Things are only going to get worse for Taylor before they get better. So, don't hate me. Please? Bah, I hate that I chose Seth as the bad guy. D: it's currently becoming difficult to write him as a terrible guy.

Chapter 7

My whole life has consisted of me pining for someone's attention. I've just wanted someone to be there, for them to actually care. I needed someone to care. I needed the attention so bad that I sought it out in all the wrong places. Seth Cohen.

He gave me the attention I so craved even if it came from punches and kicks. He still paid a tiny bit of attention to me and that is all that mattered. But now none of that matters. Now I'm all alone. Alone to face everything. With no one by my side.

You'd think my mother would have an ounce of sympathy that her only child almost died. But she doesn't. No she's giving me this death glare as I smooth down my hair. She doesn't even ask how it happened or why I was bleeding. The nurse already told her apparently. She then made a comment about not having to worry about an abortion now. I couldn't believe she'd say a thing like that. Sometimes I just wanted to scream at her. Tell her everything that I've kept bottled up for the past few years. Heck, I'd tell her everything she's done wrong with raising me. She's the reason I had to lean on this guy because he paid attention to me. She's the reason I'm having trouble walking out of the hospital. She signs the release forms quickly and walks ahead of me. She's telling me to speed up. I don't. No instead I take my time. If I go any faster I'll pass out. My phone is currently ringing. I don't know what to do. It's Ryan. I know I should answer it. So I do. I'm hoping he apologizes or something. Anything but yelling.

"Hey." I hear a deep breath on the other side of the line. He didn't think I was going to answer. "I'm sorry. I don't know what else to say. Sorry just sums up what I am." He says quickly. I smile still walking to the car behind my mother. Who seems to be having a conversation with herself. I always knew she was crazy. Maybe that's where I get it all from. Who am I kidding, of course that's where I get it from! "Sorry works." I say simply as we approach the car. "Good. I'll see you at school Monday?" He asks. I'm about to tell him no when my mother clicks her tongue waiting for me to get into the car. "Can I call you back later?" I ask quickly trying to get the conversation over with as quickly as possible. "Yeah, of course." And with that we hang up.

"Who was that?" She asks once we're settled. "A friend." I shrug hoping she doesn't ask more questions. She lets out a laugh at the fact that I'd have friends. She then proceeds to tell me I'm looking a little plump. I roll my eyes at her. She doesn't see it so she just keeps going on. I tune her out. Then I realize she's telling me that it's unacceptable that I bled on her floor. She tells me it took the help forever to clean up.

Now I'm currently curled up in a fetal position in my bed. I text Ryan and tell him that I need to see him. I need him close to me. I want him close. I need to know at least someone cares. My mom has left the house for two days. She said that I cut her vacation short so she's going to spend the next two days a spa. Apparently I've stressed her out.

Once Ryan is in my house I cling on to him for dear life. He's telling me everything is going to be okay. He's wrong. He's more than wrong. I want to tell him not to lie to me. I want to ask him why he believes things will be okay. But I know that asking won't help anything.

"I'm tired." I tell him breaking away from him embrace. "Alright." He pushes the hair out of my face. "Stay with me while I sleep?" I ask shyly. He bites his lip slightly before nodding.

"Wait, do you have somewhere you need to be? I'm sorry if I'm taking up your time. Oh God, I'm clingy. You show an ounce of care and I'm all over you…" I ramble but he cuts me off with his lips.

The kiss is soft and loving. Loving. What a terrible word. Love doesn't exist. Seth Cohen showed me that. "I want to be here for you." He says quietly taking my hand and guiding me upstairs.

"Thanks, Ryan but if you have somewhere to go I don't want to keep you." I say.

"I'm right where I'm supposed to be." He's avoiding my statement. I can tell he has something else to do but it comforts me to know he'd rather be with me.

I crawl into my bed pulling him along with me. He kicks his shoes off and moves in next to me. He wraps his arm around me as I cuddle next to him. This what I need. This is exactly what's going to help me through all of this. Ryan. He's everything I need right now. I drift off to sleep and I swear I've never slept so good in my entire life. I wake up to Ryan's eyes on me. "Hi." I smile at him. He smiles back and gently puts his hand on my cheek.

"Hi." He leans in and kisses me softly on my lips. "What time is it?" I ask after we break apart.

"Around 10 pm." He says. "You should go home. You know you have a class to teach in the morning." Truthfully I don't want him to leave but I know he can't stay here overnight. After all he is still married. Oh and not to mention he's my teacher! "You sure?" He asks. I can see he's tired. I realize that he's stayed up the entire time I've been sleeping which happened to be 4 hours.

"Yeah, I'll be okay. But I don't think I'll be at school tomorrow." I tell him. He frowns. "I understand. I'll text you when I get home to make sure you're okay." He kisses my forehead before slipping out of my bed. "Thanks. You didn't have to stay but I'm really glad you did." I sit up and bite my lip. He nods and now he's out of my room. I lay back smiling.

Then I'm alone with my thoughts and suddenly I become depressed. I want him back next to me but I know that's not possible. Oh God. There it is. The I can stop thinking about him thing that I don't believe in.

Suddenly I look up and see Seth. I panic and shift uncomfortably in my bed. He walks over and sits down with his back to me.

"I know I don't deserve your forgiveness. I did after all do what I promised myself I wouldn't. I'm going to change, Taylor. I promise you, I will." He twisted around and looked at me. I don't know what to say. I see something in his eyes that I've never seen before.

"Do you love me?" I ask gulping knowing that if his answer is yes I will stick with him. Give him another chance. "I think so." He reaches for my hand. I flinch. "Then I'll give you one more chance, Seth." I close my eyes tightly fighting back the tears that are about to surface.

"Thank you, Taylor. I need you." Oh God, there it was. The one thing I've always wanted to hear. But it's not coming from the right person. I look up at him and give him a weak smile. He leans back and pulls me close to him. This is different.

"Why the sudden change?" I ask as he pulls his hand through my hair. He just shrugs.

I'm suddenly regretting this. He's not going to change. I know he isn't. In a matter of days I'll be hit again. But I can't not give him this chance. Him holding me is nothing like Ryan. I don't feel protected. I feel like I'm in danger. I know I should push him away and tell him to leave. I can't. I don't know why but I just can't. I can't fall asleep again. I look up and realize Seth is sleeping so I slip out of his arms and grab my cell phone before slipping out of my room.

"Hey beautiful." He answers. I'm smiling and I know I should tell him that Seth is currently in my bed sleeping. I should tell him that I'm stupid and I'm giving the ass another chance.

"Ryan, I think I just made a terrible mistake." I say quickly. I suddenly want to curl up into a ball and forget the world. "Why? What happened?" He asks. He sounds upset. He cares.

"Seth's here. He…uhm…he apologized." I say. I can tell he's mad. I don't know how I can tell. I just can.

"I can't believe you." Yeah, he's mad. But I don't want him to be mad. This is my decision. He hung up on me. I'm alone, again.