"Dirty Thoughts Are…….Not Always Bad"
by Furor Scribendi
2008 Scribendi Productions
October 26th
Mahoro slowly roused herself from bed. Getting up in the morning always seemed an arduous task for her. She would have liked to sleep in, but being a maid means getting everyone and everything ready for the day. Suguru had to…..then she remembered.
Suguru was gone for a few days at a Buddhist memorial service in Kyushu. In effect, she had a kind of vacation, free to do as she wished.
But there would be no vacation for her. Running the Misato household required constant vigilance, lest an errant dust bunny or creeping cobweb infiltrate. It took almost a full two weeks to clean up the house when she first got here, so she was not going to slack off, even for a moment.
Mahoro got herself ready for the day. Arising from the bed, she changed into her maid uniform and made sure everything on it was perfect, right down to the proper placement of her little headpiece. Once that was settled, she strode into the kitchen with confidence, to make breakfast for herself and to feed both Slash and Guri.
It was a simple breakfast for herself, as she didn't wish to make too much of a mess. Slash sauntered in and looked about.
"Well, as least you didn't have the huge amount of food today that you had yesterday," Slash commented.
"I just forgot that Suguru was away and I prepared like I always do. A growing boy needs a substantial meal to get him going in the morning." She sighed. "I really expected Shikijo-sensei to show up yesterday as well."
"I thought you didn't like her," muttered Slash.
"There is nothing wrong with her, but I just wish she would lead her own life. She can't come here every night for a free meal and a bath. But….." Mahoro trailed off.
"But what?" probed Slash.
"Nothing. Nothing at all. Breakfast is all done and it is time to clean the house!"
"But you cleaned it yesterday. There is nothing left to clean. It's a lovely day. Why don't you take Suguru-san's advice and get out of the house."
Mahoro looked horrified. "That is not my place as a maid. I have a solemn duty to keep this house clean and presentable, in case Suguru comes back early or any of his friends drop by. What would he think if I let the house go? What would the neighbor's think? Besides, I didn't get a chance to really clean Suguru's room."
"This wouldn't be an excuse to look for more ecchi, would it?"
The hair horns on the side of her head went upright at the mere thought of that. "Dirty thoughts are bad, you know that, but I respect Suguru's decision to get rid of it all, as he has told me."
Slash said nothing. As if he would ever get rid of that, he mused.
After feeding Guri, Mahoro got out the vacuum cleaner and began to tidy up. She eventually got to Suguru's room. It was trim and neat, as she had at least made up the bed just after Suguru's departure, but she was going to do a more thorough cleaning, so when he came back, it would be immaculate.
With the floor free of books and clothing, it was easier to keep it in order. Over at the desk, she pulled out the chair and vacuumed underneath, but she banged the side of the vacuum head against the inside of the desk.
A largish brown bag came out of nowhere and landed on the vacuum. Mahoro shut off the machine and picked up the bag.
"Hmmm. A magazine of some ilk," she mumbled. As she started to take it out of the bag, she read the title "'The Bounteous Maid at Work'. Ecchi." She let the magazine slide back into the bag, placed it on the bed and examined the desk area.
She looked about to see how the bag was attached to the underside of the drawer. The adhesive just didn't hold it well enough. She moved things out of the way and began to take apart the desk, looking under the drawers, behind the panels; she even moved the desk to see if he had hidden anything against the wall.
She took out each and every item, to make sure he wasn't hiding magazines within other things, but that proved to be a dead end. The only magazine she could find was the one in the bag. After she restored the desk to its proper condition, she picked up the bag and withdrew the magazine fully.
Mahoro stared at the cover for a few moments, her eyes getting wider. She felt herself getting dizzy, dropped the magazine and began to back up. Too stunned by events, she tripped over the vacuum and crashed to the floor, certain as to what she really saw but unwilling to acknowledge it completely.
She lay there for a few minutes, splayed out on the floor, trying to collect her wits. This was something she had never seen before and was not really prepared as what to do next. Once she worked up the nerve, she went back to the magazine and studied the cover.
On the front was a rather busty maid, in an outfit that could barely conceal her burgeoning womanhood. But that wasn't the problem. She had confiscated enough of Suguru's ecchi to have seen busty women before. She had even looked at the Riho Asaoka magazine that Ryuga gave back to him. This was far worse than anything.
