like that outdoorsy flavoring, but not everyone does. My marks reflect that."

Judge Two responded. "Well, I am one that likes a good wood back taste and I feel that this chef succeed for my palate. Yes, I will agree that not everyone cares for the wood, just like not everyone likes the big butter taste in chardonnay. I, at least, acknowledge the effort." The final totals were 16.7 for presentation, 15.4 for flavor, so he fell short at 32.1.

Then it was Mahoro's turn. The judges took off the lids and were visibly impressed with the presentation. One even did an obvious sniff of the aroma. Judge Three took his bite. He began to blink rapidly, and then he dropped his chopsticks as he rose up, gasping for breath. Everyone looked over to him as he made gurgling noises, and then crashed to the floor, passing out.

Two aides rushed to his assistance as Hanzo came over to try and help. The other judges turned to watch as they revived Judge Three. The medical staff came over to render some assistance, snapping an ammonia capsule under his nose. The judge roused himself to alertness, but was still badly dazed by everything.

The doctor spoke. "Are you OK?" he moved his finger back and forth in front of the judge to see him track it with his eyes.

"I'm fine. What happened, though?"

"You passed out. Anything wrong?"

He was given some water to drink. "Wrong? That has got to be the finest bit of tuna I have EVER eaten. EVER! I was just overwhelmed by it all." Everyone stared on in silence. In the house, Chizo was beside herself.

"I knew that. I already knew that!" She cheered and jumped up and down, her cries heard throughout the center.

The other two judges had a bite, and then stared at one another. They motioned Hanzo to come over. He saw the domed dish waiting for him. He opened it up and looked at it, then took a bite himself. Everyone held their breath in anticipation as they awaited his assessment of it. Hanzo came over to Mahoro, stared at her, and slowly took off his chef hat. Everyone gasped.

"What's happening?" asked Suguru, as Chizo stood up.

"Hanzo took off his hat! A Head Chef does not take off his hat unless to acknowledge that they are in the presence of a superior chef, and Hanzo NEVER takes off his hat."

The production booth was madness. "Camera Six, you are hot and live so get it all! Camera One, go for an over-the-shoulder two shot. Camera Four, give me a loose medium shot as well. I do not want to miss a single moment of this historic occasion."

Mahoro looked on as Hanzo took the medallion from around his neck and presented it to Mahoro, placing it around hers. The judges were unanimous in their totals.

Judge One spoke. "Everything about this is perfect. It looks marvelous; it tastes marvelous; it IS marvelous. The balance of all the flavors and spices is in total harmony."

Judge Two nodded in agreement. "This is cooking to the next level. This is a meal that would be at home in the finest restaurants anywhere in the world."

The judges stood up and began to applaud Mahoro, followed by the entire audience. The roar was deafening. Inside the production booth, the director was ecstatic.

"This is easily a Top Ten Best Ever Show. A judge passing out and Hanzo giving up his medallion. Who would have thought it?"

Hanzo took Mahoro by the hand and led her out to the center of the stage. He spoke. "I hereby declare Mahoro Ando the winner and Cooking Shogun!" The cheering and applause went on and on and on, as Mahoro deeply blushed at all this. The floor director stood to one side. He knew this conclusion was going to be taped in its full glory.

When the clapping finally died down, the floor director came out and declared, "And we are out! Thank you, Hiryu!" More cheering came forth. He continued. "Now comes the boring part of the show, putting everything away and cleaning up. So, unless you really want to get roped into winding up miles and miles of cable, this would be an excellent time to sneak out in an orderly manner. Again, the entire staff of the Cooking Shogun Roadshow wishes to thank you all for the depth of your hospitality and in giving us a particularly fine show.

"You will be advised as to its airdate, but we are expecting some time in November. Again, thank you all." He bowed to them as more cheering was heard.

Everyone was taken backstage, but Hanzo stopped Mahoro for a moment. "How would you like to work for me at the Blade?"

Mahoro's eyes opened wide. "Hanzo-sama, this is indeed a great honor, but I have to politely decline. There is one here who has need of me, and I must stay with him." She bowed.

He nodded. "I admire your dedication. Should the day come that you no longer wish to be a maid, there is a standing offer to come work with me at the Blade."

"I am deeply touched."

Hanzo smiled. "Well, there is still a lot of clean-up work to be done. Let us take a little breather and finish up the rest of the day." Holding out his arm, he motioned for her to go before him into the back stage area, which she did.

MAHORO'S SYSTEM WILL CEASE TO FUNCTION IN 349 DAYS

End Notes

One difficulty for me is the titles for these tales. What should I do? Should I come up with my own titles (or, in this case, a humorous rip-off of Philip K. Dick?) or stick to titles that are closer in nature to actual chapter headings in the manga?

My concern is that there is a lyricism in those titles that I may not be able to fully match and is it even necessary to do so? I mean, the majority of those titles have "maid" in them (except for the "light" series in Book Three) and you kind of run dry in the creative title area, locked into that word.

Having been a TV Major (but unable to get a job in the medium) I do have an idea of the madness that can happen with this type of situation, although this isn't anything near true madness. Again, you want to flatten it out slightly and keep it simple so you don't get bored reading it. The action is in front of the camera, not behind.

For those who are interested, here is the full recipe Mahoro used.

Ahi Tuna with Curried Summer Squash, Chayote Slaw, and Coconut Cream

Recipe courtesy Kevin Cullen, Good Fellow's, MN

Curried Summer Squash: Recipe Summary

3 medium summer squash, peeled Difficulty: Difficult
1/2 sweet onion, sliced Prep Time: 45 minutes
2 cloves garlic sliced Cook Time: 10 minutes
1/4 cup grapeseed oil Yield: 6 servings
1/2 tablespoon curry powder
2 kaffir lime leaves
6 ounces coconut milk
18 ounces chicken stock
1 teaspoon ginger juice
Salt
1 teaspoon ground cumin

Coconut Cream: Ahi Tuna:
6 ounces heavy cream 12 ounces ahi tuna loin
6 ounces coconut milk 12 Thai basil leaves
1/4 cup toasted coconut

Chayote Slaw: Ahi Poke:
1 cup julienned chayote squash 5 ounces diced ahi
1 cup julienned canary melon 1 teaspoon sesame oil
1 tablespoon sesame seeds (toasted) 1 tablespoon sliced scallion
2 ounces orange reduction Salt

Curried Squash: Place sliced squash, onion, and garlic into a saucepan and sweat with grapeseed oil. Stir in curry powder, add lime leaves, coconut milk, and stock. Simmer for 5 to 8 minutes. Remove lime leaves and blend. Finish by seasoning with ginger juice, salt, and ground cumin. Chill.

Chayote Slaw: Toss all ingredients together and season with salt.

Ahi Poke: Toss together in a bowl. Chill.

Coconut Cream: Reduce cream. Add milk and reduce. Add toasted coconut. Chill.

Ahi Tuna: Char the tuna loin in a wok, remove from a pan, and let rest. Place poke, charred tuna (sliced) and slaw in a bowl. Pour in squash puree and garnish with coconut cream and basil.