Chapter 9

I'm sitting across from Seth at lunch. He's talking on and on about something his dad had told him that morning. I'm really not paying attention. Instead I'm glancing over at my teacher. The same guy who I had admitted I had feelings for. He's eating lunch with another teacher. A woman. Suddenly I'm jealous. She looks young. I watch as she laughs and puts her hand lightly on Ryan's arm. I don't notice but I'm scowling at them.

"Taylor." Seth waves his hand in front of my face snapping me back to reality. "Hmm?" I question looking directly at him. "You know it's not healthy to crush on someone who would never like you back." I stare at him in disbelief. So much for trying to change. "Oh, and your want of Summer Roberts is healthy?" I snap back.

"Taylor." He groaned not denying his feelings for Summer. "No Seth. That's not fair. I am not crushing on my teacher!" I say a little too loudly. I know this only because Ryan looks over at me with a strange expression on his face. I bury my head in my hands before pulling them away and looking up at Seth.

"Whatever, I'm going to class." Seth says bitterly before standing up and walking away from me. I take a deep breath and lean back in my chair.

Suddenly Summer Roberts is sitting in the seat that was occupied by Seth only seconds before. "You were totally in that closet with Mr. Atwood." My eyes widen when she says this. I look around to make sure she said it low enough. "What are you talking about, Summer?" I lower my voice so only she could hear.

"I saw, Taylor. I was coming out of the bathroom." I watched in disbelief as Summer folded her arms across her chest. "You don't know what you're talking about." I go to stand up.

"I won't tell. Under one condition." I couldn't believe this girl. I took a deep breath and motioned for her to go on. "You dump Seth Cohen." Summer smiled. "You need to be careful with him, Summer." I tell her.

"I know what I'm doing Taylor. Just like you know what you're doing. So do we have a deal?" She raised an eyebrow at me. I closed my eyes and glanced over at Ryan before looking back at her. "Okay." I nod and look down at my feet. "Thanks." Summer smiles. "Yeah…but be careful. Okay?" I try to smile at her. "Of course. My lips are sealed about Mr. Hottie." Summer says before standing up and walking away.

I lean back in my chair and close my eyes. This is my out. This is my way away from Seth Cohen. And I'm about to take it and run with it. I take my phone out of my bag and text Seth. I tell him to come by after school. That I need to talk to him. I can do this. I can finally do this.

Seth's standing in front of me now. All through my classes the rest of the day I've been going over and over again in my head what I should say to him exactly. Seth is giving me this strange look as I stand in front of him and fidget with my hands.

"What's going on?" He asks walking around me and into the living room. I turn around and watch him sit down on the couch. I can do this. "We need to talk." Oh God. The worst line in the freaking book besides 'it's not you it's me.' No, that doesn't go for this situation it's more like 'it's not me it's you.'

"I think I know where this is going." He stands up and I suddenly don't feel so good. "You are not allowed to break up with me. Do you hear me?" And he grabs my wrist forcefully. I wince and close my eyes. This is not happening.

"Seth…" I plead trying to get my wrist away from his grip.

"No!" He grabs the other and presses his fingers down tightly bruising my skin. "Please let go." I try. "You are not allowed!" He growls and pulls me into him. I don't want this. I want him to let go of me.

"Seth, it's just not working." I say opening my eyes and looking up at him. He looks mad. He's angry and I know what's all about to happen. I don't want it to happen. I am so stupid. I should have know he'd never change. I should have known! He pushes me forcefully up against the closest wall.

"It is working, damnit!" He screams at me. He's got my wrists pinned up against the wall. "How?" I demand. "I love you, Taylor!" He yells in my face. I look at him. "Tell me you love me!" I can't. I can't tell him because I don't love him! I shake my head. He pushes me into the wall again. "Say it!" He says loudly.

"I love you, Ryan!" Oh God. I did not just say that. My eyes are wide as I realize that I didn't say Seth, I said Ryan. "What did you just say?" Seth's voice breaks. His eyes are as wide as mine. "I…I…" I didn't know what to tell him. I couldn't say I loved him. It wasn't true, so I couldn't do it.

"Who is Ryan?" He asked me slamming my body harder into the wall behind me. I winced a little. "Let go of me!" I screamed struggling trying to get my wrists out of his grip. Suddenly I don't feel his skin on mine. Not for another few seconds. Then I feel the all too familiar sting. I gasp.

"You promised!" I screamed and pushed him away from my with all of my might. "Yeah, well that was before you said some other guys name!" He pushed me back. I fell back against the wall again hitting my head harshly.

"Summer asked me to dump you, Seth! She said she likes you!" I yelled just wanting this all to be over. For him to leave. For good.

"What?" He stops his hand mid slap. He's looking at me strangely. "She likes you…she asked me to break up with you. I just want you to be happy. You're not happy with me." I totally lied about just wanting him to be happy. Truth really is I could care less if he's happy or not. "So…this is over?" He asks. I want to laugh in his face and say it's not soon enough. This should have happened months ago.

"Yeah, Seth. It's over." I whisper giving him a weak smile. He nods and sticks his hands in his front pockets.

"I…" He starts but I cut him off. "It's fine, Seth. I always knew you liked her. I was her replacement. Just…don't hurt her Seth. Love her like she deserves." I tell him. "Taylor, is Ryan that teacher guy?" Seth questions. I shake my head no.

"You don't know Ryan." I tell him. Oh God, this is a terrible lie. A terrible lie that I can just tell is going to bite me in the ass one of these days.

"Oh, okay. Uhm, take care of yourself then." He nods before stepping away from me and out of my house. He's gone. Finally. I take a deep breath and slide down the wall and sit with my knee's propped up against my chest. I pull my cell phone out of my pocket and call Ryan.