After a seemingly endless time of crying there simply seemed no more tears left to cry. Lana continued to heave dry sobs, her body shaking, clinging to Bishop, her face buried in his chest. It still hurt so much.

Bishop continued to hold her, stroking her hair, murmuring soothing nonsense into her ear.

Oh gods, it hurts.

And suddenly, she just could not take it any more. She only wanted the hurting to stop, if only for a while. Wanted to forget.

She lifted her head, blinking the tears out of her eyes. Bishop looked down at her, a concerned expression on his face.

"Are you..." he started, but the sentence ended in a surprised "hmmmph" sort of noise when she pressed her mouth to his. He drew back, staring at her with wide, uncertain eyes.

She reached out with a shaking hand, grabbing his neck, trying to pull him to her. "Please", she whispered.

The uncertainty vanished from his eyes. He lowered her to her blankets, following her down, starting to cover her face with soft kisses, kissing away the tears. He stretched next to her, drawing her close, his hand tangling in her hair, stroking her neck, while his mouth found hers for a tender kiss.

Impatiently, she started ripping at his clothes and heard him inhale sharply, but he complied, shaking off his clothing and then slowly, hesitatingly he started to undress her as well. Not able to stand the slowness, she quickly discarded her clothes as well, then drew him back to her. He kissed her again while his hands softly, lovingly began to explore her body. She could not bear it.

Casavir hat been that gentle, that tender.

She gripped the soft hair in his neck roughly, burying her teeth in his lip. He gasped in surprise and tried to draw back, but she did not let go of his hair, holding him fast, her eyes firmly closed so that she would not have to look at him.

"Don't", she said hoarsely. "Don't be soft. Make me forget. Please. I want to forget."

She felt him go rigid for a second, but then his mouth was back on hers with a bruising kiss. She moaned and opened her lips under his and his tongue tangled with hers for a moment while his body pressed her into the ground. Then his mouth wandered down and she could feel him everywhere, licking and sucking and biting, and there was nothing gentle about it anymore.

Gradually, thoughts and memories fled her mind, as she writhed under him. Then he slid upwards again, and she was ready for him, crying out hoarsely as he started moving in her, but it still was not enough.

She dug her nails into his back. "Harder", she gasped. "Please..."

He growled into her ear, a feral noise that sent goose bumps down her back, and increased his speed and force until she could not think anymore, there was nothing but the feel of his body, and her mind went blissfully blank. She cried out, clinging to him, urging him on, until he shuddered and called her name and collapsed onto her.

She lay still, his body pressing her down, and she was still breathing heavily and just enjoying the tingle left behind, the peace she found in her mind for a while. Somewhere deep down she knew that soon, the quiet would dissipate and there would be hell to pay for the short moment of respite, but for now, she could not bring herself to care. She kept her eyes closed, enjoying the feel of his weight on her, hearing his ragged breathing growing steady gradually, his scent enveloping her like a warm blanket.

All too soon he moved, rolling to his side, his hand reaching out, touching her face. She stubbornly kept her eyes closed, but could not keep her body from tensing as her mind started working again, processing the enormity of what she had just done.

"Care to tell me what exactly you wanted me to make you forget?", his soft voice reached her ear.

She just shook her head, still not looking at him. There it was, the tidal wave of guilt she had been waiting for, rising over her head.

I've betrayed Casavir.

She had not thought there were any tears left in her, but sure as hell, there they were, starting to sting her eyes.

"Hey", he said. "You just used me to chase away some ghost. I'm not complaining, mind you, but I would like to know what that was about." She felt his hand gently running over her cheek. "Besides", he continued, his voice gentle, "I somehow think it is time you talked about it."

His hand grabbed her chin, turning her face to him. "Look at me", he said, and when she reluctantly opened her eyes, she found him looking at her with a tenderness that made even more tears well up in her eyes. "Tell me", he insisted.

She closed her eyes again. "Casavir", she choked out.

His hand let go of her chin, cupping her cheek, stroking it with his thumb. "Tell me about him", he said.

Right. He doesn't remember...