The woman in the maid's uniform looked exactly like her! Even the uniform was an exact duplicate of hers, right down to the red brooch that was in the pink ascot. It was, for her, looking into a mirror.
She opened the magazine nervously to see the maid going through her chores, but this maid was rather "clumsy". Her dress got caught in a drawer and it was lifted up, so one could see her blue striped underwear, just like Mahoro wore. In washing the windows, she got herself sopping wet and the blouse clung tightly to her, revealing every curve of her fulsome figure.
Mahoro was less interested in whatever circumstances forced the maid out of her uniform and more as to how it was HER in those circumstances. Thousands of thoughts swirled about her head, as she was not ever expecting something like this.
There was a kind of distance with the ecchi, as it was, for the most part, anonymous women in nude and semi-nude poses. This one was completely different. Was this how Suguru saw her? An object of…desire? Lewd thoughts? Craven needs?
She somehow managed to get the magazine back into the bag, but left it on the bed. Wrapping up the vacuum and putting it away, she wondered what to do next. A walk? Yes, a walk. Get out of the house and let an autumn morning help her with this.
As she came downstairs, Slash looked up at her. "Is something wrong?" he asked.
"I…I'm done here, so I think I WILL take Suguru's advice and take some time off." She took her bag and started to go. "Perhaps something interesting will be at the marketplace." Slash watched her leave.
"There is something very wrong with Mahoro, but I can't quite determine what it is."
Mahoro began to walk, with no aim or purpose in mind. She was acutely aware that ALL the women on the streets about her were rather busty, almost leering at her with their largeness. That cannot be, she thought, but that was the impression she got. I must be imagining things.
The bigger question was not Suguru's treasures, as he called them, but what to do about all this. She could not ignore it, for that would allow him to accumulate even more ecchi. She could merely confiscate it and store it with the rest of the items, but he might shrug it off. She would have to confront him, but what else could she say that she hadn't said before? She needed something that would really drive home her feelings about all this improper behavior. But whatever plan she came up with, she knew it just wouldn't work
Before she realized it, she had been walking for nearly four hours, jolted back to reality by her growling stomach. She looked at a nearby clock for the time. "Is it THAT late? Have I lost that much time?"
Scanning about, she found herself in front of a noodle shop, the Aoshima Flats. Standing in the doorway was the owner, in his hat and apron, who was looking at her. He started to smile, and then he clouded over.
"Oh, I know that face."
Mahoro stared at the man. "Excuse me, but do I…..know you?"
"No, we have never met, but I recognize that expression on your face. That is the look of hurt, of disappointment, of, dare I say it, betrayal? Someone you care about has done something they promised they would not do again and now, you have uncovered the deception."
Mahoro was impressed as his deducting skills. "Is it that obvious?"
"Yes, it is. And you are uncertain what to do next. Well, you know what to do next, but you are uncertain as to how to do it. One thing I will tell you: you cannot make a decision like that on an empty stomach. Come in and have some lunch." Gesturing her onwards, Mahoro entered the shop.
It was a clean and tidy place and the smell of cooking noodles greeted her. He sat her down at the counter and came around to the other side. "My name is Pops and I run this shop. Finest in town."
"I am Mahoro." She bowed her head.
"Now, I do more here than make noodles, I also dispense wisdom and help people and I am going to tell you what you need to do about your problem. Three simple steps. One. Two. Three." He counted down his fingers while saying that.
"But…you do not know what the problem is," protested Mahoro.
"I don't have to. My advise will still help your greatly. Step one…" Just then, Mahoro made another grumbling stomach roar. "Step one is to…eat something! You make another growl like that and you'll scare away my customers. They might think some wild beast is loose in here, ready to render them limb from limb!"
Mahoro laughed as Pops smiled. "See, you are slowly starting to feel better. Now what would you like?"
She did feel a bit better. Mahoro looked about and saw the Specialty Royal King Special banner. She pointed to that.
Pops rolled his eyes. "Well, you may be hungry, but are you that hungry? That is large enough to feed 10 people. In fact, we have a contest going. If you order one of those and you can eat it all in less than 60 minutes, it's free! In all the years I have been in operation, only nine people have been able to beat the deadline. The current King, or Queen in this case, is one Saori Shikijo."
"What?!" Mahoro's eyes bugged out. The noodleman pointed to a poster in the corner. Leering out at her was Shikijo, looking most satisfied with her accomplishment and her time of 38 minutes, 5 seconds.
"Then I want the Specialty Royal King."
"How can a mere slip of a girl like you eat something that large? OK, as long as you understand the rules. My assistant will prepare it. Yoshi! We have another Royal on the throne!"
"Hai!" and a great clattering was heard in back. As it was being prepared, Pops continued to speak to Mahoro.
"Now, while we have time, let us discuss your situation. After Step One is accomplished, you've had a good meal; Step Two is…..go home and take a bath."
"A bath?" Mahoro looked puzzled.
"A bath. For you will wash away the symbolic despair that besets your soul, sending it down the drain with the rest of the grime and soot that befoul you. Soak in that bath, letting all your anxieties and fears leech away. Once cleansed of your distress, purified and restored, now comes Step Three…..a nap."
But, I can't afford to take a nap!" protested Mahoro.
Pops help up a finger. "You can't afford NOT to take a nap! Just as the lunch energizes your body, and the shower energizes your soul, the nap energizes your spirit. Yes, for whatever emotional trauma that has occurred, you cannot think clearly, as it weighs you down. A nap will help with that. A nice, warm, quiet bed, the chirping birds singing you a lullaby, will drift you away from your concerns.
"Then, with your body nourished, your soul cleansed and your mind clear, you are at your best to tackle the problem before you. You may even find a solution that you had not previously seen, but it will resolve the situation to everyone's satisfaction."
DING! A bell chimed and Pops brightened up. "It is ready." He turned about and brought to her an absolutely huge bowl, large enough to take a bath in. Mahoro was greeted with a happy cloud of delicate fragrances. She was about to start eating when Pops halted her. "We have to do this right." He pulled out a chess timer, both clocks set to 12.
"When you are ready, I will start the timer. You will have 60 minutes to finish the entire meal. When you are done, and that is COMPLETELY done, you will tap the switch on the top of the clock and it will stop the time. Are you ready?"
Mahoro smiled. "I am ready."
"Then begin," and Pops started the clock.
Mahoro started to eat but was impressed with the noodles. "How did you get these noodles just right?" she asked.
"Balance. Everything in life is balance. You have to make the noodles so they are just tender enough to be eaten easily, but not so tender they have lost all form, but not too hard that is it chewy. Everything must be in balance.
"You can have wonderful noodles, but if your soup portion is too salty or too spicy, you cannot enjoy the noodles. You can have the most exquisite soup, with just enough spices and vegetables, but if the noodles are rubber bands, it all falls apart.
"The vegetables need to be done properly, so they are at the peak of flavor, giving you that crunchy softness, if you understand that caliber of contradiction. It's all balance. Then it has to be presented correctly. Too little soup and you have land masses of noodles, looming upwards like great ranges. Too much soup and everything drowns. 'Help me. I cannot swim! Glub, glub'.
"Do the spices enhance or overwhelm? Is there so little taste, do you ask 'Is there a flavor embargo somewhere? Must I fax Tokyo for permission to add the tiniest portion of sea salt, please?'"
Mahoro laughed at that one as she feasted. She would have to figure out his recipe, as it was so delectable. Pops continued on as Mahoro ate. She saw Yoshi in back, looking bored. Obviously he had heard this speech many times, but Pops was a compelling talker.
"Balance is the key; it has always been the key, in all that you do. There are some who may not able to taste the subtle hint of cardamom in the ramen, but they sense it. They may not understand the crispness of the snow peas, but they appreciate it. Whenever I make a meal, I want the diner to look down at the meal and say…." Pops paused as he looked down at Mahoro's bowl. A look of consternation crossed his face. "…where is it?"
Mahoro looked up. "That's an odd thing to say."
Pops began to look about to see if someone else was in the store, but it was just the three of them. He came out from behind the counter and looked all about: up, down, back, forth, over and under. Mahoro watched his actions "Is there a problem? What are you looking for?"