She did not want to talk about it, she had buried it all inside for so long... but she guessed he was right, maybe he had a right to know, after what she had done.

But she would not look at him while she talked. So she buried her face in his chest, and his arms went around her. She could hear his heart beating strongly and steadily under her ear.

So quickly a life can be ended...

"He was one of our companions... one of those who stood with me against the King of Shadows", she said, her lips grazing Bishop's skin as she talked. "He was a paladin, a good man... and I loved him. Love him."

"Did he love you, too?", he asked.

She just nodded, still not raising her head.

"What happened?", he said, softly.

She repressed a sob. "He died", she said, her voice strangled. "In the battle against the King of Shadows. He died, while he saved my life, shoving me out of harm's way. I watched his face as he was killed, watched him die, and I could do nothing. His last words were that he loved me..." Her voice broke, and she could not help but start crying again.

He stroked her hair, saying nothing, until she calmed a bit.

"That's why I ran away from the Keep. I could not stand the memories in that place. And now... I have cheated on him", she concluded, her voice still shaking. "I have betrayed his memory. I will never forgive myself."

Bishop grabbed her chin again and forced her to look up. "Nonsense!", he said, firmly. "Don't even think that! You said he saved your life, that he kept you from being hurt. That means he wanted you to live, don't you think? He wanted you to go on living. The only way to betray his memory is to let yourself be dead, too. That would be spitting on his sacrifice. To honour him, go on with your life, keep up his memory, keep him in your heart, but live!"

She narrowed her eyes in sudden anger. "Oh yes?", she hissed. "And I guess the next thing you will tell me is that you're just the right man to go on living with, wolf boy? Well, forget it, and can the preaching!"

She saw his eyes shut down, saw him withdraw without moving a muscle. "I'm going to say nothing of the sort", he said, coolly. "I know very well I was just... available. And since I have served my purpose, it seems, I will not bother you any longer." He started to move back, his body tensing as he prepared to get up.

Her anger dissipated as quick as it has risen, and she grabbed his arm. "I'm sorry", she said, ruefully. "It's just..." The damned tears started to rise again and she swallowed them down.

Hells, I'm turning into a watering pot!

"It just hurts so much", she said softly.

He relaxed, his hand running through her hair, but he did not draw nearer again. "I know", he said. "But I don't think he would want you to be alone for the rest of your life. Not if he truly loved you."

She felt a spark of amusement despite of the pain in her heart, and the corner of her mouth curled up in a crooked smile.

"What?", he asked. "Did I say something funny?"

"No, not really. And maybe, if I think about it, there is some truth in what you say. Maybe he would not want me to be alone... but I think he would prefer to see me die an old maid before he would see me with you."

His crooked smile echoed hers. "I guess he did not like me much?"

Her smile broadened a bit, her mind in the past. "You hated each other's guts.", she said. "The feeling was quite mutual."

"Figures", he said, "after what you told me. But somehow I think I would like him now."

Her gaze returned to his face, searching. "Yes", she said slowly. "I think you would. And I think...", she swallowed. "I think he would like you, too.", she concluded her sentence, softly.

She lay back, staring up into the sky, deep in thoughts.

His hand stroked her cheek again. "Get some sleep", he said, gently.

She turned her head to look at him. "You'll have to leave, then."

He shook his head. "Let me stay. Karnwyr will watch. You've been there for me when I had that nightmare. I only want to be there for you, too. Just let me hold you. As a friend. Nothing more, I promise."

She mulled that over for a while. It was tempting. Now, after she had finally let the pain out, it felt good to be held, to be comforted. She sighed.

Just this once, I don't want to be strong.

So she snuggled up into his arm, into his warmth. "Friends", she murmured, closing her eyes.

xxx

Lana woke the following morning in the comfortable warmth of a pair of arms wrapped around her and a body pressed against hers. A body that was very happy to be there.

For a moment she groped through the remnants of the sleepy haze in her brain, then the memory of the previous night came rushing back. She blushed crimson.

Oh, friggin' hells!