"Your hollow leg. I mean, it's gone, it's all gone and in…" He looked up at the timer. "30 minutes?! LESS than 30 minutes?" He grabbed the timer and stared at it. "29 minutes, 47 seconds? Yoshi? YOSHI!"
A voice came from the back. "I saw her eat each and every portion. It was all her. You just talk too much." Pops shrugged as he came back around.
"Then we have a new champion. Less than 30 minutes?" He put his hand underneath the counter and retrieved a digital camera. "Please come over here so I may take your picture and enshrine you." Mahoro got up and headed over to the wall, where Pops took the picture. "This will go up at the end of the day, Mahoro….."
"Ando." She bowed to Pops. "Thank you for all you have told me. I will do as you suggest." She took her bag and left for home.
Pops scratched his head. "Where did she put it all? No one has ever gotten close to 30 minutes. Even for Saori, it was a push."
She got herself home quickly to do as Pops had asked. Heading upstairs, she prepared the hot bath for herself. The waters did as he said it would, as she felt it float away her anxieties, her doubts and her fears. After toweling off, she got into her pajamas and crawled into bed. She felt kind of odd, doing this, but the bed was cozy and she heard the birds twittering outside the window, singing their happy songs…………
Mahoro found herself on the battlefield, dressed in her warrior uniform. A giant android came up from behind, but it was far too slow to get to her. Leaping and looping, her Shining Darkness charged up, she made short work of that one. More androids blasted up from the ground and tried to destroy her, but they were no match. They were never a real match for her. Methodically, all were turned into smoldering scrap.
She stood alone, surveying the damage as Slash came up. He was wary.
"One more is still out there," Slash said, ready to attack, looking about.
"Yes, I felt it too and…" From the corner of her eye, she saw a black form, charging them at incredible speed. She managed to get out of the way, knocking them both to one side, as a line of energy tore up the ground where they were standing.
"That was too close. Can you track it?" asked Slash.
Mahoro looked around. "Just about…..NOW!" Propelling herself skyward, she aimed for a spot where there was nothing. At the apogee of her leap, she let loose with her attack and the black form, stunned, fell to earth like a meteorite, crashing with a smoky blast.
Mahoro alighted as the black form got to their feet. "Turn around and face me!" Mahoro yelled. The form did just that.
Mahoro gaped to see that it was her, in her maid uniform, but this one had two differences. The first was a very evil grin, with sinister eyes that stared out, burning through her. The other was her bust line, just like in the magazine, full and bouncy.
Mahoro Maid said nothing, but charged up her Shining Darkness. Mahoro Warrior did the same, and then they ran towards one another. When they got close, they cut loose and attacked, each blocking most of the blows. When they broke away from each other, Mahoro Warrior noticed that Mahoro Maid had some of her outfit shredded. No real cutting blows landed, but the uniform was in tatters, exposing a left leg and part of her right side.
They attacked again and again and again, with neither side gaining the upper hand. After one particularly vicious assault, they leapt into the air and landed to face each other. Mahoro Maid now stood, with her outfit in shreds, defiant and just as evil. She rearranged what was left of her uniform, noticing that the right sleeve bunched at the wrist, the apron was riddled with holes and the hemline was not much more than fringe. She spoke, the sarcasm oozing from her.
"You cannot win. You cannot ever hope to defeat me. I will come back stronger and stronger. Here, I will prove it. Cut me. Come over and cut me, if you can!" She put her arms out towards her sides, leaving herself wide open for an attack.
Mahoro Warrior charged and delivered a slashing blow that cut her across the middle, cleaving her in two. She landed and turned about to see Mahoro Maid still standing. All she had succeeded in doing was removing the last of the uniform, so she stood in her underwear.
"There is nothing you can do that can hurt me or best me or bring me to my knees. I am the one enemy you cannot top. I will always win out, impervious and eternal." She thrust herself out with a great flourish, so Mahoro Warrior would understand her power.
Mahoro Warrior gave a knowing smile. "I need not best you on the battlefield to defeat you. Victory comes in many forms and I'll show you." Charging up Shining Darkness, they both sprinted towards each other as fast and as hard as they could. They collided in a blinding white ball of energy and power………
Mahoro awoke from her dream, and then looked over to the clock. A mere 30 minutes had passed for her nap. Normally when she got up, she was groggy, but this time, she felt fabulous. She lay there, calm and sedate, watching the lazy afternoon sun stream into the bedroom, the birds still happily chirping away. She knew exactly what to do.