Last night, shaken from her dream, and later from the memories talking about Casavir had brought, she did not think of feeling embarrassed about the way she had jumped Bishop.

Now, in the bright light of the new morning, her brain back to working normally, snuggled up stark naked against his equally naked body, she remembered she should feel embarrassed. Oh boy, did she remember.

She squeaked and hopped up, frantically collecting and throwing on her scattered clothes. A rustling sound told her Bishop had risen to a sitting position.

"What are you waiting for? Get dressed already, wolf boy!", she growled, carefully avoiding to look at him, averting her still glowing face. "And don't get any funny ideas because I felt weak last night, savvy? I'm still not interested!"

She heard him sigh and get up. "Guess I should have seen this coming", he murmured. "I really wonder why I feel surprised."

Bane's blood!

Great. Now she could feel guilty not only for turning on Casavir last night, but for being bitchy to Bishop the morning after as well. In addition, there still was the shame for acting all whore-y and practically assaulting him when he tried to comfort her.

Fantastic. Let's heap it on Lana, why don't you?

"Oh, quit whining", she snapped, the fact that somewhere inside she knew perfectly well she was being unfair only adding to her anger. "You've got what you wanted, and now, can we please just be on our way? I really don't want to yammer about it any longer!"

Out of the corner of her eyes she saw him shake his head. "You really are a piece of work", he said and started to collect his clothes.

As soon as he was away, she sullenly began packing her stuff, rolling up her blankets. They still smelled of Bishop – and the activities of last night.

Argh.

Looking up, she found Karnwyr staring at her, an unusually solemn expression in his eyes.

"What are you staring at, furry?", she snarled.

His ears twitched, and he gave her a last haughty glance before he turned and stalked away.

Stupid cur!

xxx

The morning found her trudging mutely after Bishop again. She kept avoiding his gaze when he turned, and he did not try to talk to her. And of course, after her temper had cooled down some, she had to admit to herself that it was her fault. Once more.

Blazing hells, why is he always in the right?

It was a downright annoying habit of his. She eyed his back with misgivings.

Do I have to apologise? Again?

She sighed. Seemed like she had to.

Damn.

She chewed on the words she would have to say, stomping after him through the cursed thickets he loved to crawl through.

Probably because they never seem to snag his clothes!

The prospect alone of having to apologise again was enough to get her temper rising. She gritted her teeth, forcing the anger down. She would not lose her temper and create another situation she would have to apologise for. She would not.

Before her, Bishop took off his backpack and sat down, his back to a tree. He got out his water skin and took a long swig. Karnwyr stretched next to him on the ground, looking up at his master, panting. Bishop let some water flow into his cupped hand and offered it to the wolf, who lapped it up greedily.

Lana sat down a couple of yards away, and drank some water as well, wiping the sweat from her forehead. Blasted heat. She peered at Bishop under her lashes and found him looking at her with an unreadable expression on his face.

So, what are you waiting for?

Ummm… for the earth to open up and swallow me, so I don't have to do this?

Calling herself a coward, she took a deep breath – and found herself at a loss for words.

How does one apologise for totally losing one's temper for the third time in two days?

Maybe she could just pretend it never happened and wait until he stopped sulking all by himself.

Oh yes, very brave, that. And it could take a while.

She sighed again. Fine, then. She could do this.

"I was unfair", she mumbled, staring down at the water skin in her hand. "Sorry."

She heard him chuckle and looked up.

"I'm starting not to take it personally", he said, winking at her.

"I was… I was just embarrassed", she said, blushing slightly. "It's not my habit to jump someone's bones like that."

"Don't worry", he answered, a wolfish grin appearing on his face and his voice had a purring undertone that somehow brought to mind the old Bishop and his constant innuendo. Lana felt a shiver run down her spine. "I don't mind. That was the best night I've had for six months. At least."

Lana could feel the blush deepen to crimson. Damn him!

That's what I get for apologising.

She glared at him, but he just laughed. "Couldn't resist", he said, in his normal voice.

Lana threw her water skin at him. It would have caught him squarely in the face if he had not ducked so quickly.