Mahoro got herself ready for the day. Arising from the bed, she changed into her maid uniform and made sure everything on it was perfect, right down to the proper placement of her little headpiece. Once that was settled, she strode into Surugu's room with confidence.
The magazine bag was still lying upon the bed. She retrieved it and went to Surugu's desk. Sitting down, she opened the drawer and removed a rubber band, a sheet of paper and a pen. Writing in a firm hand, she composed a brief note. Removing the magazine from the bag, she looked through it one more time.
"That has got to be the worst dusting job I have ever seen," she commented. Closing the magazine, she looped the rubber band about the magazine so it fit snug, but didn't cut into it, placed the note on the cover, held in by the band, and returned it to the bag.
She crawled under the desk to replace the bag in its location, replaced the chair and made sure everything was perfect. Then she left the room and went downstairs to the garden.
Over at the doghouse, Slash and Guri were sleeping. Slash stirred. "Are you OK? Do you need something?"
She shook her head 'no' while she smiled broadly. "I'm fine. Everything is just fine. What would you like for dinner?"
MAHORO'S SYSTEMS WILL CEASE TO FUNCTION IN 267 DAYS
End NotesOne of the driving forces in Mahoro's life is her pursuit of ecchi. Now, ecchi appears to be something more than just porn, but seems to describes a caliber of cheesecake, much like what Playboy Magazine was like prior to 1969 (before they included pubic hair in their photography).
The limited examples shown in both manga and anime have the women definitely naked, but with a strategically placed item covering their groin or lounging in underpants or a leg up in a coy manner. Their breasts, however, are out there for all to see.
Although I know Dr. Memory (a fellow Mahoromatic writer) has done a story where Mahoro is compelled to examine her feelings about ecchi, I felt that it should be driven closer to home, something much more personal. This is partially based on an incident I was involved in many moons ago. A girl I was sweet on in high school was thought to have posed for an adult magazine, as the foldout looked just like her. I knew it wasn't her, but even she admitted that if she had a twin sister, it would be a close match. (I owned said magazine until I was married.)
The dream sequence was interesting to me. At first, I was going to have Mahoro fight a nameless entity, eventually defeating her and realizing later it was her as the maid, but that seemed too typical. No, it is better that you face your fear; an aspect of your personality that mocks and torments you with the very thing that generates your dread.
Now, one problem I have with men's magazines is that they put the women in odd situations or having them mouth the most vacuous crap, which creates an unsettling juxtaposition. Certainly, as a maid, you can run afoul of all kinds of appliances and situations, and chaos ensues. (I personally would have enjoyed describing the problems in greater detail, but it's bad enough I am skating with a "T" rating, so I don't want to push things too hard.)
Ahhh, the note. What did she write? Let's face it, I'm a lazy writer. If I can have you, the reader, fill in the gaps, then I don't have to work all that hard at things and I have more time for drinking beer. Besides, if I actually tell you what she wrote, you may come back with "What a load of stale noodles! I could write better than that!" And you're probably right. So, this is your chance to write that note.
What could she say that would really drive home the point? Will Suguru examine his feelings about ecchi, about Mahoro, about himself? I leave that to you.
Why did I choose October 26th for this tale? October 27th is when she and Saori kind of have a Girls Day Together. In the manga, Saori learns that Mahoro has bested her at the restaurant (and that is presented as a real piece of news. Since Saori eats there often, it makes sense) and she tries again with the feast, but cannot beat that time. Mahoro shows up and, being bored, they go to a pachinko parlor (where Mahoro kicks major tush) followed with a night of boozing where things REALLY get odd.
What gets even odder is that there is a SECOND restaurant that has done the same trick, calling their super meal The Rocket. Again, Saori has been bested by Mahoro (who consumed it in less than 30 minutes), but Mahoro herself is beaten by Minawa, who is a whole minute better.
Also, with Suguru out of the house, it allows a situation like this to occur. This was my only genuine day to make it all fit in proper, especially prior to the Halloween story. (More on that later.)